| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 10:11:12 AM | Johne,
I will post my thoughts on various situations because it all seems to be tieing into your questions and reasons for dating single mothers.
This loco parentis crap you keep pointing out, ever so redundantly, shouldnt be here either, by your logic. This thread isnt about non-bio parent being responsible for child support. This is about shallowness of single parents. Yet, EVERYTIME, you turn it into this LP thing because its something that could happen where you reside.
If you want to stay on topic to your own thread, dont take it to the LP situation everytime. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 10:34:29 AM | Like other female posters here, I'm tired of being lumped into the "single mother" stereotype. For the record, if a guy says he doesn't want to be with a woman who has kids, my attitude is NEXT... not worth my time. I do have an issue with a lot of the reasons these guys use for not dating single moms- the LP thing for one...
GUYS- If a woman would exploit the LP issue, then she would exploit you even if she didn't have the LP issue to exploit you with!!!!! A gold digger is a gold digger, a user is a user- she was before she had kids and she will be after the kids are gone. Don't make all single mothers suffer under a stereotype just because you have poor judgement when it comes to a woman and her character.
And the "ex-drama" excuse- PLEASE!!!! A good number of single mothers out there don't have an ex-whatever who is going to come in and mess with whatever relationship you develop with her kids. You would be free to develop as strong a bond as you want without "territory" issues.
Bottom line- the guys who don't want to date a single mom just beacuse she has kids have their reasons, but their real reasons are much more personal and potentially ugly than the "reasons" they try to hide behind, e.g. LP, etc. It makes them feel better about themselves to point to a reason outside themselves as their reason to exclude single moms. They need to look in the mirror and examine the REAL reasons they don't want to date a woman with kids and either except their reasons (ugly or not) or, if they don't like what they see, open themselves up beyond the stereotype and explore what they are missing.
Guys hate when women lump them all into the category of "players" and make them pay for the damage those "players" in their past have caused, so why are you doing the same by lumping ALL single moms into these narrow categories? | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 10:35:26 AM |
why do single mom's call others who will not date them shallow?
F.ucked if I know. Everyone is different and have their own critieria. Much like you have stated in all of your 3+ threads that have become redundant as of late.
I cant speak for all single mothers. Theres shallow people everywhere. Quit worrying about it and you will be a better less stressful person. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 12:25:05 PM | chef8471 wrote:
" As per your statement above you refuse to let any man come tinto your home and then ruin all that you have worked for. With men it is the same thing since you may not need the money but under the laws in Canada you have a right to it. Which for me personally would mean that I would not be able to provide the standard of living my daughter currently has if I was to have a relationship with a single mother, have that relationship unfortunately not work out and then have to pay child support for the step children."
Okay, so then if you feel things are moving in a positive direction with regards to the "adult relationship" you are in, then for the benefit of both of you, why not sign an agreement, such as a pre-nuptual so that your daughter's future is protected? Does Canada not make some sort of provisions in their laws that would protect children who's parents are educated enough to want the child's future kept safe? I just don't get how Canada could be so loose with the protection of their children. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 12:49:50 PM | Sassy;
Under Canadian law there is a part of the divorce act along with case law that clearly states that the divorce act supersedes any and all legal agreements (ie: prenuptual agreements). What this means is that child's right to child support cannot be bargained away through a prenuptual agreement.
The law does though force NCP to think before they dive into having a second family since they need to ensure that they can adequately provide for the first family. For too long men paying support for their first family would claim that they could not afford it due to having a second family. The courts have ruled quite correctly, don't start something new if you it will result in you not being able to afford the obligation to your first family.
The interesting part of this though is the social consequences. I think it is a good thing for men who pay support already to stop and think whether they can afford a second family. For those collecting support it isn't an issue but for those paying, like myself, it is, but it make me stop and think about the consequences a little more prior to diving into the new relationship. | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 1:06:56 PM |
Things I've learned from this thread; 1) John has a mad on for single mothers (surprise), and has gotten a whole bunch of people out of the woodwork. 2) Some of the very same people who are giving a snide remark to John about his ad nauseum postings are the same people who will post 10 different times about what their ex did (or did not do) this week.......repitition is the same whether from the mouth of Capt. "I Want A Single Mom to Love Me" or from Mrs. "My ex hasn't paid me a dime and sells his methadone".......yadda yadda yadda. 3) Apparently this has been changed to a Single Mom's forum without my knowledge. Thanks Genevil  {/quote] 1. True, John needs to go counseling since he has a fear of single moms but is fascinated with them. Since everyone is pretty much advising to date single women, which would solve the fear of the loco parenting thing that you guys have in Canada. 2. True, Redundancy seems to be appearing a lot on the threads. People, do searches. Everyone is in the same boat when it comes to single parenting and dating, it's not easy on either side, so stop the woe is me crap! Don't focus on how hard it's to date, focus on living your life, and someday someone will come you rway that is right for you. 3. True, but some people like to target them and label them so of course when single moms see it here, they have to defend, just like if you single dads saw a target of how shallow single dads are for not dating single women. John, point made, anyone can be somewhat shallow but it's not shallow, it's called preference to what one likes. PLEASE stop making more threads targeting to single moms, go get help with your fear. | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 1:18:25 PM | See if I said I would not date single mother's I would be labelled as shallow...see why are guys labelled that for not wanting to date single mother's yet they have criteria for men to meet out the wazoo.
So maybe I will not date single mothers...I will have no worries about being held in loco parentis..but bet I will still read threads of single mom complaining no one will date them and how shallow guys are.
Just do start any threads complaining about men who will not date single mothers. I could state statistics that in Canada of those peole who are on welfare...most are either immigrants or single parents. So you see where the gold digger sterepo type can come from..that and loco parentis laws.
As soon as someone posts anything that questions single parents or does not say single parents are the greatest thing since sliced bread, they are basically told to shut up..yet the single parents can complain about ex's unfair laws ect....but if a single person does it..you want them to shut up...got it!!! | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 1:30:13 PM | You opened the can on this post, Johne!!!!!
I, like a good majority of the women on here, have never been on welfare. In fact we hold very good, well-paying jobs. I'd bet that a lot of us outearn you! Add to that that a lot of us get little to no financial support from our kids fathers and the ones who do probably don't get enough to cover everything. We won't even discuss emotional and other types of support. I have never started or contributed to a pity thread or a deadbeat dad thread...I don't need anyone's pity. But I also don't need anyone's unearned scorn or to be looked down upon as part of a whole based on the actions of a few.
Keep on justifying the gold digger label to yourself, keep on surrounding yourself with those types of women (as you have been)- it's a free country. But keep your stereotypes and narrow minded opinions out of discussions about single moms. You have no idea what it is like to be a parent raising a child on your own and you have not met every single mom out there. I dare you to live the life of a single parent for even a week... I think you may change your viewpoint.
I think that I speak for a lot of the single moms on here- GOOD, you've decided not to date us. We don't want you. I, for one, find all narrow-minded people who hide behind stereotypes to be SHALLOW!!!!! Yes, I said it- stick that in your pipe and smoke it! | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 1:38:53 PM | read my last post in this thread yankee belle: I did not say all or evemn most singele parents are oon welfare. I said I could shoe statistics showing of those people on welfare many are single parents...let me break it down fior you alittle clearer:
Not all single mom are omn welfare..but of those who are on welfare in many parts of Canada 50% are on single parents...see thecwelfare rate in ontario is only 6 % sweetie so many single parents are not on welfare.
Next if peole say they are held in loco parentis, have fear of it or have been used it may cause them not to want to date a certain portion of the population.
As I said many of my friends are single mom's but as soon as someone says they will not date them they are labelled as shallow.
As well you will find many threads where single mother's look for sympathy and bash men...why can men not bash single mother's equal rights....right??? | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 1:50:10 PM | On welfare, you said MOST on welfare are either immigrants or single parents. The image perpetuated there is that single parents (not just moms!) bloat the welfare rolls. If you are not trying to make a statement about single mothers and welfare, then you shouldn't have trotted out that little line. You want to pull stuff out to support your stereotypes, but when someone raises an issue with it, you try to fall back on language. Nice try....
And PS- don't call me sweetie, I am not, and never would, be your sweetie!
And I said before, look in the mirror at your own issues with dating single moms, don't hide behind a smokescreen!!!!! Your continuation of this just shows how ugly you feel your own PERSONAL issues with single mothers are, and that's why you feel the need to hide.
Bash a group of single moms, apparently all the ones of great moral character that you know!, but just don't dump us ALL in that catagory. That is what most of us have been saying over and over again on all 5-6 posts of this subject.
I'm done with you- I think you need to see a therapist! You've got some serious issues! | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 1:53:38 PM | see stat anything based on your experience in dating a single parent or what you see some single parents do and you get bashed.
I give up yankee girl..are you happy....therefore I will aviod dating single mothers!!!
One of my best friends is a single mother but she does not fall into any stereotypes she is a great person yankee girl you are a nag!!! | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 2:36:54 PM | yankee belle: see my friend knows when I say single moms I am not refering to her. For me to avoid being held in loco parentis I am choosing not to date single mother's because some are manipulative and I think it is wrong to p support pay for someone else's children, if they are not mine I should not have to support them...I did not start the thread on paying child suport for a child that is not mine...porsche did.
The interpretation of the law is flawed and can be abused..I do not want to be a victim of it so until it is change I choose not to date single mothers!!! | |
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SVRJB
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 90 | |
| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 2:39:26 PM | There are lots of reasons why men do not date single mothers. I am currently in a relationship with one and to tell you the truth, if it doesn't work out, that is the LAST single mom I will ever have a relationship with. She's great - but we miss out on a lot of things couples do.
A friend of mine said it best. There should at least be one point in your relationship where you were number one to her and she was number one to you. When you date a single mom, you end up at number two until your death. There is something to be said about being number one even for only a short while. It strengthens the relationship knowing that at one point you were number one on her list.
I'm not saying taking second place to her kid is wrong - it's how it should be. I am saying that there is something you miss in the relationship that carries on until the end. It's like a first impression. It never goes away.
I've tried it and am still going at it. If it gets to the point of a break-up - I don't want to put forth the effort I do now to make this work all over again. It puts a strain on both adults. | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 2:51:29 PM | svrib,
Thank you for being open that YOU have a need that can't be fulfilled within a relationship with a single mom, especially if she is doing her job and being a good mom. I can only respect you for not making it her fault, but realizing that there are needs within the relationship that can't be met, because not everyone can get what they want at the same time.
That shows a lot of maturity on your part. | |
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SVRJB
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 92 | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 3:55:30 PM | Johne,
I am so confused as to why you are taking up so much time putting energy into discussing why you won't date single mothers and asking about whether a single mother is wrong to do "XYZ" and how to avoid being used by a single mother...
It just seems weird. You seem so concerned about it and yet if you don't date them then WTF?  | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 4:06:15 PM | | My point is men who say they will not date single mother;s are bashed even if they have a valid reason for not wanting to date single mother's. Women like tankee come out of the wood work and say men who refuse to date single mother's are defective. I just choose not to get involved with single parents due to bad past experiences and do not want to pay for someone else's child if it gets serious. Why should I pay for the education of a child that is not my flesh and blood? | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 4:07:16 PM |
There are lots of reasons why men do not date single mothers. I am currently in a relationship with one and to tell you the truth, if it doesn't work out, that is the LAST single mom I will ever have a relationship with. She's great - but we miss out on a lot of things couples do.
A friend of mine said it best. There should at least be one point in your relationship where you were number one to her and she was number one to you. When you date a single mom, you end up at number two until your death. There is something to be said about being number one even for only a short while. It strengthens the relationship knowing that at one point you were number one on her list.
I'm not saying taking second place to her kid is wrong - it's how it should be. I am saying that there is something you miss in the relationship that carries on until the end. It's like a first impression. It never goes away.
I've tried it and am still going at it. If it gets to the point of a break-up - I don't want to put forth the effort I do now to make this work all over again. It puts a strain on both adults.
There should be a balance to making both you, your gf and her child happy. I think in some times based on circumstances, you should put the kid first, but when he/she is occupied, your gf could take that time to put you first. If she has family/friends that can watch her child while you guys have alone time, then that's something you guys can have alone time. I hope it works out for you! | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 4:39:52 PM | I am a single mother. I prefer to date men that have children. I really really think it is an age thing. Most men my age have been married and divorced with children. There is almost a stigma against a guy in my age group that has never done the married with children thing. If anything I find there may be reluctance not to date someone without children.
I have been asked out on dates many times.
Sometimes a guy in his thirties will ask me out and my first thought is ... you are young enough to try and find someone to do the family thing. Maybe you will be lucky enough to chose the right person to have children with and experience that whole family thing.
If a single guy is honest enough to say that he prefers not to date a single mother he should not be criticized for it. He is not wasting the woman's time which can be very constrained for single mothers. I should know. I am one.
I believe there is someone for everyone. Single men. single fathers ( One of my University friends years ago was a single dad when it was uncommon at the time) Single mothers and single women without children.
People should be on the same " page" in what they are looking for. I sincerely hope that everyone who has posted on this thread finds what they are looking for. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 98 | |
| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 6:28:31 PM | I can see both sides of the fence on this issue.
Like i said i dont think a lady is shallow for not wanting to date me coz i have kids.
But by the same token i do not want to get involved with a lady who has kids and get stuck with additional responsibility for children i did not create.
I say dont hate the moms, hate the laws. At least here in Canada this law sucks puppy penis. Blah. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/8/2007 7:51:18 PM | I have to seriously wonder if Johne is a deadbeat dad who would never admit to having a child out there and creating a single mother. There is a phenomena out there which makes it look like there is one or two men who created all these hundreds of single mom's. Where are all the men who say 'yeah I've got a kid, no I don't pay child support, no I don't want to see that child ever again'. I've come to discover that the men who have the most issues with dating a woman with children, are those who ditched out on kids of their own because they weren't ready for the responsibility then, and don't want to get anywhere near it now. They are the ones who are most truly worried about getting roped into any kind of responsibility, when most women are NOT looking for the next daddy. In todays society, being a single mother is pretty much the norm. I don't feel alone out there at all, and I have no qualms about raising my daughter alone for the rest of my life. There will be plenty of kids her age who she will be exactly like.
If you don't want to date a single mother then don't. You obviously couldn't handle it, you knew it, check the profile or whatever, and don't even start a conversations with the woman. Then you won't be called shallow.
I personally think that a guy with kids is great. Especially if he's a regular part of their lives because it means he's got some responsibility for himself.
I am upfront with guys, I tell them right off the bat that I have a daughter. If they have issues, let's not waste any more time and move on. If they don't great.
But yeah, usually "shallow " guys have a few skeletons in their closet...just where ARE all those deadbeat dad's anyway lol? | |
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