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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 1:02:45 PM | Sassy;
"Again, why single moms are ALL lumped together in one group, is beyond me. I'm fiercely independent and plan on staying that way. I worked hard to get the things that I have and I refuse to let any man come into my home, set up shop and then ruin all that I've worked hard to get"
As per your statement above you refuse to let any man come tinto your home and then ruin all that you have worked for. With men it is the same thing since you may not need the money but under the laws in Canada you have a right to it. Which for me personally would mean that I would not be able to provide the standard of living my daughter currently has if I was to have a relationship with a single mother, have that relationship unfortunately not work out and then have to pay child support for the step children.
We also have worked very hard to get where we are today and provide for our kids. I can only speak for myself but the manner in which the laws and system are setup in Canada is such that being held responsible for child support make you consider this. As a single Dad I need to take care of my first family first and not risk my daughters standard of living and future income. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 1:17:58 PM |
Frankly if you can't date a single mom you most likely are not the type man I want around me anyway.You obviously are not willing to accept her for her and that means package deal which means if a single lady you date does get pregnant you likely will holler it's not mine and be very irresponcible and if you do you will not be good to the child most likely.They need a Vesectomy and date those too old to be a parent.In my opion u are selfish and hate children.They are shallow and selfish!I found all that and then some qualities like undependable and users and many were abusive.If the man does not have children or want any I do not want him.I do not care that man will be immature and selfoish it never failed before.Beware ladies ask about children and pets and custody .Ask about the what if what would they do.If abortion is mentioned run woman run!Birth control does fail sometimes.
Simple any one that feels that way is forgetting they were small once and they are being selfish!
These statements are proof positive. 'Nuff said.
Give a man enough rope and he will hang himself. -- American Proverb | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 2:03:42 PM | | sassy2butterfly: I want children of my own..I like children...I would not say any woman I amdating is not carrying my child. I would take responsibilty. I asked why guys who do not want to date a single mother are called shallow? That's all. Yes I want my own children and will be good to them..where are you getting that attitude about me? You do not know me. I am very kind and honest and asked an honest question. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 59 | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 3:18:13 PM | back on topic folks!!!
EASTCOAST....You sttared a thread about a year ago saying your ex was making you pay child support for your step child. Do you think a woman who would not date a man if he had custtody of his child shallow? Would you then turn around and say a single parent has the right to pick and choose who they date but single people without kids who are a little worried about loco parentis are shallow? | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 3:23:45 PM | sassy2 butterfly2: I am very mature...I just am waiting for the right lady to have children with. I am not looking for someone to date for a while and move on....unlike some people I am responsible and have made responsible chioces.
I know some single parents are that way because of divorce but many that I meet never were married and do not want to get married but want to have more kids. How responsible is that? | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 3:30:01 PM | Aye....I did at that Johnny me boy that I did. Once......and then I left it alone, not rehashed the same topic umpteen times, you may not have a problem with single mothers John, but your singlemindedness is not winning you any favours (or dates) here. Nix that, there are plenty of women here who have the tenacity you do, I'm sure they find it endearing.
.......and just for the record, everyone has the right to pick and choose whomever they wish to date and have whatever crazy, c_ock-a-mamie, hypocritical filters they want. If you want to date ONLY jewish klu klux klan members who fish with their poles while playing Sweet Georgia Brown on their kazoo, then so be it...........just don't be surprised when the pond isn't stocked with the fish you want and you're left having leftovers.
......if you wish to suffer people calling you "shallow" like from my quote of the week above then so be it, I however have thicker skin than that.....not apparently as thick as some though.  | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 3:34:25 PM | Well to stay OT,  I think that the reason that some people think it is "shallow" to not want to date a single parent is that they are being defensive. They feel like they are being categorized as "undatable" and that is not a good feeling...
I don't have a double standard - I think it if you have a minor child, and you don't date others with minor children, regardless of genders, you are not "shallow" but you are being selfish.
But I still don't understand how this "in loco parentis": thing works. I have never heard of it happening in Calif but I guess it could be. You would have to have a parental role and already contributing financially, I would imagine, in order to qualify though-right? So does that mean that if you don't parent the child and you don't financially support the child, then you couldn't be "on the hook"? | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 3:34:52 PM | | The people who jump to conclusions about those who don't want to interact with their kids and do the "package deal" do not possess sufficient insight to be parents or partners. Having been on both sides of the issue, I can relate and appreciate the very important factors that are involved in such dynamics. I've raised my son already and remember fifteen years of single motherhood well; wouldn't have wanted anyone who didn't want the kid, and went through a few who faked it to get at me - very bad deal all the way around, and my son can tell the stories better than I can because a lot of what happened was behind my back. Now that I've moved through and past that era of life, I have realized that my energy no longer goes there - period. It was somewhat startling to me to learn this about myself, as I also remember the times I felt put off by the men who didn't want to go there, but now I say, "Good for you - be straight and up front, and don't rip off anybody's energy!" Terrible things can happen when such a vital dynamic is forced, and any single parent who demonstrates indignation and anxiety over such matters is rather insecure and desperate; oftentimes, a pity **** is what you end up with when you push for a relationship that doesn't want to grow there. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 68 | |
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 3:36:35 PM | John,
no i do not think it is shallow if a lady does not want to date me coz i have a child.
I see this as a choice on her part. That lady may have many reasons for not wanting to date a person like me coz i have kids and that is her preferance.
I have preferances too and i do not think i am shallow if i want someone who does not smoke for instance. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 4:01:51 PM | Im dating someone who was married to a woman for about only a yr. and she had a 9 yr. old son from a previous relationship. The boy lives in Nor Cal with his mom, and just this morning I spoke to the guy who is buying a plane ticket to have the boy (his stepson, but not legally) come to visit him. He had been in this boys life for most of it. Although there is no "order" that he pay, he is willingly doing that because he BONDED with this boy and CARES for him. The "father" is not in his son's life, but he did say that even if he was, he still BONDED with this boy and WANTS to be a part of his life.
Why is is so horrible for a man to WANT to PAY and be a part of that childs life and he not be biologically his?! IMO, it almost seems shallow to be with someone and bond with their child, and when it doesnt work out, they leave and break the bond they had with that child while they were together. Not saying a non-bio person should ALWAYS be held responsible, but gawddamn, here we are throwing the term shallow and shelfish around. How shallow to turn your own back on an innocent child that you once cared and bonded with. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 4:09:11 PM |
Why is is so horrible for a man to WANT to PAY and be a part of that childs life and he not be biologically his?!
Thats not the horrible part if;
1) He does it of his own free will.
2) He is in control of those finances.
3) He cares for the child.
Caring for a child, and having a bond with a child are separate and distinct things than being financially obligated by a court system to a child. Grandparents have a bond with a child......would you think it crazy to make them finance the rearing of your child. How about your brothers and sisters who've bonded with your child? Those sound crazy right, so why does a man who no longer resides in your household, has obligations of his own (new family perhaps) but has a bond with a child be obligated to help finance the rearing of your child? Simple. Control.
PS
Cowgirl......you went off topic and this reply should go to the Support for Non-Bio Children thread.............darn you. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 4:17:14 PM | I agree with your 3 points EC.
Talk about off-topic. This has to do with not wanting to date single mothers and it got turned into child support..LOL. So it went off topic before I posed my question. These types of threads almost always go awry at some point. WHOPS. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/7/2007 8:46:58 PM | | WAY TO GO LADIES !!!!!! im a single mom and agree we have just been clumped into a great big bunch of gold diggers. I have a few friends who are also single moms and if anything we are more independant cause weve learned you can't always rely on somone else ( of any gender) . for example i am fiercely independant have a great job and my life is great my kids have a dad , but what about me ( guys we make better lovers too (( every man secretly wants to do him mom)) ) so johne i think maybe your problem isn't single moms i think maybe your attracted to white trash welfare junkies so that is all you and it doesn't matter if she has kids or no kids if shes going to take your money and run she going to do it . In canada after 6 months you can be declared common law and boom she own half of everything anyways so maybe you should think before you type cause you opened a can of worms im pretty sure you can't handle | |
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babs3
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Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 73 | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 7:09:14 AM | hi babs that is such a funny reply,i know ten people that have got mail order brides,they seem happy enough ,but i think it is pretty sad when you cannot find a good women or man in your country ,it kind of shows a sad trend ,i personally would not go for a mail oreder bride from some country where there is no drive through pharmacy ...wink wink,or drive through fast food ,have to re-train them would take a lot of my time ,which i could gladly spend at the beach.or coffee shop  | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 9:39:54 AM | fieryredrose: My qusetion is why are men called shallow fornot wanting to date single mother's? I did not say anything about avioding single mother's. I just want to know why many single mother's that I am friends with say men are shallow who do not want to date them.
Disney please post your thoughts on you new b/f and his child boning on a loco psrentis thread..it belongs there...nothing wrong with what your b/f is doing...it is when the courts force it that I have a problem with it.
Okay ladies and gentlemen: I will tell you that I have cerebral palsey..does that mean someone that says they do not want to date me because of my limitations is shallow? I have had people say I just need to axccept it because ladies have a choice...which is true...I do not bash females for that. Yet single mother's bash men who will not date them...even though there are more liability in getting married to or living in a common-law relationship with one than marrying a woman with no kids if you live in Canada but single mother's say not to worry about it..or they are the exception.
Okay so by that logic I have a job I am independant and can afford to suport myself so any limitations I may have should be null and void...but women have a choice and should not get bashed for choosing what they want...but men get bashed for making the same choices. | |
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