| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 8/21/2007 9:47:08 PM | | women and men are not the same here. why give him sugar if he's not gonna stick around and wait a little longer for it. these days it's not safe to just jump in sack with anyone, not just physically but emotionally too. not only should she potect herself physically but emotionally too. had she waited she would've have killed 2 birds with 1 stone...really can't explain it anymore. it's kinda like sharing your soul when you give a sh*t about someone. | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 8/22/2007 3:26:48 PM | This sounds too manipulative to me... YOU ask him what your relationhsip was after having sex??? huh? why were you not certain BEFORE you had sex... It sounded like he thought he wsa just getting sex becaseu you did NOT have an emotional bond establish... then you sprung the "are we an item" thing on him. He hasn't called because you indirectly screamed "clingy/needy" in his ear and he is still probably too deaf to be able t talk on the phone.
This is not about being new to dating... this is about you using sex to try to manipulate and coerce a man into a relationship with you... Why should he feel sorry for you and call you his girlfriend because you demand it after a shagging... I am horrified that you even think that, "In my experience guys are not always clear on this." WTF??????? How can he be "clear" that if you spread your legs guarantees you a dating committment.... I can't imagine a man not run screaming for the woods. He must have thought you were goging to go stalker on him. | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 8/22/2007 4:59:28 PM |
why give him sugar if he's not gonna stick around and wait a little longer for it.
had she waited she would've have killed 2 birds with 1 stone...really can't explain it anymore.
All these threads that go over the same thing and some women refuse to learn from them and others continue to encourage them in what hasn't worked.
If she had waited longer nothing would have changed except she would have been older and more hurt because she would have been even more emotionally attached when he decided she wasn't what he was looking for.
could this be a case of *hit and run*?
More probably a disappointing test drive.
There is a basic difference between most men and most women. For women if the emotional content is there even if the sex was ho hum they think it was OK and are willing to accept it. For men if the women's personality is ho hum but the sex is great then he can live with it. If he likes her personality enough he might even wait around for a while to see if the sex is good too. If it isn't he will probably move on.
Women have this odd miss conception that a lot of men like to hit it once then move on. Men like sex, we are more likely to keep coming back for good sex. If you have sex once and the guy moves on then it was probably because it wasn't all he had hoped for.
And I am not saying most men are better lovers than women, they aren't but because women put more value on other things than sex men don't have to be as good to be acceptable. | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 8/22/2007 5:17:38 PM | | If you had to ask him where you stood while you were engaging in the sexual act, you already knew you weren't on solid ground. From what I read, you asked him before, during, and after... Seems to me that if there was any sort of relationship developing, you wouldn't have had to ask. Call me crazy, but if you are looking for a relationship, you should've established the lines BEFORE the actual act. If you have to ask after not hearing from him for a few days whether it's okay to call or not.....that screams to me..." I put out cuz I thought he cared, and now I'm scared of the answer I'll get when I call". I'm really sorry OP, but I think you let yourself get carried away by the moment, and you're now living in the aftermath. If you felt secure that you were his G/F, you wouldn't be posting this question. My advice would be....if you like the guy, give him a call. Perhaps he's just been busy. I think you know as well as I do how hollow that sounds...... | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 8/22/2007 5:32:55 PM | By the looks of it, he is not going to call you , so it might have to be you that does the calling just to find out where you stand.
By the way i have read your message i doubt he will even have the balls to pick up the phone if he knows it is you that is calling.
It looks to me he has had what he wanted, maybe next time you wont be so easy & let him have what he wanted (sorry if that sounded harsh).
Good luck i hope things turn out well
Rich | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 8/22/2007 6:05:07 PM | Kazot, you said men don't have to be as good in bed to be acceptable to us? Are you kidding? If you suck in bed you're not getting me a second time, sorry. If you kiss lousy, same thing. Yes, men and women value different things but when it comes to sex, you had better be good at it if you want to hit it a second time.
Sunny, read the book "He's just not that into you" it's an eye opener for sure. If he hasn't called you since Sunday I'm afraid to say he's not going to. If the sex was all that and then some he would have definitely called you by then. I'm not saying it wasn't but from my experience, shit, I don't know what to tell you. Since I've been dating again I just can't figure out men at all. | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 8/22/2007 7:08:00 PM |
osocute: Kazot, you said men don't have to be as good in bed to be acceptable to us? Are you kidding? If you suck in bed you're not getting me a second time, sorry. If you kiss lousy, same thing.
osocute you didn't understand what I said. The standards are a perception. For many if not most women the lead up, romance and intimacy are what can make great sex. For men it is what happens during the sex it self.
Yes, men and women value different things but when it comes to sex, you had better be good at it if you want to hit it a second time.
That is what I am saying. You would be surprised how often the women thought the sex was good to great and the guy thought it was sex, nothing spectacular just sex.
That is why we see so many threads from women about they dated (long time or short time) then we had sex and he never called again.
The woman thought it was good.
If it had been that good he would have been back.  | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 8/23/2007 2:07:23 AM | OP, in my opinion your question was a bit ill-timed. Not only that, but asking three times. As a guy, I would feel sort of backed into a corner. "Where do we stand? Where do we stand? WHERE DO WE STAND? YOU WERE INSIDE OF ME DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU????"
I'd be thinking "Great, I sleep with her and she gets clingy on me".
It's not unrecoverable but I'd just be cool and not try not to force it. Enjoy the moment and the time you spend together, not these "status" labels which define how you think you should act toward the other person. | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 8/23/2007 8:41:38 AM | Kazot,
I'm obviously in the minority here because I don't care how good the romance or lead up to sex is at all. If he was the most romantic guy out there and he ends up being lousy in bed according to my standards then it won't happen again, bottom line. I know I'm not the only woman out there who feels like this. Please don't make an assumption that the majority of women feel the way you say we do. I don't agree with it after having many, many conversations with women over the years on that subject. You make it sound as if the man romances us and sweeps us off of our feet, that we will just forgive him if he sucks in bed. Not this woman, no way. | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 8/23/2007 8:57:38 AM | ermm usually this stuff is established BEFORE the act! ..and if not , if u have sex and he /she does not call u or all of a sudden disappears off ur messenger .. then u know u been fuc*ed and chucked . So want no problems , get it all upfront.
PPS!!! U suck .. u on ur own .. no one wants a lousy lay .. mind ya if I REALLY liek the guy i might give him a second chance , after all might just be nerves , but if u blow that too .. then see ya later cowboy! | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 8/23/2007 8:57:50 AM |
I don't care how good the romance or lead up to sex is at all. If he was the most romantic guy out there and he ends up being lousy in bed according to my standards then it won't happen again, bottom line Geez, if someone really cared about their partner, they enjoyed the romance before sex, and the first sexual experience leaves something to be desired, you might think they would COMMUNICATE what they wanted in bed, instead of leaving their partner scratching their head wondering how they were supposed to GUESS what would get their partner rocks off???   | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 8/23/2007 9:28:35 AM | | I do communicate, always have. Unfortunately there are men out there who only want to get their rocks off and don't care about pleasing the woman. I've told partners before what I like and then here come the excuses. Sorry, you didn't shave down there or sorry, I don't like shaved women. Make up your friggin mind!!! Oh but honey I better give them head or else they'll be pissed off. I don't fake my pleasure in bed. If you see I'm not getting off then YOU need to communicate with me also, it's a two way street!! I may sound shallow but you men are too. Granted a relationship isn't based solely on sex but it's extremely important. Take a look on adult friendfinder and see how many married people are on there because their sex life with their spouse sucks. I think a lot of people in relationships feel that if the sex is just ok but the relationship is fantastic, they are the ones who will eventually go outside of the marriage to find the sex that they are missing. | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 8/23/2007 10:11:34 AM | Osocute, I make assumptions that I shouldn't, like the guy wants to see his woman orgasm? I agree if somebody is an oaf and shows no concern during sex for their partner's orgasm, it's ADIOS AMIGO (or adios amiga)!  | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 8/23/2007 11:08:47 AM | | Call him and tell him since he is your bf he better get over here right now and get used to the old ball and chains | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 9/16/2009 2:41:58 PM |
We just had sex Sunday Anyways, its tuesday and I haven't hear a word from him.
I hate to say this but he is telling you exactly where you stand.
Actions speak louder than words and at this point,unless you have no self esteem
I wouldn't even bother to ANSWER the phone if he called.If this is his rendition of a B/F....I'd say he SUCKS at it....you deserve better.
NEXT!
If a guy doesn't call you the VERY NEXT DAY......he just used you for sex,even if he SAID he wanted more.....TALK IS CHEAP!
I want to go with my gut instinct but it can't make up its mind.
You know what really happened.Right? You just don't want it to be happening again...so you are giving him the benefit of the doubt....I say...don't call.
And don't CARE than he didn't call.
And NEVER make someone a heart priority who only makes you an option for sex.
Oh wait...maybe he's in the hospital or jail....NOT! | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 9/16/2009 2:42:45 PM | There're a lot of possibilities.
Not everyone likes to talk on the phone with their SO every damn day (like, *cough*, ME). Some guys are shy. Or he could be uncertain of his own feelings towards you (which some would call "not that into you" but I call it BEING HUMAN.).
Give him a call, and, if it's a real concern for you, ask him if he's serious about the bf thing. The way you kept asking him before might have made him think that wasn't what YOU wanted. He may have been genuine, he may not have been. Unfortunately there isn't a magic test to tell, just have to wait for his actions over time. But if you ask him in such a way that he doesn't feel the threat he could give a "wrong" answer, he might just be honest with you. But if you call and you're unsure of his feelings say "I enjoyed that. I would like to see you again. I would like to try THAT again. But I enjoy spending time with you and I hope you feel the same way because I'm not just looking for a sex-based relationship. So where are you right now with this?" | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 9/16/2009 2:56:25 PM | We just had sex Sunday,now the day before I asked what are we at the moment; friends ? , dating ? etc. He said," I'd say were more steadily going out". I wasn't sure what he meant so I asked if he could be clear and he replied, "BF & GF". Okay thats fine. After sex I asked him just to be clear (again) he said yeah were together. Why did I ask ? In my experience guys are not always clear on this.
This sounds too manipulative to me... YOU ask him what your relationhsip was after having sex??? huh? why were you not certain BEFORE you had sex... It sounded like he thought he wsa just getting sex becaseu you did NOT have an emotional bond establish... then you sprung the "are we an item" thing on him. He hasn't called because you indirectly screamed "clingy/needy" in his ear and he is still probably too deaf to be able t talk on the phone.
This is not about being new to dating... this is about you using sex to try to manipulate and coerce a man into a relationship with you... Why should he feel sorry for you and call you his girlfriend because you demand it after a shagging... I am horrified that you even think that, "In my experience guys are not always clear on this." WTF??????? How can he be "clear" that if you spread your legs guarantees you a dating committment.... I can't imagine a man not run screaming for the woods. He must have thought you were goging to go stalker on him.
Ya' missed the point..Obviously you are projecting your issues with women onto this poor women..He is the A$$HOLE in this...and I am not at all surprised that he is pulling this on her....This is what too many men do to women .
Lie Lie Lie to get off....and them other men and women blame her for "spreading her leg's too soon"?Or for having a single expectation after she has sex with a man who claimed to be her boyfriend?Damn is life unfair.
And then he runs off, totally unaccoutable for being a user, like pu$$ie to the next trusting female with legitimate needs and hopes and fvcks her over too.Nice.
Come on guys....tell me I'm wrong here.
Actually tell us WHY some men do that?
FYI..sometimes....Women fall for the lines men feed us with hope in our hearts that they mean it! We get clarifications,we ask before hand, we ask them to not play women and yet....they do. Why is that? Commitment phobia, Narcissism and Passive Aggression are ALL I can come up with.And you don't see these men coming....unless it's in your bed for a one night only they know they are having.
She did nothing wrong but let her guards down with trust and she seems to have gotten burned yet again.....for that...I am sorry OP.And for this guys inappropriate response.
And men wonder why women won't just jump in the sack on the first night?
AHAHAHAHA! This is why. | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 9/16/2009 4:19:20 PM | Honey! I'm sorry I really did mean to call, Honest it was just one of those weeks. My Uncle died and ah..... I had to fly out Cleveland for the funeral. See I was in such a rush forgot my cell phone. When i got home I was going to call the minute I walked in the door. But ya see The Dog yeah the Dog eat the phone because I forgot to feed him. Then the dog got sick from eating the Phone and well had to get him to the Vet.
To make up for it I bought you a little present from that naughty book store just thought I would stop by and see if it fits. | |
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| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 9/16/2009 8:11:22 PM | Guys don't mind chasing a woman but when that's all they do, they wonder if she is interested at all,playing hard to get,come and get me, or whatever.
Maybe he is hoping you call him.
I hate doing this now but I have to give you the about turn scenario.
Maybe he didn't feel that something he thought he would have felt during sex.
Sometimes sex can kill a relatinship before it develops any deeper.
This is my reason people could try sex before getting married, otherwise the vows are pronounced, you go to bed together for the very first time and ....... splat!
Back to the topic, the worst case scenario is that he is sampling around.
I wish you tobestuck with the first scenario, so call, give it a try and pay attentin to that instinct or intuition. | |
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jimnu
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Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 50 | |
| we had sex now who should call ?
Posted: 9/16/2009 10:03:53 PM | Hey Closer2u,
Really think you are on target here, but hold you fire for just a quick second and hear me out. All men, I don't give a damn who they are, love enthusiasm, before, during, and after sex. She needs to make the call to keep that flow going, guys are afraid of fumbling and making asses out of themselves. If she makes the call the following day and he doesn't follow up the next day, then pull the trigger girl and move on. Give it a day, then load up! | |
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