| | Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?Page 6 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | That just happened to me too! I was dating this guy for like a week and was supposed to spend the night last nite. He calls me up and says his car died and couldn't make it. So I call him up and ask how the car is and get no response. Finally he calls me at 1 am and tells me all that needs to be done on the car. "talk to you later babe, bye" Today I call and all I get is voicemail. Very frustrating. Im not willing to wait for him.  | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/6/2007 12:13:30 PM | Translation: This is why my idiotic statement was not an idiotic one. You did not hear from him, and the day before you were to have a date, you accuse him of being rude for not talking to you and sharing his feelings. This behavior is well known, to both men and women, as possessive behavior. Most people that I know will identify that statement as a huge warning and red flag.
When I correspond with someone everyday for a week (sometimes more than twice in one day) previous to meeting them, and the face-to-face has presumably gone well, yes I expect to hear from them before the next agreed encounter. Either a ‘didn’t work’ or ‘what time is convenient for you?’
loveistime has the right idea. ‘for those of you that do it, why not just send a simple message next time you're online to let that person who was interested in you know you're fine and you might contact them next month or next year.’
jan fobia said ‘where he'll call ya in a few months wanting to go out like nothing ever happened’.
Hmmm, gets me thinking that maybe the reason these ppl disappear without a word is:
A) to avoid confrontation (some dates just won’t accept the truth of reality)
B) so that whenever they’ve lucked out they can re-connect with that person to pass time
C) open to opinions….got any?
orchidtigress: 'people have lives and get busy....'
If you’ve submitted a profile seeking a longterm relationship on any dating site, wouldn’t it stand to reason that no matter how busy you were, you are prepared to free up some time for a possible mate? I just don’t see meeting someone & then saying, “Well my life is busy, now that I’ve met you I can’t spare anymore time”. Only if you didn’t connect with the person…and then you should be polite enough to inform them that you have a life, which doesn’t include them.
For those of you that don’t think this guy led me on… obviously it wouldn’t bother me if he were to forfeit his sweater (container was irreverent) but he knew the books were important to me, so exactly how was I to get them back? (I gave them to him [he accepted] at the end of the evening when we agreed to meet the following Mon.) | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:19:36 PM | Snowflakeasl, Maybe he needed time to gather his thoughts. You had a set time for a meeting. If you wanted to communicate with him, you could have talked to him like a civilized person. i.e. without accusation and a counseling issue. This whole situation, in my opinion, is all due to your insecurities.
But you go ahead and keep correcting those with opinions that you do not like or agree with. Personally, I think that the man was smart to pull chock’s when he did. | |
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clay71
| | Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 130 | |
| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:36:52 PM | I don't know If I had a first date like that for one thing, I would'nt let it go on that long. Wheres the the excitement of learning what else may be in store later/ Hmmm....Wait..
On second thought I hav'nt had a date in a while, so who the hell am I kidding? If it went that good I'd be back for more.
If that sounds pathetic to any one, Screw you guys I'm goin home. | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/7/2007 8:54:25 AM | Civilized, you mean like playing head-games. I didn’t bother him for 3 days. I think that’s enough time to gather one’s thoughts if you’re mature & know what you want. Yes, I could have said, ‘Would you please talk to me”, or “I’m confused, please tell me what’s happening?”…or a whole variation of sugar coated purred words, but the bottom line is truthfully, he was being rude. The only insecurity I have is with my hearing, & that is not the issue here.
Personally, I’m glad he pulled chock too. It just would have been considerate of a 'civilized person' to inform me of his decision...oh wait, maybe he hasn't decided yet. | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/7/2007 10:04:52 AM |
I think that’s enough time to gather one’s thoughts.
That’s just it, isn’t it? It’s all about you and what you think. Never forgive someone who doesn’t think like you or do what you think should be done. He may have been rude.
But you know what? I would have done the same thing. Think about it, here it is, the day before a second date when she writes “Don’t be so rude, talk to me, tell me what you’re feeling”. I stand back, think for a moment. Where did that come from? It has been three days and she is already telling me what to do. Crazy.
If anyone knows anything about possessive domineering women, it is that there is no talking common sense with them, they have it all figured out and the rest of us are doing everything wrong.
So, logic dictates, that if there is no logical way of two way communication, then it is pointless to attempt. Why bother? More headaches with the same results.
So what to do? Cut all ties and move on with life. Feel lucky that you found out early.
The only insecurity I have is with my hearing.
I don’t think so. I am no psychologist, but it seems to me that you do have security issues. Your hearing should not be one of them, you deal with that the best that you can. There is nothing wrong with feeling insecure about things, but it is not very nice to blame all this on someone else, just because you panicked. | |
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B.Ann
| | Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 133 | |
| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/7/2007 10:23:37 AM | The worst ones are when you ask them if they are interested,don,t even give you the courtesy of a reply i think.It,s not rocket science,but it would be better to let a girl know where she stands than leave her wondering,so yes, i think some men are cowards. There again it shows their true colours,so be glad you didn,t continue seeing them!They did you a favour! | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/7/2007 11:10:37 AM | HI,
This is not a male or female thing. This happens to all us. First, what he did was rude and uncalled for. Second it is about him and not about you. He will do this again to someone else and he has done it in the past. I know that does not make it any easier but if you can realize that he has the problem and not you then you can at least know that he was not honest with you and he is not someone who you would want in your life anyway.
Let it go and just know there is such a thing as karma and it will come back to him in some way and by that time you will have moved on to someone who really appreciates you.
Good luck | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/7/2007 11:16:14 AM | The answer to your question is no. But the story you tell about finding your soulmate in 9 hours doesn't gel with the question. Sorry to rain on your parade, but I have difficulty buying that this man was truly your 'soulmate'.
Please keep looking. There is someone wonderful out ther for you. It just isn't this particular man. | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/7/2007 11:26:06 AM | | ^^^I agree. Take more time than 9 hours to decide this. Also, in reply to this: "Obviously he had a difference of opinion but out of respect, shouldn’t he share it with me & finalize this hope I cling to? " You CLING to the HOPE of finalizing this? I feel he did the finalizing by moving on and letting it go. You need to now. It sounds like you were CLINGING, nothing to do with any hope actually..just needy clinginess.That's never appealing from either gender. | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/8/2007 12:38:00 PM | | Just had an experience with someone who set up a date, and said he would call that morning to confirm the date. Well, I never got the confirmatory call so I figured that's it, I am not bothering with someone who cannot make a simple call to confirm things. It's not worth it to be in a relationship with someone who does not keep his word. My ex was a good man when it came to keeping his word (we went our separate ways merely because we had different life goals, not because there were problems between us), and I enjoyed my time with him while we were still together. Keeping one's word is something that is very important to me, and I would rather not waste time with someone who does not call when he says he will. I just think to myself---"next!" and move on. It's not worth stressing out being with someone like that. | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/8/2007 1:02:12 PM | I think some people believe that computer dating sites gives them the go-ahead to be rude/dishonest/unmannerly/ignorant/inconsiderate/players etc.
Quote from ArtofLiving: I heard the other day that after 8 seconds of a first meeting a man has already decided if they want to see the woman again. Whereas the woman reserves judgement to get to know the person.
It doesn't take me 3 days to decide whether I want to see a lady again. If you're indecisive, that means you're 'not into her'. I say, "Don't be a jerk, let her know!" | |
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Suju
| | Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 141 | |
| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/8/2007 4:27:34 PM | I've recently had this happen to me too.
It is quite disapointing to see that some men think of themselves as honest, non-player, type of guys when in fact the latter is quite possibly exactly what they are.
Live & learn through experience & hopefully never make the same mistake twice.
Unfortunately, in scenarios like this it's not you or me who is at fault, exept perhaps in having trusted that what is said shall reflect the actions of said men.
I so wish there was some way to weed these types out.
Players are big time manipulators & usually good with talk ... but in the end they are simply cheap cheats who'll end up growing old by themselves.
In the end, we are better off without them in our lives so that is a good thing in my book. | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/8/2007 4:44:20 PM | To answer your question in the subject line...should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see them again....
NO. You should not.
How you feel this man led you on or how you determined him to be your soul mate after 9 hours...I will never understand! How so many people have said the same has happened to them...stuns me.
People! NO ONE....can determine that someone is a "soul mate" or "in love" (Which when you are talking soul mates...I am assuming you are feeling love?) after 9 days, 9 weeks, much less 9 hours! Heck...9 YEARS later, you still learn new things about someone! You might THINK you know them...but all you really know is that there is enough chemistry to want to see them again! Your life is NOT a movie! You devalue the whole notion of romance and love by even suggesting that you can discover your soul mate in 9 hours!
REALLY! If someone is so desperate for a relationship...so hard up to find that someone that they fool themselves into thinking HE is the ONE after 9 hours...then you seriously need a reality check and to find out WHY you are so lonely, being alone! Yikes! This shlt scares the crap outta me and makes me embarrassed to be the same sex as the OP...because some of us are comfortable in being single and are not desperately seeking anything or anyone....but when it happens...naturally...it happens. Sheesh! | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/8/2007 5:18:08 PM |
It is quite disapointing to see that some men think of themselves as honest, non-player, type of guys when in fact the latter is quite possibly exactly what they are.
Ok, let's get this straight, there's a difference between flakes (who don't show up or do what they say) & players (who string people along and take advantage of them sexually). Both are rude & not fun to deal with. But I think the flake is more just confused, socially inept whereas the player is the one who's deliberately manipulating people. While they guys in both snowflakeasl's cae & mine were flakes, they weren't players. Let's save that label for the people who really deserve it. As for flakes, they make it pretty easy to live, learn & move on because they don't hurt us on the level players do. | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:27:48 PM | This posting has shed a lot of light on something that recently happened with me, and a POF date.
"As EastSideEddie said, this doesn't make the guy a player, if anything it makes him NOT a player. A player would have strung you along.
I would like to know how long before your original post this date was...was it a day or two earlier or weeks/months before? If it hasn't been that long, maybe he will get hold of you, but his time frame is different than yours."
This past long weekend, a POF guy arranged to pick me up at the Ferry in Victoria, as I took last week of as vacation. He suggested I stay at a B&B in Duncan, where we would go on a wine tour, and dinner-theatre in Chemanus.
He picked me up, we had a great lunch, yet the conversation was "strained" somewhat. Hypothetical, philosophical questions. We talked about integrity, impeccability and honoring ones word.
He called me that night, after dropping me off at my hotel in Victoria, to say he had to leave for the mainland Tuesday, but would be back Wednesday. So, I booked a second night in Victoria, and took the train to Duncan Wednesday morning.
Upon my arrival, I called to confirm our getting together. He said he would be free after a lunch meeting.
My cell phone received a message from him at 8:00 p.m. that night! He had no intention of honoring his word, being impeccable or straight with me. After meeting me, was he just not into me anymore? Did he get cold feet? Is he married? I really don't care to speculate. This forum thread has said several times that his timing may be different than mine.
However, on the other side, it is actually a huge gift for me if a guy says "Hey, something happened, and I don't know what, but I'm just not that into you anymore". Thank you! Blessings, good luck. Next!
I had re-arranged my vacation plans to accommodate him, because of his call to me.
Thankfully, I met up with someone else on the island, and had an absolutely amazing time with him. | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 11/25/2008 2:40:14 AM | Everyone is an expert when it comes to relationships . Diffrent people go through many diffrent things. My honest opinion is most people(not all) You meet on the internet are and will be talking with other girls and guys right after they click off your name. Some men have not respect for women and they think its ok to not contact somone they were seeing or tell them they are not interested. They could be just rude or not want to hurt the other feelings. WE cannot judge Translation for his perception for females because we as females judge men and percive them all the same at times.
My opinion is that guy didnt desereve your feelings and you are better off meeting somone who id right for you somone who is honest and not afraid to let you know how he feels.
I just went through a bad time myself and he was honest with me but his excuses were just really stupid. If you care enough about somone little petty things that stand in the way should not matter. So i decided after a long time of trying I was not going to bother anymore if he felt i was not good enough for him his loss.
Men and women so lead each other on and alot of that has to do with the intimate part of the realtionship( all honesty some people just want that but tell others nice things they do not mean) It is not right to lead another person on we all know that but it does happen and the people who do this have no respect for themselves or others. | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 11/25/2008 6:09:55 AM | op. it sounds like he liked you and had fun with you, so expressed his enjoyment and affection with a hug and plans to meet again, but after he parted from you he realized that he'd just be leading you on if he met you again, because he didn't feel anything more for you than a friendship, so decided not to contact you again
it is a bit of a cowardly way out, maybe he doesn't like conflict and couldn't face upsetting you, but still, it would have been more respectful to let you know
still, some people believe that lack of contact *is* their way of letting you know, so i'd just be thankful for a fun time and put it behind me
good luck | |
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| Should you lead someone on when you know you don't want to see the person again?
Posted: 4/7/2009 1:39:12 AM | | Wow this just happend to me, ame exact thing!! we spent around 9 hours together too! up to 5am...and talked about everything! and he even text me after the date saying he had a great time and wanted to hang out again..so i set another date..maybe to soon not sure..that following Sunday..the first date was on Tuesday..and he was "ya sounds great"!!! and all of a sudden he mentioned he was not felling to hot, and wasn't sure about the meeting up, amd that he would let me know and thenon the day of our meeting up I never heard from him..and still haven't wow! huh? | |
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