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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 10:39:15 AM | Nurse of hearts
"relationship to a whole new level, and some aren't ready for this. However, some people think that single parents, not only women, but men too, are simply looking for a replacement parent, and that is not the case 99.9% of the time. People are never going to agree with others all the time, and many are too closed minded to see where others choices stem from, thus writing them off as shallow, because it is easier than getting to know someone"
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Bullsh*t ! Hell, most of the time you end up paying for the bills indirectly in the long term! Again, if you are young, successful and decent looking (Not even handsome), you would prefer NOT TO DATE single mothers. Noone wants to pay for someone's mistake. The risks are there and exposure to those risks are likely no matter how hard you try to avoid them because the situations dictate so. Also, single mothers are considered damaged goods (Someone else said so in another forum). You have the money to pay for a car, you want a nice new car, not a used car with the engine swapped already. If i have to spend $35k on a car, i better get a BMW, not a beat up Toyota Corolla with 135 k.. Same concept...Just my 4 cents | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 10:44:54 AM | Nurse of Hearts
Nurse.......you are absolutely mistaken.....I have some criteria, and here is one of them: If you
Sorry honey, you can be the nicest person on the planet and have a heart of gold....I'm not willing to bet 30% of my income on it though.........would you?
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30% or more of your income for an 18 maximum life contract - depending on how old the kid..if he/she is 8, then you have to pay for an additional 10 years..
F*ck that...shit..life does not deserve to get that f*CKED up...
i do not want to pay another motherf*cker mistake..why should i if i can afford to get better options on hand.
Only people who cannot get a date in 10 years or old guys.
No young decent guy deserve to date a single mother.. if they do, well they might regret but some people learn the hard way...PAINFUL lesson anyway | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 10:45:41 AM | Parker,
I hope the child of a single mom NEVER hears you refer to them as "someone's mistake". Besides EVERYONE has baggage and could be called "damaged goods". You may not have been the first one to say it, but since you went ahead and quoted it you obviously agree with it.
If that's the way you truly think, then as a single mom I wouldn't want to date you or have you around my son because I don't have time to waste on ugliness and don't want my son to possibly pick it up. Keep your money!
I'm sure that if someone poked around in the past of the people who think that kind of thing that they would find issues that would qualify them as "damaged goods". Find yourself an 18 year old virgin who has never dated anyone!
Edit- On second thought, parker, please don't reproduce or be around children period- the thought of that kind of negative attitude towards others who are different than you being spread around in this world is scary. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 10:53:32 AM | Not all of them are damaged goods...and that is a quote from another forum
I partly agree with that quote but not 100%
Single Mom are like used cars - but hey some used cars run pretty good too..even better than new cars... but if i have money, i will buy a new car on any given day...my personal opinion
Single mothers are not stereotypical - some are nice but i do not want to risk myself at least for now....until my money and age run out | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 12:32:21 PM |
see my point you are calling parker shallow for choosing not to date a single mother.
????? Who is "you"?
..and I did NOT see the word "shallow" used at all in the last few posts. What I *DID* see was Parker dropping the F bomb and referring to a child as a mistake. Did that go unnoticed by you? | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 1:26:49 PM | Disney: Maybe Parker's words could have been more..ell I will say polite.....but when a man says he does not want totake on the responsibility of someone ele's kids he is called shallow and other names. Even though there is a very teal fear of being held financially liable in Canada for kids that you did not create.
I read an articel back in 199 that said it would cost $150 000 to raise a child from birth to age 18. Now let's say I date and marry a single mom and the child is 9 years old when we marry and we are together for 4.5 years. Based on those numbers let's assume I pay half of the bills and other expenses, during the marriage I would have put $18 500 of my own money into the child during marriage and would be expected to pay support for that child for 3-4 years or longer if the child persues post secondary ecucation (college) which I would have to pay part of as well. Mistake may not be the correct word or the F word...but maye financial liability?
I like kids..OI coach kids softball..but why assume this kind of risk when there is little risk on the part of the single parent? Idf the single parent leaves a marriage in Canada they still make you pay support..so why are men shallow for choosing to aviod these types of situations? | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 1:51:00 PM | Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
WAY too many 'other' reasons to call (singular)men shallow ABOUND in this thread:
Noone wants to pay for someone's mistake
single mothers are considered damaged goods
^^^ this kind of tedious blather is one of them...choosing 'not' to date a single mother isn't.... | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 2:00:43 PM | Johne,
no offense, but you remind me of a toddler when he wants something and the parent says, "No", and the boys cries, "but whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"
Its to the point now, that you dont even READ replies unless it fits into your agreeance. When someone plays devils advocate with you, you what if/why it to death.
You have thoroughly made my head spin and my face turn blue. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 2:05:01 PM | | in my last post on this thread I gave a very good example of why a man is not shallow for choosing not to date a single mom...financial reasonss..I read all replues Disney. You just do not like it that I do not say single moms are wonderful and everyone should pay to suport every child. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 2:31:45 PM | I just read every single response in this thread so far.. just this afternoon. Unbelievable. I have several things to mention:
First of all.. I do not believe that it is selfish for a man not to want to date a single mother. I agree with the fact that we all have choices and preferences of our very own... which no one should degrade us for. I understand also, that some of the reasons why people come up with these choices can be questionable... short sighted... or even a perfect example of paralogic. Still.. even these people are entitled to their own beliefs.
As far as the loco parentis issue not belonging in this thread.. I completely disagree with that. The LP issue has come up as A cause for concern for some.. beginning with the OP...which has resulted in the fear of dating single mothers. Rather stereotypical.. true.. but.. it's what has apparently happened. Though I do not agree with the LP laws themselves.. I atleast understand that this is how some of their thought processes have worked to get to where they are with their dating issues. It is my impression that the OP would possibly date someone with kids if it weren't for the money issue... dispite his wanting to wait and all. Don't exactly know why.. it's just a feeling I get. Dont forget this...should you be already concerned about the end of the relationship.. and what happens financially after it... you've already doomed it! Not only would single mothers not want someone like that.. but.. If that's the type of thinking you have... the childless won't want you either!
Now for the starting similiar threads thing that DisneyMom mentioned a few pages ago.. yea.. that does seem rather suspicious. While that in and of itself isn't proof positive or anything.. it sure is suggestive as.. ummmm... heck??  OP.. if there is any type of resolution or validation you are seeking from ever so slightly shifting questions about the same basic material in these forums... you are effectively running up a greased rubber tree! (Not saying for certain that you are.. just something to be aware of).
Lastly... OP...this double standard idea... the men bashing? I believe there is plenty that goes both ways.. for guys and gals alike. Gals notice the guys bashing them more.. and.. the guys mostly notice the gals doing the bashing. It's just that you notice the gals doing it more because it is more personal to you.. that's all! Neither one is right to me.. and nobody is getting picked on more than the other. Deal with it!
For those of you that have never read any other posts in these forums.. I would like to set the record straight. I am a single parent myself.. yep.. single dad of 2 boys. I WOULD date a single mom in a heart beat!  | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 2:43:18 PM |
You just do not like it that I do not say single moms are wonderful and everyone should pay to suport every child.
This further proves my point. No where did I say any one person should have to pay for a child that isnt theres. Dont put words into my mouth. All along I have stated that if you dont want this to be a possibility, then dont freakin date them! Its honest to God, that. simple.
I am a single mother and would never expect another man to pay support (I stated that many times in your various redundant threads).
I could also give a rats ass what you say ABOUT single mothers. Golddiggers, easy, whatever floats ya boat! Im secure enough in my status that generalizing doesnt bother me in the least. Ive said that all along too. Yeah. Guess ya missed that too. | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 2:44:15 PM | Canadian single moms don't have to do anything about going after the man,its just done for them now .Our government is set up for women with children .As soon as they fall on hard times and go to welfare its family collections services that go after her last ex and will get a garnishee for the mans wage and just take it .He dosent have to be the father .She is asked to sign over the power to do this in order to get a cheque.I often wondered what the message is we send our daughters about getting pregnant and being unable to hold down a full time job? wasnt your fault dear ,,I hear the one we are sending our young men .your a man and your all the same so just pay up and shut up.
Good advice here ,,always try and make a part payment if you cant make a full payment and they wont step in .
Yes its time for a change ,some laws are abusing Men | |
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SVRJB
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 118 | |
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 2:49:40 PM | The mistake he referred to was NOT the child, rather the situation he got himself into. He had a child with someone he could not love or be loved by and be with to raise the child.
If commonlaw is declared, the biological father is off the hook for supporting his child and the new guy is on the roaster.
So the new guy gets to:
a.) Support a child that is not his.
b.) Pay out 3o% of his wages till the child is 18 - explain that to your future wife and why you can't have a kid of your own because of financial reasons.
c.) Never get to see the child he is supporting because he has no claim to it.
The new guy didn't make a mistake. He just dated a woman with a child and the law decided he should flip the bill now.
Only the biological father should be responsible for supporting the child until MARRIAGE. It doesn't matter how long someone has been living with someone else - it just isn't his kid and he has agreed to nothing of the sort.
Our laws need some serious revamping. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 3:34:30 PM |
Johne,
no offense, but you remind me of a toddler when he wants something and the parent says, "No", and the boys cries, "but whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"
Its to the point now, that you dont even READ replies unless it fits into your agreeance. When someone plays devils advocate with you, you what if/why it to death.
You have thoroughly made my head spin and my face turn blue.
I pretty much have given up on talking anymore since as we know John won't get it nor will he ever get it unless as you say from his viewpoint. The best thing for our sanity is to just ignore whatever threads he repeats himself in saying and click delete if he does another redundant thread on this. At this point, I'm done with responding with anything john has to say now or in the future. | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 3:49:01 PM | date a single mom,,yes i would ,,I get nervice about the ones who havent had children yet , ,,I didnt get that operation yet ..
yes girls we have concerns about child support and things like that but ....
Most men dont think with the big head and we wont worry about the cost if it goes wrong until after we come.
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 7:49:40 PM |
I'm not willing to bet 30% of my income on it though
If my daughter got 30% of her fathers income in child support maybe there would be a hope in her having a decent life instead to her mother scrimping and saving every penny well her father get to live it up and enjoy life. Perhaps we need to look more at how the table amounts of child support are far from whats in the best interest of the children or what is an equitable division of child suport costs between custodial and non-custodial parents. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 122 | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/9/2007 9:32:35 PM | I don't think men who don't want to date single mothers are shallow. I think a lot of it has to do with the inability of a single mom to be spontaneous, take weekend trips, go on vacations, etc....
I respect someone who is up front about it, being a parent is a different lifestyle than someone without kids is used to, I think it is more of an issue for either younger men in their 20's, or older men whose kids are grown and out of the house.
I adore my son, but I can see how being a parent does place constraints on the amount of free time I have for dating. A lot of the men I have dated have kids of their own from a prior relationship, so it really hasn't been an issue.
OK, above is my original post, but after reading what came after, I think that some men are missing the point. First of all, being a single mother does not always mean that you were never married to your child's father, I think most of the women on here are divorced or at the least, were in a long term relationship with the father of their child/children. Second, being a single mother does not mean you are a gold digger, if we were looking for big bucks we wouldn't be on POF we would have our profiles posted on SugarDaddies.com....
Personally, I don't have my dates meet my son, I keep dating apart from being a Mommy, and would only introduce someone to my son if I felt that a serious relationship was developing.
If a few men don't want to date me because they think that I am a gold digging divorced single parent, BOO HOO, someone give me a tissue while I try to get over my disappointment .... -
Give me a break, get over yourselves  | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/10/2007 12:35:18 PM | | its shallow because we are not being judged on who are and what we have to offer as a person. Instead we are judged by circumstance and enviroment. i didn't decide one day that i was going to meet a complete ***hole and have 2 kids with him the fact that i did is circumstanmce and there are different forms of circumstance in every realtionship wether its friends or partners and really having cerebral palsy or being deaf is just a circumstance and if you rule out everyone with a circumstance that you don't like then you may be doomed to live alone yoru whole life | |
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TJ75
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Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 125 | |
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/10/2007 12:59:48 PM | Wow.....I have been away for a while. A lot has happened on here. I started posting on here because of a message I received about why I don't date single moms, then I stayed on here because of the entertainment value. However I am starting to think that some of the people on here REALLY DON'T GET IT!!!
It has very little to do with you being a "gold digger". For me it is a lifestyle choice. It is a personal choice whether or not to date someone with kids. You have to look at the risk/reward aspect of this kind of relationship. I'm talking about gentlemen who work 60-70hrs/wk making $100,000/yr or more. Those kind of people who are career driven usually don't have the time nor any desire to have kids, they are too busy working to make as much money as possible and to be successful financially. It is important to understand that I( I fall in to that category), like to spend as much time at work as I possibly can to earn the kind of money that will afford me the lifestyle that I want. I like to go out of town on a moments notice, and experience things that people with kids usually can't. I don't want to have to help you find a babysitter(kind of takes the suprise out of it...) and have you spend all weekend checking your phone making sure that your child is o.k. I want and can afford exclusivity. I want to be able to call after a business meeting of entertaining clients, at 11:30-12:00 at night, and be able to come over and "visit" with you before going home for the night. I don't want to have to wait for the kid to finish puking or is deciding to hop in to bed with mommy that night before I can come over and tend to the needs that all adults occasionally feel. My life is built around whims. If I so choose to, I can get online and purchase airline tickets to anywhere I want and book a couple of nights at a very exclusive hotel. Then spend the weekend wine tasting and sight seeing. Anyone that wants to be a part of that is the kind of person who can go and I don't have to let her know 3 weeks in advance. She is going to be very beautiful and appreciative of the things that I can offer her. We of course will not be getting married, because that impedes the life that I live and do not wish to trade that in.....love will always be there, there is no "THE ONE". If that is true, then why are people just marrying anyone(proved by a 55% divorce rate), why not wait for "the one"? If the guy that you decided to reproduce with is not with you now and you thought he was "the one", then doesn't that make you a crappy desicion maker. After all you brought a human life into a broken home on purpose. GOOD CALL!!!! I don't need somone with these desicion making skills handling anything that can affect my financial security. That is what I'm working toward, remember...? I understand that there are exceptions to every rule, but that doesn't disprove the rule. I have been called selfish and shallow for not making the same desicions that you have made, shouldn't I be congratulated for recognizing that I'm not ready for this and have kept from bringing another child into a broken family. Realizing that it takes 2 parents to raise a child, I have kept this out of my life and it seems to be working out. I don't have couseling sessions for kids, I don't have to pay child support, I don't have to be a "part-time" parent and try to explain to a child or multiple children that it's not because I don't love them, it's because I picked the wrong person to make kids with and that was a mistake....
Add in the fact of the much discussed "end up paying for kid that isn't mine" topic, and now you have a multitude of reasons for a guy to not date a single mom.
This is not a bash on single moms, just a bash on single moms that think I'm shallow for not wanting to date one. I'm no ones judge.....you live your life and I will live mine, but when someone starts to attack me for my desicions when thier desicions have a much greater span, then good luck to you. I will debate this with anyone who has something intelligent to say. Not this emotional crap like......"well your an a**hole, and I don't want to date you anyway"!!! Bring something smart, please........ | |
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