| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 9/6/2007 1:15:21 PM | I have 4 children and they all have something they don't have to share... they have different Fathers. And I tell people that I am a serial Monogamist. My children are 4-9 years apart from each other. Are these MEN/WOMAN not also part of humanity? I have great relations with all my childrens Dad's. They are not bad I am not bad the situation was bad and didn't work we accepted that and parted as friends. It is possible to NOT have baggage....lol! My children are a blessing that fill my life with joy everyday. They are innocent..... Not baggage!
Perception is reality I guess.
Hang in there hon.
Love and Light,
Heather | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 9/6/2007 4:14:53 PM | | I agree with 1tallmomma, i have three kids all three have diffrent dads 2 of them are each from a marriage been married twice and one from a rape, i love them all the same raised all and my ex-husband when we got married i had my son from a previous marriage and my daughter from the rape , it wasn't his resposibility to raise them or feed them it was mine but he loved being their step dad ,y first marriage was seven years, my second was six, my third child is from the second marriage. If guys are going to judge me for that then they are not worth my time. they aren't taking the time to get to know me and they may pass up a great catch, before you judge the person and run get to know them and their story other wise you could lose that one important person. and before you cast stones you don't know what your future may hold. | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:00:29 PM | Tigermoon 9: I applaud you for your situation, if more peole had your attitude three would be less drama in relationships and many relationships would be happier.
Irreplacablex2: I agree noit to always judge a book by it's cover and your situation of being raped would cause me to look at the situation differantly. It is the "fruitloops": who have 3 kids with 3 differant peole and who can not make the relationship work or they picked the wrong person 3 times that are the problem. | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 9/7/2007 6:31:02 AM | where did you see that i condemned her for it either? we all go through that phase of niavete..some of us just out grow it faster...if you're going to quote me you should quote the whole thing and not just sections that suit your point
..i have no place to judge the op either..
taken just a few spaces from where you quoted from my second post on this thread. I did say I would CAUTIOUS my point is some patterns are learned and (a) if I am looking for an LT relationship and this next potential person has a pattern of serious relationships that have ended up leaving children behind I'm not going to jump into anything because -I- have a child whom has already lost his father 2x since his birth though he doesnt know it and then again last year when he past away I would never dare put my child in that place again. (b) I wouldnt want him learning that pattern either, I want him to learn what a healthy relationship is (c) I did also say that i understand there might be some underlying circumstances which I may not understand off the top and would at least ask before making my judgement..
My sons dad was one of those men who had to have someone with them ALL the time no matter where he was or what he was doing. he was co-dependant. He probably became that way from not having a proper family dynamic and watching his fathers relationship patterns. If were a woman and my sons grandfather had approached me and said hey "I've been married three times and am currently in the middle of a divorce" my mind says "unable to commit". But I'd still ask, its what the other person says which would determine the outcome afterward, if I believe it was a suitable explanation fine.
Fortunately your misjudgement didn't result in a 2nd child as then you would have been raising 2 children alone, which i can vouch is not an easy task!
no it didnt but if it had my 2 children would still have the same parentage would they not? which would make that statement irrelevant to this entire topic. | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 9/7/2007 6:50:17 AM | | I am a divorced dad and have one child with one woman. I don't judge people based on what happened to people in their past. I know someone who has three beautiful kids from three different guys. One ended up being a criminal, one died, and one just left. It happens..those kids were still meant to be here for a reason and I honestly don't think this woman would have just had three kids with 3 dads just because it felt like a cool thing to do. Life happens. So in a word, my answer is yes. | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 9/14/2007 9:41:00 PM | | Some (not all but some) that have muliple children with multiple partners complain they can;t get a date or find someone for long term romance. If they wanted long term romance why not try to make a romance work with someone you had a child with? | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 9/15/2007 1:22:21 AM | | ^^^^Johne...If a tree falls in the forrest..does it make a sound?....Why is the sky blue?....How many stars are in the sky?...How often can you beat a dead horse? | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:29:54 PM | One of my dearest friends has 4 children by 3 fathers. Im not gonna post her life hstory for a bunch of strangers to dissect on a public forum however I will say this: - My son and I will be proud guests when she and the 3rd father renew their marriage vows this summer.
In the last five years she's had cancer, one of the grandkids has been very ill and he's gone blind. They've had a rough ride - life throws curveballs sometimes, yet the solidity of their union has never faltered. They've never been rich in the material sense, but have had a solid family life together.
The marriage vow renewal is something the 2 of them have decided to do to celebrate 25 years of marriage! They are still very happy together, and the 4 children and 9 grandchildren + all numerous family friends will all be there to celebrate with them.
She's a good kind generous person and by not being judgemental and predjudiced her husband has had a wonderful partner for a quarter of a century. Just something to ponder as we fish
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:53:11 AM | Numbers don't mean anything.
Numbers however sometimes show a pattern and patterns can be pretty dangerous. | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:15:39 AM | | Oh god no, I would not date a man with 3 baby mama's. That's just way too many women in the equation. If you can't figure out by baby mama #2 that you need to stop making babies with someone, then whatever, but it won't be a part of my life. WAY too much drama and irresponsibility and I don't care what excuses one comes up with. | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:07:26 AM | | People should not have children until they are in a stable committed relationship. If more people waited until they were in a stable committed relationship we would have fewer of these situations which are unfortunately becoming more and more common and making dating more and more complicated. | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:17:19 AM | ^^^ crap^^^
My great granny had 14 kids by 2 dads. 1st world war and 1st hubby died after 7 kids, so she remarried, and they all lived happily ever after.
People develop addictions, people die, people abandon others, people have affairs.
One of the hardest lessons in life to learn is that we cannot control the actions of other adults due to free will. As an adult all you do is ensure that you as an individual take total and personal responsibility for any kids you bring into the world and don't shirk your responsibilities.
If a man has 3 kids by 3 women I'm looking to see is he actually parenting those kids or doing a "jump and dump routine" on women who thought he was "the one". Has he stepped up to the plate or does he still think he's the baby?
A lot of men deny how many kids they actually have running around out there as "it wasn't convenient" at the time. A lot of women make appalling parents.
Take everyone as an individual. | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:21:12 AM | | Dont forget that if some one has Child Support payments, they take both parties income into account. That means if you ever got married YOU would be paying for his kids too. | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:54:03 AM | Not in the UK. If they can't get CS from my son's bio-parent they ain't gonna be able to force me to pay for someone else's lol!
If you set up home with someone with children, yes you'd expect to contribute. If your spouse's Mum needs private hospital treatment or becomes frail enough to have to move in you'd expect to contribute too? | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 1/15/2009 9:23:43 AM | | Agree faithfey, they don't do that in Alberta either, unless someone claims that they cannot pay support. I was married to someone that had children with someone else. When it came time to exchange tax returns my personal information was always blacked out before sending. His ex wife had no idea how much I made, nor was my income ever taken into consideration, nor was her husbands. | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 1/15/2009 9:49:25 AM | I try not to judge anyone without first understanding their situation. Maybe they were married and widowed 3 times...not their fault, right?
Would I run from someone with 3 kids from 3 different people? No, I would try to understand their situation before I decide whether or not I want to be with them. | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 1/16/2009 11:54:07 AM | Ok...as a mother of 3 beautiful children by 3 not so wonderful fathers, I can sympothize with the situation of trying to date. It is hard enough to find a goon man without the worry of past mistakes and bad choices. However, when you add this to the mix it certainly becomes much more difficult.
I can understand the way I am viewed for my situation, and I feel it is the price I must pay for the choices I made in my past. Having said that, I still do not feel that anyone this side of Heaven has the right to judge me. I am a good mother to all three of my kids, even though I do not have physical custody of the middle one. I love all three equally. I have learned some really hard lessons because of the past choices which have brought me to these seemingly undesirable circumstances.
I have alot to offer the right man....but am very cautious and extremely picky when seeking a potential mate for any future I may have.
I would not base my decision on whether or not to date a man solely on his past. | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 1/16/2009 5:10:06 PM | I am in that situation I was not given a chance to decide in the first two and the last I choose to well it doens't matter what the reason is I have been just fine and I get along well with my kids fathers. There are different reason but if you take the time to get to know each other then you can decide if you are willing to deal with it. I am not going to read all the treads but I think people are closed minded. Start with what you will handle and won't handle and if they are telling you the truth then you can decide what to do in that situation
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 1/16/2009 9:50:31 PM | | Probably not. 3 kids by one or two mothers but probably not three. I think that indicates a pattern of lack of commitment and irresponsibility. | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 1/21/2009 2:17:32 PM | I would have to hear the person's situation out before I would pass judgement or run. I would have to know the reasons behind the 3 kids/3 mothers before I could make an informed decision. There are so many variables that it would be impossible to say yes or no either way.
I don't know any men who have three children by three different women, but I do know a few women who have three kids by three different men....and I can tell you - those women are worthless....
One got pregnant at 15 to keep a boyfriend, then wasn't responsible enough to take birthcontrol after that and had another child with a different guy, then slept around on the second guy and got pregnant from that guy. She was one of those people that you couldn't even tell she was pregnant if she wore baggy clothes so she hide the third pregnancy from everyone and went to the hospital to give birth with every intention of never telling a soul and giving the child over to the dad....but oddly enough a cousin was at the hospital having a baby on the same day....she has never held a job more than a week, keeps an extremely disgusting house, and sucks at parenting....
The other has been fired from jobs for stealing, is on drugs, and has been in prison....3 kids/3 dads....
so....in these cases I would run for the hills men!!! | |
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| 3 different dads/moms?
Posted: 1/21/2009 8:09:35 PM | | 3 kids, 3 different sets of grandparents, 3 different exes, and one common demononator of one person who cannot maintain a relationship with any of the 3 parents and likely getting money from all 3? No thanks, I'd be moving on. I guess I can see how getting money from 3 different sources and making sure those 3 were "from afar" could sound "blessed". To others, it sounds anything but. | |
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