| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/17/2007 3:48:37 PM | PRATTLE!!!
NO END TO PRATTLE!!
ON and ON PRATTLE!!
Have we nothing better to do than spew and devour PRATTLE!!
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/17/2007 4:41:04 PM | | You had one date. ONE! Now you're going to expect him to drop any and all other relationships he may be developing. If I were him and read this post I'd never talk to you again. Please grow up and give him the space to actually decide if you are meant to be together. Seriously, if you don't you can only blame yourself for being lonely. I'll hope that he's honest but all I can do is hope. Your biggest mistake in my opinion is waiting 2-3 months. Life's too short. If someone isn't interested after a couple weeks I'll move on. It's just a date. If it took you that long to decide on a date you may need to consult someone about your issues. You went from cold to hot way too quick as well. One date does not give anyone the right nor the justification to have ANY expectations of the other person. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/17/2007 7:46:37 PM | | It's one thing to have a date. It's another thing to be intimate!! (For whatever that means in her situation) She even traveled to see him! Call me ridiculously old-fashioned, but when I even kiss a woman I start to feel obligated! When someone starts to give themself to you (physically or emotionally) AND YOU LET THEM DO SO, well...don't be a jerk! ...just put away the damn laptop and postpone the search for a day or two until you figure out if you actually want to keep the woman or if your "intimacy" was a mistake or premature...and have a little more self-control next time.(I'm speaking to the men) And maybe introduce her to your little cyberfriends that mean so much to you...Too many women around here complain about men just wanting sex on the first date. I'm a typical man. (in some ways) I know what it's like. But you can cause a lot of hurt by just thinking with your groin, guys!! I really do want to wait until marriage. That's right! I'm now declaring myself one of those! And God help me...seriously... | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/17/2007 8:17:24 PM | Umm., First where and when did you Both decide you were an item. Bf and Gf. Sorry don't see it.You talk about getting together in the future no dates are set. Nothing. No big talk.
So How do you know what he was doing here. You could have been in the shower. sleeping whatever instead of being bored he checked out the site.
Big deal.
No offense to me this sounds real clingy and controlling I would be running, if I was him.
I have had such a great time here on POF. That I am in here daily checking out the forums. Yep a Forum junkie already. also I have met some wonderful people here, I talk with every day. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/18/2007 12:10:34 AM | | If I got a dollar for every time a gal stood me up, chatted with me for months then dropped me, played different men online, or outright lied to me I'd be a rich man for sure. You stayed the weekend with this guy and now he is your BF. Does he know this?? Its for SURE this man has been played online himself and figures thats the name of the game. And thats because for the most part it IS the name of the game. If you don't like it, Quit online dateing. If you run around thinking the whole world is gonna live by YOUR morals and rules your gonna be disappointed a LOT. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/18/2007 2:12:36 AM | | On making friends not just dates via online sites: The future of "online dating " is in "online social networking" in general, IMO. That is the natural way people found dates in the old days, too: They hang out at the square of the village or hood and socialised and when they met someone who interested them, then they asked them for a date. They did not go to the square to date ONLY nor did many "singles squares" existed. Few people went out on "blind dates". So the first step to dating these days is "online socialising at e-squares", IMO. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/21/2007 8:56:37 AM | Lets get the facts straight (putting myself in his place).
I correspond with a woman for several months because she is too far to easily visit.
I invite her to visit me and stay at my house for a weekend.
She travels some distance to do so.
We have sexual relations or don't (you don't say and either is possible).
If it was me, I would focus completely on this lady who had spent time and money to be with me. If I felt the need to check e-mail I would not do so in secret but let her know what I was doing and why I needed to take time away from us to do it.
I would put all other relationships on hold as long as she was there.
I would not do this in the first place unless I had serious intentions toward this woman.
But
I would make this clear beforehand and make sure we had the same expectations.
If we did not, I would not proceed with it.
And
If she felt the need to sneak out to talk on her cell phone, have privacy to log on check her dating site e-mail while she was there, or otherwise show me that I was not her only priority for the weekend, I would ask for an explanation immediately. If it was not satisfactory, that would be the end of our relationship.
However, if I did not trust her in the first place, I would not do something like OP describes; I would not be paranoid and trying to verify her trustworthyness. If I discovered someone was verifying me, I would ask why. I would stop dating anyone who continued to be suspicious unless I had given them reason to be; that indicates baggage of the sort I do not want to deal with.
Just one man's opinion .... | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/21/2007 1:48:27 PM | Whether you're his g/f or not, isn't the point. You both agreed to meet in person. Laptops should be left at home. The reason 2 people agree to meet is to get to know one another further. I'm sure anyone's email can wait til they return home and the forums will still be posted for reading at a later time.
That being said, if you each had separate rooms at night, perhaps he saw no harm in logging on to check emails, read the forums, or do whatever, all in the privacy of his own room. If that's the case , I wouldn't worry about it. Old habits die hard. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/21/2007 2:56:06 PM | MSG #84
He is not a member of this site. There is no forum on the other site. I agree w/you 100%, GF or no GF, if he invited me to spend the weekend w/him...then he should have the common decency to refrain from that type of thing till after I'm gone. He did admit to me afterward that he was indeed on a site checking his emails. Needless to say he's history!!!
It's funny cause a lot of the guys think it's okay....until the tables are turned. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/21/2007 3:05:50 PM | I never realized how reticent and almost reluctant people are to actually communicate with someone they have a romantic interest in. Sometimes even are involved in a relationship with.
If it's someone that potentially could be that important person in your life, then maybe I'm just different, but communication is important to me. So it'd have to be someone I felt free and comfortable talking to. About most any or everything and certainly about something to do with us, if we are involved.
What he does when he's not with me, I trust his character enough to let him decide that and make good decisions. I don't feel the need to monitor his actions online or make him account for every second of his day. I've even written to my galpals here and suggested they drop him a line and get to know him.
I think peple are more transparent in their movtives when they wonder or suspect what may be going on, rather than just ask if it's important. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/21/2007 3:06:08 PM | Hi!
I see it over and over again, people are dating and claiming they are falling in love with the person they are seeing and still they have not hidden their profile and then they check in once in a while......mmmmmm....very interesting. I believe people are insecure about the relationship or the person does not meet up to all their standards and they will settle for now but if something else comes up, better prospect, possibly, why not check it out. If you don't tell the other person, is that still considered cheating, especially if you are proffessing to be falling in love????????
This dating scene is so confusing. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/21/2007 3:16:29 PM | Something keeps coming up that I really don't understand.
You all speak about HIDING your profile when you become seriously involved with someone.
How about DELETING it? The idea of reaching a state where you are committed to someone else means that the singles sites are OVER with.
Hiding?
In this case it's obvious that she thought their relationship was WAY further along than it was, at least further along than HE thought it was.
Getting together for a weekend sex romp does not make you a couple.
The guy never committed to this woman. He never told her she was "the one". Why shouldn't he check his email during a break in the action?
Sex is WAY too significant to some people.... | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/21/2007 3:26:59 PM | This is a big deal over nothing considering it doesn't sound as though the two of you have made an exculsive commitment.  | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/21/2007 4:06:28 PM | Hmmm..this thread kinda reminds me of another one in which the OP was totally bent out of shape over a missing cyber-rose on a guy's profile! JEEZ!
One...this OP did not know the guy checked (his mail, her profile, his own profile, his Forum posts) whatever, UNTIL she went back home...so that tells me he wasn't rudely logging in front of her while she sat there. And so what? If it was when she was out, in the shower, wherever she was, he wasn't taking time from her visit.
***She also mentions it was a dating site other than this one....well, let me tell you. MATCH for one, shows people logged in and they are NOT. Shows logged in last 24 hours...and they did NOT. I say this with absolute experience. ***
(Of course he did say he was on the site so guess that part is not important)
BUT.....jumping all over someone you barely even know (3 months of chats???? and ONE face-to-face????) for checking their mail when you weren't around...? Seems far TOOO controlling to me.
Sad thing to me is she states how much she liked the guy and how well they got along...and now, because he frikkin checked his emails, he's now "history"?
Oh my. I need a  | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/21/2007 7:31:23 PM | | You can't expect someone to not have a profile up if you are not exclusive. You really have to talk about dating and not dating other folks. If you agreed to not date other people then yes, there is definitely an issue worth dumping him for. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/22/2007 5:01:17 AM | | Been there, but you know what, first meetings cannot be consider exclusive, even if you traveled across country to meet. Rude, maybe, but why was he there? Maybe he has good friends he had messages from, or maybe he wanted to let some one know how well your meeting was going. You will never know if you don't ask--not accuse--not demand, but simply ask. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/22/2007 5:31:11 AM | not sure which site she's referring to but no matter there are a couple of sites that you havent been on in a month that will show you have logged in in the last 24 hours.And since she says he was logged in the last 48 hours guess what he could have logged in after you left to go home.Geez,sounds to me like you are just looking for an excuse to drop him,and why bring it to foums instead of having a nice non-screaming match conversation with the guy in question.Communication,novel idea hunh,now i remember why i have been single for so long.If he did it while you were there yea rude but since you didn't notice it and it didn't seem to affect that you had a good time,what the heck is the issue here,besides you had a good time and are afraid you might have showed some part of your personality that he might like enough to stick around.Like i said,sounds to me like you are looking for a reason to dump him. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/22/2007 6:20:12 AM | Ok first off technically you jumped to conclusions and assumed you were his girlfriend after only 1 meeting...and ya know what they say, when you assume you make an A$$ OUT OF U AND ME.....
Secondly you assume again that he came on trolling for women when maybe he came into the forums or to check his mail or to look at your pics or hit up your profile again while you were there. Some people get so worked up over the smallest things | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/22/2007 6:43:44 AM | Peeps...you are missing the OP's point....she is not moaning about him still being on the site...she is saying she is shocked that he somehow found the time to get on and check his mail from the site, when she was there with him.
I agree with the poster who said maybe he was dilly dallying on the forums. Or maybe you were still in slumber land and he was just killing time...received an email notification and figured, "WTF?" Maybe he even REPLIED to the email and said something along the lines of, "Thanks, but no thanks...I actually have met someone."
Point is...if you dig the guy...COMMUNICATE and find out. Get on the same page with your expectations and do not assume things because we all know what that means! | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/22/2007 7:14:24 AM | To me it was very disrespectful....we all know why he did it behind her back, its one of those white lies....
it really does show bad taste, I mean if you can't wait a few days to check you messages, give me a break, this place is not that important or any other dating site. Thats the beauty of the internet your messages can wait....JMO
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/22/2007 8:03:48 AM | I agree he showed disrespect. If she traveled to see him, the weekend was
supposed to be about them and POF could have waited.
Sounds as though the weekend wasn't as meaningful to him as it was to her.
I don't think it's worth pursuing. What good will it do to hear his excuses.
It won't change what happened. Simply let it rest. Time will tell all. | |
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| Online Dating.............
Posted: 8/22/2007 11:49:09 AM | You know what I don't get these days with on-line stuff and people in general??????
What the "F@*K" is UP WITH ALL THE GAME? I mean really? It ain't that tough to be cool and treat a person like a person rather than a number. The problems I see with that kind of stuff is you short yourself and often. Naturally, if you are involved with a person seriously then why you foolin around with other people too! I mean really if you have an opposite sex individual who comes to stay with you and such, ya better not be tryin to cook other muffins in the oven of life. Doesn't anyone do things clean anymore? You can't use a muffin pan to have a good time with one deliscious baked goodie?
Fortunately, I have not had that experience of visiting a person I am fond of and suddenly realizing that they got all this baking abilitiy in all kinds of places. But, if I did and realized the chef wasn't true to a dish before them, well let's face it that is FAT not PHAT! And that little chefster would get fired for sure!
Be cool not stool! - it really ain't that tough! Heck I stay away form involved women and I definitely stay away from those gals that say "Oh I just have a lot of male friends....boooo hoooo" I mean really? When you get to my age what do you need to be doing that for when the fact is ya just can't make up your dang mind about the directions of your affections. Spread the butter thin and you just may notice the butter is barely there! ( Grin )
To me this topic sure has a lot to do with having emotional boundaries that are healthy both for yourself and a person who definitely should NEVER be treated as a muffin amongst many in the same muffin pan! Clariy is next to clean and clean is very lean.... | |
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