| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 3:16:46 PM | | I read through some responses and some think it is ok, well most do..but do u not think while ur with this person, away, to go online during it is ok? would make most of you upset I would think...and yes to have sex with someone and then a bit later, while ur still there with them be online? what reason could u have? to talk to friends? what friends are u meeting on here..u hang out? no..online friends whom mean nothing...unless they are in ur life...I would not say anyone on here is my friend...just maybe someone I speak with or see in the forums...so what he did was rude since he admitted it..plain old rude. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 3:22:44 PM | | "always keep then guessing" yes.....I totally agree w/you. It's the principle of the matter. It's doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do!!! It's really that simple!! It's refraining from the hunt until at least after the last catch has had a chance to escape....lol lol My point is this......it shows much weakness in character, class, and respect for other people. Once I leave....he and I are free to do as we wish............................. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 3:31:20 PM | if you were at his house the whole weekend..then when did he have time to do this without you knowing??..
did he rush on while you were in the bathroom?...wait until you were asleep??..
Perhaps he was doing work on his computer and while he was logged on he checked messages!!...big F'n deal!! We are all guilty of that at one point or another.
Its funny how you dont think there is anything wrong with you rushing home to check your messages though!! | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 3:35:13 PM | OP..........welcome to the world of online dating. I don't think this is really a moral issue, but like many of us sometimes do, you assumed that the relationship was farther along than it actually was. What I've learned being online is that it doesn't matter how much you've hit it off via email/IM/phone calls, you really do not know each other until you've met in person. I've also learned not to make assumptions about the direction in which the friendship is going, and if I did travel overnight to meet an online date for the first time (which by the way I would not) I would stay with friends or at a hotel.
Best of luck fishing!
Brandie46 | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 3:39:55 PM | amazing to me OP... you are talking about morals. Its really comical you ask after your weekend.
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 3:45:02 PM | | I think that after getting to know someone for 2-3 months it about time to get together. Gimme a break! Ha ha! Like I said...once I leave .....he and I are free to do as we wish.... | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 3:47:57 PM | | There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to sleep with someone..that has nothign to do with morals...this is the modern world and we can do whatever we want when it comes to that..so don't judge her morals on that please...what are we in the 50's lol...men can do it and so can we...why not if it feels good..but morals about checking email...that just shows no morals...morals is the diff between right and wrong...it was not wrong to sleep with someone right away not in today's world.. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 5:34:14 PM | | You are judging ones morals on looking at his e-mail. You are acting like checking e-mail is worse then giving up sex when neither one has to do with anything. I hope you turned off your cell phone the whole weekend... because that would be the moral thing to do!!! I laugh at both of you openly. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 6:03:53 PM | I see nothing wrong with him checking emails or posting to the forums. I have made some wonderful friends online here and we communicate via the email system here. I would have thought nothing of checking my emails from my friends. Just because we haven't met in real life doesn't mean we can't be pen pals!
I am curious though, you said you asked him about it and he admitted that he was online. Did he happen to say what he was doing online? Was he searching for a new fish or corresponding with people he would classify as friends? | |
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Tramp
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Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 37 | |
| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 6:13:05 PM | | Having seen how easy it is to get away, he was planning the next week-end... with someone else. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 6:48:31 PM | It seems you're asking ppl here to beat him up over is actions, when you don't seem to be in the mindset of even wanting to date him. Even if you stayed with him and were intimate after 2-3 mths, that's still technically the 1st date, so no rules at that point. Having sex with a man doesn't make them yours, nor you theirs, he's a free agent as are you. If he enjoys the site, was working on 2/3 dates at one time, or in succession, why shouldn't he be able to log in, it's his time and his place, you were a guest in his house. I doubt you'd give up internet privileges for yourself if it had been a friend or family member staying at your house for the weekend, right? I would say give it up and move on, it was what it was....a good time that you had and not much else will come of it.
Going forward, if a man really is interested in you after 2-3 mths of communicating, let him travel to you, book himself a hotel room and make the time, effort and show the initiative that he's a true gentleman...even then most travel with blackberry's or Treo style phones with data, so they'd probably be checking online dating sites, maybe even over dinner while you're powdering your nose, under guise of work?then what?
I suggest you take it with a grain of salt, accept that ppl, male/female are connected to the online world and once a man makes that connection in his mind with you, he'll probably give up the quick check in online, or even share his online world with you...until then, don't get bent out of shape over it and just take dating as it is, experiencing different things and the chance to meet different types of men, and if you choose it to be that...have great sex along the way, or conversation, whatever suits you! | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 6:57:30 PM | I still cant get past the 2 -3 months of doing nothing but emailing before meeting!
If we aint progressing to an actual meet and greet after a few emails, a phone call or 2 MAX - and then going out after a week or 2 (mind you not anticipating a weekend together or sex) just a nice date and face to face..ladies please - ignore my profile because I DO WANT TO DATE - and clubs, bars and even work are deal killers for me as I am just bored with all the old cliches of how people meet. But hey, if the net dont work, I can relax my rules and date at wok - I've done it before but I'd perfer not to. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 7:18:43 PM | | You have to have a lot of patience to wait 2 - 3 months before actually meeting. As to the gentleman's behavior, I would cut him some slack. You've not had 'the talk," and if he was on, he could have been reading forums, maybe even admiring your pics (even if you were there with him!) At least he admitted it! | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 7:30:57 PM | I do not know what POF is like in everyone else’s neighborhood but in my town a good size group of people posting to the local forum get together about once a week. Some of them appear quite close. Who says that he was setting up for another date?
I am on our forum almost everyday because someone ends up saying something to make me laugh. Mind you if I had someone that I was hitting it off with I probably could drag myself away from the computer for a day. At least I think I could.
Or he could be setting up for another date. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 9:00:59 PM | OP, morals are ethical choices that we make on a case-by-case basis. Like going out with our friends when we feel like staying in, because we said we would. Like having the respect to ask someone if we are exclusive or not. Like sticking to our principles and not changing our behaviour to suit an attractive woman just because she expects it, just because we want to curry favour with her, and have the possibility of getting in her oh-so-sweet panties.
If you want him to not look at POF anymore, you only have to ask.
If you want him to not look at POF while you're staying over for the weekend, you only have to ask, too.
Is that so hard, to ask for what you would like? It's no harder than asking someone for a date. After all, a date is just to meet and talk for a couple of hours. Hardly an effort.
Sex is not a reason to be committed. It is just an act. An act of great intimacy, true. But if you felt that sex would require decisions to be made, those decisions should have been brought up before you said you'd go over to his place. Sex is not a reason to expect anything.
This is what I call morality. Doing things because they are the right thing to do at the right time, not because it feels right, and not because you think something great could come of what is happening right now.
IMHO, this guy IS moral. He didn't stop going on POF while you were there, like many men do, so as to hide the 16 other women they are dating. He didn't try and lie to you about going on POF. He didn't even tell you right away, so as to circumvent any potential jealousy you might have, because he didn't assume that you would be jealous w/out showing it first. He was honest, and not suspicious.
FYI, whenever a woman asks why is a man she slept with still seeing other women, and not changed his profile, all the forum posters all ask why she has not had the "exclusivity talk" with him.
This is no different. | |
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clay71
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 43 | |
| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 9:30:43 PM | If I'm on a date with some one from a dating site, chances are I put a lot of effort into setting it up. I would have put the time in to get to know the person at least. Call me picky but, I won't date someone I just met 1 day ago.Why would I get on a dating site when.. HELLO... I'm on the date.
If it goes bad I'll wait to get home to start the search again. I guess chivalry is dead.
Seems like everyone wants to give this guy the medal of honor. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/13/2007 10:14:19 PM | | Like I posted before, I don't think there is a big deal wuth it, BUT if he was a gentlemen and that was the weekend to spend with you he could have waited, and on that note what would happen if he got text messages or voicemails, should he not answer them aswell? | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/14/2007 3:43:29 AM | Sorry to go off thread slightly!
Would like to invite Call Me Luv to message me please?. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/14/2007 4:35:29 AM | | Bravo! Bravo! Clay......I couldn't have said it better! It doesn't matter what the circumstances of the relationship. He invited me to his house.......... this was after getting to know him online for a period of about 2-3 months. It's kinda like being on a date, having dinner, and your date decideds to contact a girl he met online the night before. IT'S RUDE BEHAVIOR....plain and simple!!! | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/14/2007 4:40:27 AM | Get a grip!.......If I have to ask a guy w/whom I've been talking w/for 2-3 months, a guy who then asks me to come visit so we can be together......to please refrain from hunting chicks while I'm in his presence........Give me a break! My point exactly!
BTW.......he's not a member of POF...... | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/14/2007 4:58:31 AM | maybe he was looking at you, OR maybe the site wasn't accurate...perhaps he drooled over YOUR profile before he left his home & it came up that he was on more recently...even if it showed the exact time & date, it has to be set for the correct time zone...
Us older folks, maybe our ego has been badly bruised from divorce or a love affair turned sour & we do have ego issues that we need to work through & some people want that attention...
If you are around that long enough, it can rub off onto you, so beware
Online dating is a double edged sword, no?  | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/14/2007 5:12:50 AM | I read all the posts...OK, YOU went to HIS house, hit it off in person after MONTHS of chatting...
Sometimes it is better to #1- date people who live closer #2- hold off on sex BUT if you went for it & had a good time, cool.
It could be innocent, it could be not-so-innocent.
I think a 1st weekend together should be romantic & if he went in the site & it was while you were asleep, maybe he emailed some other lady to say- sorry, I met a great lady & want to focus on her & see where it goes?
When I 1st went on this site, a man pursued me relentlessly. I was on for the forums & was dating someone from "real life" but it was going badly. The pursuer told me he was also pursuing others & when he met one that he wanted to see again, he wrote me, told me & then wrote me later to say he could not write me again as he slept w/ her & was going to try to make it work.
A few weeks later, I heard from him again, as it didn't work b/w them. If SHE had checked, she may have assumed he was trolling, when he was saying good-bye to other women he had dated or emailed...
Let us know what the outcome was, OK? | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/14/2007 7:40:43 AM | Rude behaviour is a cultural standard...
Reading the posts, most of your culture disagrees with you. IE it is rude to you, but by no means is rude to everyone, therefore it has become your opinion.
He was online while you were there. You didn't even notice and you don't know what he was e-mailing or to whom... please jump to more conclusions or in fact tell us what he was saying to whom and in what context. | |
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