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 Author Thread: He logged into POF while on a weekend Date with me
 nomadd77

Joined: 5/21/2007
Msg: 51
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/14/2007 7:42:56 AM
I dunno on a first meeting I woudnt see this as that much of an offence. I mean wer u already having sex? even if so , for example me i have some ppl on here that are just friends with similar interests. And we arent really into each other for various reasons but find that is cool person to talk to hang out with on a mutual interest type basis. Would you get mad at me for myspacing a friend if you wer visiting me? It is a dating site but there are tons of ppl on here looking for friends rather then dating. That might have been the case but the only way to know would be asking. I would agree with the above post as dropping it in casually with tact into a conversation. Or else u might come off as a bit clingy considering you have only met once.
 dono360

Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 52
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/14/2007 12:11:53 PM
I think I would refrain from logging into ANY dating site if I were entertaining someone in my home.. whether I met her ONLINE or not!

Just me.. but I think it is also rude.

If I am going to take the time to chat/email with someone for 2 months.. obviously she means or is starting to mean a lot to me. I would respect her and be the gentleman that so many are lacking it seems.. not just men.. but a lot of women have and do the same thing!

Have some tact.

I understand that he might have done it to just post to a forum.. even tell another interest that he thought he found the one.. but why couldn't he wait until she was gone?

Call me old fashion.. whatever!


Dono
 Theonly1!

Joined: 5/1/2007
Msg: 53
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Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/14/2007 1:02:45 PM
You're old fashioned...

And you are coming to conclusions without knowing all the facts. HAS CSI NOT TAUGHT US ANYTHING!

I have a problem with people making posts just to validate their feelings and having no intentions of even considering any other point of view (/cough OP). I see both points of view in this case but without knowing further detail to what he was doing while he was on the site the point is mute.

Heck, she had to drive home before she checked her e-mail. Call me crazy, but what if he went and looked at her profile right after she left his place to see if her interests were congruent with the great weekend he just had. Who knows?
 prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 54
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Posted: 8/14/2007 1:17:37 PM
OP, as Msgs 2 and 4 stated...maybe he was cheching to see when you had last been online (like just before you got there) and/or checking the forums...Or maybe he got spooked if you said the word 'girlfriend' in front of him considering this was a first meeting? Or maybe he isn't into people who assume? Besides, you went online to check your email when you got home...maybe he checked his while you were sleeping...nothing wrong with that.

And it's nothing like him contacting another girl while you're on a date - because you're assuming he was trolling for women while you were there...Maybe he simply was reading the forums, or was bored while you were showering or sleeping...or maybe he was re-reading *your* profile. And the fact that he asked you to come to him and you went gives me the thought that he's not as into you as you are him. IMO, if you're more old-fashioned (and there's nothing wrong with being old-fashioned; I am) and believe he shouldn't do anything online while you're there that *might* involve someone else, then you'd also have made sure he was the one who came to visit you.
 Mizdameanor

Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 55
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Posted: 8/15/2007 6:48:57 PM
I didn't read through, i'm lazy, but what if it was a simple as something she said was different then what he thought he read in her profile or an old message, and he went on to double check. That's innocent right?

Oh like ^^^^^ they said,...lol
 worrynot

Joined: 6/27/2007
Msg: 56
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/15/2007 7:07:29 PM
I had the same thing happen to me. Last Christmas we had spent Christmas Eve together and then Christmas morning. In the evening Christmas night he asked me back over again. Two weeks later, I went on another site that I didn't know he was on and he was on there Christmas Day! That was the end of that as when he tried to explain it was clear that he was looking to see if he could take advantage of another's Christmas spirit. I still don't talk to him anymore and we worked together.
 Bikeman_

Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 57
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/15/2007 7:35:00 PM
Um unless you have "the talk" he isn't committed to you, and you aren't committed to him either. Talk to him about the issue...we're only guessing. Good luck to you!
 Bethlet

Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 58
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/15/2007 7:37:37 PM
Hey.....smellyoozingfungalfeet(thats the name that comes up when I hit "reply"...not mlm mlm mlm....?) It really sounds like you have a personal vendetta against this chick. She doesn't sound possessive, jealous, etc....she's making a valid point. If she was STAYING with him....then that means he had to wait til she was in the bathroom taking a dump, or taking a shower, while he WHIPPED out the old laptop and crammed in a five minute online session. Now....how OBSESSED is that????? Why are you ragging on this chick? I think she got the message you don't like her the FIRST time...It WAS classless of him to do that. And who are you to judge her spending a long weekend? Hell, if she had to travel across country to see him, and they hit it off, whats so strange about that? She talked to him for three months, he was not a "total stranger"

Dayum. I think if your husband was hitting the POF eveyr time you took a dump, you might have a little issue with it too. Cut her some slack...unless the man she met for the weekend WAS your husband or something!


 a12004h

Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 59
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Posted: 8/15/2007 7:55:08 PM
I try to never assume, makes an ass out of me every time.

I get tons of emails everyday. 100s of spam, dozens of business ones I need to peruse and answer some, a few may deal with dating.

I try to answer them all asap, or the backlog gets crazy.

He could have been emailed and replied he was busy.

She assumes she is now his girlfriend. Does he know?

If they haven't had the talk, some people of both sexes don't make that leap.

If I hadn't had the talk it is a risky assumption I would not make it.

His house, his free time, maybe he logs in every night to check his mail and the forums.

Nothing rude or sinister there. Many of you are assuming what he was doing and his motives.

OP you should come right out and ask. If you don't like the answer you can discuss it or just move on, your choice.

As you can see by the posts, to him it might have been no big deal. He didn't realize your feeling would be hurt.

If I was with a woman for the weekend, I would not be bothered by her being online checking emails and voice mail. I just live in a wired world and expect the people the travel with to be wired also. Friends , kids, business the world hasn't stopped because I have a friend over for the weekend.

If she didn't bring her laptop she could use my computer to log on.

I would be annoyed if she was trolling for a date while with me but I would have no way to know unless I asked.

just me 2 cents
 drewwlf

Joined: 5/24/2007
Msg: 60
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/16/2007 11:08:35 AM
OP, you stated: "BTW.......he's not a member of POF......" Which means you are now on at least two dating sites. Does the term Kettle/Black mean anything to you.

I think it is to bad that your "bf" is not on this site, I think reading your posts would be a big eye opener for him. RE: Drama Queen !! I think that after spending a weekend with you I would sign into my dating account as soon as possible, so I could delete myself, because I don't think I would EVER want to date again.

I guess he figured out halfway though the weekend that he was just not that into you.
 OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 61
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Posted: 8/16/2007 11:19:17 AM

Have we become sooooooo obsessed with having so much access to women/men at our fingertips that we can't even muster up the willpower to refrain from peeking online to see if someone else is interested in us????????


You peeked didn't you?
 OutMind

Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 62
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Posted: 8/16/2007 11:36:16 AM

Hellooooooooooooooo anybody out ther w/morals anymore???


Where are the morals? I think you keep applying a double standard. So when you looked and found him, was that then okay?

How many times people have gone on a date and when you get back home, the other person in on line. That happens A LOT. And not because they were necessarily still fishing, but because they may have established other friendships with other people. Also, places like this one are full of people that are here for the Forums and even clearly express that they are not looking for anybody.

So, let's say you are taking a shower. Guy is bored with the TV since there's nothing on. A light-bulb forms on his head. "I wonder what everyone responded to that post I made the other day, since there was some serious discussion." He pops into the site. Now he has no morals and is in trouble? Please.

You sound very possessive and judgmental.
 carlisleman

Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 63
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Posted: 8/16/2007 11:47:07 AM
This is also a site for friends too !

You sound pretty paranoid to me.
 LilMinx79

Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 64
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/16/2007 9:57:58 PM
When I read this you defniately hit the nail on the head for me... the same thing happened to me just recently and I was left wondering... the thing was though, he told me straight away! We were at someone's house when he disappeared for a while - he said I was busy chatting, and he was on their computer on the internet so he just had a look... but to be honest I felt exactly the same way as you... I really don't have any answers! I just took his word for it that it was entirely innocent and hopefully that's all I can to do.

At the end of the day, we're still in the process of getting to know each other - he doesn't owe me anything really - and the way I see it, is that if he is a jerk I'll find out soon enough. There's no point in dwelling on things that might not happen. If I were you I would've asked him... and then waited to see if he did anything further to confirm your suspicions. I'm not saying he did the right thing - but don't we all do things wrong sometimes?
 Change Of Pace

Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 65
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Posted: 8/16/2007 10:53:41 PM
I know it's been said to death, but I agree...you're spouting off about his moral indiscretion and you went off to spend a weekend at his house. The cyber dating world is odd and even though you 'knew' him 2-3 months, what you knew was what he wanted you to know.

You allowed yourself into a compromising situation and quite frankly it's good all you came out with was a battered ego...and yes, I think that's probably the biggest problem out of all of this.

Do I think he was rude to check...I'd probably be a bit irritated, but I'd also probably think that if I'd had a chance to have a quick look at my emails or something I'd do it--and I'd not think there was a problem at all. In all fairness--what's the harm? If you'd caught him with his hands in his trousers whilst talking to some babe, you'd have every reason to be angry...right now you're just making something out of nothing.
 brokensmilensj

Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 66
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Posted: 8/16/2007 11:12:00 PM
I think you are overacting. It's very possible he was viewing your profile. I know I do this ALOT when I am talking with someone. I refer to their profile to search through it for more information and for conversation starters or to just check out their photos again and again. :)

Anyhow...why is he so bad for checking his messages while you were there? Clearly you did it right after you returned home and even stalked his profile in order to see his last log in date.

You were not in a committed relationship and you were not exclusive so i see nothing wrong with him checking in.
 hahawaitwhat?

Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 67
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/16/2007 11:38:17 PM
What amazes me is that he had been waiting for three months to finally meet you (and you are not exactly average looking!) and during this exciting time together (you would hope) he says to himself, "I think I'll go back on the dating site..." Maybe some folks are becoming a little too addicted to the internet. Or the thrill of the chase... Personally I do prefer real live women to chatting and e-mailing or even phone calls. So let the e-mails pile up and let's get out and enjoy our time together. I can look at your photos again tomorrow. At which time I will be sending out a few "I'm involved with someone now." messages.
 JWA

Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 68
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/17/2007 4:44:01 AM

gf...friend.....whatever you want to call it! I'm smart enough to know that it takes time to become exclusive. But.....damn...have the common courtesy to pay attention to the one who traveled to see ya in the first place.[/quote}

Here's the thing Hazel-------YOU post something in your own words which you totally understand but yet get all pissy when someone else reads YOUR WORDS and comments from their perspective. If you want you little problems here understood then be clear in how you pose your questions or comments. That alone would make for far less misunderstandings here.

Just a thought for you!
 17 Again

Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 69
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/17/2007 7:35:21 AM
As to the OP's post, Its only my opinion. What was the big deal? Yes I agree timing is your issue. There are many reasons why he could have been on the site at that time. Jumping to conculsions it seems will only bring up the negative issues in anyones mind. It was your first actual date or meeting. And I see you guys had a great time together. What was so wrong by him just entering the site? It could have been looking at your picture. Wow she looks better in person! Or hey I just found the one to a friend. Maybe even just changing something on his profile and so many more coulda shoulda woulda issues

I have to say because it made me laugh what " always keep them guessing said:

There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to sleep with someone..that has nothign to do with morals...this is the modern world and we can do whatever we want when it comes to that..so don't judge her morals on that please...what are we in the 50's lol...men can do it and so can we...why not if it feels good..but morals about checking email...that just shows no morals...morals is the diff between right and wrong...it was not wrong to sleep with someone right away not in today's world..

As she stated in her opinion: women can do what ever they want when it comes to sex and dont judge there morals. But.........but morals about checking e-mails that just shows ..... no morals


To some if not many sleeping at ones house for a weekend on a first date is; lets say up to the people involved, ok. But signing on an online dating site ( while someone is sleeping in my bed) is worst of the two morals?

Seems to me that many do that!
 Danield83

Joined: 8/2/2007
Msg: 70
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Posted: 8/17/2007 9:31:13 AM
Or like you, he wanted to admire your pics :P
 okeedokee444

Joined: 7/21/2007
Msg: 71
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/17/2007 10:17:50 AM
Wow...already on a first date, and already checking to see if he's cheating on you....claasssyyyy!
 *tinydancer*

Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 72
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/17/2007 11:19:26 AM
Yes, people are absolutely OBSESSED with dating sites, checking mail, blah blah. Seriously, who's that freakin important that you must respond to their mail immediately? I had a guy invite me to his house for dinner and he sat there and IM'd with God-knows-who through the entire meal. I told him thanks for the meal, but he could lose my number. I also had a guy checking messages on his Blackberry while we were out to dinner. And he was actually responding to them while I sat there and proceeded to tell me how hot this chick was. Gimme a freakin break ...
 Nick Thinker

Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 73
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/17/2007 11:54:21 AM
Re post 72

The situations the poster describes are indeed extreme cases of some kind of "syndrome". Worthy of the study of sociologists, et al. But then so is IMO the extreme use of cell phones that has happened in recent years. As well as information overload as well as "bowling alone" dynamics in Society.

 hahawaitwhat?

Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 74
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/17/2007 3:10:26 PM
I agree with 17again and his assessment. However, checking in on this site during a date or even a weekend together (questionable choice for me) is not something I would do. But I am always glad to have an opportunity to get away from this computer. Even if it means going out for a game of bowling by myself...
 ^^Batgirl^^

Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 75
Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/17/2007 3:29:46 PM
He logged onto the site to send the following to one of his pals:

"Hey jackman4u!
Wasabi!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's here and she IS all that.....even if I didn't like chips I would start loving 'em after meeting her. Totally kewl chick. Hey, let's have a brewski after hockey tomorrow and get that transmission lifted out of your car."

Hey, it could happen.

^^BG^^
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