| peekaboo
Posted: 12/2/2007 5:12:47 PM | You were both peeking or...
... he checked his forums or...
...who the hell cares if he did or you did some peeking?
Mac79 is totally right and spotted something else. It's your first date. You have next to zero relationship. Why should it matter at all? He may not be sure about you. Hell, is anyone sure about anything? Mac79 spotted something else- jealousy in you.
Jealousy, possessiveness, and control are NOT LOVE. Jealously trashes relationships. Jealousy comes from a sense of worthlessness and inability to believe someone could love you. To compensate, the jealous partner isolates the other to feel control. The distrust only serves to drive a wedge between people. Believe me as the one on the receiving end of the jealousy- it's a nightmare. If there's even a scintilla of truth to this, you were spying on him even before your relationship began. If you are jealous and care about yourself and those around you, get help for it.
If you're not jealous, stop checking to see his pic and check into developing a better relationship than those you have had in the past. You wouldn't be with this new man if the prior relationships and you in those relationships had been good. Right? This is a clean slate for you. If AFTER you get to the point of building good relations with this man, let him know that you would like a serious relationship with him alone and that you should both agree to take down your POF profiles.
Write some good things on that clean slate. | |
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| He logged into POF while on a weekend Date with me
Posted: 12/2/2007 5:18:31 PM | Oh relax, OP.
First, you're not his girlfriend. You're the woman who travelled to see him. Did you meet on neutral ground, or did you go out to see him?
Secondly, he might have been on just to check his email. Or, maybe he checked right after you left. Who cares? If you had a great time, you had a great time. | |
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| He logged into POF while on a weekend Date with me
Posted: 12/4/2007 2:41:14 PM | "What would ever possess a guy to go on a dating site WITH his gf there"
To see if there were any messages from his other g/f?
If you guys aren't married and you didn't state straight out in plain talk that you expect to be exclusive to only each other, there is no expectation that he be exclusively yours. While I agree it would be a serious social faux pas to be caught logged in to a dating site while a g/f is actually in the house with you, he probably didn't expect that he would be looked at so closely with you checking on exactly when he was and wasn't online. I suspect he knows better now. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/4/2007 5:43:53 PM | ya know...I can see where your coming from...this is to all the pleasantville characters on here...how in the hell you can judge this girl for not having morals for sleeping with this guy...give me a ****ing break and her too...how many one night stands or first date incounters have you realy had? 84% humans have sex before there third date...look it up..even Dr. Phil said that....Id be pissed if I had just spent my whole weekend with someone and their sorry ass logged on...for god sakes wait till one leaves before you search for more...she has every right to be pissed and hurt...first date or 5th.....for all the goodies get the hell off the forums and watch mr. Rogers....its always easy to judge and bash people when ur sittin behind a ****in computer screen...but whats realy going on in ur own lives...leave her alone....back off  | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/4/2007 6:59:12 PM |  Ummm..sweetmomma. READ the entire story...which, by the way is WAY WAY in the past...very past....She dumped the guy. (after having a "good time and liking" the poor jerk)
For your update..... the woman/OP... DID NOT experience her weekend date ON LINE WHILE SHE WAS WITH HIM!
All of you...read her posts! JEEZ!
SHE drove home (after a great weekend)...went on HER computer, and then, ONLY THEN, "discovered" he (also) had gone online...On a dating site..... NOT POF !!!! and she was going by the fact that site claimed a certain log-in time. WHATEVER!
We ALL know most ALL sites are wrong in times logged on. Match is notorious for showing "active" when NOT.
POINT is...it is OBSESSIVE and CONTROLLING to dump someone for being online AFTER you have left their home, gone to yours, and YOU have gone online to see what they have done...and never a word between two of you about "dating", the "future", etc.
SHE was obsessed and a control freak.
SHE "blew off" a nice (according to HER) guy because of HER paranoia and ridiculous demands. JEEZ!
THIS summarizes why soooo many on dating sites crash and burn at the onset.
TOTAL inane crazy pre-conceptions and jealousy...instead of taking life slow and getting to know the other person. | |
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| He logged into POF while on a weekend Date with me
Posted: 12/4/2007 7:54:21 PM | I understand your disappointment, but it's hard to make an evaluation because I wasn't there to observe you with your beau. So he was active 2 days ago. Maybe that was just before you met in person, or before you had a chance to connect. You hadn't had the "exclusive" talk yet. You don't know the nature of his correspondence when he was online. The forums are fascinating reading sometimes, and some forums are cannon fodder for Jerry Springer.
I wouldn't put a lot of weight into his action. But it could be a red flag, and what you look for is trends in behavior. Even then, things aren't always as they appear. Some people are sensitive to things others don't notice at all.
If I was in a behavior pattern that was annoying someone, I would hope that "someone"
would address the issue in a tactful way with me. I would think most non- sociopathic people might curb a behavior if they knew it was hurting somebody.
So if you feel you need to, have a gentle heart to heart with him. Let him know whats going on. And maybe he could show you the innocence of his actions, or at least show you where his heart is, to put the issue to rest, one way or another. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/4/2007 8:08:12 PM | | What do you expect from going and spend a weekend with some one you don't really know? Come on, common sense tells you that you was not the only one he was talking to! Stop crying!! | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/4/2007 9:54:55 PM | Hi Hazel,
I know just how you feel! Same thing has happened to me (more than once) only the guy was spending the weekend with me and asked to borrow my computer so he could email his mom (who lived in another state) some pics. I walked in and found him on line chatting with some other girl.
All I can tell you is ~~~ how much you put up with is up to you. If he isn't posting to forums, check out his rose count to see if he is sending roses to other users it will show up on his profile. Thats how I realize I was being played with the last guy on here.
Anyway, you need to decide if you want to continue and take a chance, just know that most leopards don't change their spots. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/5/2007 11:36:05 AM | | why would you go and spend a weekend with someone u never met before? he could be an axe murderer for all u know,should have got to know him alot better first.... and just by spending the weekend with him does not make u his partner,,,next time take things slowly dont be so eager ,have repsect for yourself | |
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| He logged into POF while on a weekend Date with me
Posted: 12/5/2007 4:12:47 PM |
While I agree it would be a serious social faux pas to be caught logged in to a dating site while a g/f is actually in the house with you, he probably didn't expect that he would be looked at so closely with you checking on exactly when he was and wasn't online.
Key word.... g/f.
She isn't his girlfriend. She is the girl he was banging THAT weekend.
Although to state it more accurately, HE didn't know she was his girlfriend..... | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/5/2007 10:48:31 PM | Hmm......
Did anyone else point out the fact that the OP went back on the site later herself? You went to do what? Check your email? Why? I mean weren't you guys talking on the phone by this point? You really can't get mad at the guy if you did the same thing. Even if it was like 2 days later. Maybe he went to double check your interests or something. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/24/2007 9:04:27 PM | "Hellooooooooooooooo anybody out ther w/morals anymore???"
Yes. And I have to say that girlfriend or not, you were spending a planned weekend with him, and the LAST THING he should have had on his mind, was this place. Sorry. No. Bad form. Call me a drama queen or controlling or whatever... if I commit to a weekend with some man I'm into, I expect him to commit as well -- and that means, staying off the dating sites till everyone is home and the weekend together is over.
How sad. I'm sorry he did that. If I were you, I'd bring it up with him. Be cool about it, and just tell him what you told us. It was rational. I've come on to admire the pictures of men I am into ... I do it all the time. And that's what you were doing with his.
I hope he's honest with you. For both your sakes. You sound like a decent, level headed, moral woman. Stick to your guns.
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/25/2007 2:14:23 AM |
You notice that his profile says, "Active w/i the last 2 days."
... within the last 2 days... couldn't this mean he was on AFTER she had left? "Within the last 2 days" isn't very specific. Could mean he was online while she was there, could mean he was online hours after she left. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/25/2007 5:47:28 AM | curlygrl...
What an excellent reply. It IS all about the communication. She is bashing her new BF. I am in a relationship and have not been on here in probably a year. I was so taken by your straight forward, look at it through the wall, logic, that I had to reply. Good hit. I even went to your profile and read it. I was amazed again at both you and Vincents' logic. I was thinking I was even special because I wanted to tell you both how cool you's are..lol. Then I got to the testimonials and found out that everyone else already knew it. Congrats on finding eachother. I hope all will be well for Vincent. Merry Xmas. Think not what God can do for you, just thank God that you are smart enough to do it for your self.. | |
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| He logged into POF while on a weekend Date with me
Posted: 12/25/2007 8:15:31 PM | Now this thread has made for some delightfully funny reading. Although I didn't read all of the responses, I couldn't help but notice that the title reads:
He logged into POF while on a weekend Date with me. Yet in message 47 she claims that he's not a member of POF. Then later in trying to defend herself she makes the following comment:
I think that after getting to know someone for 2-3 months it about time to get together. Gimme a break! Ha ha! Like I said...once I leave .....he and I are free to do as we wish.... What I think she is pissed about is that he beat her to the punch in setting up her next date/weekend get away. After all she does say:
.....he and I are free to do as we wish..... Funny, funny, funny | |
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| He logged into POF while on a weekend Date with me
Posted: 12/26/2007 7:22:06 AM |
Ahhhh...That 1st date. I like to do something low key on a first date. Dinner, Coffee, Drinks. If there is a connection and/or potential for a 2nd date.....the skies the limit..... Hmmmmm, why don't we talk it over and go from there.....Who knows!
I admire a man with class and style. One who knows how to relax and have fun, can get a little goofy once in a while and make me laugh. Ya know, not take life soooooo seriously all the time. So what happened to the LOW KEY firt date and not taking life sooooooo seriously all the time? LOL guess she forgot her own words. You have to wonder what she would have done had their first date was not LOW KEY? | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/26/2007 7:51:50 AM | You might be jumping the gun on the girlfriend thing but I dont think youre being unreasonable in your opinion that he was with you for the weekend, whatever he was doing online it could have waited until you had left. The thing about online relationships that then meet offline, the online thing is still going on. He has emails, he has other women on a hook...its the nature of the beast. The fact that he couldnt even wait until you had left to check his email tells me that he isnt really looking for anything serious. I mean come ON...if youre with someone for the weekend, surely those emails sitting in your inbox can wait, regardless if they are just friends or if they are other women who dont know hes having a long weekend with someone. Have a little respect for petes sake.  | |
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| He logged into POF while on a weekend Date with me
Posted: 12/26/2007 8:35:36 AM | | Speaking for myself, I have made friends on this site. People who either live too far away or I only speak with through Forum Threads or there was no chemistry but we still say hi or chat about the kids. It's not ALL about dating. He may have answered an email from someone in England. I would ask him and did you agree to being each others one and only? | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/26/2007 3:25:06 PM | | I agree with rain, I believe it was ignorant for you to check your e-mails on POF while with him, sorry, what does that say about you??? | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/26/2007 4:28:24 PM | Hellooooooooooooooo anybody out ther w/morals anymore???
I did ask him about it and he admitted that he was indeed online.
I am not torn to pieces over this. I was simply wondering if this is the trend of thigs to come. And where do you draw the line? If you've just been intimate w/someone and you find out that he's online checking his email from a singles site......ahhhh, I would think that that would be considered a bit rude and tacky.
I agree it was definitely in poor taste no matter how serious you were. To do it while you were there big no no. He could at least wait til you were gone. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/26/2007 4:31:37 PM | | Checking emails, and checking your messages on a dating site = not the same thing. Nope. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/26/2007 7:54:49 PM | OK. LISTEN up kids....
1) OP is LOOOOONG gone.
2) OP ditched a 'great and fun" (her description) guy because he did the same as she did...
CHECKED his email/site waaaay after she LEFT his place, and NOOOO...NOT when she was THERE!
3) He did NOT check POF....he is NOT a POF member.
AND...according to HER...she checked the same dating site AFTER she got home to her town and then, ONLY THEN, did she see he had also been back online....so? What?
4) SHE checked the same dating site when she got home. (Hello!?!)
5) He did NOT check his dating sites, emails, etc in her presence while she visited.
6) She got jealous.
7) She accused him of being online after (AFTER!) she left...HUH?! SO WHAT?!
8) All a moot point. Tis over.
She ditched the guy for being online (as was she) AFTER SHE LEFT HIS TOWN! WTF?????
NO wonder she is without good-guy date.
Talk about controlling and trust issues?
First Date....a weekend sleepover...and she's "checking up on him"???
Ummmm...If some guy pulled that on me? So outta there! | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 12/26/2007 9:15:16 PM | Ok...not to hijack this thread but here is a different slant on the same topic.
What does everyone think of being on a datein your own home, and having someone constantly checking their PDA as email comes in and watching them send texts...only to find out the next day that the person was "ok'ing" messages from other guys she was seeing which were sent to her myspace? | |
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