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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:46:15 AM |
you cant have sexy time anywhere, anytime
you have to plan everything in advance
you have to deal with stupid kid stuff (cries, whines, screams)
you cant walk around naked in the house
you cant make noise after they go to sleep
you need to watch what you say/how you act at all times
and on the top of all that, they 're not even your kids...
cool, where do I sign up?
I have to be like SUPER-desperate to date a SM...
sorry but I am NOT...
I was with you up until the "super desperate" comment. I do miss running around naked, and howling at the moon during sex lol. But there are oh so many ways to get around that (talk about a quickie in the bathroom lol) YOu just arent at that "parent" age and I am glad you are honest with yourself about it. Yes it would be a different thing to love kids that arent your own, but ppl do it all the time with adoption. What I worry about most would be any breakup, cause a breakup then involves some heart ache from the kid (unless you were a total d!ck and the kid hated you anyway lol) I am not saying dating a SM is a perfect scenario, and a lot of SMs have made a very bad name for us, but what it comes down to is this, its about the person you want to date. Are you so into them that you would be willing to try something new? willing to compromise? willing to open your mind up a lil bit to discover that maybe her kid/kids are flippin' fantastic? I have dated a guy in the past who really had a hard time with our breakup because he was really attached to my child. And I have been in the situation (prior to having my child) where I really loved an exs child. There are so many variables and so many reasons why I can see the other point of view, but in the end its about the two ppl dating, there are so many different ways how the situation could pan out. But the negative veiws abound, and I am just trying to even out the negativity with a lil positivity. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:33:34 AM | | People with kids should stick to other people with kids. I highly doubt people who have no children want to assume responsibility for other people's children. It's really that simple. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:42:37 PM | Speaking for myself I prefer to date women without children mainly because I have more in common with people who have not had the experience of having children. I just find that if I'm talking with a woman with kids and during the conversation she starts to talk about her children I feel out of place because I don't have anything to add to the conversation.
Other reasons could be:
a. doesn't want to deal with a jealous father of the child
b. the women may have too many kids
c. the kid or kids may end up not liking the guy | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/22/2008 1:42:58 PM | | Slightly its directed to the poster; they asked a question and I answered it. Again, its too hard; the minute the woman would not agree with the type of way to raise a kid or discipline, the "they are not your kids" card would crop up. No; I wouldn't be into it. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:10:31 PM | This is just from personal experience.
I dated and married someone with a kid. I was always the odd man out. Any attempt at discipline precipitated the "you don't love him cause he isn't yours" verbal attack. It wasn't the truth, but if neither adult knows any different, it's an understandable respone. Seems that even biological parents have the same disagreement.
Pretty sad, but everyone lost in that situation. Still feeling pretty burned by that experience, so it's not something I'd care to repeat.
However, my hat's off to any two adults that can make a go of this situation. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:47:57 PM | because you ****ed a guy that you couldn't spend the rest of your life with, and now you have to schedule EVERYTHING, including your orgasms around them. He may want to have kids with a quality woman, but because you have kids you probably don't want to squirt out any more yet you want him to help you raise them, while at the same time you may not want him to tell you how to raise YOUR kids.
THAT IS WHY GUYS DON'T WANT A WOMAN WITH KIDS.
The truth hurts, ignore it if it will help you sleep better at night.  | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:28:48 PM | | Listen I love kids they are great and I wouldn't be 100% against dating a woman with a child but knowing that it isn't mine might cause a problem I mean what if the day comes where the kid finds out I am not his dad and asks where his real dad is? what then? | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:04:48 PM | I personally like a woman with children. It means they are a bit more mature. However, I understand why most men don't like women with children.
1. It means the woman is a poor decision maker. Why is she divorced? Either she picked poorly--very common, or she is spoiled and expected a lot more from the man than she deserved, or else she is plain stupid. Let me give an example. My best friend has a younger sister who is a tri-athelete. She is beautiful and has a great body. She divorced her husband 15 years ago. This meant neither of them could afford to own a house, so for the last 20 years he has been paying her alimony and breaking him financially, and she has been sponging off of him. now the last kid is about to turn 18 and she has nothing--no career, and no more free support. Meanwhile, if they had remained married, they would have equity built up in a house, and at some point her (their) children would inherit some assets. Instead her poor decision making means her children will have to struggle their whole lives. That is stupid. I've heard her lame excuse for leaving him and frankly it is plain stupid. She left him because he wasn't ambitious enough? Why did she marry him, have his children, and then divorce him. Stupid. By the way, as good looking as she is, she can't find a wealthy man. In fact she hasn't had a date in two years. No man is even interested in a long term relationship with her. I wonder why?
2. No man wants to support some other man's children. Every woman expect to find a man who will treat her kids like his own. Rarely will that happen. The few s men I know that have married divorce women, were treated horribly by their "wives". I've spoken to many women on this topic, and each feels she is entitled to all the mans assets when he dies. She also expects to be treated the same as when she was single without kids. What about a man's kids, if he has any? Should a second wife, inherit all a man's asset after a short marriage, and leave his kids with little or nothing, and those same assets should go to her kids from a previous marriage? This is enough to turn any man off from marriage. Yet many women feel they are entitled to all a man's assets, and that he should count on her "love" to see that she provides for his kids--leaving all the decision making up to her. I've heard that from several women right here in this group. It is only the women who have resources of their own that are looking for companionship, not a man's wealth. But a woman with kids, commonly doesn't have much in the way of resources . While a woman without kids, will bring assets to the relationship, and won't make a man feel so much like a wallet. Even so, the woman I've dated with money, were tight as hell with it. So what is the motivation for any man to get serioius with a woman with or without kids. there is only one--the desire to have kids of his own.
3. Will a woman with kids treat a man any better than a woman without kids? Not from what I've seen. Usually it is the opposite case. You would think such a woman would be extra generous to a man that takes her kids into his home.
4. How much time will a woman devote to a man, when her primary concern it her own kids?
5. Who comes first in the life of a woman with kids? Her husband, or HER kids? Do I need to answer that? Of course her kids will come first, and she will sacrifice the marriage if it benefits her kids.
6. Women with kids, rarely want to have any more kids. And if they do, how many do they want? A woman with three kids, won't give a new husband three kids. What do you think one at most--only to guarantee some alimony for later eh?
In every case, a woman with kids will treat a second husband poorly. She will place him second, rip him off if it helps her kids, and she will only stay with him if it directly benefits her and her children.
I've heard many women say, first time for love, and second time for money. So who wants to be a wallet?
Ok, now that you are all pissed off ladies, after hearing the truth, let me say that there are some women perhaps worthy of consideration for a second marriage, if a pre-nup is signed that is fair to all parties. Still any lawyer will encourage you to fight it after a divorce.
The sad thing is, women are raise to see men as wallets. It is only later in life that they find men reluctant to get serious with them, because off all the poor treatment men have received over many years. It makes a man wise to being ripped off. It makes a man willing to develop a relationship, but unwilling to make a legal commitment. I've found that a healthy long term relationship can work without marriage, where the man and woman support themselves--not each other.. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:06:11 PM |
Again, its too hard; the minute the woman would not agree with the type of way to raise a kid or discipline, the "they are not your kids" card would crop up. No; I wouldn't be into it.
Good point. I've run into that many times. Women want a man to be the father, but won't accept a man disciplining "her" children, even when she is doing a terrible job and the kids are out of control. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:29:02 PM | Well I'm a single women who doesn't have children. At my age, men who don't have kids seem to be few and far between. I've had relationships with 2 men who had a child. The ongoing dramas was a nightmare.
I won't discount having another relationship with a man who has a child or children HOWEVER it would have to be very different to my experiences with men with children so far. The thing that's hard to deal with is; as the partner of the parent, you have responsibility for that child but no authority. You're expected to help care for the child, but if they are being shocking little brats, being disrespectful to you or whatever the case may be, you get shot down in flames for saying something. Also, when you're in a relationship with someone who has a child, your life revolves around a child or children that aren't even yours, that is a difficult thing to deal with. Everything has to be scheduled around the kids, the kids are always number one (which they should be of course), but often you as the partner, are quite a way down on their list of priorities. In my experience, holidays were always with the kids, movies where chosen by the kids, I found myself spending my weekends playing childrens games, watching childrens movies, being woken up at 6am on Sunday morning, what we ate was dictated by what the kids would or wanted to eat. And on it goes. So yes I'm a little hesitant about entering a relationship again with a man who has kids. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:25:20 AM | | If I met a woman and liked her and then found out she had children it wouldn't be such a big deal. However if I can pick whether or not to date a woman with children, I'd pick the one who doesn't so that I can start my own family and raise my own children with her. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/23/2008 2:23:20 PM | | Simple: I hate kids. They're loud, they stink, they're stupid, and they're expensive. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/23/2008 5:26:03 PM | When I was dating, I found men with children, particularly teen and 20 something daughters, had alot of baggage that prevented them from putting the relationship first and building intimacy with me...It seemed our plans to be together were always dictated or interrupted because "daughter dearest" would have a meltdown about something or manipulate her dad into doing something above and beyond normal parenting responsibilities.....I find that most parents coddle their kids way too much and like others have said here, let the kids dictate what happens instead of the adult parent stepping in , taking charge, setting limits and boundaries with his kids and making those decisions himself......Most werent ready to be in a relationship with anyone because they could not make the woman in their life a priority... I got pretty sick of that dysfunctional drama as well
BTW, men as well as women make bad choices when it comes to divorce and having kids when they probably shouldnt have...Most divorced men I dated moaned and complained about the financial responsibilities they have and dealing with their ex wife..So many men choose unstable, insecure drama queen women because they look real good but are terrible partners.....I was like, well, be more careful before you have kids with someone then just because she looks "hot" to you at the time.. | |
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| Why are children a problem?
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:57:55 PM | When you first hear this it will sound extremely selfish but hear me out, it's only a bit selfish. The trouble with single parents (or parenting couples) is that the majority put their child's whims first. This isn't to say that their needs aren't important but whims such as their parents being at their beck and call is a whim which most parents oblige.
Here's the problem, putting the kids first mean that you and your partner's needs are secondary and tertiary. Many times a parent's job takes a higher priority and if you have pets, they actually take a higher priority. This isn't to say that you don't care for your partner, just that more times than not you feel that "if he/she loves you they'll understand your priorities." The ironic thing is that if the parents actually focused on each other and their relationship first, they would have had a better chance of successfully working through their marital problems.
So when I read a profile written by a woman who's sounds terrific except she proudly states that "she lives a busy life taking care of her kids which are the top priority of her life," I heave a sigh and move on to the next profile. My gut tells me that she's doing what she feels is right but with that mindset she shouldn't be looking for another partner until she's taken care of her priorities.
That said, if I do come across a single mother who says that "her kids are important but she will make time for that special person" I will give her profile a closer look. They are few and far between but I've seen more than just a couple women write something similar. The fact is that kids are very important but if you really think about it, the relationship of the adults in their lives is more important. They typically give one another greater support in raising the kids and the little ones have a great pair of role models to learn from instead of just one parent. | |
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