| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:17:01 PM | I am with you 100 % on this one i have dated 2 women in the past that was cool at first but then the ex started getting a little to into our business, which i dont understand why a woman would let something like that happen esp. when she's got a great thing going for her????? I would soooo date a women with children but the ex would have to be in another state or completely out of the pic.  | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:25:52 PM | Humans have the ability to think and adapt to different situations and improve their standing, this is completely different than other animals. human loses a leg somehow and they can still lead a relatively normal life, a zebra loses a leg and it's a goner. Humans can always improve their situation in life by simply chaning their course.
I think you misunderstood my point. There is a huge gap between being a good parent and placing your children as number 1 in your life. above all else, you should be number one in your own life. When you place your childrens welfare so far ahead of your own, you are just delaying things. Later in life the children (who you were trying to protect and give everything they want) now have to take care of you, which should not be the case. You think i mean you shouldnt watch over your kids, protect your kids, provide for them.....whatever. I'm saying you should do so to the extent needed and no more, then take care of yourself.
Part of the recent feminisation of the male is children. We are being guilted into this false sense that children are supposed to be our absolute number one priority and we have to make these great sacrifices in our lives in order to properly raise them. It's completely not true and actually hurts the kids more then you think. They grow up with a sense of entitlement. That no matter what, they can be as ig of a F^*( up as they want and everything will be ok. And why not? the parents were there to clean up their mess for them before. Making all the sacrifices for your kids teaches them to be completely reliant on others. Then later in life when you start to become reliant on them they don't understand the role reversal | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:28:07 PM |
when she's got a great thing going for her????? I would soooo date a women with children but the ex would have to be in another state or completely out of the pic.
^^^^^^^^ insecurities abound.....sounds like some guys are nervous that their woman would get back with their ex....due to the common history they have.....the kids
Why should the children's father be in another state......fathers like to keep within close proximity with their children. | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:35:31 PM |
but the ex would have to be in another state or completely out of the pic.
First I have heard this opinion....I would think most men would be more apt to date a women that has a father for her kids, that takes them on a regular basis, pays support and is involved in their lives so they do not have to necessarily step in and take the full time father role... | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:37:37 PM |
We have parents who let their kids play in the yard without any supervision, we have parents who let their kids ride their bikes around the neighborhood and into other neighborhoods without watching them, we have parents who leave their kid's at home while they go to the store or bar, we have parents who let their kids walk half a mile or more to school and back home by themselves, we have kids ride, walk, or run in front of you driving a vehicle to grab whatever while the parent sits on their ass or was in the house
When I was a kid I did all those things and I turned out just fine. In fact, being unsupervised is how I learned how to mature. Sometimes I had to face problems without my parents there and I had to learn as I went. Sometimes things didn't go so well for me, but I learned how to face my fears.
It's all these kids who never have to face reality because their parents are always there checking on them who end up growing up unable to cope with life. They've never learned how to face difficulty on their own.
All it takes is 5, that is 5 seconds for a stranger to run up and yank the kids forever
Oh, get over yourself.
Seriously, kids are in far more danger INSIDE the house than they are playing unsupervised in the front yard. In fact, three times more likely to be kidnapped by someone they know than by a stranger. (http://www.ipce.info/ipceweb////Library/00aug16c_other_statistics.htm)
Perhaps you should actually learn the facts instead of making up all these wild scenarios that have no basis in reality. | |
|
Durken
|
Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 156 | |
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:03:36 PM | OK...CSI Hollywood,
You have no kids of your own so please get a real life check rather than relying on internet BS to speak for you before you wish to insult a real dad any further. Your kid stage was 20 years ago so for your real information, society has changed ALOT!
In fact, you're a creep for a single, fatherless guy....you shouldn't care about knowing the INSIDES of a parent's house for anything at all. | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:26:09 PM | Btlan, judging by your posts, you seem like the average parent who forces their kids to live reclusive lives. When they're teenagers, or adults, due to your excessive sheltering, they'll be the world's greatest screw-ups. Mark my words.
CSIAnaheim has a good point. Supervision comes only to an extent. There's healthy supervision, then there's bad. Granted, I'm young, I have no children, and I'm sure you'll pull that card out on me, so I'll let you save your time.
Merely, I'll pull out the facts for you. You seem like the kind of guy, who if their kids were below fifteen, would prevent them from "unhealthy"(by your standards) social outings. You'll discourage pre-marital sex, whether or not it is vital to their social development, you'll turn down any essence of maturity. And frankly, I'm sure you wouldn't lay a hand on your kid for disciplinary measures.
Humans are resilient animals. We haven't stretched far from the animal kingdom. Face it-- there's a large number of female species that rip the head off their mates to provide nourishment for their young. As well as killing their young. As well as patricide.
I advise you stop calling people "scum" for their own opinions reflecting their outcome with their upbringing, and focus on exactly how you can stop being a**** Please, hump a meat grinder before the next time you decide to have kids. Maybe I'll stop having to pay so much money for hand sanitizer after pushing heroin addicts off of me whenever I'm in the city. | |
|
Durken
|
Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 158 | |
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:59:37 PM | | ^^^^Damn, I apologize to all the good people for I've attracted more of the creeps or scum. | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:01:21 PM | And I'm sure your passive-aggressive insults are a direct reflection of your maturity. Perhaps your parents should have advocated a more.. beneficial upbringing for you. With that said, I'm out.
<-- Scum, by the way. Not that I've ever denied it! | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:19:52 AM | ditto what everyone else said.
Ceteris paribus, why choose someone who has less money and time to put into the relationship. | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:23:56 PM |
OK...CSI Hollywood,
It's scary that someone charged with the responsibility of being a parent lacks the maturity to refrain from simple namecalling.
You have no kids of your own
The last refuge for people who have completely lost the argument is to pull out this card.
Maybe I don't have kids but that doesn't mean I'm blind. You are the one who refuses to look at hard facts and prefers to base your judgments on unsupportable rhetoric.
Your kid stage was 20 years ago so for your real information, society has changed ALOT!
You're right, it has. When I was growing up, kids actually learned how to be independent. Now you have colleges reporting three and fourfold increases in the number of students having nervous breakdowns because they can't handle the pressures of college anymore because they've never had to make a single decision in life without mommy and daddy's input.
Society has indeed changed, and it's micromanaging parents that are changing it.
In fact, you're a creep for a single, fatherless guy....you shouldn't care about knowing the INSIDES of a parent's house for anything at all.
You know, I really should report you for that statement, but I think I'd rather it stay up here so everyone else on the board gets to see just what kind of person you are. | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:29:44 PM | | a kid is a wild card, so we prefer to just steer clear if possible. also, it's another obstacle to getting you into bed. (can't be in the same house, have to find a sitter, blah blah blah...) | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/3/2008 9:50:55 PM | Diamond!
YOU may not judge a man who's a single dad. Most women do. They judge them as creeps or even pedophiles. | |
|
| |
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:33:54 AM | There are a number of reasons why a man would not want to date a women with children. The most serious one is something I read that had happened down in Florida. A man had been living with a women who had two children, not his. They were together for two years. When the relationship ended he was forced by the courts to pay child support. Even though he was not the biologocal father. If that is not enough to scare men away from women with children I do not know what is. The legal system has to get past this inane assumption that all women are victims all men are B*astards. We already see it here when it comes to divorce. The man loses everything and has to pay alimony, child support, loses his house, his reputation, etc., regardless if it was the women who caused the break-up or not. No wonder so many men are unwilling to take that financial risk of getting married. Yes, feminism has gone insane and the courts are just totally void of common sense.
Thanks to the justice system ladies, if you think it was hard to get your man to commit before watch how bad it is going to be over the next decade.
Too many Judge Judies and not enough King Solomons. | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:55:55 AM |
Diamond!
YOU may not judge a man who's a single dad. Most women do. They judge them as creeps or even pedophiles.
WTF?
Did I miss something in the thread or are you inserting your own history in there somewhere? That's got to be the most asinine statement I've read in these forums yet... and there's a LOT of competition there.
Being a single dad makes you a creep or pedophile?
I spent a number of years raising my daughter alone, before and after wife #2...
I met a lot of women in that time and none of them saw it that way. | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/4/2008 1:13:27 AM | CSIAnaheim
Thank you for your post here - I recently had this very same discussion with my mother regarding my own children. After going to visit Grandma for the day without me I went to pick up my kids to find them wearing so much padding that it was insane to ride a bike with her walking beside them. It bothered me because I do agree with you independence as well as the ability to learn from mistakes starts in childhood. I could not believe how she sheltered them later the kids told me this is the norm over there if they are going next door to the neighbors she walks them to the door, it is just micoraising in my opinion. I will say I do have a rule on no playing in the front yard but that is due to living on the cusp of a hill on a busy road. and knowing a car would never be able to stop because of not being able to see them until it is too late.
I let my little boy climb as high as he wants in a tree I don't scream get down you ll get hurt - I watch and obviously if he gets hurt I will be there - but you know what on occasion you need to fall out of the tree to learn why it is a stupid thing to do.
Now with that being said I am not a complete hands off mother - but I don't want my child afraid of their own shadow or unable to do things as teens and later because I did it all and wouldn't provide them the ability to learn. | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/4/2008 1:31:07 AM | | All people are different, some of us love kids and can deal with it just fine, others...well some of the highbrow responses before this answer that. I was a single parent for many years and can deal with most of the issues involved as I went through them myself. I will say I won't deal with someones out of control hellion. I met a great person on here who's 6 year old son would call his mom a whore and various other not so nice things while we were talking on the phone. I knew I'd have that kid by the throat within a week should I have chosen to date her. To many variables to pigeonhole all guys into any category. | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/4/2008 5:15:28 AM |
but you know what on occasion you need to fall out of the tree to learn why it is a stupid thing to do.
WHAT? Stupid? Not uh! I still climb trees to this day. It's just that a grown man climbing a tree seems to scare people for some reason. It's not like I'm up there naked. Well, not yet.  | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/4/2008 5:49:38 AM | The message 2 up makes a very good point. Very poorly behaved children should be a deal-breaker. I think it's a reflection on the parent, totally. To answer the OP title directly (Why are children a problem) Bratty kids can definitely be a problem!
I have a child myself. No problem, but someone else's could be.
Every situation is different. A person's age makes a difference. The children's ages make a difference. Too many variables involved. | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:56:40 AM | | I don't like to date men with children. They say they are on here to date but they have no time to date cause they always are with their kids. I am looking for a guy that has time for me! I raised my kids and now it is "me time". I want it to be all about him and I. I only date guys with no kids. | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/5/2008 11:12:28 AM | | Children are a problem because if a guy wanted to take you and your kids to Universal Studios Theme Park in Hollywood, he would have to pay through the roof! Those ticket's are $64.00 each! | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/5/2008 11:29:41 AM | | I have no problem at all about dating a woman with children. I think it is great. Now with that said, I really keep the kids out of my dating situations. They have only met one woman I have dated and it was by accident. We ran into her at the gym. I certainly understand both sides of the equation though. | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:25:11 AM |
I do blame you for your judgments
Judgements... like in calling a man a "crying baby" because his life goals include having his own children?
Besides, and please put this in your head: WE ARE NOT YOUR CHILDREN'S FATHER. Stop demanding from us what you were unable to get from him.
As for those who are sooooo afraid of loosing their paychecks (God forbid I would rather DIE!) keep it, cause we women are catchin' up to you fast, and gettin' pretty damn independent ourselves...
Thanks by allowing us to choose how to spend our own money.
Ok listen, maybe I didnt make myself clear. I HAVE a father for my child. I dont want or need a replacement. I was in NO WAY trying to "convince" someone to be my childs father. I was simply saying that children need male role models, coaches, counselors, teachers, uncles ect...and men that see children as a "broken or used product" because they didnt specifically come from "their" own sperm are not only missing out on influencing the future for the better, but are closing their mind to the possibility that children can ENHANCE a persons life.I get tired of myself and my child being looked at as a liability, and I refuse to date anyone who has that kind of attitude. Why are you so afraid of being "forced" into fatherhood? I am not asking this, nor do I think that it is acceptable. You are not my childs father and God knows I wouldnt choose a person that is as scared of fatherhood as you to father my child. I was calling some guys "crying babies" because all they can do is **** that when they are dating single mothers that the women put their kids first. A PARENT putting their child first is a good thing, and any man that expects to be made top priority in ANY woman's life even a non-single mother is looking for a mother, and therfore a crying baby. End of story. As for your money, yes, money is the end all and be all of absolutely EVERYTHING! Good lord get over you n your money if that is you even have any. I was referring to all the men out there that ARE fathers that dont pay child support and act as if its the end of their very existence if they have to pay a measly 150$ a month, its a lil pathetic. And I get tired of seeing my girlfriends struggling to pay the rent or diapers because their child's father is so afraid of being a father that they wont even pay child support
Have your own kids, I dont care, but when you get offended at potential employers or women (should you ever end up divorced) or aunties, uncles, grandparents, potential friends, and doctors starting to treat you as if they are a liability than maybe you will understand what I was getting at when I started busting balls about our societies views on children  | |
|
| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:46:15 AM |
you cant have sexy time anywhere, anytime
you have to plan everything in advance
you have to deal with stupid kid stuff (cries, whines, screams)
you cant walk around naked in the house
you cant make noise after they go to sleep
you need to watch what you say/how you act at all times
and on the top of all that, they 're not even your kids...
cool, where do I sign up?
I have to be like SUPER-desperate to date a SM...
sorry but I am NOT...
I was with you up until the "super desperate" comment. I do miss running around naked, and howling at the moon during sex lol. But there are oh so many ways to get around that (talk about a quickie in the bathroom lol) YOu just arent at that "parent" age and I am glad you are honest with yourself about it. Yes it would be a different thing to love kids that arent your own, but ppl do it all the time with adoption. What I worry about most would be any breakup, cause a breakup then involves some heart ache from the kid (unless you were a total d!ck and the kid hated you anyway lol) I am not saying dating a SM is a perfect scenario, and a lot of SMs have made a very bad name for us, but what it comes down to is this, its about the person you want to date. Are you so into them that you would be willing to try something new? willing to compromise? willing to open your mind up a lil bit to discover that maybe her kid/kids are flippin' fantastic? I have dated a guy in the past who really had a hard time with our breakup because he was really attached to my child. And I have been in the situation (prior to having my child) where I really loved an exs child. There are so many variables and so many reasons why I can see the other point of view, but in the end its about the two ppl dating, there are so many different ways how the situation could pan out. But the negative veiws abound, and I am just trying to even out the negativity with a lil positivity. | |
|
Home
login 
