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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/10/2007 8:41:38 AM | Looking for the elusive and accursed "Mail Order Bride." See the same subject in "Relationships" forums.
This is turning into a full blown, nauseating "nice guy" thread. Ditto, Melo. Some guys REALLY don't have a clue about how "nice guy," taken to extremes, just as easily makes you "undateable" as it does "enlightened." Although I haven't done too well with my own advice, I admit, it's often better to say nothing. | |
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Siena
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Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 352 | |
| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/10/2007 9:09:41 AM | Did I read this right?? "Constant put downs and critisisms "
Why stick around for more after the first one. Think enough of yourself to set healthy boudries as to what is acceptable behavior . If you don't like what your getting , take a close look at what you are accepting. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/10/2007 9:19:29 AM | Read some Dr. Laura Schlesinger (sp)books. She talks about this stuff alot.
Water seeks its own level
You need to change your water level.
Good Luck . Your right, there are alot of men out there that just do not know how to have a relationship with another person. Same with women too.
Weve ruined our society with all these divorces.
Try to make a great choice, marry him, spoil him rotten, and hopefully he will spoil you too, have lots of babies and raise them in a loving home so the next generation can have a better crop of men/women to choose from.
Too many damaged people out there!
All you damaged people out there that cant connect with anyone...........GO SEEK HELP AND MAKE YOU LIFE AND EVERYONE THAT LOVED YOU ENOUGH TO HANG AROUND WITH YOU BETTER! Why would you want to hurt someone that actually gave up a day, week, or whatever of their life and gave it to you. What a precious gift! Why live another day in disfunction! Life can be wonderful for all!
I think I might have met a good guy finally!! Well see!!
God Bless
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/10/2007 9:42:50 AM | We are here but women are attracted to the bad boy image. They want a nice guy but not too nice!. My ex dumped me cause our relationship was too perfect and things went too fast! She also said she wasn't ready for a serious relationshipe once she told me she loved me wich, in my mind, make no sense. She once said how happy she was with me cause she thought there was just ***holes out there and that I treated her like a princess! So all that is soooo confusing and like I told my friends good guys always finish last! I've been hurt a couple of times but with my last gf, I didn't need to play games or anything. She was perfect to me. So maybe after being hurt so many times good guys might become ***holes cause maybe that's what women are looking for. I am ready to date again but you women need to KNOW what you want. And it's hard to find a good person.
Thanx for reading | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/10/2007 10:21:15 AM |
Weve ruined our society with all these divorces.
And there you have it, neatly wrapped up in a nutshell. Society is comprised of individual components. When the components are torn in two devastation lies in it's wake. Without sounding conceited I would consider myself a good guy for the first 49 years of my life. Along comes the ex's midlife, life is passing her by, she seeing an old woman in the mirror, needs to find herself (yeah, in the arms of another man that is), divorce ensues and I've been a mental basketcase for 2 years now. Working through loneliness to obtain the level of aloneness. Questioning the merit of another relationship while I watch my family fall apart. Where's the fiber that will be stronger in ensuing partners? Will you partake of my family gatherings with the same zeal as my ex did? Will I yours or will we both just make the best of the situation? Why build a life with another when decades of doing such is destroyed so easily? Mindsets get changed. Beliefs fall by the wayside. Trust is questioned. Even love becomes something we scrutinize instead of just experience. Are the feelings real or a byproduct of rejection and hurt? Yes, we've ruined society with all these divorces. The underpinning factor being that we ruined many a good woman and man. Where are all the good guys? The same place all the good women are, celebrating their 40th wedding anniversaries. To think I was 3 months from my 30th. And yes, soon to what would have been my 32nd. Most all have a vivid memory on my anniversary. Twin Towers fell, 9/11, tomorrow. The TV's blare it. The nation mourns it. It goes deep, real deep. Good men (people, societies, buildings) fall when the infrastructure is weakened. Rome wasn't built in a day. Same with us. Many 'good' guys are trying to piece the rubble back together again. At times I wish I wasn't a 'good' guy. I wish I didn't value wholesomeness as I do. I wish at times I was one of the 'bad' guys that can just simply 'use' people for my own gain without concern for them. How much easier it must be for them? Hell, I don't even know what a good guy is anymore. If I was one, I'm surely not now. That's where this 'good' guy is. Not so good anymore. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/10/2007 2:05:00 PM |
im begining to think the men on here suck, i have met on here in chat and e-mail form and in person guys who tell me they want the same thing as me yes they want to take it slow yes they want to give it time u meet them then its all change they jump on u if u dont give out or sleep with them they walk if u do give out they walk if u want friendship they think it means they date u cpl times and then forget u and if u want relationship forget it they suddenly change there minds.
Perhaps the reason you aren't finding "good guys", is in your definition, or misunderstanding of men. From what I pull out of your email, to you a "good guy" is someone, who allows you to "control" when the relationship will be sexual. It would seem that you tell them that you "want to take some time to get to know them first", or something akin to that, and they allow themselves to get sucked into that sort of vague understanding. Then, after they start seeing you, and it hasn't turned sexual after several dates, they simply decide to look elsewhere.
So, my question is, what's wrong with that? Isn't dating about discovering if you "fit", and if you don't, to move on? Is a man a "player" in your mind, because he figures out that your terms for a relationship aren't meeting his needs? | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/10/2007 8:46:00 PM | I've been looking at the OP from a different perspective, and wonder how the OP, and some women, would feel, if I turned around the paradigm, and were to post wondering where all the "good" women are.
If I were to start that thread, first I'd whine about the obvious fact that some people misrepresent themselves online. I'd absolve myself of responsibility for sniffing out the liars, and blame all women, for the few times that I met women, who misrepresented their weight, age, marital status, etc..
Perhaps, at that point, I would have enlisted some sympathy to join with my own self-pity, but then I'd take it further, and wonder where all the "good women" are, who would "do things my way" by getting to know each other sexually first, taking the time to get to know each other in bed, without them trying to push things like talking about feelings, or sharing activities, until I felt comfortable with bringing that part of things into the relationship.
Then, I'd blame all women again, and accuse them of "all" being liars, because some women had said that they wanted to get to know each other sexually first, but after one or two dates, they started talking about their feelings, before I was ready.
I dunno, but it seems to me, that I wouldn't get very far with that sort of thread, and it amazes me, that the "reciprocal" kind of thread keeps getting posted by some women, who may honestly believe that the "good guys" are defined as being men who will let women dictate and control everything from the start. Just a thought. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/10/2007 9:15:47 PM | | Otay . . .my one cent worth . . . YOU'RE ON A DATING WEBSITE WHERE ALL TYPES OF CREEPS, WOLVES, MARRIED WOLVES AND NEANDERTHALS RESIDE!!!!!! There are "good men" out there . . .somewhere . . . probably not lurking behind a laptop where their true colors, ideaologies, tempers, prejudices, true dislike of women and tendencies to USE WOMEN, can be masked by what I like to call . . . WORDS!!!!! People can say anything they want about themselves, true or not, on a website . . . unfortunately, you have to go on that dreaded 1st date to find out the truth. Here's an idea . . . YOU do the choosing . . . the selection process, etc., for yourself . .. elect NOT to BE chosen . . . YOU WILL LET "HIM" KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT HIM!!!! Sounds to me like you're submitting too soon to their "choices" . . .THEY DON'T GET A CHOICE . . . IF THEY AREN'T WORTHY IN YOUR OPINION ON THE FIRST DATE ALONE, QUIETLY YELL FOR THE CHECK AND GET THE CHECK OUTTA THERE. Maybe it's me, but I can tell fairly quickly when I'm with a lying sack o shite. I've stood up and left the table for a tinkle call many times and found my way to the doe! I love looking back over my shoulder and doing what I call the "dog poop cover scratch" (you know . . when a pup poops and attempts to cover the evidence by kickin' up grass, etc.) . . .nuff said. Take control of your time, your investment of emotions and as the venerable Eleanor Roosevelt once said: "Noone can make you feel badly abour yourself unless you allow it." I do hope you find someone who is worthy and who will treat you like the lady you are. Keep hoping, stay objective and stay out of their beds!!!!!! Good luck! | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/10/2007 9:24:30 PM |
if you are good guys how comes you dont make it more visable so us poor victims can find you ? The truly good guys don't need a large blinking neon sign proclaiming that they are good guys, kinda defeats the purpose does it not? It isn't in their character to do that, nor will they degrade themselves in that manner. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/10/2007 9:54:56 PM | Ohhh I totally know what you are going through... I have been single now for 2 years... I have tried meeting men online but again they either want sex or you think everything is going ok on the date and then never hear from them again.. It's quite frustrating... I dont ask for much just that they are honest, not into games, and respectful but even that is hard to come across...
Good luck
P.S. When I went on those bad dates I got really down but then I thought you know what they are missing out and IT SUCKS TO BE THEM because I know I am a great person and who ever wins my heart is a VERY lucky man and you should totally think that way because you do seem like a great person and no matter what dont ever feel like its you because its not!!!!!!!! | |
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Zeyphr
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Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 361 | |
| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/11/2007 12:12:19 AM | | To be honest? If I was a sex fiend satyr with no backbone and needing a woman bad like most men in our society have been programed into? When I met a girl and she was eye candy, and seem to take an interest in me? I would be hard pressed too not to bring up when can we have sex and if it would be soon. That or get the hottest call girl to come to my place and put it on plastic from month to month. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/11/2007 5:01:11 AM |
(MeloFelo's entire post, #359) 
To be fair, it seems that large numbers of both men AND women think that relationships are some kind of competition, with the "my way or the highway" mentality: lots of women appear to have the string-him-along POV, while a lot of guys seem to be operating under the if-she-doesn't-put-out-dump-her POV. Neither is "good" nor "bad", in and of itself, but they are incompatible, obviously. There are guys who will willingly cede control over sexual matters to women for a multitude of reasons, as there are women who will go ga-ga over the right guy. Masculinity isn't defined by how soon you "conquer", nor is femininity defined by how long you can deny a guy and still keep his interest.
Instead of viewing potential relationships as a CONTEST or a COMPETITION, perhaps people, men and women, should view potential relationships as, well, potential relationships, and not be so quick to ascribe all sorts of evil to the other person should it not work out.
!Les | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/11/2007 6:25:15 AM |
Masculinity isn't defined by how soon you "conquer", nor is femininity defined by how long you can deny a guy and still keep his interest.
Instead of viewing potential relationships as a CONTEST or a COMPETITION, perhaps people, men and women, should view potential relationships as, well, potential relationships, and not be so quick to ascribe all sorts of evil to the other person should it not work out. Arlo, you so eloquently stated what I've felt and expressed, that I'm considering relinquishing the prized "Schadenfreudian Slip" award to you! Bravo!
With so much competition in so many venues in our Western culture, can't we at least recognize it and endeavor to keep it out of our love-life? Jeez, who needs "Relationships" as an Olympic event (except those whose competitiveness will eventually be their downfall)? | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 11:40:37 AM | | milo you have no understanding of me firstly i do not "CONTROL" when the relationship turns sexual that is a choice that should be made by both parties at the proper time and is a natural part of the growth of a relationship , secondly no man i have met has ever been suckerd into any vague understanding of my boundaries they are very clearly defined, But what i dont like is that some men on here seem to think if u go out with a woman its is there right to jump on you straight off that is not a given in my books if they want casual sex let them go to some place else and as for your understanding of what the criteria is for "fittinmg"in to someones idea of a relationship i think you had better look at it again because mine cetainly does not contain the idea that if it doesnt go to sex with in a certain time you can just dump someone what about feelings and hurting someone or doesnt that cross what passes for your tiny mind and by the way please do not take parts of my e-mail out of conrtext agian its not nice as i will answer yours as a whole | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 12:00:54 PM |
milo you have no understanding of me firstly i do not "CONTROL" when the relationship turns sexual that is a choice that should be made by both parties at the proper time
Suppose that a man thinks that part of getting to know a woman involves sex being part of continued dating, and a woman, for whatever her reasons, doesn't. How do you "jointly" resovle that, and who decides what is the "proper time"? If a man wants a different relationship process than you do, and he's a gentleman and accepts your right to say "no", why is he "wrong" to decide that you and he aren't compatible?
if they want casual sex let them go to some place else
There are many women, who also see sex as a natural part of dating. So, it's not as if it is something unusual, when there's a spark, for two people to embark on exploring a relationship in ways that are both emotionally and sexually intimate from the start. That doesn't make it "casual" or meaningless. I'm involved in a serious relationship now with someone, but we didn't go through weeks and months of thrifting or shopping for shoes, before we became intimate. That's what we both wanted. We were and are sexually compatible, and I wouldn't be, with a woman who thinks about things as you do. That doesn't make anyone "wrong". Just different.
i think you had better look at it again because mine cetainly does not contain the idea that if it doesnt go to sex with in a certain time you can just dump someone what about feelings and hurting someone or doesnt that cross what passes for your tiny mind.
Why you feel the need to personally attack me with a snide comment, merely because we have different points of view, is a mystery to me. It's another instance of how fundamentally incompatible you and I are, because I would not tolerate that sort of behavior in a relationship.
As to the substantive point, if a man expresses to a woman, that he expects sex to be part of a relationship within a reasonable period of time, and it doesn't, then why wouldn't he leave? If, after a couple of dates, you didn't like something about him, would you feel that you were required to date him "til death do you part"? | |
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Zeyphr
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Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 366 | |
| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 1:34:35 PM | I agree kariharte. I wanted to be an as shole so bad when I saw how women begged and pleaded with guys I know who were treating them like sh!t. They would lose sleep over these guys and have their kids. I posted in one forum where there was a guy who had a 5 year old daughter by his ex. And was with this gorgeous red head who wanted to have a kid by him and knew about his ex and his daughter. The red, got pregnant and had his kid. She couldn't get enough of him. And this guy wouldn't even push the little girl around in her stroller. Does drugs up the wazoo. And has no interest in the child and comments on women he sees on TV about which one's he would like to screw right in front of her. And his 5 year old is in the same room if they are watching porn or R rated movies and no one bats an eye. Yet now his ex wants another kid, and so gets pregnant from him. His red head finds out about it. Gets angry and fights for him. I can't understand it for the life of me other than to say all of them deserve each other because they are seriously messed up. But still. Two gorgeous women. One owns her own condo and is about to buy a house and rent out the condo. And they are fighting over a guy who lives with his mom, gets high all day, never works, is always in and out of jail on assault (fighting) charges and drug charges, lives off his mom at 25 and leeches off everyone. I was living with his brother and he would come over and indiscriminately eat everyones food in the house. I had to threaten to kick his a s s to get him to leave my stuff alone. I mean he is basically a bottom feeder. And he has two ravishing women, and I model so I know ravishing when I see it, fighting over him and wanting him so bad.
It does break my heart, for the child, the women and for guys like me who couldn't get laid in a whore house with a fist full of hundreds. Not that I wanna get laid. But hell, a lot of TLC never hurt anyone. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 2:32:57 PM | "I want a deep meaningful relationship too." -- from the original post
I think we just have a different definition of "deep". | |
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Zeyphr
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Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 369 | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 2:46:07 PM | ... what about feelings and hurting someone ...
And what about the "feelings" of the hypothetical guy that you're "hurting", by depriving him of physical intimacy?  "Casual" sex is NOT the same thing as "sex very shortly into the relationship". I have had sex very shortly into relationships, but I have NEVER had "casual sex".
MeloFelo's talking about compatibility; part of being compatible, is being compatible SEXUALLY. Sex is either an important thing, or it's not. If it's not, why use it to try and control someone's behaviour by playing "keep-away" with it, and why be bothered if one partner wants to bring it up early in a relationship? Isn't it better to find out issues of incompatibility sooner, rather than later? If it IS important, then people who deny it to their partners are being almost unfathomably cruel. I think I'd prefer water-boarding...
!Les | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 3:05:54 PM | | i know u and i are not compatable thank god and for me sex is a part of a relationship but u dont seem to see the point i am making or are incapable of seeing it some men on here seem to take it for granted when they date a woman or ask her out it is an automatic right for them to go to bed with her on a first date and if she refuses because it is not right for her then they dump her not because she incompatable but because she broke a cardinal rule tho shalt not disturbe the male ego as i seem to be doing to you and as for ataccks and snide coment you started it i dont agree with u and never will ur a male chauvanist end off and as far as im concerned your reply show how biased you are you cant seem to comprehend the point that i have no objection to sex in a relationship i object to someone being dumped for no reason other than she has self respect for herself (or himself) hence i move on from men like that as im moving on from u to others how can see what im talking about. thank you | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 3:17:34 PM |
I agree kariharte. I wanted to be an as shole so bad when I saw how women begged and pleaded with guys I know who were treating them like sh!t. They would lose sleep over these guys and have their kids. I posted in one forum where there was a guy who had a 5 year old daughter by his ex. And was with this gorgeous red head who wanted to have a kid by him and knew about his ex and his daughter. The red, got pregnant and had his kid. She couldn't get enough of him. And this guy wouldn't even push the little girl around in her stroller. Does drugs up the wazoo. And has no interest in the child and comments on women he sees on TV about which one's he would like to screw right in front of her. And his 5 year old is in the same room if they are watching porn or R rated movies and no one bats an eye. Yet now his ex wants another kid, and so gets pregnant from him. His red head finds out about it. Gets angry and fights for him. I can't understand it for the life of me other than to say all of them deserve each other because they are seriously messed up. But still. Two gorgeous women. One owns her own condo and is about to buy a house and rent out the condo. And they are fighting over a guy who lives with his mom, gets high all day, never works, is always in and out of jail on assault (fighting) charges and drug charges, lives off his mom at 25 and leeches off everyone. I was living with his brother and he would come over and indiscriminately eat everyones food in the house. I had to threaten to kick his a s s to get him to leave my stuff alone. I mean he is basically a bottom feeder. And he has two ravishing women, and I model so I know ravishing when I see it, fighting over him and wanting him so bad.
Wow, this guy must be amazing in the sack!
J/k! But seriously, why are people still surprised by this phenomenon? It's not like men don't do the same thing though. They cheat on or leave a great woman to go chase after some chick who barely gives him the time of day until she needs or wants something and who's probably banging all of his buddies besides. How about all us good girls and good guys make a pact to quit whining in forums about "I can't believe the loser who lives w/ his mom and gets high all day doesn't want to settle down with me." OR "I'm 35 and I met this really hot 21 year old who said she likes older men b/c they're "mature" so I took her out for an expensive dinner and took her shopping and now she won't call me." Of course he's not going to settle down- he's living the good life w/ mom paying his bills, cooking his meals and doing his laundry while he plays playstation all day. And of course she likes older men- they usually have jobs and will spend money on her! 
Whew! Glad to get that off my chest. I think I should have my own talk show.  | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 3:18:11 PM |
some men on here seem to take it for granted when they date a woman or ask her out it is an automatic right for them to go to bed with her on a first date and if she refuses because it is not right for her then they dump her not because she incompatable but because she broke a cardinal rule tho shalt not disturbe the male ego
To many men, if not most, if a woman claims to "accept" him and have "feelings" for him, but chooses not to have sex with him, her actions and her words don't match. Men tend to be "results" oriented, so, yes, many men feel "unaccepted" and "off balance" prior to a relationship becoming sexual. As you put it, it can be damaging to the male ego.
If a man is left feeling like that, because a woman's idea of "jointly deciding" about sex in a relationship, is to do exactly as she pleases, when she chooses to. It doesn't matter "why" she has some notion about "self respect" meaning "no sex" until she, unilateraly, decides differently. It does mean, that she insists on using the "power of no" to control the relationship, and many men aren't comfortable with that. So, again, the question comes up, why would a man continue to explore a relationship with a woman, when the net result is that he feels unaccepted, off balance, and controlled? Some men will, but many men won't.
Your anger at me makes no sense. I haven't demonized you, or anyone else. I have commented on relationship dynamics and sex in relationships, from a different perspective, based on what I know to be true of me, and true for other men. That's not a "personal attack" on you. It's merely a different perspective. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 4:29:24 PM | | Well, all the good guys are getting ignored cause women are too picky and end up going for the bad guys cause they look cute or whatever the women call them. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 4:47:37 PM | This site says what means. There ARE Plenty of Fish. A lot of hungry sharks too, but there's a few cute angel fish waiting for you to give them a chance!
Therefore, I practice the DUMP 'EM & KEEP LOOKING rule if...
1) they want sex, you don't & they push it.
2) they don't call back when they said they would.
3) they critisize you & others.
4) they tease you & others in a disrespectful way.
5) they want to go to your house before you're ready.
6) their hygeine & house is a dump, doesn't work, beater car, etc...
7) flirt w/ others in front or behind of you
8) anything he says or does that makes you feel that you can't be yourself, feel distrustful or uncomfortable - TRUST YOUR INTUITION. IT'S USUALLY RIGHT!
9) Get used to being treated like a lady. Go for the good guys totally opposite of the Bad Boys you're attracted to. They may not be the "challenge" you find exciting, charming & stimulating, but they're not Bad Boys either! Get used to being respected!! | |
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