| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:54:22 AM | Someone mentioned difficulty determining honesty from a profile and I think that's part of the problem. You have to take time to communicate with that person, and spend a good chunk of face-time with them before you can make that determination.
When I get the bum's rush from a man, red flags go up everywhere, and I expect it's the same way from men. IMHO, anyone who wants "instant" intimacy, or anything else to do with a relationship, is fooling themselves. Intimacy just isn't "instant" and it can't be. It takes time, consistent communication and honesty in that communication. Too many of us humans are looking for some quick "fix" and don't get that we have to fix ourselves before we are going to find someone worth making a long-term committment to.
Christy | |
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| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:39:39 PM | | Well I live in Judsonia ar and the lady I am talking to now lives 200 miles away but if it works it will be well worth the drive.Your soulmate most likely isnt acroos the street so if you meet the right person the move is worth the effort.Not saying this one is going to work but I don't know if I don't give it a shot | |
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ren040
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Joined: 5/10/2008
Msg: 55 | |
| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 7/22/2008 5:28:30 PM | Perhaps you are looking in the wrong place and with the wrong attitude. As a native Arkansan I would say that as a rule we are pretty open to accepting visitors and transplants when they come with an attitude that doesn't include phrases like "the old keep it in the family joke". Texas maybe the place for you after all. If however you would like find a few friendly people you might try playing nice instead of degrading the place you now call home.
A decent woman in Arkansas | |
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sware2
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Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 56 | |
| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 7/22/2008 5:58:55 PM | | I honestly think it is not the location, it is more the age ranges.. do you remember back before the hurt and divorce and games? We all believed in the good in people and believed in love and forever. I have met some really awesome guys but because of a bad relationship, bad marriage, or being hurt real bad, they seem to run from letting someone else get close. I would rather have 100 friends than to settle being miserable with ONE man. You have to be friends first, and if that is all it ever is.. you are still a winner! Try being just a friend instead of worrying too much on a love connection. | |
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| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 7/22/2008 6:12:17 PM | | Agreed. But, if relationships were not so difficult there would not be a need for so many singles websites. ...nationwide...heck, worldwide!! For the record, I AM a native Arkansan..for my part of this thread it has nothing with being a transplant to this state. | |
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sware2
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Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 58 | |
| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 7/22/2008 6:27:04 PM | NoTagline, I too am an Arkie by birth, and love it here! It is a worldwide epidemic Me society and until people get back to thinking of others and not only of themselves it is hard to have a relationship. I think that the only relationships that last are the ones that have givers. A Taker is only happy when getting what THEY want.. and a Giver gets tired of being the only one giving if with a Taker... and heaven help if two Takers get together.. neither is ever happy. You have to think of the other. It has NOTHING to do with being in Arkansas or anywhere else.
You can avoid being hurt and not let yourself get too close to anyone no matter where you live. Doesn't me you are not a decent person... just someone afraid of being hurt. | |
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| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 7/24/2008 1:39:18 PM | | well folks I have been in Ar for 5 yrs and I have faced the same problems.....However i would like to say I have met some wonderful folks, both male and female at the events...so if you are wanting to meet people and who knows watch the upcoming events and plan accordingly....there are some nice guys out there, it will happen...hasn't happened to me,but boy I sure enjoy the company and the younger ones are more fun at times....Good luck | |
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sware2
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Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 61 | |
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| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 7/29/2008 7:43:16 PM | I have to disagree with what many ladies are saying about there being no good men in arkansas. I feel I am "EXACTLY" what women say they are looking for except for a little lacking in the looks department because I am VERY SLIGHTLY overweight but am working on it and have lost a little lately. I have a great paying job(I make just under $40000 a year), I am tall, have ZERO police record, am honest, genuine, sincere, very sensitive yet very confident, I do have kids(which may scare some off) but at least I take them 3 days a week EVERY SINGLE WEEK WITHOUT FAIL so I am not a deadbeat dad, I am well educated and very intelligent, I don't smoke or drink whatsoever(although don't put others down for it and would not decline a drink if offered one at a party or getogether or whatever to be social), I am up for meeting almost any kind of woman as long as she is within the ages of around 24-36, also to any of those thinking that "well it's probably because all southern men are just _____" I assure you it is not this either because I am actually a transplant from OREGON, etc....I could go on and on about the reason I feel I would make a good addition in MANY womens lives! And yet wouldn't you know it, I CAN'T GET A DATE TO SAVE MY LIFE! I really don't understand it. I wasn't going to even post this because I don't want someone to see this and be like "OH MY GOD, CHECK OUT THIS LOSER WHINING BECAUSE HE CAN'T GET A DATE, HE REALLY MUST BE PATHETIC" Anyone who thinks this of me is wrong. I KNOW I am worth a damn and I KNOW I am one of those "ONE IN A MILLION" type guys. Like I said I am VERY CONFIDENT but not to the point of being****.
Well anyway I hope anyone that reads this realizes that I am not mad at all at woman WHATSOEVER! I absolutely ADORE most women I come in contact with. But you ladies sure seem to be saying one thing while actually doing the opposteI am just curious why a guy like me is having so much trouble meeting a good woman. I would appreciate ANY ADVICE from any ladies on what they think my issue is. Let me have it hard and real! | |
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| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 7/29/2008 9:54:32 PM | | Well capn I'm not a lady but I can tell by what you're saying you seem to be the desperate type. Not to sound harsh because I'm sure it's hard to be picky if you've been alone for a while (assuming) but your best bet is to not come off as so desperate. Be picky about who you date. If you don't, then you're just telling women you don't know or care what you want except companionship. I'm willing to bet that's far from the intention but I'm sure you're all to eager to do for a woman without anything returned in kind. That being said all those brags about yourself won't help either. Women have heard it all, men keep saying it for the same reason companies keep putting out crap for entertainment. A lack of originality. If you want to impress a girl start a conversation like you would a friend it's a great way to find out what kind of person she is. If she doesn't respond big deal this website has been aptly named plentyoffish for a reason. Once you get her attention you need to think outside the box. Pay attention to what she says, often times you can use that as a means to create a more comfortable and agreeable environment. Once you've mastered that then you will soon realize a truly good man knows how to invest his time and energy towards making a pleasing environment during a date for not just her but yourself as well. With that you will be able to take dating to a whole new level and will always be impressing/entertaining women because you will be creating something special just for her and it's something that she will remember. As for the women looking for good men...give me a break! You actually have to look for them! They don't come flying in introducing themselves, as great and wonderful you know. And if they did would you believe them much less care?...doubtful. If you want to snag a good guy you have to balance common sense with personal preference. If the guy is being to aggressive it should ring a bell, unless you like that type then go for it, but I don't think those types of women will be found on dating sites when a bar is a much more suitable environment for that. Listen to what they ask you that tells a lot about a guy. If they ask good questions give good answers because the both of you will gain alot from the experience. If you want to find a good guy then go look for them and don't be affraid to approach them. If you're under the impression that they come to you or find you then you're sadly mistaken. All you'll end up with is guys like capn (no offense) or worse. Most important thing to remember is this is a 2 person thing you have to engage with the guys as much as they do with you. If you find someone interesting talk flirt do whatever it takes to get their attention and go from there otherwise you're going to be dealing with perverts and lonely desperate men your whole dating experience. Of course there is exceptions to this I think generally speaking it should give a good idea of what a "good" guy or girl is or at the very least some tips on how to make a successful date from contact to doorstep. Well it's been fun take it easy. | |
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| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 7/30/2008 5:17:00 AM | | kljoker. I respect your opinion and yes there was some useful information in that email. However, on the desperate comment, you are just wrong. I am so far from that I can't even express it. I can get a date, if I really want just anyone, but I can't find a decent girl. The last one literally used me for sex! YES THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. My main problem, to clarify from my earlier email, is all these women say they want a honest, confident, financially secure, that will respect them and not cheat on them, blah, blah, blah.. and then those same women will go out and get the BAD BOY type and they end up getting used and abused and complain there are no good men left! LLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean gee whiz ladies WTF!!?? What I am looking for is basically a more traditional type relationship built on mutual respect, honesty and trust. And I guess that just doesn't exist anymore! Yes I have done the whole PUA(pick-up artist and yes alot of that BS really works with women which I find sad) route and I am fully able to seduce a women in usually less than 2 or 3 dates but that is SO not fulfilling me and is not what I am really wanting AT ALL. I am not looking for just sex but something meaningful. If that is desperate than I guess I am guilty as charged!! I just feel I am incredibly frustrated because the type of relationship I am searching for just doesn't exist anymore! Even though all these women are advertising that it does! | |
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| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 7/30/2008 10:34:46 AM | Well I'll be honest I think most modern women were not taught class but expect chivalry. And the ones who claim to be classy more often than not are just pretentious brats. Now what you're looking for I'm sure you won't find in any typical place. You need to find someone who ,of course, is at the same level as you financially , emotionally and maturely. It's important to discuss your intentions right off the bat (i.e. sex, friends, longterm...ect). If a girl typically likes bad boy types, operative word being "girl". Then it's safe to assume she's not on the same level as you are and probably won't be until she's had a few kids and partied her youth away. Failure is the best educational tool, especially when it comes to dating. I think science needs to re-evaluate what it thinks it knows about women in general. Over the recent decades women have redefined themselves but not by their own volition but by their portrayal on shows. Leaving younger generations to expect this particular type of behavior from women. I wish more women had class and not arrogance unfortunately we do not live in such a time and I feel it will only become worse. Of course men aren't any better treating women like they are walking sex machines wanting them to striping and such. But behind every great man is a great woman. I'm sure you've been in the dating game long enough to realize what type of girl will turn tail for another guy. It's not an easy task and requires diligence so it's better to adopt a mentality of when it happens it happens. Don't invest needlessly into something that's not there, even if she's your dream girl. Just be yourself and enjoy out of it what you can without expectations reaching unfathomable heights of fantastic proportion. People will always let you down across the board when you find someone dependable enough hang on to em and see what happens. I doubt anything in the piece has helped quell your frustration towards this process but nothing a  can't handle! take it easy an good luck! | |
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| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 7/31/2008 3:36:24 PM | | The kind of maturity you're looking for usually shows up about 45 or 50ish, capncool1. I suggest you look at the church(es) of your choice, talk to friends and relatives about what you are looking for, and get involved in activities & groups where you are likely to find women (and men) with old-fashioned morals, ethics and character. Occasionally you might find what you're looking for on these singles groups, but you have to take things really slow and "Run, Forrest, RUN" if anybody says they're in love with you before you've spent several weeks, if not months, dating or doing activities together, and talking. Please don't fall for "the bum's rush". You'll regret it every time, I'm afraid. | |
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| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 7/31/2008 4:37:37 PM | | I am going to take a shot at this ... class has a lot of definitions which are easy ... style, elegance, flair and panache are certainly some of them as well as suave, polished, cultured and debonair. There's more too it though, more than manners, but an outlook or way of life that could be described as sophisticated, gracious, courteous and urbane ... you could also include mature, courteous and polite or decribe a person as refined and gracious, having taste and confidence ... but those are all easy decriptives because a big part of class is an indefineable way of thinking and looking at other people. Class is recognizing that other people are exactly that - other people. Class is seeing the best in people and recognizing that other people have potential. Classy people may have a very small amount of naivety but the majority see life with eyes wide open. Class is not putting other people down because they are male or female, rich or poor, fat or thin, or any of a multitude of differences, class is accepting of people as they are. This doesn't mean that they are attracted to or like everyone but that they are tolerant of the differences. If a person looks for class, they won't find it ... if a person tries to be classy, they won't be ... if a person thinks they are classy they aren't ... what they achieve is pretentiousness ... you find those with class more often in the elderly and but rarely in those younger ... a classy person just is ... | |
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| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 7/31/2008 6:37:53 PM | | Thanks billfishin2. You make some interesting points. But...you know, I was kinda hoping to hear from the guy who made the jab that women are not taught class. I mean, what is it in the rearing of the women of the world that he believes to be amiss? | |
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| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 8/6/2008 2:21:10 PM |
I live where everyone knows everyone. I don't go to bars or clubs. I go to work and come home. I don't work in a job where I meet dateable people. So what's a girl supposed to do?? I live close to Missouri , but not having any luck there either....
I just wondered what is up with men in Arkansas??? I never see anyone new online. Always the same ones. I just get really frustrated.
It sounds like where I live. But anyway, I'm in the same situation as you. The fact is, there are decent people out there, both male and female. I'm not perfect per se but I consider myself a rather decent fellow. And as others have alluded to, the question can be retitled "Why does it suck to find someone decent in (insert state / province / country, etc)?
I'm introverted so that makes the problem doubly difficult for me. But I do make an effort to contact a few every so often. If somebody has something listed on their profile that you find interesting, by all means go on and ask! And on the other side of the coin, when somebody does contact you, reply with either a yes or no (not interested, etc.). Don't leave them hanging. If they don't reply after the second email (written some 4+ days after the first), move on. | |
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sware2
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Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 73 | |
| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 8/14/2008 4:43:28 PM | | I think all of you should try some of the POF events.. I have been meeting some really nice people.. and yes.. there are some losers in every crowd.. but making friends is not a bad thing.. and you just never know.. the last party I hosted one couple dropped by that met on POF and just got married.. so just do not give up hope.. but do not fret so much about finding THE ONE.. | |
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| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:37:09 AM | | because all the good guys are gone.and all that is left is ***hole and jorks who think they are bose of u the mintue u start talkin 2 them. meet a few on here like that.and if there not that way they fall in love 2 fast and scare u way. | |
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| why does it suck trying to find someone decent in Arkansas?
Posted: 8/15/2008 3:57:56 PM | | If guys are really acting like they are your boss and falling in love with you too fast, you might want to monitor your own behavior. Ask yourself if there might be something you could have done differently to have prevented that behavior from developing. Because...this stuff doesn't happen to me... | |
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