| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:56:58 PM | | i have seen a few of the answers here and find it appaling,, leftovers? they are the product of the love between two people, they need love just like anyone else. a woman that has children is a ready made family, some guys cant handle that, its just a fact of life, as for me, doesnt phase me one bit, i dont think twice,, kids are a real test of someones charachter, as was said, and man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/29/2008 9:25:05 PM |
they don't want someone's leftovers.
This statement made me cry. First of all we are not talking about "blunt truth" as some ppl have mentioned, this is just one perspective on the situation. And while that person is certainly entitled to their opinion, it crushed me a lil bit to hear such cold callousness towards another human being. Children are NOT used clothing, or broken second hand toys, they are PEOPLE, and to hear some talk about a children as if they are inherently defective or broken because they arent "new" is mind -numbing to me, I cant even bring myslef to understand this type of sociopathic statement. To view another human being as if they are "less than" simply because of their maker, and your potential children are better "products" because they are newly owned is sickening.
AS for single Mom's making their children top priority, I hate to inform all the men who seem to be a bunch of crying babies, that if you have kids with ANY woman, even if they are from your own sperm that woman will make the children top priority. Why? Its simple, because a child cannot SURVIVE without its basic needs being met, and I would like to think that a full grown man could take care of his own survival needs, and also wouldnt be selfish enough to think his "wants" should take priority over his childs "needs".Therefore in any relatively non-dysfunctional family where the children live to adult-hood you will find this dynamic.And in an even healthier family, perhaps the Father (GHASP! NOOOO!!!!) would put his children's needs above the wants of the Mother. And you all politely excuse yourself from your complaint by saying "while that is the way it SHOULD be" I dont buy it for a second. If you are looking for a mother, then why are you on POF? Go to one of those "diaper wearing fetish" sites. ish.
Also a lot of children HAVE NO FATHERS and this is due either to death of the Father, and/or complete abandonement. Is a child no longer derserving of a male role model because of this? Should a child really pay for "the sins of the forefathers?" (in the case of abandonement) or be completely ignored in an attempt to rebuild a family when a woman is dating? (to all the "child should stay outta the way" ***holes).
As for resentment to the Father, first are we really going to punish the next generation further, and create more outcast lonely and confused children that grow up to be the "criminals" that you all so much hate and excessively link to single parent homes? Do THESE children not deserve some type of caring role model, simply because the Mother made bad choices, and the Father skipped, or is dead? Are we really talking about making a child "pay" through ostracization? Is this the 1940's? And what about acknowleging these kids as human beings? What about the possibility that you would actually, gee, Idk, love them? What about the possibility that these children would ENHANCE your life rather than "bring you down to a depths unknown" Thats part of the problem with our society, we look at kids, and childrearing as a necessary trip to hell. And ITS NOT! Its actually a hard won heaven.WHEN a parent has teh support that they need. And its worth every hardship that I as a single Mother has gone through. I cant blame so many for their ignorance, for jumping to conclusions about a situation that very few of you have even experienced, and I cant blame those of you who dated those "here's your new daddy" types (double ish) but I do blame you for your judgments, and for continuing a stigma that was established way back when, and does not pertain to now. As for those who are sooooo afraid of loosing their paychecks (God forbid I would rather DIE!) keep it, cause we women are catchin' up to you fast, and gettin' pretty damn independent ourselves...who knows...maybe it can go to the diaper fund....that would be YOUR diaper fund.
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/29/2008 9:44:30 PM |
Then stop the demand for surrogate fathers, CS, and state assistance and socialist policies that provides safety nets, and maybe someone will believe you.
Until then, this is a crock of shit.
So I see you went to college, did you get financial assistance? Do you plan on retiring some day? If you do, you know you will be supported by social security right? Well, have I got news for all you hypocrites out there, these things are considered "welfare" there is NO difference between "welfare" recieved by more FAMILIES than single Mothers and the welfare you recieved to attend college and will likely recieve before you die. Also quit your ****ing ppl! "WELFARE MAKES UP 1% OF OUR TAX DOLLARS!!!! THATS 1%!!! plus women DONT get anymore benefits when having more children from when they first got on welfare, oh and also anyone on AFDC has to look for a job 40 hrs a week, has to write EVERYTHING down on some special sheet, and WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO BE ON IT FOR LONGER THAN FIVE YEARS OF THEIR ENTIRE LIFE!!! And where in the hell is the judgment for the skipped out Fathers, I mean Christ at least we women are taking responsibility for our children, and then we get shot down by a sexist society that NEVER or rarely attacks the second half of the dance. I have yet to hear one single person on here **** about the guys. and what about the families who need assistence to not starve to death because the Father is disabled, or oh hey, idk, dead? There are circumstances beyond our control, like gee, idk the reproductive rights of women, and in a "perfect" world a child would be raised by a village, but in the REAL world this type of thing has been happening since the beginning of time, its time to quit giving women shit, and start railing against the men that dip out. As for dark angel, the thought of you breeding with that face of yours....well I would just think twice before you assume your sperm is somehow "elitist" and above the fray. ish
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:18:28 PM | | ^^ I actually think it is the opposite. I know many more women that are with a single dad (kids part time or full time) versus men that are with single moms. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:46:27 PM | hmmmm. If that's true, maybe there are more men than women who are avoidant of dealing with children who are not their own.
Personally I love children, but do not want to pass on my insidious DNA. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:46:36 PM | | People, most of the men that reply are dogs so salt their replies. A mature person has no problem with kids unless there's too many and a bad ex. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:50:03 PM | In what I have seen, yes. I can't speak for the whole male population, though.
Then again most women are known to be born nurturers whereas in most men it is an aquired skill. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/29/2008 11:01:02 PM | | ^^^^You're right, that's why it takes a good woman for us to make a family to love and take care of them. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/29/2008 11:41:59 PM | | children should Never be viewed as a problem, PERIOD there are some guys who do not mind , others who as you can see from the responses, have other issues,, children should come first and some guys cant handle that,, | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/29/2008 11:45:47 PM |
Are single fathers more willing to start relationships with single mothers? i am thinking they would have better luck than with married mothers. lol, sorry it was there and had to say it. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/30/2008 12:35:24 AM | I hate to inform all the men who seem to be a bunch of crying babies, that if you have kids with ANY woman, even if they are from your own sperm that woman will make the children top priority.
I hate to inform you that children are top priority when they are YOUR children. It is not fair to ask others to make of YOUR children THEIR top priority.
And about being a "bunch of crying babies"... I never saw a guy starting a thread entitled "I don't like single moms". But there are scores of threads entitled "Why guys don't like single moms" or any of its multiple variations. So who is doing the crying here, the guy who lives his life or the single mom who complains because he is not willing to live HER life?
Do THESE children not deserve some type of caring role model, simply because the Mother made bad choices, and the Father skipped, or is dead?
Yes, they do. What are you doing to provide them with one? What sacrifices are YOU willing to do (since you're so willing to demand men to make sacrifices) to get a "caring male role model" for your children? What are you doing to convince a man to become such role model, besides shaming and insulting him for not wanting to do it?
I do blame you for your judgments
Judgements... like in calling a man a "crying baby" because his life goals include having his own children?
Besides, and please put this in your head: WE ARE NOT YOUR CHILDREN'S FATHER. Stop demanding from us what you were unable to get from him.
As for those who are sooooo afraid of loosing their paychecks (God forbid I would rather DIE!) keep it, cause we women are catchin' up to you fast, and gettin' pretty damn independent ourselves...
Thanks by allowing us to choose how to spend our own money. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:20:16 AM |
I want to be upfront and honest right away with a guy, that is why I publish that I have a child. What do most men have against that? I don't judge a male that has a child, or a male that doesn't have a child. Whats the scoop.
It isn't about judging people with children. Some of us just don't want to be involved with those children, and you can't really have a relationship with a parent without that happening. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:19:19 AM | | If children are a problem.........then do they put that on thier profile? Is that what is meant by doesn't want any more children? I thought that was if they didn't want any more biologically. Can anyone clue me in on this? | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:00:14 AM | That is due to the fact that they don't want to be place 2nd or 3rd in a relationship.
While it can certainly feel like this.....it's actually a deeper issue for me ( in former LTR, 10 years, not biological dad, still close w/ mom/son, he graduates soon w/ honors - way to go, Nate!) Many young moms I've met have the mindset that they are 'a Mom First!'.....which is fantastic. If you are the Mom or the Child.
It's very hard to maintain a romantic relationship when you don't have a man/woman dynamic as a central theme. I already have a Mom......so I want a woman who is a WOMAN first.
It's totally cool if your child is the most important thing in your life. Feeling that way while expecting somebody else to make YOUR RELATIONSHIP the most important thing in their life is a little myopic, I feel.
Some women switch to Mom First status after they have been w/ the father for a while in a romantic relationship.....so they have an established man/woman basis to work out compromise. Trying to find that basis when she is ALREADY in Mom First mode is much more difficult. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/30/2008 9:53:53 AM |
A mature person has no problem with kids unless there's too many and a bad ex.
Now, I see this statement as a bit offensive. I don't want kids. That doesn't make me immature in any way, shape or form - it's just a preference. I don't get along with children. Believe me, I've tried - I have dated men with kids before, and it never works out for one reason or another. Probably makes me a total anomaly in this forum, but there are just some like me that don't want to deal with children. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/30/2008 10:21:21 AM | | ^^^^^^Would the women please stop taking things out of context and that has nothing to do with the forum!! I'm a single parent so was referring to single parents or singles who want kids, not you! | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/30/2008 11:20:28 AM |
^^^^^^Would the women please stop taking things out of context and that has nothing to do with the forum!! I'm a single parent so was referring to single parents or singles who want kids, not you!
Then, please note that in your post so people don't assume. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/30/2008 11:40:16 AM | Would the women please stop taking things out of context and that has nothing to do with the forum!! I'm a single parent so was referring to single parents or singles who want kids, not you!
Actually she was responding to your post because she assumed you made that statement in reference to the original post. As did I. So... you changed the context of the thread.
The way she, and I, took your post was that you were saying anyone who passed sombody up because they had kids was immature.
You are correct that a single guy that WANTS kids COULD accept another man's offspring into his life and be a father to them. Assuming their mother is compatable with him. And assuming the children will accept him.
That's a tough row to hoe even under the best of circumstances.
If a guy wants kids, but only his OWN kids, I would consider that a personal choice. He is at least aware that it is an issue for him and has the sense not to start something he probably won't be able to finish.
As for the original topic...
Some of us have already raised our kids. My daughter is 22, has left the nest. I love her with all my heart. Raising her and watching her grow was great. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything, but I wouldn't give a plug nickel to do it again... | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/30/2008 11:55:07 AM | In what I have seen, yes. I can't speak for the whole male population, though.
Then again most women are known to be born nurturers whereas in most men it is an aquired skill.
It makes sense if men aren't hard-wired to handle children as well as women without conditioning themselves too, that they would more commonly avoid getting into a situation that requires a skill they haven't developed yet, and this on top of trying to work on a relationship to boot.
Honestly, during my 20s I did not care very much to have children, and would never consider a relationship with a single parent. But our biology changes and so do our desires as we grow older.
Anyhoo. It is always best that if we can't change a person to be on the same page as us, it is better to find a person who is on the same page as us. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/30/2008 12:37:00 PM | It doesn't bother many men to date women with children but really, what's in it for him ? In theory he gets a loving woman. In practise he gets to be second in line when there's time. Hey, a guy might be able to go with that but not all of them want to be second fiddle (and that's assuming she doesn't place some other priority a little higher)
I've dated plenty of women with children and that fact alone is not the problem. If I ever want a family of my own though, she might feel that since she's already had her's then I'm just out of luck. Okay, that's fine but then what am I doing there ? I'm not somebody's cabana boy there to satisfy her need for love and affection...I just might want a little of that myself after all right ? So if her long term goals are incompatible with mine then it's foolish to get involved at all.
As for people who claim it's shallow or immature...oh puhleeeeeeaze. It's silly blanket statements like that which simply serve to inure men to the possibility of dating a woman with children. We're not shallow or immature we just might have actually put some thought into the matter. I guess that that didn't occur to you folks. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:10:06 PM | If a man really wants to be with you, your having children won't matter.
He'll do what he has to do to make things work with you, and he will accept the reality that your children are part of the "package". | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:26:44 PM | i think it has to do with wanting to have kids of their own primarily, and with the cost of children and the toll on the woman physically this often not possible. you can't fault us for that. The ex's can be a pain but I don't mind butting heads with someone's ex and maybe intimidating them if necessary. I kind of get off on that kind of thing.
What would really bother me, is if the mom turned out to be a not so great, but her kids became attached to me. Moms can be selfish also, and use this to her advantage to get away with more than she could have without her kids - because when you dump her, you're also kind of dumping the kids. I don't want to be yet another fatherish figure in their lives who appears to disappear or discard them any more than I want to be in a bad relationship.
So no, I would not seriously date a woman with children at this point in my life. Probably never. try dating guys who have their own kids, they will be more likely to understand | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:27:46 PM | you cant have sexy time anywhere, anytime
you have to plan everything in advance
you have to deal with stupid kid stuff (cries, whines, screams)
you cant walk around naked in the house
you cant make noise after they go to sleep
you need to watch what you say/how you act at all times
and on the top of all that, they 're not even your kids...
cool, where do I sign up?
I have to be like SUPER-desperate to date a SM...
sorry but I am NOT...  | |
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