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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:40:25 AM | | My son has aspergers. He is very high functioning and was tested at age 7 through schools and medically and is now 11. He is very intelligent. He tells people he knows that he has it and they seem to accept and understand him more. But the key words are 'people he knows'. As aspergers affects those socially, it may be best not to list it in your profile until you meet someone. If a person likes you, it won't matter if you list it or not. It will only help someone understand your behavior better when they know you. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:36:18 AM |
Really? You diagnosed yourself?
Actually it can be very difficult to obtain a proper diagnosis or supports (especially from around the age of 16 upwards)....and then there is the fact that not everyone wants it, for a myriad of reasons - doesn't alter the fact a person knows what they have to deal with.
Scorpio:
No I wouldn't put it in your profile. Apart from anything else it is not the business of half the worlds population, only someone you get close to.
My and my children's attitude is if a person can't take a few minutes to delve a little deeper to see what's going on then the chances are they aren't someone we'd want to be around. They are very astute as to whether someone is easy going enough to deal with their "quirks".
When it comes to those who are rude and/or make comments....my immediate question to them is this...my children have a perfectly good reason to behave the way they do, so what's your excuse? | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 8:07:09 AM | | I would put it, your only being honest and that really is the best policy right? I have something up about my son on a similar topic. If men don't want to email because of it so be it. It's not the end of the world is it? | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 8:39:25 AM |
In my case, it means that although I can read obvious signals, I can't read subtle signals. It's not easy for me to tell when a woman is just eliciting attention, or is genuinely interested in me.
It also means that it can take me hours, days, weeks or months to figure out what to do ro to say, so most of the time, I say and do the wrong things at the wrong time. However, people who know me and take what I do in context of my general behaviour, understand that all my intentions and actions are genuine, if a little scatty and emotional.
hmmmm I just thought that meant you were a normal man  | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 11:17:24 AM | | I have a family member who is Aspergers (as opposed to 'having' it, like a disease). You don't have to put that sort of thing in your profile, but I'd tell someone that you've shared a few emails with. It's a very tolerable condition, and just a little background information can teach people how to communicate with you effectively. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 11:29:34 AM |
I can read obvious signals, I can't read subtle signals
Ummmm ever guy I ever dated was like this.
I don't think you need to put it in your profile. I had never heard of Aspergers before so if I would read it in your profile I wouldn't know what you were talking about.
If crowded places are a bother then avoid them for dates and choose quite relaxed settings.
You could say something in your profile that you aren't a big partier. When you met your date you can explain a little bit more of your condition. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 12:39:15 PM | | When I stated outright that I had AS in my profile I didn't get any new contacts- but of course at can't say for sure if this was because I mentioned I had AS or something else was wrong with my profile. When I made changes to my profile I didn't make it obvious that I had AS but still put it as one of my interests. That way women won't be put off from contacting me before they get to know me and other people who have AS can still contact me through an interest search. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 1:50:46 PM | | I would not list it upfront. I would however discuss it during the beginning of the second date if it seems there is good progress being made. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 2:25:27 PM | I wouldn't and didn't. As you can see by the responses, Autism is misunderstood and misdiagnosed by laymen. For starters, Autism, and all types of it, is a neurological condition not a developmental, learning, or personality disorder. It is no measure of development, intelligence, or personality. Autism, like any other group, has its independent, dependent, high fuctioning, low functioning, introverts, and extroverts. It is not one size fits all. It takes one to know one. Only another Autisitic can accurately read an Autistic. Neurotypicals or "normies" can not read Autistics and Autistics can not read normies. It is a brain different from a neurotypical brain. It is larger and faster with more white matter. Hence why it is more sensitive and more visual with an elephantine memory.
I don't see where it has any bearing on dating where it is more about compatibility. I have normie friends as well as Autie friends. The normies and me seldom understand each other but we like each other anyway. I mean there are people who accept people who are different from themselves and people who don't. Even Auties are guilty of that. If you can accept someone who is a normie and not expect them to be just like you, now or ever, and like her anyway. If you want someone just like you, you are really limiting yourself. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 2:59:29 PM | I'm pretty sure that only about .5% of people who claim to have Aspbergers on their internet profiles or in forums actually have Aspbergers. The other 99.5% are just hopelessly awkward people who spend far too much time searching to justify their inability to function in just the way "normal people" do.
Many people claim to be "depressed" when they are, in fact, "unhappy" , and it's a similar thing. (self-)Diagnoses of this kind are safety nets; they make you a member of a club. You can even call yourselves "Aspies," or something similar! Meanwhile, the rest of the world are "normies"! And, hey, that's a lot less scary than facing the prospect of being alone in your weirdness. Man, that kind of sexy clubhouse exclusivity makes me want to have Aspbergers too!
It's worth noting that self-diagnoses of colon cancer do not enjoy similar popularity, and perhaps that's because no one wants to divide his world into "bowel buddies" and "normies"; after all, it would lack glamour and would not provide the opportunity for "No, I'm not a doctor; neurology's just a hobby of mine" conversations.
So, as much as I respect your right to self-diagnose, OP, and I can understand your reasons for doing so...and although I in no way mean to insult people who actually suffer with an actual condition...
I think the idea that you would claim to have an undiagnosed condition on a dating profile is incredibly absurd. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 4:23:11 PM | Eh, I don't think it's important.
I have aspergers (diagnosed and everything! whoa) , and people I've known very well for years have no idea. They just think I'm quirky and weird (which is not a bad thing).
Many people will have no idea what that is, and they may be liable to take a few step back because it's an unknown. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:00:10 PM | | I wouldn't put it in your profile, Scorpiomover. Not because Aspergers traits would put people off, but because most people haven't a clue what it is and it has a scary-sounding name. You and I know more about Aspergers, and know about all the postive attributes, like intelligence, exceptional abilities, and precise use of language, but it would be better if you explained it to someone who had had chance to communicate with you and who you had established a connection with, rather than putting this obscure-sounding name on your profile. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:14:41 PM | I would say NO. I tend to believe that that falls into the category of "no one's business but my own".
I *would* however describe your personality honestly - but not by labeling it. "described as quirky by my friends" "hopeless doofus when it comes to social cues" "super interested in studying astronomy" (or whatever subjects).
In other words, you are describing the outward appearance of your personality, which explains what you are like - that is all anyone needs to know.
I don't even think date 2 is the time to tell someone.
It's not like it's contagious or deadly. There's nothing *wrong* with you...it just so happens that you are literally hard-wired differently than other people. Accept yourself, flaws and all. And accept that someone else can accept you too.
Me, my kids, my housemate, "my guy", we all have strengths and weaknesses in our personalities. Some of them may be unusual enough to warrant a diagnosis. Some not. But we are all really different and all have to "adapt" a little to understand each other. Somehow, it happens.
My daughter likely has diagnosable ADHD (inattentive type). She is 7. I tested her when she was 5 3/4, myself, at our counseling office one weekend day, on the CPT test (a computerized adhd test). She came out w/a 70% likelihood of inattentive type.
She is not medicated, and she has not had a full work up to see if she "has" it. Nope. But, understanding her quirks helped me when we homeschooled and has helped her teacher. We had to work as a team to help my daughter cope w/being inschool and being one of those that likes to stare at the ceiling and count the tiles instead of taking a test. LOL I don't see her "difference" as a disease. But knowing about it helps me to parent her, to help her adapt to the world around her.
So like if she were making a POF for kids profile, I wouldn't suggest she put "Adhd, inattentive", instead I'd suggest she put "great imagination", "short attention span" "I like to run around like crazy and be silly", "counting ceiling tiles is fun", "homework sucks", etc. See the difference?
And, btw...OPie, I've always liked your posts and your input!!!!! I think you are doing great! (and no, that's not a come on)
Kaylie | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:39:31 PM | I can sort of relate to your situation. I have cancer and found that when I did end up telling people about it, they were usually put off. After much thought, I realized that it's a big part of who I am, and who I will continue to be. For the rest of my life, it will have an affect on my decisions, the people I choose to associate with, and what I dedicate myself to. Having this epiphany, I decided to put it right out there on my profile. I figured if people weren't going to get to know me because of this, then they weren't the type of people I wanted to know.
The result of adding it to my profile was a ton of very positive, encouraging e-mails. Congratulations for overcoming such a large obstacle in my young life, and making it through each day, etc.
Some people tend to be scared of what they don't know or understand. They don't like situations they can't control, and they have a hard time coping with other people's differences. I want to congratulate you for asking the question and putting it out there, because I can understand how difficult that can be. I'd also encourage you to add this to your profile! It's a part of who you are, and if people aren't accepting from the begining, who needs them?
Also, for those who don't know what Aspergers is, perhaps you could educate them a little?
Good luck! | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/10/2008 11:00:36 PM | Wow... interesting reading. I hadn't heard of Aspergers till my dad recently told me he thinks he has it. I didn't know what the hell he was talking about. Didn't help that he was pronouncing it "ass burgers"...
btw... if you google "ass burgers".... aspergers will come up..
He's also self diagnosed... could be wrong... but it sounds like he might be correct.
He told me about it because he thought that might be why I can't seem to maintain a relationship either... lol, no. I'm just a stubborn ahole sometimes...
He moved in with me last fall after leaving his second wife. I will say that someone with AS doesn't make a bad room mate, for me anyway. We're good at staying out of each others way. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/11/2008 3:57:05 AM | I dated someone for a year with Aspergers and had a great deal of affection for him. I would not put it on your profile as it is not really relevant until you decide to pursue a relationship further, and the girl is interested to find out more about you.
I remember the first few conversations with my last partner were amusing to me, he talked in a monotone voice, choosing words very carefully, in a very formal way - like he was an old-fashioned television announcer. I made fun of it once - in a nice way - but he didn't get the joke - I knew there was something about him. It made him very attractive to me because after a while he really opened up and became a very passionate lover. But to most others, he appeared cold, stiff, distant, sometimes rude and inappropriate. We shared very special times. The love we shared was the purest I had ever known with a man. People with Aspergers are usually very bright, showing academically, they like extreme order and think methodically. This man had been very successful in the world of business.
Sadly we found ourselves going in different directions in life and he has now retired abroad, he does not keep in touch, despite the fact I would still love to. He said that if we finished he would forget I ever existed - maybe this has been the case.
A level of understanding on my part was needed for the times he seemed cold, or uncaring - it helped me to see beyond these times. When I discovered that my partner had it, after just a couple of months, and confirmed by a close friend of his, I read about it as much as I could - the internet is very useful as there are lots of support groups.
You need to find a girl who has a happy and open disposition who can show you affection, even without return - and for her to be able to communicate to you about her own needs.
Good luck and hope you find happiness! xxx | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:04:13 AM | Wow...and I thought this thread had died!
Semantics I know, but I would prefer to say that I have AS rather than be AS, because there is more to me than being AS. Saying "I have Aspergers" might sound to some like I have a disease, but preferable to saying, "I am Aspergers" which makes me sound like I am alien to the human race. Being aspergers is only part of who am and only affects me in social situations, it is not completely who I am, there is more to me than being AS
I wouldn't say that I'm limiting myself to someone just like me (I don't think the world could cope!), just someone who "got" me. As has been said, men don't read subtle signals at the best of times so I kinda feel sorry for them when they're trying to read mine lol
When I made changes to my profile I didn't make it obvious that I had AS but still put it as one of my interests. That way women won't be put off from contacting me before they get to know me and other people who have AS can still contact me through an interest search
That's a cracking idea rara_avis77, thanks I'll try that!  | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:07:12 AM | I have it too but I won't put it in my profile. OK Cupid or Eharmony won't have a right to have questions asking if we have this condition.
I think that this condition could make dating harder for people. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:33:59 AM |
I have it too but I won't put it in my profile.
Too late now Demolition18, don't look now but it says so on your last 5 forum posts on your profile | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:02:30 AM | | One of my college instructors had it, among a few other personality defects that made it all but impossible for him to communicate with people. Not the ideal job to be in with the problems it caused....Sometimes he'd walk out at the beginning of class & wouldn't be seen again for a day or 2.... However, he has tenure so they can't fire him.. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:12:50 AM | Nope I wouldnt. To many fools online who would think you like vegatables. Should I put on my profile I am really b1tchy the 3rd week of the month??
Everyones profile would be scary. I have ADD. I am in menapause. I am bipolar. I am epileptic.
Save it for after the penis pictures I say. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:12:49 AM | For the record I'm not trying to being argumentative here.....however I've come back to this thread a few times and read the following and frankly it leaves a bad taste in my mouth....and being the opinionated mare I am (when it comes to subjects like this) I'm putting in my tuppenys worth. I've tried refraining but it's a subject too close to my heart.
If it causes offense I officially apologise (even though frankly I won't mean it, I'm merely being polite, or trying to be).
" I'm pretty sure that only about .5% of people who claim to have Aspbergers on their internet profiles or in forums actually have Aspbergers. The other 99.5% are just hopelessly awkward people who spend far too much time searching to justify their inability to function in just the way "normal people" do. "
Statistics? From where? Seriously. I'm curious because to the best of my belief various Govt organisations can only *estimate* how many people there are with an ASD. Why is that? Well imo partly because of the lack of funds/knowledge etc and the general ignorance about these issues....and I'm keeping my views short n sweet there!
I'm not sure I agree with the view most people look for an excuse for their inability to communicate with the opposite sex very well...it's just taken as read we are each a mystery to each other
" Many people claim to be "depressed" when they are, in fact, "unhappy" , and it's a similar thing. (self-)Diagnoses of this kind are safety nets; they make you a member of a club. You can even call yourselves "Aspies," or something similar! Meanwhile, the rest of the world are "normies"! And, hey, that's a lot less scary than facing the prospect of being alone in your weirdness. Man, that kind of sexy clubhouse exclusivity makes me want to have Aspbergers too! "
I can't claim to be knowledgeable about a lot of things, am just too damm busy every day being carer, teacher, OT, speech therapist, play therapist and everything else my children need and denied by the state and those who whinge about how much tax they pay (I paid mine too so how about some payback, hmm?!). However as a mam to 3 children with various ASD's (plus had ex who was the same, of near 20years too) one thing I *do* know in my experience is whoever has a ASD does *not* see it as some sort of safety net or flaming club. If that is a joke it's in poor taste. Try telling it to the thousands of parents and adults who live with this every day because I'd love to be a fly on the wall when you say it to some of the families I know!
Aspies are not weird. They are intelligent (sometimes more so than the rest of us - my son's IQ was 138 at the age of 6), They have a sense of humour and feel just like you do (because I bet you are feeling peeved at me right now !). They are people, not to be treated as some sort of circus freak by calling them weird. My Aspie son (yes he's semi undiagnosed because thats the way he wants it) is a damm sight more polite even when he is confronted with bigoted views.
As an ex nurse I believe you might also find those with cancer might be a bit miffed too, given it (like ASD's) is a condition that often ostracise's people in society.
" So, as much as I respect your right to self-diagnose, OP, and I can understand your reasons for doing so...and although I in no way mean to insult people who actually suffer with an actual condition...
I think the idea that you would claim to have an undiagnosed condition on a dating profile is incredibly absurd. "
Do you respect his right? I mean you use words such as weird and absurd, where's the respect? I'm sincerely trying to question myself here, whether I'm reading the meaning of your post correctly, However I can only react according to my experiences. I'm sorry but you have insulted some, not just me. I read your post to a couple of friends of mine...their replies aren't possible to publish.
As I wrote before some people do not want to spend years...yes years...jumping through hoops desperately trying to obtain a stupid bit of paper to then go on and spend more years...yes more years...fighting the medical and educational systems to get the odd hour of assistance here and there (e.g. 5yrs+ of fighting for recognition to obtain 1.5 hours of classroom assistance?!....five years the child has no official support..continues to be bullied and ostracised...only to get 1.5 rs?!). To be told s/he is slightly under the official threshold to warrant therapy so go home and deal with it the best you can. Do I come across as angry? Too bl00dy right I do. That's only one example I can pass on...want me to begin about there being nothing available for adults at all?! Because oh yeah I can so do that.
Some of us decide to be proactive for our children's sakes in a different way...and I'm not knocking parents who are stubborn enough to keep fighting for official assistance, my hat is off to them, well n truly (we all do the best we can for our children). I merely approach my childrens needs in a different way.
My children had enough of the stress of being treated as lab monkeys (their words...my daughter didn't begin talking til she was 5/6yrs and oh boy she has a few choice words on this subject now! lol). So we decided to pull them out of situations where they are made to feel like the lowest life form on earth (both schools and drs).
Being undiagnosed is not absurd. Parents fighting for so little is absurd....and I can fully appreciated why Scorpio or anyone else would want to remain undiagnosed. For starters their is the medical insurance issue, not to mention some people understandably do not want to be labelled. There are numerous reasons.
There is a saying...something about walking a mile in someone elses shoes?....try it. If Scorpio chose to put up about his being an undiagnosed Aspie on is profile there is nothing absurd about it.
Sincere apologies Scorpio I didn't mean to hijack your thread...just get very fed up sometimes of peoples ignorance who feel it's ok to try make a joke out of issues like this [packs away the soap box and decides to make a cup of tea to calm nerves while waiting for the inevitable flaming] | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:26:06 AM | There is a lot of misconceptions and fear about people with Autism...and as you know the Autism Spectrum is very broad.
I would not list it on your profile.
my daughter is being re-evaluated right now...turns out that she may of been misdiagnosed by the psychologist for the last 8.5 years....very likely she is NOT an Aspie.
I do not see Asperger's as a handicap... I know many people who are Aspies. They are regular people, in many fields of work and studies. They are moms and dads, kids.
The Asperger's is just part of who they are...it does not define who they are. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:23:00 AM | ImStillSmiling:
I don't apologize for anything that I said, and the only correction I'd make to my post would be to correct my misspelling of "Aspergers."
If your children have AS I can understand why you'd respond the way you did to my post, but I was not referring to children or those who have actually been diagnosed with the syndrome. I referred in my post to people--implicitly adult people--who self-diagnose; more specifically, I referred to adults who self-diagnose and wish to broadcast their diagnoses on the internet.
I do believe that this sort of self-diagnosis is a safety-net. I think that it's terrifying to face our own strange qualities, our own awkwardness, and our own inability to be like "everyone else" in the ways that we would like to be. That there is such a proliferation of online self-tests for everything from schizophrenia to Aspergers shows that many people are in search of "explanations" for their behaviour and individual strangeness. God knows I've done some, and I am, apparently a schizophrenic manic depressive with OCD and possible autism. I've seen therapists. I am, in reality, none of those things. Such self-diagnoses are bullsh-t. If they make a person feel better, that's fine.
People with Aspergers are weird. I'm not taking that back, and I don't think it's an insult. People without Aspergers are weird--they just don't necessarily have a neurological reason for it.
I have no idea what your taxes or your fights with the educational system have to do with my post. I don't have any views--for or against--pertaining to aid for children with AS. I felt it needed to be said that most people who self-diagnose themselves are full of it, and many are searching for a group to belong to and a label to simplify things. I stand by that, but it has nothing to do with your kids.
I find the words "Aspie" and "normie" ridiculous. There is no such thing as a "Cancie," an "AIDSie," a "Bi-Polarie," or a "Schizie." I don't find people with Aspergers ridiculous; I think the terminology is stupid.
I stand by my opinion that putting an undiagnosed condition on one's profile is absurd. I don't think the OP should agree with me, but I think my perspective is relevant since it inevitably represents some number of other people's views as well. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 5/17/2008 12:11:59 AM | I thoroughly enjoyed reading the forum on Asperger's Syndrome (less commonly known as Autistic Psychopathy) with both your input and the input of ImStillSmiling.
Having lived both in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and in the Dominion of Canada, I can see differing views on Autistic Spectrums - diagnoses, self-diagnoses. I can also understand especially why people do self-diagnoses.
There seems to be not much support here in Canada for people with Autistic Spectrum Disorders especially in employment but in England there is quite a bit. | |
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