| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 3/23/2008 1:48:08 PM | | No one has contacted me when they mark me as a favorite-I am ok with that, I figured they will if they want to.I see lots of guy profiles with favorites and I think its nice that they have made alot of friends. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:58:52 PM | I was under the impression that when somebody added you as a favorite, it was like a "poke" on facebook, simply a gentle reach out to show interest. Then if the favoritee also has interest, they would add the person as a favorite. It seems easier this way than clogging up somebody's email inbox with unwanted advances.
But then again, I hate making first contact, which I guess is what women expect, because I have seen what I call "carpet bombing" where a man sends a canned first contact line to a ton of women to see which ones will respond, kind of like throwing a ton of stuff against a wall just so that some of it will stick. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/9/2008 11:07:00 PM |
o you guys: would me being on this many favorites lists prevent you from contacting me? Would you choose NOT to contact me because of this? Would you look down on a woman for having "too many favorites"? And WHY would this be an issue
Yes it would choose not to contact you because your favorites list. Makes me start to think, well she's on x amount of favorite's what is she doing on here. (a) she's just here for entertainment to stroke her ego and build as many favorites as she can (yes there are people like that on here) (b) she's met some of these people, or have talked to these people but no one is a match for her. Then I start thinking maybe its not the guys, its her. or (c) She's playing the field as much as she can and she tries to get the greenest grass, leaving all the rest on the back burner if one doesn't work out.
(a) I'm not here to worship and help build their ego, what make you better than me?
(b) If she has talk/and met some people but still can't find a match, is she casually dating just to date? Commitment issues? Or is just just a flake?
(c) I'm not going to be a back burner for anyone, I'm better than that.
would it prevent me from contacting you? Possibly I have no desire to have contact be a matter of standing out in and amongst the 18million guys on the favorites list as odds are you would'nt even look at any email I sent you, you simply would'nt have the time
Yes, I don't even waste my time. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/9/2008 11:13:42 PM | Wow...there is so much negativity here!
I have many that list me as one of their faves, but you know what?? It's because most of them have liked a post or how I've spoken my mind, only to later read more of the threads I have posted in. Many, ohhh say 98% of them don't write. They just read or post out here. Out of all that appear to have me as one of their favorites, I maybe speak to 5 or so on any given day. That's it.
All of this adds up to a lot of insecurity, and I'm sure not just by me that's viewed it.
Just wow... | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/10/2008 5:13:36 AM | | What I would ask when I see that is why does someone need that much attention, sort of like the people who on are these sites for "years" at a time. To me it always comes across as someone who requires constant ego boosts or instant gratification, the fast food version for self-esteem. When is it enough or how can nobody contacting that person be "good enough?" It is not necessarily that impressive. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:01:02 AM | They just read or post out here.
VioletSky is right about peoples' insecurity or shyness but I have also had another experience when adding a lady into my favourites. The first one ever questioned my motives and hey, due to my clear explanation that I just enjoy her witty and humorous posts ... funny, we even became friends. Well, she (and VSky) when the same gender is considered. The rest simply deleted themselves. Goodness me! Is it so difficult to see that the forums posts are the wit ~ humour ~ grain of truth ~ sharing experience ... 'playground' , and nothing else?!  But I've digressed. Sorry.
As for the OP's question, # on favourites doesn't make any difference to me.  | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:08:11 AM | | i delete those who have put me as their favourite without any contact or delete if i read their profile and got nothing in common. Key word is Favorite here. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/10/2008 9:21:19 PM |
What I would ask when I see that is why does someone need that much attention, sort of like the people who on are these sites for "years" at a time. To me it always comes across as someone who requires constant ego boosts or instant gratification, the fast food version for self-esteem. When is it enough or how can nobody contacting that person be "good enough?" It is not necessarily that impressive.
For years at a time? Gee, could it be this place is more than a dating site for some?
That many here might have friendships and enjoy interacting in the forums?
That some of us might think of this place as an online community rather than just a place to hook up, hmm?
My being here has got zero to do with ego boosts. I spend most of my posting time in the political forum.
Lots of broad strokes in this thread. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/14/2008 11:20:46 AM | | I always contact the people I add as favourites. It's really more of a reminder to let me know I speak to the most. The ones that I would count as potential friends. I can understand the point. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/14/2008 11:34:35 AM | turn off?? Not at all..
I dont even pay attention to one's fav count. Who cares if she has 500 or 1000 favs....SHE IS ON A DATING SITE AND STILL SINGLE!..
Also, guys fav every woman out there. Just create a fake profile as a female and put some sexy pics...I guarantee you'll get 20-50 favs in a day...
So, really doesnt mean anything... | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:38:44 PM | hello all.... the one and only OP finally back to post...... having no internet makes me feel like I've had an arm cut off.
I'm still loving all the discussion that is going on, though the negative trending bothers me but I've long ago learned that you cannot change anyone's mind on how they percieve anything.
I'm still out here and still single (all of you who wish to ridicule feel free) and that is by my own choosing. I have met lots of great people but I've yet to find my puzzle piece so I'm still sifting through the 10,000 piece box... LOL
Thank you all for posting and keeping up such a lively debate. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do!
OP
~Gwen~ | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:42:51 PM | I have to admit it is a bit intimidating. That's the word I would use instead of turn-off. When I first visited the forums there was a thread about "why don't women reply" or something like that and one of the guys said "if a women has more than 50 favorites don't even bother." For some reason that stuck and has proven to be true.
Basically look at it this way: your a guy who looking around - that girl looks cute - oh she has similar interest and her profile is cool - then you get to the bottom of the profile and she has like 267 favorites. She probably gets like a hundred messages a day and won't look twice at me  | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:04:27 PM | | shyaway: I'm really sorry to hear that has been the case. I've always known that I'm usually the exception that proves the rule but that sucks! I know that every single person on my friends list I've contacted, and usually numerous times. It does make me sad the way that we all treat others, simply because we're online and not face to face.... but that's another rant and another thread! | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:37:04 PM | Well its something I understand. Some girls really do get 50-100 emails a day. I suppose if I was some hot babe I wouldn't have time to read all those either. Course I probably wouldn't be on a dating site either. Which raises another question why do hot chicks go to dating sites? Can't they just go anywhere and meet guys...they're hot...
Also I guess I don't consider it a "friends list": this ain't facebook. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:42:49 PM | | hehe I'm afraid I don't look at the favorites list as a turn on or off. I think its more for the users personal ego of how many favs they have, and I feel bad for the person who envys those with lots of favs. Take a look at the admins, and owners, they have loads of favorites. :) | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:46:25 PM | I didn't read the whole thread, as to I don't have time for that. I read the first two posts and both are quite informative on how I used to feel, and why I changed my feelings on the subject. I feel no need to compete with that many people for attention...but as post 3 points out there are many people who get added as a "favorite" without having any contact with the people who added them. I take this into consideration now (where I didn't think about it before and just assumed they were really popular and wouldn't have time to respond anyway) and am more likely to not pay attention to how many people have a certain person on their fav list.
so no, it would no longer stop me from contacting a person. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:50:22 PM | shyaway: I might not bet hot but at one point I was getting a ton of emails every day (50-70) and I STILL kept up with them. Even just a quick hi or something. To me there is NO excuse to not reply. That's just a lack of manners talking!
And the hot thing... even hot girls need to find men somewhere. I mean if you don't go to bars and don't have alot of single male friends who can hook you up you may find yourself needing extra help. Or maybe they like the annonymity of online dating. God only knows.
InAdvance: I also tend to look at the person rather than the numbers, however since this seemed to be a sticking point, I figured I'd ask the obvious question.... and the result is a thread 21 pages long (at this point). No one really has the answers!
OP
~Gwen~ | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:58:37 PM | Gwenivere you deserve a medal or something. Pretty sure only you and like 2 other girls respond to every single msg even when they get 75 a day!
Find men somewhere? We're everywhere! Go ahead look around: I bet you can see one right now. Jerry Seinfeld did a sketch on this I beleive. The only thing I can think of is that they're so hot that everyone assumes they've already got a boyfriend and so don't bother approaching them (hence the term unapproacable). Those poor, poor, hot babes. ....I never thought about how hard it could be to be hot..... | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 9:06:48 PM | shyaway: LOL no medal necessary.... speaking with great people is reward enough. Well the only better reward would be finding my "puzzle piece"
Men are all around, however we don't always know if they're interested or available. And you'd be wrong. I cannot see aman right now! LOL. I find that there are some really cute guys that I'd love to approach but don't know how. I mean, it seems really easy. Cute guy and go say hi. But what if he's taken/not interested/gay/married. The whole not knowing personally holds me back from expressing interest in a guy. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 9:09:29 PM | nocatchyname: It's cool to see others like me who, during their time on here have shaped and moulded their behaviour and judgments. It's cool that you now don't let that number stop you from saying hi. Wishing you the best in your search.
OP
~Gwen~ | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 9:10:27 PM | I mean, it seems really easy. Cute guy and go say hi. But what if he's taken/not interested/gay/married. The whole not knowing personally holds me back from expressing interest in a guy.
A.K.A. The fear of embarrassment (and/or rejection, but I prefer the term embarrassment myself  )
P.S. Thank you, and good luck to you as well :) | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 9:16:51 PM | nocatchyname: Oh gosh you nailed that on the head! Fear of embarassment/rejection...no thanks! Been there done that enough for 10 life times (aka falling on my behind repeatedly in bowling shoes because there's no grips!) and no want or will to repeat! LOL
Thanks for the well wishes doll! | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 9:22:31 PM | Don't you get guys who just make stupid or rude comments? You even respond to them? Medal
As for the fear of embarrasment: at least you're a girl. Guys are the ones expected to go out there and embarresss themselves. i.e. the guy supposed to ask out the girl. It sucks. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 9:27:31 PM | | I still have issues with the whole fear thing sometimes, it's a pain in the a$$ and sometimes literally speaking apparently. It's so much easier to make a fool of oneself (or be oneself in general) when they are around people who they are comfortable with. When people seem popular or you find them attractive it is difficult to approach them because people are so afraid of making a bad first impression. It's working on being yourself and comfortable with yourself in all situations...finding your best qualities and exploiting them. I still suck at it, but never give up...if you don't push your limits, it's true, you'll never fall down, but you'll also never find the confidence you need to say "hello, do u mind if I come over here and screw up my first impression by making a complete a$s out of myself?" | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2008 9:52:48 PM | shyaway: It's the same as here. Men on the forums and on the site themselves make rude/stupid comments and they will always get a reply from me for one reason. If I didn't reply then I would be bending my own rules (all emails/comments get a reply from me) and then they would win and be able to class me as bratty/b#$chy.
As for the embarassment thing... I've never been asked out even once. I've always had to do the asking... I KNOW how you all feel!
nocatchyname: I try to not make a fool of myself and try to catch a cute guy in a natural setting (eg: I chatted up a cute guy at the bus stop but didn't have the guts to give my name or number or anything, even though he seemed friendly/interested). I know what my best qualities are I think the bigger thing for me is just I hate rejection... and I try to avoid it at all costs!!
OP
~Gwen~ | |
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