| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/7/2007 3:50:10 PM | tothemax08: Well, I'm sorry that you have had that experience on POF that you feel that the only options are the ones that you have listed.
for the record: A) I have been on and off POF for about a year so if you think about the # on my list it's not that high...
B) Not really picky... just not willing to settle for just anything that comes my way.. still looking to find that connection.
C) I can fill my time in other ways, rather than posting to forums and trying to insult people. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/7/2007 3:53:13 PM | | prolibertate : Thanks for your input! The reason that you have outlined is yet ANOTHER reason someone could end up with alot of favorites...but somehow people seem to assume something completely different! | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/7/2007 6:18:06 PM |
To you guys: would me being on this many favorites lists prevent you from contacting me? Would you choose NOT to contact me because of this? Would you look down on a woman for having "too many favorites"? And WHY would this be an issue?
My opinion is that only a guy with a low self-esteem would be worried about you being on too many favorite's lists. And if he has a low self-esteem, then guess what hon? Move on and find someone who's got a healthy self-esteem and roll with it!
It should NOT be an issue - h*ll, how many people do you personally know where you live? According to some studies the figure is somewhere around 300 people. Okay, now is he going to be worried that you happen to know 300 people? See what I mean?
Oy vay fellas. Stop worrying if she's got a lot of friends! If you find her attractive, then email her and tell her so. You may be missing out on a truly wonderful opportunity! Don't be a Dee-Dee-Dee! | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/7/2007 8:24:11 PM |
scorpiomover: I'm sorry if you were offended by my post, however I was not being rude, simply pointing out a conclusion based on what you wrote in my post. I will be happy to clarify what I was referring to: Thank you very much. The apology restores my faith in you.
Isn't this the whole point of dating?? To find the best match for you? Yes, gwenivere_1, finding the person who is BEST FOR YOU is the whole point of dating. For most people, that means someone who is NOT the best guy they can get. The best guy is often the guy who has a bad and often abusive relationship with her. The BEST GUY FOR HER is usually the guy who she has a wonderful relationship with. IF most women went for the best guy for her, POF would probably be empty, because all the women would have a guy they love and who loves them, and who they fit with. Alas, POF has 750,000 members and is still growing.
The more contact you have with people the better the chances of finding someone whom you click with... Society has shows that the MORE choices we have, the worse choices we make. But if you have a crowd of guys around you, chances are that MOST of those guys are not a good fit for you. If you entertain being around them for a second longer than necessary, then you are entertaining dating guys who are not a good fit for you.
Actually, you are more likely to find a man who is right for you, by hanging out at places you like, even if most guys won't be there. If he is right for you, he'll like them too. If a guy doesn't hang out at those places, chances are that he is NOT right for you, because he doesn't like the same things as you at all.
This statement seems very cynical and to be painting women of all types with a very broad brush. I can assure you that simply because I have a lot of people on my favorites list does not mean that I love "being surrounded by guys". Speaking for me, this is quite the opposite. I would prefer to find the right guy and "settle" with him. This IS a dating site after all. How many women out there are talking with 60+ guys but simply not being honest about it... At least I'm upfront about it! Read my post. I'm not complaining about women who are on lots of men's favourites lists. Merely observing that women who like the attention of lots of men found it easy to date all of them, and hard to commit to any man, other than men who were obviously not right for them. The reasons were always high-minded. But it did not change my experiences or what I have observed.
If I saw a woman who asked if she was being stupid for only wanting to email/IM to one or 2 men at a time, and she was in my age and area and I thought she was cute and had some similar interests, I'd ask her for a date, outright, because her actions bespeak her attitude, and her attitude speaks volumes.
I've tried the numbers game. It never seems to work for anyone, except for casual sex. All my friends only met the right guy when they weren't in touch with lots of guys. Same for me. That is my experience.
Maybe you'll prove me wrong. But this is what I have found. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/7/2007 8:42:16 PM | That is not necessarily true. Many males and females contact different people. They want a response. Of course, no one likes "rejection", male or female. You want to communicate with someone who has something in common with you and who you think will have the time to e-mail you. Many of the females who do not respond and probably males may be swamped with e-mails. It is easier for me, logically, to talk to a woman who only has 20 or 30 favourites on her list versus one with 150. There is a strong chance many of the guys have e-mailed her and she may just delete yours or have someone already. It is just logical. Some females take people off their favourites. I don't put many women on my favourites. I have only six. That includes one or two who have many on their favourites. I don't want to overdo it and add people. That being said, if I thought the person really stood out and we really had a ton in common, there's a good chance I'd send her a message, and I have sent messages to women before who had many favourites. I just generally don't, because I don't want to feel like I am wasting my time or keyboard energy:) LOL
Suppose I was a woman in high demand or had many men on my favourites, but not finding someone I am really connecting with, I might take some of the guys off my favourites. I may not want people to have the wrong impression that I am some gorgeous girl with lots of guys when I don't have the guy I am looking for, but, alas, I am just a regular Joe with a big heart and a decent IQ :) ha
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 3:11:14 PM | lc44906: Thanks for the post! I appreciate that you can see that it is simply nothing more than a reflection of how many people have placed you on their list. Thanks for the moral booster shot! LOL
scorpiomover: I can assure you that I'm simply not a rude person and never set out to offend anyone. I agree that some women, myself included, do not always make the best choice when it comes to men. Sometimes it's a matter of being willfuly blind... or so wrapped up in what you're feeling that you forget to think. I agree that if everyone found the right someone that POF would be out of business. And simply because one has more choice does NOT necessairily mean that we will make the worst decision. And who is anyone else to decide which decision is wrong for us? Sometimes, we need to make the wrong choice to understand when to recognize the right one.
I've yet to find the right guy by doing things that I liked. The guys that I tend to find in that setting are usually married or taken.. LOL. And you can find things in common with almost any person you meet. What's to say that doing something specific will increase those odds?
"I'm not complaining about women who are on lots of men's favourites lists. Merely observing that women who like the attention of lots of men found it easy to date all of them, and hard to commit to any man, other than men who were obviously not right for them."
I'm sorry that this has been your experience, however as I previously stated I do feek that you are tarring all women with the same brush. I can assure you I've never dated more than one man at a time and I sure as heck haven't dated 67 of them!!! LOL. I was actually late to the dating game and haven't really dated all that much. Granted that the
Seavoyage: I think that the whole issue is very divided... no matter what I do I'm going to lose out somewhere. I think I'd prefer to go with what I have now and if someone really wants to contact me, he'll just ahve to suck up the courage to get beyond the fact I have 67 favorites! | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 3:27:20 PM | Not so much a turn off as something that makes me stop and think that perhaps I might get lost in the crowd.If the guy in question is on that many gals Favorites list, could he possibly have time to respond to my email, let alone have time to chat and/or eventually meet?
I add guys to my Favorites list whose profiles or forum posts have caught my eye.I drop them a note explaining why I added them, see if I receive a response.If I do great, if not, move on.Might seem kinda harsh, but that's what works best for me. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 3:30:09 PM | | lilmslefty: At least you are giving the guys a chance to look at your profile and see if there is any possibility. As I'm sure you can see from this thread, there seems to be some negative connotations to having "too many favorites" (if there is such a thing!). I mean at least you keep the options open and will at least give them a chance. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 3:58:58 PM | | My guess is the same people on here boo hooing about too many favorites are the same folks that will start a thread to why some lady deleted them after they put her on their favorite list. This is a damned if you do or damned if you don't topic. Not to the extreme but it sounds like the judge and jury of yesteryear that placed the victim of rape on trial because she looked very attractive. "Oh she must have deserved it because look at her...she looks like she wanted it" Get a grip people and stop whining. You sound like that high school click that identified themselves as the misfits and sat around all day trash talking anyone who appeared successful. It was a way of elevating your own insecurity. It makes you no different than the high brow cheer leader who thinks she is all that and treats others poorly. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 4:02:37 PM | For me 67 is like a 50% chance I will message you, if I dig your profile/pics. 90+, is a turn-off.
For me I just think, that perhaps you have been on here way too long, or that you sleep around. To be honest, which I probably should not be on here, in the forums. Don't slam me now ok. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 4:15:31 PM | The Black Knight: Thanks again for posting! And I think you are right. The same people who moan about people having too many favorites are the same ones who would complain if you removed them without contacting them.
NOW.... as for you Fun Guy 1:
For me I just think, that perhaps you have been on here way too long, or that you sleep around. I can respect the thought that maybe someone has been on the site a long time and has many favorites, but when is it up to you to say that they have been on there "TOO LONG"? And why would you cast aspersions on another person's character by saying that because they have a lot of favorites that they must sleep around.... that is simply an IGNORANT statment. I can assure you that I have NEVER slept with ANYONE from POF EVER! This post is simply rude and wrong as well as inflamatory! | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 4:35:18 PM |
Read my post. I'm not complaining about women who are on lots of men's favourites lists. Merely observing that women who like the attention of lots of men found it easy to date all of them, and hard to commit to any man
scorpio.....hmmmmmm... so I have dated all 176 of my favs eh.... well considering half if not more are women I doubt that... I just happen to have been here a while and a regular on the forums... I have made many online friends and enjoy posting with them and talking about our posts and other peoples comments... I am in a committed relationship,so that idea of yours goes out the window somewhat.... if you enjoy the forums,you are bound to get used to the regulars and eventually good or bad mail them about a certain post,then you get friendly and hense the list goes up....
Yes, too many favorites are a turn-off with me because I would feel like I"m wasting my time sending an email that wont be replied to since you are too popular.
A cool Guy... read above... fav lists mean nothing... just that you maybe popular on the forums...that is all,do not think that all my favs are men... 55% I bet are women | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 4:40:15 PM | | Princess Leigh: I thank you again for posting on my thread... You always have something good to say! And I think you're right... looking at my own list there are a high number of women on it. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 4:51:04 PM | I would not judge a person based on how many favourites they have. That is not proper. It only means that person was popular at some point with 67 people. I do not maintain people on my favourites for a long time unless I think they are worth it or seem to be very exceptional people, good souls and not just a pretty face. Of course, some men and women might think if suppose someone had 130 people on their favourites (you do get that) that the person might have tons of people e-mailing them and no time to e-mail you.
I am not sure having peoples' favourites advertised is a great thing. I mean in myspace only you can see your favourites and no one knows how many you have. Anyway, no one has the right to judge a person based on their favourites, that is like saying a rock star is bad, because he has a lot of fans. Anyway, the OP seems generous and has kept people on her favourites from some time back, and she has had her profile on her for a while. I think if I really like a person's profile, am really taken back by something in it, the things she wrote said, there is a good chance I might say hi. I can't say I would ignore the fact that someone may have say 150 favourites may not be able to respond to me. I wouldn't be upset with that, because I won't remember I sent that e-mail in the first place in a day or two... Many things can intimidate us, but that's the way of the dating life:)
Sorry for the long post... | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 5:12:11 PM | | Seavoyage: thanks again for the post darlin.... wisdom at it's finest again. I think that you have a great perspective on how one should conduct one's self in the online world. As you say, favorites only mean you were popular with that number of people at any given time. And you are right....if you don't get a response.. in a few days you'll probably forget you even messaged the person! | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 5:14:23 PM | A classic example of how someone might get on a favorite list and even have a testimonial.
Lets say from the forums gwen and I started talking privately from this forum thread. In due time we might become friends. It doesn't mean we are dating. She lives 900 miles from me and there are factors such as age difference that keep it at just friends. Even still she could become my forum buddy just like a few others. And so......whats the big deal? | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 5:20:53 PM |
Princess Leigh: I thank you again for posting on my thread... You always have something good to say! And I think you're right... looking at my own list there are a high number of women on it.
your welcome honey.... just being honest... does that mean I can put you on my favs now?
A classic example of how someone might get on a favorite list and even have a testimonial.
Lets say from the forums gwen and I started talking privately from this forum thread. In due time we might become friends. It doesn't mean we are dating. She lives 900 miles from me and there are factors such as age difference that keep it at just friends. Even still she could become my forum buddy just like a few others. And so......whats the big deal?
Black Knight.... put so eliquently and simple... precisely carriad... and a great post
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 5:49:48 PM | The Black Knight: You give a perfect example of how someon could end up on someones favorites list and be strictly a friend... thank you for that and thanks for your continued posts! You seem like a very nice man.
Princess Leigh: You are welcome to be my friend at any time! You are a very smart and kind lady and honesty is a trait that is far too under admired!  | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 5:55:21 PM | I think haveing a reasonable about is allright but when I see someone have 100 or more come on give me a break , it remind me of myspace when you seen the teens adding tons of friends to look cool and popular .
Just my 2 cents . | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 6:04:43 PM | | christi66: What is a reasonable amount?? What could be reasonable to you might not be to the next person... everything about dating and these websites is subjective... what one person loves another might hate.... | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 6:05:28 PM |
I think haveing a reasonable about is allright but when I see someone have 100 or more come on give me a break , it remind me of myspace when you seen the teens adding tons of friends to look cool and popular .
say's someone with 9 favs.... come onto the forums more often... be polite and friendly,then you will make more friends... it has nothing to do with kids and a test on popularity Christi66.... it is just that we regulars enjoy each others company and posts... yes we may not always agree,but we are adults and understand that.... yeap am putting gwen on my fav list.... see another women lol.... If someone inspires me or touches me thoughts... they have my vote... that is all it is... by the way... have never been on my space... so have no idea what you are talking about hehe hehe..sorry | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 6:15:41 PM | | Princess Leigh: Oh you are a kick girl!!! LOL.. now I have 68 and will be deemed unacceptable by oh so many more!!!! Thanks for the add hon! I've added you too and have been checking out the other forums you have been on... you have some really good insights... thanks for sharing! You're a peach! | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 7:07:01 PM | Oh we will just have to make it 69 just to give you more popularity.
Ooooo....69....maybe I should wait till 70....people are going to read into that. Lol | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 7:50:14 PM | "For me I just think, that perhaps you have been on here way too long, or that you sleep around."
Fun Guy 1: That is an utterly ridiculous statement. If it were true then I have been a very busy girl.
So what would you have us do... just go through daily and delete everyone who has added us to their favorites? Do you have anyone on your favorites list? I'm not talking about those who have added you, but those you have added. Would you like it if they all deleted you for no reason? I'm sorry, but I don't have the time nor desire to contact every person that has 'bookmarked' me (which is how I see it) and ask them why.
If you think that I am in regular contact with even 10 percent of those who have added me to their favorites, you are mistaken. Anyone who sees it as a reason not to contact me is also mistaken. The number of people who have added me to their favorites will have absolutely no bearing on whether I am interested in YOU. | |
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| Are too many favorites a turn off?
Posted: 8/8/2007 8:08:03 PM | come on reasonable ? do you tell me you have 125 people as favorites and talk to each and everyone of them on a personable level and can say you KNOW them very well ? doubtful like i said its like a contest to some just as much as the teens on myspace (kids on there like to add as many as they can even though they dont talk to them all ) its silly .. Yes im here to get to know someone not see how many i can add ... goes backto QUALITY not QUANTITY 
yes says someone who only has 9 people cause when someone adds me and I dont know them nor have spoke with them I remove myself off their list ..
For me I just think, that perhaps you have been on here way too long, or that you sleep around. To be honest, which I probably should not be on here, in the forums. Don't slam me now ok.
Dude give me a break logic is if they have alot on favorites it dont mean they have met everyone let alone slept with them good grief . | |
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