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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 12/6/2007 6:44:14 PM | | taking things slowly allows two people to move through the stages of romantic love without jumping ahead into something one or the other is not ready for, you need to walk before you can run. A commitment is an important decision, and deserves thought, experience, a real understanding of who and what you are dealing with. If you get serious very quickly and then a year later realize that you don't really know that person, or they reveal certain personality or character defects after the honeymoon phase has passed, you may have to undo a mess that could have been avoided if you had taken it slower. It's a heady feeling to fall madly in passionate love but that eventually calms down and real life takes over. I hope you like that person as much in real life as you did when you were in the throes of new love. I'm over 45, and I think the getting to know you part is best done savored and with your eyes wide open. | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 12/6/2007 8:28:29 PM | For me, a nice balance is best. I don't like to be just be casually intimate with someone, I prefer reserving that for someone I truly am in love with, so I guess that would put me on the slow side of things...but I've dated a guy that was a *really* slow mover and after awhile it just kind of becomes almost insulting (am I repulsive or something??  ) I did still give him some space and time, he was pretty clear about having issues with past relationships not working and eventually we did get things moving a bit more. And you know, it tells me a lot about a guy if I've made it clear that I don't want to jump into bed right away and they constantly continue to push themselves all over me. If they don't respect my wishes now when we are getting to know each other, how can I expect any different in the future? It's possible to make your desires known while still respecting your partner and their own need to develop more intimate feelings first. Not all of us fall in love at the same pace, and a little patience can reap great benefits. | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 12/7/2007 6:34:57 AM |
If you get serious very quickly and then a year later realize that you don't really know that person, or they reveal certain personality or character defects after the honeymoon phase has passed, you may have to undo a mess that could have been avoided if you had taken it slower. It's a heady feeling to fall madly in passionate love but that eventually calms down and real life takes over. I hope you like that person as much in real life as you did when you were in the throes of new love. I'm over 45, and I think the getting to know you part is best done savored and with your eyes wide open.
Different strokes for different folks, I guess, but if someone is "over 45", and isn't sure after a year..... a year......that seems like one could miss out on a lot of life that could have been spent together, with what remains of "prime time" of life.
Since Heidi started this thread in August, we went ahead and became 24/7 in November. As we moved through Thanksgiving, and now, closer to Christmas, life is much different, than it would have been, had we been merely "dating". Adjustments? Sure, but it seems to me that mature adults can decide a whole lot faster than "a year", whether they are suited to each other in a way that makes them commit to making those adjustments. | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 12/7/2007 11:00:55 AM |
(Msg 476) If you get serious very quickly and then a year later realize that you don't really know that person, or they reveal certain personality or character defects after the honeymoon phase has passed, you may have to undo a mess that could have been avoided if you had taken it slower.
I wonder if those "defects" were hidden or is it that they didn't matter in the beginning. If someone can hide a defect for a year or even six months, if living together, then they're very, very good at deception.
I believe the problem lies with the decrease in sex. Obviously a couple's sex life will taper off after the initial honeymoon period but all too often I feel it is neglected. That connection grows weaker and then "defects" become noticable. The defects were probably there all along as most human beings don't change. It's our view of the person that changes.
When two people first connect they want to be together. The differences don't matter because the wanting to be together is stronger. That is due to the chemistry or sexual attraction.
In a way it's similar to exercise. A physically fit, active person will enjoy exercise. As the exercise decreases they become less fit and active. That results in them liking exercise even less but it's the lack of exercise that started the decline.
The same thing applies to sex. People comment that their partner changed so they don't feel like having sex with them. What happened is the sex decreased, they saw their partner in a different light, then decided they weren't interested in sex.
How an individual at 40+ can not know what they want after having had previous relationships coupled with claims they are independent and don't need anything anyway is nothing short of baffling. | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 12/7/2007 11:29:15 AM | well taking it slow i never take things slow wen i met my ex husband we met i went home with him he just kayed there watching me sleep he took it very slow i thought he was gay lol then we mooved in together the next day we grew together then we were engaged married 6 mths later were married for 17 yrs 4 wonderfull kids but i wasnt in love with him i loved him but two different things meaning with love he has remarried now i havent had a proper relationship in 7 yrs just casual im 48 i know what i wnat a partner relationship but men they dont want that no strings so men on these sites say take it slow see wat happens they get you in to bed then thats the end of that i kike fast but that scares men so i just take day by day but i get to involved to quick then i get hurt so thats why i hav decided not to jump the gun to quick i fall in love with in weeks then im crushed hurt so now i take things reall slow but each to there own and im into younger men i feel more in controll   | |
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| Why do mature adults think taking it slow lends itself to a deeper/more meaningful relationship?
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:28:13 PM | I'm sorry, I don't have the time or inclination to track this whole thread, but I do want to throw in my two cents. In theory, I like the idea of "taking it slow". The two relationships I've had that lasted and were meaningful were both taken slowly. Well in a sense. The first one was with a girl I knew for a couple of years and decided to ask out without really thinking much about it. Once we started dating, we realized very quickly that we really liked each other. We didn't really take it slow after that. Though we did have a couple years of vague friendship backing us up. The second relationship consisted of several months of dating before we even kissed. I think we were both a little shy because we were so smitten with each other. Even after we kissed (and we kissed a lot) it was several months before we had sex.
I've had other relationships where the chemistry was great, we rushed into having sex and a full fledged relationship, but after a few months the chemistry faded and we were both rushing to get away from each other. The chemistry can be blinding sometimes.
This doesn't mean I'll take it slow in every case. It's too easy to get caught up in the elation of great chemistry. The whole idea of love at first sight is too beautifully romantic to ignore in favour of the cold hard rationality of taking things slow. | |
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