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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/8/2007 11:07:08 AM | There is a book by Dr. Phil---called Love Smart. Get it from the library and remember to send ME some private email. I got more stories than you!!!!
hang in there Sweetpea
xoxo
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/8/2007 11:12:37 AM | They are all out getting their hearts broke and hardened.
Dr. Phil? Baah.. Greg Berhndt is best: "He's Just Not That Into You" is his book. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/8/2007 4:11:39 PM |
You recognize what it is you want in a relationship, and it's NOT too lofty or too ideal--it's just realistic and the way everyone should be.
I find it incredible that a woman over the age of 40 hasn't yet figured out that there is no universal answer that fits all women, or men, as to how a relationship "should be". There is a wide diversity of relationship needs expressed in this thread, and every thread like it, and the reality is that many women over 40 see sex as an important part of, and reason for, adults dating in the first place.
Some don't, and there have been plenty of men on this thread, who don't see sex early in a relationship as important either. So, for me, I simply wouldn't be involved with a woman, who doesn't for her own reasons, see "getting to really know someone" as being sexual as well as emotional. My answer is valid for me, and for the women who have been involved with me, but it wouldn't be valid for other couples. I would never say that my way is how "everyone should be". I'm not that arrogant.
What I do think all this reveals is that fundamental compatibility should be determined, BEFORE you even start to date. If you aren't on the same wavelength in terms of sex in a relationship, it will become a source of division, rather than something that connects you deeply. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/8/2007 5:05:20 PM |
So meaningless sex on the first date will give you a short term fix, is that right Melo..........it is not a good thing for us long-term thinkers who seek something much more rewarding in the long run. Short-term for short-term minds!
Darr, what I said is that people should seek out those with whom they are compatible. Why you would have an issue with that, is beyond me.
No, it's not "short term" nor meaningless, if sex is a natural part of exploring a relationship. If I meet a woman, and there is no "spark" or desire to pursue things towards developing a relationship, I don't want to have sex with her. It's too messy and complicated. However, every long term relationship I've ever had, going back to a marriage of 19 years, included sex as part of things from very early on. I've never been attracted to women, who don't have a similar view of the role of sex in a relationship.
Let me make this clear, Darr, lest you assume some sort of "exploitation" process. I haven't been told "no" since I was 16. If the desire isn't mutual, read in attitudes, talking before we "date", and in body language, I don't "try". If it isn't something that fulfills mutual desires, I don't want it. I don't "ask" for sex, "pressure" for it, "demand" it, or "coerce" it. I have sex with women, who I am interested in having a relationship with, and with whom there seems some initial compatibility. That compatibility includes having compatible sexual attitudes and needs.
Not every woman I've had sex with, has ended up being a long term relationship. When it doesn't, at least we had a mutual meeting of needs, and no one was "used". On the other hand, my history includes a 19 year marriage, and several relationships that have lasted from 1 to 5 years.
I realize that's not the way that you would explore a relationship, and I am accepting that many feel as you do, both men and women. I'm not trying to change anyone. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:39:26 PM | Unfortunately, MeloFelo, some people are just DETERMINED not to get it, and to get righteously indignant no matter HOW you phrase something. The knack is in recognizing that type of person as soon as possible, and ignoring their objections.
There's nothing more infuriating than someone who's deliberately out-to-lunch regardless of how simple you make something.
!Les | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/8/2007 11:07:57 PM | I am a good guy. WHere are all the good, nice, honest, decent women?
ALl I meet are the pyschos , the ones that say 1 thing, do the exact opposite. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 6:02:15 AM |
ALl I meet are the pyschos , the ones that say 1 thing, do the exact opposite.
Dude, if you're gonna blacklist everyone who ever says one thing, then does something else? Well, you're gonna have a REALLY long list, with my name on there, and yours too. It's not "psycho"'; it's being human.
!Les | |
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| nice answer
Posted: 9/9/2007 12:35:06 PM | thats cute lets hope its not true | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 12:40:05 PM | | No, it is not being human. Its called being an adult, not acting like an immature child. When you say your going to do something, you follow through. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 12:50:16 PM | Hey hang in there you are not alone in this world I meet a really nice guy and all his friends kept telling me how great of a guy he was . sure he was untill we had dated for 6 months and i found out he was taking time off work for sex sight encounters the whole time telling me how much he cared for me. well i'm gone now and back on line but deep inside I really wonder is this all really worth it. one on line friend told me to ride out the storm (good advise) but when do the black clouds go away. I hope for you that you find some one who looks like there profile piture LOL and really wants a long term realtionship. I fully agree if you just want to meet have sex and never call again
please go to a sight that is for that don't look to all the good girls who would realy like the dinner and oh yea lets not forget the walk on the beach. so hang in there some were in this world is a good guy who just list himself as a avarage Joe.  | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 12:58:49 PM | They are under the classifcatin ENDANGERED SPIECIES oooooooooppppsss did i say that. my outside voice | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:10:46 PM | | Well young lady, I have this to say...We live in a plutonic world most of the time it seems, and men as well as women tend to stretch personal tibits often, in hopes of finding someone better than they deserve..The internet dating thing has created a monster of sorts, by allowing a certain level of anonymity in self defence personal matters...MEN..take notice...Be a MAN.. quit acting like the boys you used to be,cause in the end, you will reap what you sow.. Get a life..To lie about the man you profess to be , only points to the fact that you are not a man after all., but only a memorex of the real thing..I apologise gothsweetchickie that you have been unable to find an honest decent man where you live, that can be truthful about who and what they are..Dont give up, because I believe that there are good people out there in cyberland looking for the same as you..Good luck | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:15:07 PM |
No, it is not being human. Its called being an adult, not acting like an immature child.
I hate to break it to you, Flavius, but we ALL act like immature children from time to time. Some of us more often than others -- usually, the people who make the biggest stink about it are the worst offenders.
!Les | |
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| lowrider
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:16:05 PM | I have to agree with you lowrider, I too have long hair, tats , on my profile picture i have a black do rag on and have not got one e-mail RE- bad boys . but that is ok i like my lifestyle | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:43:06 PM | | There are alot of good guys out here and there alot of people who are not as advertised as well! I have had some similar experience, but will not get into that. Just look before you leap, chat, talk on the phone, we are out here the good ones I mean. do not become a nun or anything not that it is a bad thing if you are doing that for the right reasons. There is someone for everyone, just hard to find somtimes | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:49:42 PM | | I usually date the wrong ones to and I do believe that we attract the people in our lives. About a year or so ago I actually found a perfect girl and I didn't feel the same attraction that I felt towards some of the girl that treated me terrible. So now I'm tryin to change the ind of people that I attract, I reccomend a book called "The Secret". There is a DVD as well | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 2:02:05 PM | | hi there ! there for a minute i thought we'd been out with the same guy. my keeps his place up only differants. his profile says he looks mean but a sweetheart of a guy but when i caught him cheating all he had to say is so i F her get over it. real sweetheart huh ? kept asking me to watch him do her since i was't into it i didn't have to do anything but watch ---first time i cried he got mad said it was just a joke. yeah well a joke gets old after the 10 time ( i know it wasn't a joke ) yeah real sweetheart. says he wants to take someone out for a pinic along the river banks before he lets them into his world. he's a real sweet talker best i've ever heard. but once he gets you watch out you become doodoo under his feet. wait til he tells you about his 5 boys by 4 differant women. his sad story is they did him all wrong-------- wrong it was the other way around. you got to be careful i know there a prince out there but be careful of the frogs you kiss before you find him it's a dangerous world | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 2:04:04 PM | | The problem isn't you. In fact, there is no problem, but you have to filter a little faster. The pool is bad. You might not hit a good one in the first 10. Some advice... all good guys just want sex, and quick. Give it to them enough, it turns to love. They just can't say it. Judge actions, not words. I don't know why I answer these things. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 2:10:40 PM | By no means is this meant as an insult, but the problem IS you. Or to be clear, it's who you choose to consort with.
What I've found in my limited years is that most women are very specific about the guy they want to find. If the physical isn't there in total, they're generally not willing to pay any attention to the rest of it. Now I'm not saying the guy has to be flawless, but I've seen my fair share of what i would consider "too" specific. Some women refuse to date guys who don't have tattoos and/or piercings. O....k....some women refuse to date "nice guys". O....k...some women refuse to date tall guys, or guys of a certain race, or guys who watch sports, or guys who can't cook, or....I mean do you see what I'm getting at? That's ridiculous.
The easy way to get what you want is to be more open about what you'll accept. Most common are the ones who refuse to date certain races; trust me, I understand, physical attraction and all that, but then don't say that you want a "great guy who will treat" you right, because that's not really what you want. You want a specific kind of guy, and that's fine...just don't be surprised when you find that kind of guy almost always has a terrible personality or just doesn't click.
Some things are okay to require, good hygiene, a job (ANY job as long as he's self sufficient, don't be greedy), transportation, stability, etc...But if you're finding that you don't talk to every guy that comes across you, no matter how nice they are, because of some surface thing, then you'll remain in the same spin cycle. | |
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Zeyphr
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Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 347 | |
| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 3:21:20 PM | From childhood, boys/men's minds are slaughtered with images of naked women. Women dress to reveal sexual parts of their bodies just out of reach and demanding attention, they wear everything to bring attention to the fact that they are there and are luring us in via our natural sexual attraction to them, even their perfume is used to gather in our senses. We are assailed on a visual, intellectual, emotional, sensual and every other level to take note of them as they come and as they are leaving. And after all this effort used in every way imaginable to get aroused by them. We curl up in the pain produced by seeing the object of our affections without the ability to acquire.
Good guys are hiding in their homes from the barbarians roaming the street sleeping with men, women, animals and kids. We can hardly go to a movie cause they are replete with filth in the form of vulgarity, nudity, cursing at children and people like Jeremy Irons doing a remake of Nabokov's Lolita. The women in the street are coming out of their clothes, 'Jackass' is turning everyone into sado masochist, men are always fighting and killing one another, pain is the in thing along with the melted skin leprosy biker look with the tats and the impailings. Decent men? You would have to know what to look for. Once you did, you would see them as clear as a orange hunting jersey in the forest.
We are watching the world go to hell in a hand basket and telling people this is so, only to be either beaten into submission and conformity or told to shut up no one wants to hear us. Some of us are assassinated for our perspectives alone in a country that is supposed to advocate free speech. We are insulted and called 'Christian' to slander us and categorize us with idiots like Jimmy Swaggard, Al Sharpton and the rest of the petting zoo politicians have mustered to eat the crumbs that fall off the rich men's tables who sell out their people and ideas to live in opulence.
We are slandered and called 'homophobe' and 'closed minded' when we do not advocate sodomites who talk in hellish impersonations of female voices and mutilate themselves to appear to be a real woman, we are a minority. Where are we? Everywhere you look, you just have to know what we look like. To do that, you have to be good yourself. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 4:50:23 PM | Yep, the world is going to hell. Most men even justify it as a good thing.
It will be fun to watch it play through though. Just to see what happens. | |
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kbo77
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Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 349 | |
| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 7:05:55 PM | | I'm sure you'll eventually meet someone 'good'. I like to think that I am but I just never get a chance to show people...well, by that I mean...meh, just not a whole lot of luck dating. I just try to keep faith that someday I will meet a nice person or at least someone who'll stick around to get to know me. Take it all as a learning experience. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/9/2007 7:29:35 PM | This is turning into a full blown, nauseating "nice guy" thread. So, I went back to look at the OP, to see how she defines a "good guy".
She complained about men, who misrepresented themselves in their profiles, and men who were critical, "controller" types.
Ok, fair enough, if she'd left it at that, she's looking for someone who is, in person, who he presents himself to be. She's disappointed at the liars and "issue laden" that one encounters in the online world, and, apparently, hasn't developed the knack for sorting those things out prior to meeting.
Then, we get into where it gets "tricky", as she, basically, complains about men being normal men, in terms of wanting sex to be part of a relationship. So, apparently, her definition of a "good guy" is one who will put aside his most basic need, for however long she, unilaterally, chooses. And, if a man realizing that, decides to wish her well and move on, then he is "not" a "good guy". He's a "player".
Hmmmm....interesting perspective.
. A "good guy" is either not a normal man, or else is a man who is willing to have his normal needs held in disdain by the OP, to satisfy some standard of being a "good guy". Why any normal guy would do that, is a question that the OP doesn't answer for us, so we are left to speculate about the type of man, who would accept those terms.
It surprises me, though, that she is surprised that some men, who haven't misrepresented themselves, choose not to further pursue her, once they discover her "issues" with sexuality in a relationship.
As I've often said, "every pot has a lid", and there have been plenty of self-proclaimed "nice guys", who would "never express an interest in sex, unless she gave permission". So, I assume that the OP will have many to choose from, and by her rather unusual definition, I will have to accept that I'm not a "good guy". I'm a normal, heterosexual male, and not afraid to express normal human wants in a relationship. | |
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