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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 5:13:50 PM |
This site says what means. There ARE Plenty of Fish. A lot of hungry sharks too, but there's a few cute angel fish waiting for you to give them a chance!
Therefore, I practice the DUMP 'EM & KEEP LOOKING rule if...
Sage advice. Know what you want, and if someone isn't who you are looking for, "dump him" and find someone else more to your liking. Your list is your list, and you have every right to decide who it is you want in your life.
The thing is, that men who may not match up to some of your requirements, aren't "bad guys", necessarily. They just aren't your match. Just as I feel about women, who don't match my "list".
That "bad guys" are the ones that lie and deceive. Just because someone sees things differently, so long as he's honest about it, he can still be a "good guy", just not the "right guy" for you. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 5:33:31 PM | | we're around, but most of the time we're used to finishing last. A guy that's all flashy and too interested in impressing a girl can't take the time to be a nice guy. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 5:44:02 PM | [qoute]If a man is left feeling like that, because a woman's idea of "jointly deciding" about sex in a relationship, is to do exactly as she pleases, when she chooses to. It doesn't matter "why" she has some notion about "self respect" meaning "no sex" until she, unilateraly, decides differently. It does mean, that she insists on using the "power of no" to control the relationship, and many men aren't comfortable with that. So, again, the question comes up, why would a man continue to explore a relationship with a woman, when the net result is that he feels unaccepted, off balance, and controlled? Some men will, but many men won't.
Hummm - could this have something to do with the fact that for centuries males have treated women as chattel or possesions or meat - taking what ever they want when they want? Giving them no voice? How often does anybody hear of a woman raping a man? I'm not saying that it doesn't happen but us females need more than a good breeze to get us excited about some things!
In today's society we females are now home owners, hold down good jobs, own our own power tools and know how to use them! And are single !!
Maybe you should rethink your opinion on how you feel women are controlling men using sex, this isn't the dark ages anymore, we have the right to say NO - I'M NOT READY !!!
I want to know that my man is attracted to my mind because the outside will eventually change. You know what they say about choosing a book for it's cover ...
A woman loves with her mind and heart as well as her body....she can be discriminating if she wants to .... it's her right. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 6:39:31 PM | Maybe you should rethink your opinion on how you feel women are controlling men using sex, this isn't the dark ages anymore, we have the right to say NO - I'M NOT READY !!!
You absolutely have the right to say that, and I absolutely have the right to date women who don't want to say that. Why is there a problem?
Let me make this clear, I am not trying to "change" anyone, nor do I believe that all men, or all women, view all things the same. There is no "objective standard" about when a relationship "should" become sexual. Some women, if they feel chemistry with a man, feel comfortable acting on their sexual wants and needs, and believe that sex in a relationship is part of the process of getting to know each other intimately. Those are the women with whom I'm sexually compatible, and compatible in terms of what constitutes a relationship, and a relationship process.
Many women look at it differently, and for, whatever their reasons, are not comfortable being sexual in a relationship early on. They have every right to feel that way, and to have their wishes respected. Those are women, though, with whom I'm not compatible, and would not date. No harm/no foul/nobody's a "bad guy". We're just not on the same page.
I am, obviously, not your "match", but I'm not a "bad guy". I don't misrepresent myself, manipulate, or deceive anyone. I have never "pressured" anyone for sex. I merely seek out women who are, for their own reasons, on the same page as me, when it comes to what is important in a relationship, and how a relationship should proceed. I'm not "whining" that "women should be different", and I've never had any trouble finding women, who were naturally compatible and interested in exploring a relationship with me. I don't have any "issues" with this, unless people start insisting that their way is the "ONLY" way and that anyone, who approaches relationships differently is "wrong".
The rest of your post is a political diatribe, that I choose not to engage, in a thread that is ostensibly about dating, what constitutes a "good guy", and where women might find them. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 7:16:50 PM | ,,, some men on here seem to take it for granted when they date a woman or ask her out it is an automatic right for them to go to bed with her on a first date ...
Then, you would agree that such a man would be INCOMPATIBLE sexually, with a woman who DIDN'T want to have sex on the first date, yes?
... and if she refuses because it is not right for her...
Refusing is her absolute right. And, it is the man's absolute right to go elsewhere, if he thinks it's unreasonable. It doesn't matter, really, WHY he's miffed; people are entitled to their feelings, and men ARE people, and they DO have feelings. We just tend to hide it better.
!Les  | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 7:34:16 PM | Hummm - could this have something to do with the fact that for centuries males have treated women as chattel or possesions or meat - taking what ever they want when they want? Giving them no voice?
So...
Are you saying that men having treated women badly in the past, justifies "getting even" with men now?
Maybe you should rethink your opinion on how you feel women are controlling men using sex, this isn't the dark ages anymore, we have the right to say NO - I'M NOT READY !!!
Sure. And, most men can respect that. And, THEY (men) have the right to say, "Fine. I'll find someone who IS ready."
I want to know that my man is attracted to my mind because the outside will eventually change.
No one, least of all MeloFelo, has suggested that women have to "put 0ut" to gain respect. But, he has rightly identified that SOME men will see denial of sex as a control issue, and that such men (in fact, NO man) is obligated to stay with a woman with whom he is incompatible. In fact, the exact same rule applies to women -- if you're with a man whom you see as a horn-dawg, you probably think it's all right to break it off -- and, you'd be right. So, why on Earth would a man be obligated to stick with a woman that he sees as incompatible with his sexual needs, especially if they cannot reach a mutually-satisfying compromise?
!Les
(let's keep it friendly, folks -- the other gender is NOT the enemy!) | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/12/2007 7:49:36 PM | It's easier to focus on the negative than the good. It's no reflection on you, chalk it up to bad weather, the fact that scumbags are sterilized or something else and keep looking. Some people have no values, no substance, or don't grasp the concept that there is a world existing beyond the tip of their nose. Why even give them the respect of acknowledging them on here, like you have?
Honestly - at least you're getting dates. That's more than I can say for my own luck, or that of many other young men who I know. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/21/2007 4:52:01 PM | There arent any out there that will date a women with kids therefore I am done with dating... I am sick and tired of the freakin mind games men play on here so I am done for good... If I never find someone I am honestly better off... | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/21/2007 6:12:05 PM | Ummm...all the good guys are either taken, guy or not interested in you..sorry..it's the truth...BUT...there is SOMEONE out there for you who is good...don't give up...lots of luck...zara | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/22/2007 6:51:11 AM |
Why is such filth as what's quoted above even allowed on this forum but when an intelligent post is made such as the one made by Summersong, it is dismissed as a " political diatribe" ??
Something being "filth" (and I agree, BTW: locker-room talk should stay in the locker-room, and guys should blow off steam with other guys, not in mixed company) does not make a "political diatribe" any less of a "political diatribe".
Of COURSE not all men think that their mothers and female relations are "whores", or the root of all evil. Your "questions" perpetuate the "Gender Wars" as much as the original filth does. You knew, even before you asked, that such spewing was NOT typical of male thinking; so, what was your purpose in asking what you already knew?
!Les | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/22/2007 7:59:31 AM | ^^^
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar you know....there was no hidden agenda or evil purposes in my asking the questions I did.....if only perhaps to offer a moment to pause and think of what it is we're trying to do here....and yeah I admit to being one to run high on emotions at times and I felt deeply hurt and saddened that such venom could be spewed and left to go unchallenged. I can assure you that I would've felt the same way if those words had been directed at men instead of women. I am a true believer in equal rights for everyone and I mean that. I do not rise for my "sisterhood" and I never have. I don't get sucked in the propagenda and I don't feed into the machine...but I will rise and fight for the rights of anyone to be treated with equality and dignity and fairness...whether man OR women, and that's what I've always done and will continue to do until my dying day.
Having lived through and having taken part of the changes of the 60's and the 70's doesn't make me a hardcore feminist or a fem-nazi like some would like to believe....in fact, nothing could be further from the truth, in my case anyway. It only made me more aware of the danger that lurked in ANY group, gender or organization that held any type of power over another. I will gladly march the streets again to protest and defend the rights of anyone or any group(s) who feels they are being oppressed and are sincerely trying to change the laws they see as being a disadvantage to them in any way.
And this is what I've been trying to say all along but it seems at time that no one is listening...in me, and others like me, you could have your biggest allies if you'd just let us, because we do know what it's like not to have a voice and we believe in what's right and just for all, regardless of gender....but instead, I am seen as the "enemy" simply because of my being a female, when in fact I not only support your cause, but I'd be willing to fight for it....kind of ironic, isn't it? 
But how can I help if no one is willing to sit down and talk, and I mean talk and not yell or bash and generalize....I sure wish we could find a solution...
Love and peace 
EDIT:
I apologize to anyone who might have seen my questions as just another way to "flame" this gender war...it wasn't my intent and it's the last thing I want to do....remember, us old hippies love to make love and not war, specially with the ones we like to make love with...
LOVE AND PEACE
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/22/2007 8:09:03 AM |
And this is what I've been trying to say all along but it seems at time that no one is listening...in me, and others like me, you could have your biggest allies if you'd just let us, because we do know what it's like not to have a voice and we believe in what's right and just for all, regardless of gender....but instead, I am seen as the "enemy" simply because of my gender when in fact I not only support your cause, but I'd be willing to fight for it....kind of ironic, isn't it?
This post, almost sounds like it "belongs" in another thread you post to, OldSoul. This thread is a thinly veiled "nice guys finish last" pity thread, not about "gender wars". That being said, your post reflects that "generalization" thing that we can all fall into. Because one, obviously disturbed, man posts something, does not make it reflective of male thinking. There have been other posts in other threads that you were participating in, where there were seriously misogynistic posts, and men have called other guys on it.
So, what makes you feel that most men aren't "hearing" you? Unlike a personal conversation, not every valid post is "acknowledged". Sometimes, things are read, perhaps reflected upon, but become part of a generalized discussion.  | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/22/2007 8:36:10 AM | Hi,
I want to say this..........I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR !
I feel the same way. I do not date much. I have been divorced since Y2K and I have met two of three woman on this site that have done exactly what you described. They put in their profile that they want meaningful longterm relationships but once we go out it was anything goes. One woman actually got mad and asked me what was wrong with me?
I should have realized there was a problem when I gave her a peck on the cheek the first time out and she tried to make it a french kiss. After the second date her words were "Whats wrong with you, don't you want me are you gay?"
I told her it was time for her to go. You should have seen the look on her face. I guess she had never been turned down?
That in itself is scary.
From now on I am asking my dates for blood tests before we do anything physical.
Depending on their answer, I might not see them again.
Its that simple.
Hang in there. You wil find the one that is right for you, just don't get bitter/soured by the users and liars. You will find someone that respects you and loves you back.
Keep trying.
-Tesoro. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/22/2007 8:43:31 AM | | I keep reading thi where are all the good guys. Well, I know where one is & I'm looking for a good woman. So how bout it, WHERE ARE THE GOOD WOMEN? J | |
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bbbama
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Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 390 | |
| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/22/2007 9:00:33 AM | | mike, you kind of make me laugh regarding the sex comment. that applies to most men, because men have sex on there brain. so guys lie to get sex believing the woman wont put out otherwise...its really quite simple its the biggest universal saying men have/do. on the opposite end of that woman will lie too aboutt sex (type of sex desired,frequency, confidence off, been free, etc) to lure men in. hell many on here even were revealing close (poses-sticking tongue out ,boob/cleavage shot etc) . im not sayingthis ggives man an auto in to get ****ed, because it sure doesnt, but woman SURE DO know how man thinks.... | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/22/2007 1:32:36 PM | | I totally know what you're talking about. I had a very similar situation where I met a guy and we really seemed to click and had a great first date. After that one date though, he disappeared off the face of the earth. It just made me think what an act, and to even call the next day and say he had a great time and then to never hear back from him. My whole thing is just be honest, serioulsy. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/22/2007 2:05:04 PM |
I had a very similar situation where I met a guy and we really seemed to click and had a great first date. After that one date though, he disappeared off the face of the earth. It just made me think what an act, and to even call the next day and say he had a great time and then to never hear back from him. My whole thing is just be honest, serioulsy.
Herein lies the problem of defining a "good guy". One is NOT a "good guy", if one displeases a female of the species, in any way. It's not "acceptable" for her to have to accept, what a "good guy" would be expected to, were the situation reversed, that, if he doesn't make a second date "he's just not that into you". If a man isn't, he is "required" to tell her why, but very "sensitively", and it BETTER NOT have anything to do with sex. He had better be ready to listen to her argument, and should immediately accept her wisdom in such matters, and continue to see her.
So, I've been "wrong". The "nice guys", who can never seem to get a date, are right. "Good guys" are the ones, who do as they are told, when they are told to do them. And the "nice guys" are right, because they do finish last, because women want to tell all the other men to be like the "nice guys", but they don't really want to go out with them. They want to "change" the men who are as men are.
Got it. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/22/2007 3:07:06 PM | Eons ago, we were all abducted by the mothership, and we're currently hanging out at a galaxy about 35 trillion light years from your Earth. We've tried sending for some nice gals, but we seem to be outside everyone's delivery area.
There was that time when dozens of triple-breasted virgins of Zzyzzyva stopped for a visit, and we thought all was cool, though we fought over who would get paired with Zylzaly, who was clearly the most desirable of their species.
Sadly, none of them would relinquish their virginity without a formal ceremony, and well, you know how hard it is to find Zzyzzvan priests willing to conduct mass ceremonies on short notice.
So, we're all stuck here, getting along swimmingly, but with no female companionship, and we've long forgotten where all the GOOD gals are/were, or whether such creatures actually exist.
My buddy's writing an epic screenplay based on the idea that they really exist, and we somehow all meet up, but I'm sworn to secrecy. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/22/2007 3:28:22 PM |
Ummmm....close to Idaho? Am I warm?
Nope. There may be a few, but in my short time living here, I have noticed that alcohol and drugs are still considered the cool thing to do. I have even looked up the STD rate and it is really high. So I would say that in most of the towns, with the 7 ways of Bacon, everyone has had sex with everyone else. Just like everywhere else huh?
Yeah, I keep to myself. I am fairly boring, yet I find that I am the most interesting person here. LOL, is that ego or what? | |
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Anesti
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Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 396 | |
| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/22/2007 5:52:13 PM | When you find out where the good guys are...please, tell me!!! LOL
Actually, I have met good guys on here. Unfortunately, there was no connection made. :-( | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/23/2007 3:23:49 PM | WOW, I stumbled on this thread looking at a profile, I did not read all 17 pgs, I read quit a few post 5-6 per pg.
There is a reason dating is called a game.
I enjoy reading psychology book's and studing social dynamic's I am going to generalize something's here in order to explain my thought's so do not get your short's in a wad.
The way I see it the men who get "beat up" "jerked around" whatever you wish to call it, are not aware of how the game is played and there for they are "Nice guys" and it is true as someone else stated "Nice guy's finish in a kleenex" they take a woman out to dinner the man pay's, they buy them gift's, they call everyday, they do not talk about sex with woman they on the first few date's with, now this does not mean you need to be an ***hole to impress woman, just be a man, our society has tried to castrate men and make us believe being a man is a bad thing, I do not agree, I absolutely refuse to apologize for being a man, I am confident, I have a strong personality, I am interesting, I am fun.
Now from what I see and read in this thread the woman here want men , and are ending up with bad boy's, aka ***hole's, why? because the men are trying to be nice guy's and not being men, you woman want a man who give's you security be it, financial, physical, and emotional you also want a man to sweep you off your feet aka challenge you the bad boy, you want this in one man which is very difficult ot find in the modern world because like I said earlier the men have been castrated by society at large and have become either an ***hole or Mr. Nice guy, nether of which is acceptable to you, so you get hurt by the ***hole whom you fall for, because he is challenge and we all want what we can't have, and then proceed to stomp on the nice guy because he doesn't know how to be a man and is so sweet and caring aka borrrrrrrrrring.
So how do we stop this vicious cycle? I heard a saying awhile back "Attraction create's love, love will never create attraction" so men learn to create attraction in woman and it is not a one time thing in an LTR it is done daily, It is not the woman's fault nice guy's get tooled, we tell woman to be our friend's by the way we walk talk and interact with them, we are men it is our own fault for not doing what we need to, most woman put alot of effort into attracting men, how much effort do we put in to looking our best in return.
I love woman tall, short, big, small, woman are fascinating to me I love the sound of there voice's, the smell of there perfume, the softness of there skin, the curve's of there body, my god they are fantastic creature, I will not let them walk on me I want every woman I meet to be no worse off than when I met her, Idealy I want her to be better for having met me, yes i want to have sex with any number that i meet but is she worth it if not then I will be her friend or I will make it clear we are not right for each other and move on.
There realy are Plenty of fish, let's approach the Dating game from a mentality of abundance not one of desperation and I think we will all find the right person for us and if not we will meet alot of nice interesting loving and loveable people along the way.
Just my 2 cent's worth.
Jeff | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/23/2007 3:29:31 PM | There are a lot of us around. I can think of  , 8 or 10 right now. Does not mean we are perfect, but are cream of the crop. | |
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| Where are all the GOOD guys?
Posted: 9/25/2007 7:54:27 AM | | Most womken dont want a nice guy, they think nice is boring, so thats why you have so many jerks out there. | |
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