| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 5/12/2006 1:06:35 PM | WELL...you are a distinct type, not for everyone out there, but I'm sure there's some pierced guy out there looking for a gal just like you. You are very young...give it time. I'm quite surprized you are shy, though, after looking at all your photos, I'd have thought you'd be pretty bold and brave.
Not ugly, though. Move to a bigger city: Tornonto, Montreal, Paris, New York, London. Your people are out there waiting for you to come to the party. | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 5/12/2006 1:22:38 PM | The OP asked about advice about approaching guys. A few of you have managed to stay on topic, but some of you think this is "POF Makeover". She never said that she thought she was ugly, she thought that 'others' might think that way, and to me, there is a huge difference between the two.
And she didn't ask for advice on her profile, either. She asked for advice on approaching guys, because she believes that is the next necessary step as they are not approaching her.
There are definitely some good points made in this thread about eye contact, the smile, etc. Definitely things to try. I definitely understand the shyness in approaching others, and it takes a lot to get over it. You don't have start off by walking up and talking to guys, just start by giving the signals that you are willing to talk if approached. Start slow, force yourself to make eye contact (count out a "one one-thousand" in your head if you have to before you turn away). Smile at him. Make a point of walking past him, even if it is a bit out of your way. Just try doing little things like these as first steps, and you mind find it gets easier.
Good luck and don't change anything about yourself that you don't want to! | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 5/12/2006 1:32:17 PM | BornAUnicorn
Men are intimidated easily by a strong willed woman. You in fact dare to dye your hair peirce your face and be how and who you think you are. If you act shy and closed off then no one will aproach you. No matter what anyone else says here don't change your style to "get someone" if you had to change to get them then you dont want them. You are who you are blue dreads peircings tatts and all.
What I am saying is change your attitude not your style. If you like the black nose ring keep it. But do email a few guys that interest you. Do walk up to some guy and say hey i noticed you wanna get a drink. or whatever. If you act shy it might come off as you're being a **** or un aproachable. Maybe smile more. I found that works for me. I am BBW too and I dont have any full body pics. Whatever my choice its your choice too. Again emphasis on change attitude and not style. | |
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Regnis
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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 79 | |
| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 5/12/2006 1:57:21 PM | | You are a beautiful gal, and I'm surpised guys aren't approaching you. Only if wasn't persuing someone, you were a few years older or me a few years young, I would be chasing you myself. Have confidence in yourself, and apporach the guys. | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 5/12/2006 2:44:35 PM | It seems like part of your question is 'how do I approach guys.'
I think it's important for a girl to do half of the chasing. A lot of the players are very confident and outgoing. A lot of the shy guys are interesting and faithful. So it's worth being able to nudge the right guy into making the right move.
The key is.... questions. Just be interested, you know? If you think guys are intimidated by you, ask for their help with somthing. A guy will be less intimidated if he feels he's helpful or being asked for help. If "intimidation" is not the problem (I think this excuse is overused by girls anyways), showing interest is still good. Ask for things. Trade things. i.e. Questions require a response. Needs require an interaction. Make a bet or offer a challenge. It's one way to break the ice. Also, make sure to remember things that he's done or said and work them back into the conversation. It creates a sense of history and relationship. | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 5/12/2006 6:31:55 PM | First of all hun, you are beautiful in all the ways that matter.
You are shy and that's fine, you will learn in time to open up more so everyone can see the light that radiates around you.
Please do not change your appearance for the sake of anyone. If that is the way you are comfortable then stay that way....embrace, respect and love yourself from the inside out and everyone else will follow suit.
Taking out your hair and losing your nose ring etc. is just as bad as if I were to bleach my skin so that I could appear non-black all in order to appease someone into liking me. For a minute it would work, but what would I have gained in the long run?
My advice to you is to keep your head high, go out and have a good time with your friends and family. When you least expect it, the person you are seeking will find you.
Take care girl and Stay true to who you are always | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 5/12/2006 7:25:29 PM |
I'm not sure if I just look so crazy that they are scared of me, or if they think i'm ugly. Either way i'm too shy to approach guys myself. I need to learn how to do this. Any advice?
Well, you're not ugly - you're very pretty - so it's not that. The "crazy" look might be scaring some men off, but you're obviously smart, and must have known when you made the decision about your piercing that it's not something everybody will appreciate.
Keep in mind that a lot of people are shy at 19. Some great guys are probably aching to approach you, but THEIR shyness is holding them back, too. It sometimes helps to realize that.
I wish I had better advice. I was a lot older than you before I gained confidence. But it does get easier.
Good luck. | |
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| Either way i'm too shy to approach guys myself. I am pretty sure that was the question lol
Posted: 5/14/2006 12:16:01 PM | Either way i'm too shy to approach guys myself.
what is it that makes you too shy to approach are you scared of the posibility of being rejected? cause you are a beautiful looking woman, if there is someone you are interested in just go for it girl there is no harm in trying after all what is the worst a that will happen a no thank you answer, then you just chalk it up to experience or maybe you might get some insite from that one person as what kind of person they are into and it could actually be you, you do have enough nerve to have be outgoing in your look so to me I would think you probably have an outgoing personality too . I do like those glasses btw. good luck and I hope that you get the info you need from here   I am pretty sure that was the question lol | |
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| Either way i'm too shy to approach guys myself. I am pretty sure that was the question lol
Posted: 5/17/2006 1:28:21 PM | | hey... I didnt mean to offend her, that's not what I was going for... I was simply saying that, that goth look scares ALOT of ppl away... and I'm talking like 90% of the population. for argument shakes how many of you girls, would date me if I had tatoo's everywhere, nose, eye, lips, and chin piercings? I mean come on.... I'd date this girl for SURE, but she'd have to lose all that stuff off her face. | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 5/17/2006 5:32:14 PM | lose that crap on your face...it takes away from your face. wearing it once in a while is fine but not all the time. most guys probably don't approach you because of it. you have probably turned off about 98% of guys with that stuff there. your only appealing to 2% of guys or probably less than that. your looks are fine, it's the nose ring and other stuff that are probably stopping guys from approaching you.
good luck. | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 5/18/2006 3:25:46 AM | OP, being 44 I'm not exactly your target demographic nor you mine, but the nose ring just doesn't do it for me. As another poster said, you are a beautiful girl.
If you like a guy, make the first move! Good luck. | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 5/18/2006 9:15:37 PM | | ok lets be real,,you look a little scary..the different hair colors the nose ring and trust me guys arent searching for chick with a few extra pounds. I say get a normal hair color, join a gym, lose the weird rings ..you have a beautiful face..just need a good frame to show it off ass..just being honest | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 5/18/2006 10:00:43 PM | Every guy I know has to learn this the hard way : just suck it up and do it. If you don't try you'll never know. Or you can wait for them to come to you. Since, according to you, that method isn't working you're going to have to make yourself over in attitude and , to some degree (whether you like or not) appearance. Yes, the nose ring is going to be a turn off for the majority of guys. Between how many guys you're not interested in and how many aren't interested in the nose ring, the field is going to be pretty narrow. And no, men aren't intimidated by strong willed women or anything like that. They just aren't interested in women they perceive as ****y. State your opinions loudly and arrogantly and they won't find you intimidating, they'll just turn away. We call the male equivalents to this boors or (usually) assh0les.
The rest is easy once you do it. Sorta like riding a bike for the first time or maybe jumping off the high diving board (whatever it is that you just won't do because it seems a bit scary) Just walk up and talk. That's it. Think of the absolute worst thing a potential date could say to you. Can you handle that ? As soon as you think you can, you're ready. No need to nitpick about your appearance but if you think a guy won't like it and you're willing to part with it, then it should go the way of the dodo. You don't need to change your overall style but moderation in appearance says alot about moderation in personality and judgment. If you want somebody who is way out there and radical then maybe you need more nose rings. No, that's not a pot shot, just meant as it's said. And smile. Don't forget to smile. In fact, with your looks, you could probably just walk up, say hello , keep smiling and he'll do the rest. In fact, yes, that's exactly how it will play out if he's interested. Keep a few reserve questions lined up in your head (I always have two ready to ask if things slow down...lol...hey, it's an art not a science) and remember to try and keep them at least moderately specific to him.
And remember, any question is a good one (as long as it's benign) so don't be worried about asking the wrong thing.
Find something about him that you like (just from what you can see) and ask him about it. It's easy. People love to talk about themselves so if you give him a chance, rest assured, he'll take it.
Good luck. | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 6/30/2006 10:34:22 AM | i was just hoping to add a comment on this one, I have two proffession careers where I am in the front line of two very successfull companies in calgary and that are spread out across Canada. I have 3 peircings in each ear , eyebrow, nose , lip and toung all peirced. I do however , dont wear them all to work. I stick with a simple eyebrow ring and my tounge ring. I am full able to work as well as everyone else dispite the metal I choose to wear in my own personal time. I am successfull and will continue growing into higher possitions within these two companys and with future training . I feel that your peircings make u who u are and if it is intimidating to someone then thats not who you want to be with
always be with someone who will accept u for who you are. I had a friend for 5 years tell me he founf my peiricngs to be gross and unattractive. When I became single he told me he secretly loved them and found them to be extremely desirable. He just didnt want his friends to classify his woman as a freak. But he grew to love them and so did his friends, no tbecause of the peircings themselfs but for who the metal was attatched to. I am me and I wont change, I will how ever show you that No Matter what I look like ........ I can make anyone like me !  | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 6/30/2006 10:35:52 AM | i was just hoping to add a comment on this one, I have two proffession careers where I am in the front line of two very successfull companies in calgary and that are spread out across Canada. I have 3 peircings in each ear , eyebrow, nose , lip and toung all peirced. I do however , dont wear them all to work. I stick with a simple eyebrow ring and my tounge ring. I am full able to work as well as everyone else, dispite the metal I choose to wear in my own personal time. I am successfull and will continue growing into higher possitions within these two companys and with future training . I feel that your peircings make u who u are and if it is intimidating to someone then thats not who you want to be with
always be with someone who will accept u for who you are. I had a friend for 5 years tell me he founf my peiricngs to be gross and unattractive. When I became single he told me he secretly loved them and found them to be extremely desirable. He just didnt want his friends to classify his woman as a freak. But he grew to love them and so did his friends, no tbecause of the peircings themselfs but for who the metal was attatched to. I am me and I wont change, I will how ever show you that No Matter what I look like ........ I can make anyone like me ! | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 6/30/2006 11:41:05 AM | I will preface this by saying this is just my humble opinion..... the opinion of a middle aged man......
YOU are not ugly. But to me, all of what you have done to yourself is butt ugly. The piercings, dreads, hair coloring etc are heinous. And I really think they are defense mechanisms to compensate for your shyness. If you do all of this to cover you natural attractiveness you don't have to worry about being approachable by all but a small segemnet of the population. By making yourself essentially unapproachabel you don't have to deal with all of the the social situations in which you feel so uncomfortable........
I know this won't be popular but I will say it any way....... You really need to work on chasing away your inner demons that make you socially awkward. Once you do that you will feel better about facing the world without this mask you have created to shield yourself from the world. (and now for the part I will get flamed over) At some point in your life you are going to want to get a real job (more than minimum wage) you are going to want to be in a real reationship, have children etc.....You will be impeded in your quest for these things by your current looks. While it may be sad, it is a fact. There are not too many "real" jobs in this world that you can have with looks that are not at least a little closer to main stream. You can still keep your uniqueness, but express that in your personality, not in your looks that automatically alienate you from such a large segment of the population.
Work on the inner you, work on your shyness and whatever else you feel you lack in social skills.......After that I think you will be ready to take off that heinous mask that is hiding your true beaty and face the world with confidence and say "here I am world, aren't I great!" | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 6/30/2006 1:28:22 PM | Don't worry about looks,
one man's ugly is another man's beauty.
you just haven't met a guy who appreciates you.
As for being shy, so what, take a course in public speaking....
Or try the simple approach, walk by and trip into a guy's arms....
From what I saw of your pic, you don't have to worry about looks.... | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 6/30/2006 1:44:36 PM | | Well. Do you hang out with same style individuals? Try this one. Hey how ya doin. Nice nose ring/tattoo/ham sandwich. :P Hi how ya doing. My names___________. I noticed you looking at me. You like me don't you. :P It's okay I like you too. wanna hang out. Pretty simple really. Just talk to them. Even if you trip up it will be cute. Trust me. Do it over and over. Confront your fears. | |
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| I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly
Posted: 6/30/2006 1:49:52 PM | I was going to come in and say, "No, you're butt ugly" when I read the thread title.
But rawr!
Most of what people have said about your appearance in this thread is complete crap. Or at least the non-complimentary stuff.
If you lived in Seattle, you'd be fighting off the boys (and the girls) with a stick.
Stick with your look, girl. You've got the rest of your life to be plain, boring and vanilla like the rest of these losers. | |
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