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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:53:11 AM | I have often wondered why women (I have never seen it on a man's profile) say things like, "If you make me a favorite, contact me or I will delete you" or some such nonsense. What earthly difference does it make to ANYONE who I put in MY favorites list? Or why? Perhaps there is a reason and if so, it wold be MY reason.
I sure hope some woman will explain. I mean, c'mon. It's not like stalking. It's an Internet DATING site and making one a favorite is a piece of computer code, for crying out loud. As for those "it gives the wrong impression" or "you will think I'm a slut" answers, well, I will tell you that when I look at a woman's profile, whether there are 2 or 2,002 favorites, I have never, ever had that type of thought. And for those of you with screen names with words like "babe" in them, that, alone will attract a man. So here are my questions:
Women: How does it hurt you? Why does it seem to be so repulsive to some of you? Why do you CARE?!?
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 9:23:20 AM | I will admit to it turning me off.
If a woman is on over 100 favourites, then she can pick and choose, which is fine, but, I don't have the time and will move on to the next profile.
As for adding a woman on my list without contacting her, it's down to basically having literally 100's of womens profiles show up on a given day, only for me not to remember that one profile who I might like to contact. It's almost like a tool to keep that person in mind.
I mean, it could be creepy to some, but wasn't the whole idea of internet dating at one time considered creepy to society? In fact, it still is to some. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:11:58 AM | Op back again. YAY!
spiderette: "i don't think it would turn a guy off, but it might intimidate some guys."
This is NOT the guy I know I'd want! So maybe it's a good thing!
AK Transplant: If you'd have read part of this thread, not even the whole thing, Some women feel pressure to either talk to the people who add them or else delete them lest the more judgemental among us ignore them. Personally I don't ascribe to that.
Some people , as I'm sure you can tell by the occasional tone of this thread, feel as though they have the right to judge simply based on numbers alone. Even if they have no proof to back up their very large and insulting statements. But again this is part of human nature.
I am of the oppinion that if you don't like it then oh well you're not making the choice and I'm at the point that if something as SILLY as a number is going to "put someone off me" then bully for them! One less choice to wade through in this VERY big pond!
BigIrishLad: If you add and then never contact, despite us sending emails to you, well I hate to say that it DOES come off as creepy. It seems like you're adding only to get something out of the profile. And with the range of VERY odd people out there I'd have to say that the immediate thought of what you're getting out of said profile is NOT always a good thought, No matter how harmless you personally may be. Not everyone is.
Thanks for posting all
Love and huggs!
OP
~Gwen~ | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:24:07 AM | excuzzeee meee but...
if they're "oh so popular" why in the heck are they still here?? huh?
popular ma azz...
also, believe me pictures are deceiving... they really are!
I met someone with 300+ favs once, believe me she was just a regular girl in real life... if she could get 10 guys to chase her in real life, she'd be lucky...
looked like a dream girl in her pictures though... | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:35:18 AM | Well, there are so many posts here, I won't read them right away, so I may be repeating some....
Remember where we are. Online dating. Men and women do this differently. Typically, IMO, a man shops online like a woman shops in a store, and a woman shops online like a man does in a store. And remember again where we are.... for many it's a numbers game, but for all it is simulated- this is not the real world or how people have been courting for oh say the whole of human existance. So when I see a woman who is on 200 favorites, then it says that I have to compete with that many more guys.... just imagine that situation at a bar, what do you think would happen. (can we see how many favorites SHE has?) Now, again, I may be a better match than all those 200. She will never know until I contact her. And, yes, it is creepy if she contacts me and I keep her on my favorites and don't respond.
Another thing, I would imagine that many people treat the favorites like bookmarks. You've caught their eye or interest, and they are either saving you for later or are comparison shopping (sounds worse as I write it, but the shopping/online dating comparison really does work).
And another, women are often too subtle, men are often too dense. Don't add someone as a favorite or just view someone and think that that automatically is a glaring sign saying communication has started! Send a note. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:39:04 AM | And I only have a few favorites... carefully chosen, innitially attracted to, and have a few things in common and actually have something to talk about. I'm trying to write stuff, rewrite.... it's important to make a good first impression- even moreso online (yes, my profile could use a lot of work- suggestions welcome!)
And OP, you're on 3o people's fav's.... do you think that is a lot?
(this thread looks very interesting... now I just have to read the whole thing all the way through. Thanks for starting it!)
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:39:48 AM | yarimelma: they might not be to your taste but who are we to judge? Again just a case of firing without even knowing the person. As has been said on this thread (to death) there are MANY reason someone ends up with that many favorites... might not be for looks but maybe a personality that attracts people?
Just a thought.
I think we all need to take a step back and be less judgemental on this site. It scares me to see the reasons people reject others. ~sighs~
dustinchicago: I really like your post... you're very realistic in your outlook and I have to say I agree with you on many points.
When I wrote this thread I was originally on 67 favorites and was getting some not so nice messages about it and decided to throw the question to the wind, 25 pages later... LOL. i'm now on 30 peoples lists and personally I don't find it to be too many.... and if the number was 1,000 I still wouldn't worry about it. The people who are on my list, for the most part are people I ACTUALLY know and have conversed with. When people add me I make the effort to contact them, even if I don't get an email/contact first. To me it's simple manners, which I occasionally find sorely lacking in the online world.... and many seem to think it's fine BECAUSE we're online. But it's no different than being rude to someone offline. There are still people behind the words on the screen.
I, for one, hope to never forget that!
And thank you for stopping to read the post! I really appreciate it.
OP
~Gwen~ | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:55:58 AM |
might not be for looks but maybe a personality that attracts people?
What personality? 300+ people, she said she talked to about 10-15 of them...
They don't even know her... It's all about the looks...nothing more... | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:01:14 PM | | yarimelma is quite right, it's all about looks, for guys at least. Although having said that when I see "321" or something like that I do find it off-putting. So many admirers and hence emails means I'm not likely to get a look in, so I tend to move along. I also note that a lot of them are looking for "intimate encounter", which I'd never message in a million years for obvious reasons, so in a way I suppose it's a big red flashing neon. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:11:54 PM | yarimelma: It's different if the person is just trying to get people to add her/him and then cannot be bothered to speak with the people. But just as you see that example you have to realise that you cannot paint all with the same brush. Not everyone who has a lot of favorites is like that.
Robinson2: I know that you're right about it being all about looks, for most guys, but the thought still makes me sick. I try try to look beyond the exterior, especially since I've learned the hard way that it's NOT what matters most. And I guess I tend to ascribe my fairly decent motives to others.... looking on the bright side sometimes isn't always realistic.
But oh well. I'd rather try to think the best of most peopla and give them a chance rather than dismissing them out of hand.
OP
~Gwen~ | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:26:42 PM | also, here's what I don't get.
She clearly says "no one over 40", half the men on her favs are over 40
She clearly says " within 75 miles", majority of the men on her favs are from other states and even other countries
She doesnt even participate in the forums, so that's not it either...
So what's up with that?
clearly shows they don't even read her profile...
they have no chance to meet her either...
they just look at her pics and ............  | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 1:07:09 PM | | I think its kind of a turn off in my opinion. I mean, if I was to try to contact a woman with 100 or 200+ favorites she would not even respond to it because she has so many guys to to pick and choose from. And a guy like me, I would most likely be on the very bottom of that list of the guys she would probably respond to. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 1:17:31 PM | The number of favorites doesn't matter one bit. Well it does but... What does matter more is the profile and what you're looking for. If the pictures you post with all those favs of you laying on your bed in all your glory, looking for an intimate encounter, well...... can you guess what they're doing while staring at your pics?
But if you have 500 favs with respectable pics and decent profile, then maybe you're someone worth knowing right? At least from my POV. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 1:35:18 PM | TheGoodMan: No matter how many favorites I have I talk to EVERYONE and let me tell you...for the right man I'd give up POF entirely. Still looking though. And hey.. don't sell yourself short... I can assure you that a woman may be looking for a guy just like you... but because of her favorites you were intimdated. You never know until you try!
sam-spade: I love your attitude toward it all! I wish more people would use common sense like this... but then again.. Like my mom says.. common sense isn't all that common!
OP
~Gwen~ | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:23:01 PM | Gwenevere1 wrote:BigIrishLad: If you add and then never contact, despite us sending emails to you, well I hate to say that it DOES come off as creepy. It seems like you're adding only to get something out of the profile. And with the range of VERY odd people out there I'd have to say that the immediate thought of what you're getting out of said profile is NOT always a good thought, No matter how harmless you personally may be. Not everyone is.
Oh, I won't disagree with you IF the lady in question actually does send me an email.
Thanks for the reply though..It made me think, and stimulating conversation is never a bad thing
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 5:05:12 PM | | I don't know if it's a turnoff as much as it makes me think the person likes showing off how long their list is. No disrespect to anyone reading this who has a long one. If I'd never deleted myself from someone's list, I'd have well over a hundred now. I delete anyone who puts me on theirs if they are married and/or looking for an intimate encounter. I delete those I'd initially hit it off with, but eventually moved on from. I delete anyone who puts me there, and who, when I write to say thank you doesn't reply within a week. Just how I am I guess. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 6:59:19 PM | Favorites definitely turn me off, especially if there's an abundance of them. The reasons have already been mentioned, it's most difficult as it looks like she'll probably never get around to reading your email as she's bombarded by guys from everywhere.
One other thing that doesn't exactly tickle my fancy are the testimonials.
"OMG Suzy is such a great person, etc."
Especially hearing it from another guy puts me off. I know some will say that it should make it a great deal easier, but not to me because the only person who'll get a better idea if that person is as great as they are rated is me. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 7:40:01 PM |
excuzzeee meee but...
if they're "oh so popular" why in the heck are they still here?? huh?
popular ma azz... That's funny, lol.. personally I would rather this assumption than some of the others have heard in here...
What personality? 300+ people, she said she talked to about 10-15 of them...
They don't even know her... It's all about the looks...nothing more... I have 300+ favorites.. and although I am sure some of it is due to my pictures.. I know for a fact that the majority have added me because of my involvement in forums.. I know this because they tell me so.. I see them in the forums a lot.. and I also have quite a few females who have added me.. and no, they are not gay.
I have been here for over two years and enjoy the friendships I have made as well as participating in the forums.. the only reason I even look at my favorites is to see which of my friends are online...
I used to delete people, but they just add themselvs back again, so why would I make my time in here work? To appease what someone may be thinking about me.. ? Nahh.. I am here to share my thoughts in the forums and keep in contact with friends, I could care less what people may or may not think of me as a result ;) | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:08:20 PM | I'm glad the favorites and testimonials filter out those that wouldn't contact me because of either. I can tell by their responses here they'd be on a totally different vibe , so there really wouldn't be any point in them doing so.
Funny thing IS, most of the email I get people do actually mention one or the other or often both and they are even more interested in talking to me or getting to know me because of it. And those people I do enjoy talking to. And I'm not even looking to date,, or have or ever have had provocative photos or a "flirty" profile...go figure
Seems to totally fly in the face of the alleged "logic" that many are basing their assumptions on. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:19:18 PM |
I'm glad the favorites and testimonials filter out those that wouldn't contact me because of either. I can tell by their responses here they'd be on a totally different vibe , so there really wouldn't be any point in them doing so.
Funny thing IS, most of the email I get people do actually mention one or the other or often both and they are even more interested in talking to me or getting to know me because of it. And those people I do enjoy talking to. And I'm not even looking to date,, or have or ever have had provocative photos or a "flirty" profile...go figure
That's great, that's excellent, but not everyone is like that. Different strokes.... | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:26:32 PM |
but not everyone is like that. Different strokes...
No need to get defensive, I didn't say or infer everyone was the same. That's what those who are throwing out the assumptions imply, same as you did. If a woman has a lot of favorites or God forbid a testimonial from a male, then you think the same of all of them. You're tripping over your own illogical assumption. Now say again you think everyone is different.  | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:30:47 PM | To be quite frank,lol I wasn't getting defensive, just making an statement, nothing more.
I didn't say that all females who have favorites or testimonials are all the same, only that they wouldn't make me go to see how she is any faster.
It didn't have to be a testimonial from a guy, it could be your female friend/co-worker or whatever, I tend to not look at those for the simple fact that it doesn't exactly make me want to know the person that much more because for all I know you could turn out to be a total ice queen. No one is ever going to write "What a super b****, stay far away" or if they have I've not seen such a testimonial.
That's what I had meant in that respect. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:53:42 PM | I detest favorites, I am on 69 peoples favorites at the moment more than 3/4 of them I have never spoken to! Some are from other countries, some are in their 20's, one is pushing 70. I have deleted my favorites to 15 about 4 times but they just add themselves back after a bit. I guess my question is ...IF I AM A FAVORITE WHY HAVENT YOU CONTACTED ME?
I think one thing most people miss is that different parts of the country have different sets of values, people in a smaller town react to things different that those in a big city. Those in the bible belt while may not be going to church each sunday still have had that upbringing about men/women and what is right and wrong, unspoken rules if you will. I know the guys in this area arent as open minded about how many favorites a girl is on. I am not saying they think bad of her, they just either think she wants the attention or something else that is soooo far from the truth. I dont want a lot of attention from a lot of different men, I only want the right attention from the right man!
I understand favorites are a way to bookmark someone to make contact, it shows if that person is online...great idea...especially if you are a stalker. Hopefuly everyone realizes you can also just bookmark them on IE, or any other internet browser and they would never know you have. | |
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