| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:32:32 AM | Not everyone has the same way of thinking (thank God! lol), and not every situation lends itself to being treated in the same fashion.
I personally have no "rush" to jump into anything. I do want to take things slow and learn about my potential partner (if it leads to that). Too many get caught up in the moment, and think they have met the "love of their life", and it may very well be just lust. Once the newness wears off, than the "real" deal sets in.
That's not to say that some may meet their S.O., and set off fireworks, etc....which may ignite a genuine relationship, but not every relationship is as such. If it were that easy, these sites would not exist.
So for me, taking it slow and enjoying what life presents................ | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2007 10:29:04 AM | It never ceases to amaze me how complicated people tend to make simple romance and relationships. No wonder it took me so long to find a date on here.
Fast or slow - who cares as long as it works right? As long as you are happy and comfortable and the other person is happy and comfortable - what does it matter how fast or slow the pace is?
I say is something is not broke - don't try to fix it. If moving fast is working, keep moving. If moving slow is working, keep moving that way too.
For me it all depends on the person I am dating. If the magic hits me like a ton of bricks, I simply go with the flow. I was taught that there is no right or wrong in dating as long as two people are happy and comfortable with what they do and how fast or slow they do it. | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2007 1:47:06 PM | OP...sounds like you are on the right track...your happiness jumps off the page.
Some people (mature adults or not) are just "afraid"....they are for themselves ...so naturally they are for you.
Several years ago, my sister (who had been lecturing to me about internet dating and all the normal crap) finally realized that I was happy and she might be too. She went on line ..went out with some nice guys ..felt great about herself...and realized that gentlemen still exist.
Shortly, she was head over heels with someone many, many miles away. But they just plugged along and soon they met (she was smitten from the beginning)...and they were totally into each other......now she had to endure some of what she had dished out. After many plane rides and vacations together...... she had the last laugh....he moved from Washington, DC to outskirts of Athens, GA...and they recently celebrated their 5th wedding anniversary.
Another answer which is sad but true.....a lot of your friends are jealous!! You are happy and you are now the BFF for someone else. Your friends/family can totally love you and still be jealous.
I have 2 sisters...the youngest is the one that got married....and my other sister had a lot of changes in her life as a result. She no longer had the same options for the weekend or
travel or whatever.....and it was an adjustment.
Bottom line, you have to take your chance for happiness and go at the pace you feel
comfortable. If you hit a bump along the way.....you will handle it..and those same people that are saying "go slow" will be there for you.
Best wishes for continued happiness.
Becca | |
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Patosu
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Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 433 | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2007 5:48:43 PM | | A relationship should never be rushed, but should also be natural and not thwarted from blossoming either. Trying to pace a relationship kills the relationship. Yes yopu should take youyr time and not rush into things(something I have done) but if you dont move fast enough, you can also ruin it. Deep relationships build over time but also based on chemestry, mutual likes and dislikes, and a strong comfort level( though I prefer to be uncomfortable. | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:00:00 PM | | Getting to someone is a process and the only way you can fully know someone is to spend time with them..hence taking it slow. . If you think back to your last relationship you can bet that they were somewhat different in the first week you met them compared to say the sixth month of knowing them. Personally, I think it's better to build a foundation and discover whether or not you actually want to be with this person before you sleep with them. Getting to know someone is a process that gradually unfolds and you can't rush that process. However, if you are a risk taker and you think the odds are in your favour and your intuition tells you that he/she is the "one" then go for it ! I can see the argument for both sides. | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:28:31 PM |
Heidi....come on please........we need to keep hearing from you so we can have your take. Melo..no disrespect but I kind of like to hear both sides so I would love to hear Heidi's exact take on this move and her unexpected transfer.... sounds interesting.
I am here just not on line much aside from work. My motherboard went during the move.....(welcome to my world...do not walk towards the light).
Melo always has a positive attitude towards everything. You should hear him early in the morning asking my 12 year old what wonderful things he has planned for the day at 6:00am. My son's eyes literally roll back into his head when Mr. happy approaches.
The transfer and move was actually the climax to what was a very traumatic difficult time. You see my employer notified me 4 weeks in advance that my position was being eliminated. Talk about shocks.....I started applying for jobs immediately and spent the next 3 weeks going from one interview to another while trying to prepare my house for sale since I knew the job opportunities in my area were rare. I wanted to stay with my current employer (government) if possible. I was paniced because my income was what kept the children eating.
One week before my last day I was offered a job which would be classified as a permissive transfer with my employer. Now I just had to move 170 miles south in a matter of 10 days.
Melo and I have had a very natural dynamic to our relationship since we met. It is easy to live with him. I think it is there or it is not.....taking it slow won't create a grand passion if it does not exsist from the first. Taking it slow is fine for those who truly see it as the only way to find true happiness. But I have found taking it slow is usually driven by a need to keep the other at a distance until the time comes that they want something....
Okay I will be more attentive.... | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2007 11:16:28 PM |
Heidi....come on please........we need to keep hearing from you so we can have your take. Melo..no disrespect but I kind of like to hear both sides so I would love to hear Heidi's exact take on this move and her unexpected transfer
It almost sounds as if you expect there to be "sides" in an intimate relationship. What I've found to be true with Heidi, is that, over time, there is less "me", and more "us", as we integrate our lives. That's not to say that either of us have lost our individual self-identity, merely that we have found that 1+1 = more than 2. | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/16/2007 4:22:44 PM | {quote]That's not to say that either of us have lost our individual self-identity, merely that we have found that 1+1 = more than 2.
Yes, 2 heads are better than one
4 hands better than 2 yet
1 heart,
can be similar as 2.
When 2 people who both prior meeting, have there house's in order,
are emotional ready and right to be open, to be in a new relationship,
one would say the chemistry will flux with there bond. | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/16/2007 4:31:58 PM | | I'd have to say that a lot of people only even bring up 'take it slow' because A) they want to remove sexual pressure while they get to know someone, so they act like it's going to take them longer to get into bed than it actually is. or B) they always take it fast and that doesn't work, so rather than reexamining themselves they blame 'going too fast'. But you can't over estimate the role of this bullshit new morality that next to no one believes but practically everyone espouses so as not to be thought a slut. | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/16/2007 4:52:09 PM | I'm old, I guess I must be immature, if I really connected with a woman and she wanted to, after the 3rd date, really begin to fall in love and it was shared she could have anything I could give her, including intensity, exclusivity and an amazing romance. The only thing to be careful about if I know how I feel is to make sure the woman is for real, that's being responsible.
After 3 dates my x and I spent almost every night together for 18 years, after a month I want to create and barrel and bought her a set of dishes. I think a relationship moves at it's own pace. When I'm in love I feel like a teen ager | |
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mer123
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Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 442 | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/17/2007 5:24:16 AM |
Keep it simple. Fast= lust usually Slow=love usually. Lust can lead to love or a train wreak. Thats life.
Different strokes for different folks, because my life experience is exactly the opposite. In my experience, love grows from overwhelming, powerful feelings that are either "there" or they "aren't". For a relationship to sustain and grow from there, means letting things develop naturally, without trying to apply external paradigms, or letting fear create barriers.
"Slow" to me indicates that the feelings aren't all that powerful, and can easily be resisted. If it's "slow", I assume that a woman "just isn't into me", and all that's possible might be to "earn" her "friendship".
While "friendship first" relationships are possible, they never have grown to the level of "great love and grand passion". At best, they're merely "nice". On the other hand, if it is a "grand passion", that will always incentivize growing to become great friends. That's when "wisdom" and applying the "golden rule" as two people are sharing day to day life, comes into play. | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/17/2007 5:40:52 AM | Most take it slowly due to a very bad breakup in the past. Being gun shy is not the worst thing in the world but to distrust every new relationship because your last one did not succeed is sad. You may very well miss out on the person you have been waiting for all your life.
I am by no means condoning moving in after a week or walking down the aisle after a month but use your experiences, learn from them and allow yourself to love again. | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/17/2007 5:50:40 AM |
Most take it slowly due to a very bad breakup in the past. Being gun shy is not the worst thing in the world but to distrust every new relationship because your last one did not succeed is sad. You may very well miss out on the person you have been waiting for all your life.
Carolann, excellent point. I've said this on other threads. The walls you put up in a futile attempt to protect yourself, serve to keep others "out", and can become the self constructed walls of your prison cell that keeps you locked in isolation.
Everyone, who has dated, been married, had relationships in the past, has experienced hurt and disappointment. That's not the "fault" of someone new you're just meeting, and if you haven't "gotten over" something in the past, you're just "not ready" for what wonderful things you might find with someone.
Heidi has had her share of some truly awful things in her previous marriage. That she overcame them, to be who she is today, says a lot of wonderful things about her. But, for us to have come together, she had to be "open" to what might "be", rather than dwelling on what "was". And, because she was open, and allowed events to take us in the directions that they have, naturally, 3 months after she began this thread, our relationship has moved to a much different, much closer plane, to the point that we are truly sharing all of life, all the time. | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/17/2007 8:16:36 AM | Congratulations Melo and Heidi - if I may - I am new here and just followed this thread - it is lovely to hear a success story - thank you for both sharing.
I was persuaded to try the site - and had no expectations - thought it would be fun to meet new people and dip my toes in the water. Have met some very nice people and a couple not so nice - but such is life.
I was horrendously gun shy about th whole internet thing - it was my daughter that convinced me since she is getting married next year to the love she met on line two years ago.
The first eprson I talked to on this site intrigued me - and melted me with his words as we chatted daily for sometimes 5 hours - needless to say we diden t sleep much. Phone calls and 6 weeks of chatting in one way or another set up a first date that lasted 12 hours. Since then we have seen each other a lot despite the distance.
Is it going to fast - in my head yes - in my heart no. Am I being careful - yes - but will i wreck it out of fear - no.
I just believe that there is no broad brush to paint with - it truly depends on the individuals..
Zee | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/17/2007 9:27:06 AM | So please help me to understand why so many mature adults think "taking it slow" lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship? Perhaps, because one is able to see little nuances or subtle inklings that can throw a relationship at some point into an U-turn (theory IMO)
With "al pronto & Love is in the air" taste, I don't think so that there is really a space for "taking it slow", is there? (reality IMO)
P.S.
But hey, there is always an exception to the rule :blush: | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 11/17/2007 9:33:14 AM | the only way you can feel responsible about yourself if you think about your situation....yes, you listen to their opinion but you think it over.....and YOU decide!
that's life, you are at the driver's seat., don't let others drive it.
unless you are not comfortable driving....than marry somebody who will always decide for you and you just rely and follow. that also works for some people. | |
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Honestly, I guess there is a reason for not rushing something, but if you are really sure of your feelings, how slow is slow?
