| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/13/2008 2:17:22 AM | Shoot, I don't know what I have, but I've always been on a different level of communication than most people. Through trial, tribulation and error, I have learned that the best thing is to be yourself from day 1.
If you have AS moderately or less (as nearly all of you do), you shouldn't put it in your profile. If you do, you're going to be misunderstood.... cause the general populace will read "Aspergers" and think "socially inept." I read through most of your profiles and was very impressed -- I bet you'd all make for great conversation. But the typical reader will be blind to this if they know you have AS. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/13/2008 8:16:28 AM | OP, I have to say that, at least for a while, your statement already is in your profile by virtue of your posting being attached......
Most people probably won't know what Aspergers is, and won't take the effort to google it. They'll simply see that you have what they deem to be some sort of disorder. I think that topic is something best left for a later (but still early) conversation. After all, no one expects us to post our blood-glucose levels, LDH, HDH levels, or information as to how long our parents and grandparents lived, to give others an idea of our possible longevity.
My father had Aspergers, and it took a while before anyone conversing with him would realize that he was "different." I'm not so convinced that it is a bona fida disability, but more of a difference. After all, it's been suggested that Einstein had Aspergers - how else would he have been able to focus so restrictively on his research to the exclusion of all else? He worked in a patent office because he could not integrate into a university environment.
Would you say that someone conversing with you or on a date with you would know immediately? If not, then I would not say anything in the profile or on that first date. If there is some obvious clue (and it doesn't seem as though there is if you recently "diagnosed" it yourself) I would have a discussion about that with the individual beforehand.
Be well......... | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/13/2008 8:26:02 AM | OP: I'm sorry to hear about your condition. I would not place it in my profile. This may be something you may want to discuss face-to-face.
All the best,
 | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:19:33 AM | if you are ever diagnosed with the condition, you may want to include it. I dunno, i've never seen a woman list herself as having aspergers - i dunno how i'd react. It will save you the trouble of interacting with women who could never handle it i suppose.
I think it's something to actually get checked out though, it's not really like a black and white type of disorder in my understanding. You fall within a range, with Autism at teh extreme in failure to comprehend the social cues and emotional states of others, then aspergers being less severe than that, but below normal, then into the normal range.
someone suggested I might have this at one point in my life. I don't..In layman's terms I am what is referred to as "an ***hole" sometimes..It's not a real psychological condition. I just don't always pay attention to people's cues or feelings. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/13/2008 3:39:02 PM | | You figured it out? Unless you have had a real Dr with experience diagnose an illness or condition then you are just blowing smoke or looking for attention. My Ex MIL had every illness the National Enquirer ever wrote about. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/13/2008 4:39:52 PM | I wouldn't put it in my profile, whether you have a professional diagnosis or not. It would be prudent to let the person get to know you through the correspondence and if you meet a few times, hang out together and "feel" comfortable with each other, then only then should you bring it up.
In some ways this parallels the question of whether you should disclose Asperger's when applying for jobs. The two topics are not the same mind you, but I could see similar concerns.
Just as a side note, there is another condition called Non-Verbal Learning Disability (NVLD or NLD) that is so similar to Asperger's Syndrome (AS). There are so many similarities between these two neurological conditions but a there seem to be a few differences as well, from what I've read. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/13/2008 7:17:42 PM | I work with people (children and Adults alike) who have been diagnosed with Aspergers' Disorder and I will say-I would be more desiring to know if you had adult ADD than this highly functioning disorder. Having Aspergers' is such a mild issue that even the minor details of not being able to read subtle conversational cues or body language gets miscommunicated. You are still a man and looking for a woman and as ages and generations of men before you-take a poll-you are no different in knowing what a woman is trying to tell you than a person who is capable of reading body language and other subtle cues.
I would just hope you are looking for a woman who would accept your intellegence and higher functioning as well as the short comes of emotional attachments and over planning and scheduling.
Blessed Be- | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:29:32 AM | | If I understand correctly, you have not been diagnosed by a professional? I think that is an important first step that was missed. Get a medical opinion. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:37:05 AM | | Really, I think everyone's symptoms are different, right? Most people don't understand anything about it anyway. Seems an odd thing to confide right away. I think you could mention it within the first 3 or 4 e-mails so that they have anything strange explained, but why put it in your profile? The rest of us are not confessing to our idiosyncrasies in our profiles. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:39:51 AM | | cheshirecatalyst is right. post a reply to 5 more topics immediately, so that all the evidence is removed from your profile. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:49:41 PM | | Priceless response Itsmyday! Absolutely priceless. Ignoring the fact, dear OP, that by posing this question in the forum you have put it in your profile so to speak ... my vote is big NO! After all, you have diagnosed yourself and as Itsmyday suggests (albeit tongue in cheek) Aspergers smaspergers, maybe you really aren't that different anyway... | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:33:27 PM | True, most people wouldn't not what Asperger's is and even other Autistic Spectrum Disorders, save Autism (Kanner's Syndrome).
As before, I would say not to mention it (Asperger's) in your profile.
I'd have to say though that Asperger's Syndrome means that someone with it is neurologically different [neurodivergent] (brain wired differently) in the way one processes information which can lead to mental speed problems, interpreting what other people mean, etc, but I am also really convinced it is a bona fide disability! I do not just consider physical or visible conditions like Downs Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy to be disabilities but also the "invisible" ones like High-Functioning Autism. If it affects you in some way in trying to get things done, without supports, accommodations, etc, then it is a disability.
I've been doing some research and reading books like Employment for Individuals with Asperger Syndrome or Non-Verbal Learning Disability by Yvona Fast, and Asperger Syndrome & Employment Adults Speak Out about Asperger Syndrome edited by Genevieve Edmonds and Luke Beardon, and I can see that AS affects individuals every day.
Some people may define a "bona fide" disability as something that is outwardly visible and affects you only physically.
That's the problem isn't it? If you can't see that the person is outwardly different in some way, then it's difficult to think or believe that the person could have challenges.
Asperger's affects people differently; some people are so mild but still do have deficits. It has indeed been suggested that Albert Einstein had Asperger's Syndrome. It's been noted that in the right environments people with AS can hyperfocus (concentrate solely on a task) and thereby do a very good job! They are very bright, often earning degrees, Masters and PHds. Look at Dr. Vernon Smith, an Economist (who asserts that he has it), and Liane Holliday Willey who has it. They're quite successful. And don't forget Dr. Temple Grandin who is an Animal Sciences Professor at Colarado State University in the United States of America, who has the dual diagnosis of High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's Syndrome (AS). These individuals do concentrate for long periods of time on specific topics and are quite successful. Yet there are others with AS who are quite bright yet have challenges in interacting, dealing with frenzied, fast-paced environments, and have trouble studying in university and college.
Fascinating discussions here on POF! | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/17/2008 4:19:54 PM | The part of AS that can become problematic in relationships and dating is for those with AS that are unable to adjust away from a set ritualized routine without upset, and rigidity of thought which causes the individual to not be able to come to a meeting of the minds with a partner. Having to have everything their way on their schedule at their convenience with no exception is extremely uncomfortable to the person who needs to always adjust. If that partner is unaware of AS, they can take it as extreme
selfishness and become very emotionally hurt by the percieved lack of care to the other one`s wants or needs.
The other issue has to do with some people with AS having difficulty with showing romantic feelings or the inability to function in a physically intimate way. They may
wish to be cared for and loved, but out of touch with the ability to give physical pleasure , or derive any sense of satisfaction by instilling happiness in their partner.
Again, coming off as extremely selfish and uncaring. Either way, if this is part of the
AS profile, it would become almost impossible for a NT to have any satisfaction from
this sort of all one way relationship, unless the NT is of a martyr type that is much more into giving rather than recieving, because that is what they will be doing.
Also lack of libido and an abhorrence or distate for sexual activity would cause a problem , which happens in some AS cases. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/17/2008 5:23:07 PM | desert wildflower, you've got it spot on! The way you described relationship issues between on e partner with AS and the other without.
There is something called CADD or Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder that some individuals experience when they have been in relationships with people with AS. The symptoms can be similar to symptoms of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), like sleep problems, anxiety, depression, mood changes, lethargy. Whereas SAS is about sunlight deprivation, CADD is about emotional deprivation. It leads to feelings of confusion and aloneness as a result of being in a relationship with an adult with Asperger Syndrome or a disorder that produces a low emotional / empathic quotient or Alexithymia. Emotional reciprocity, love and belonging are essential needs and it's possible for both partners to develop a healthier relationship.
Quite right, it's extremely difficult for an AS person to show feelings, empathize (Theory of Mind), and to be flexible; with lots of work though and as you say, if the other partner is away, the chances of having a healthier relationship is greater if the individual with AS works harder and if the other partner could make some concessions. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/17/2008 5:33:16 PM | | i just mention it as something part of who u are n they need to accept its there while gettin to know ya...that way if they message u n get p!ssed off cause u have it well u know they never read ur profile | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:46:49 PM | On the initial question I have no strong opinion one way or the other but----- since you have obviously done a considerable amount of reading and research and found that you fit someone's mold for AS, might I suggest that rather than having a focus on "do I or don't I tell", you spend a bit of time looking at what might or might not be at the core of everything you have found to "fit" and then start to look "outside of the box" for answers that might be a whole lot more beneficial than where you might be headed if you blindly accept that you "got it and gotta live with it".
If you sit 5 - 6 - 8 - 10 "highly trained" professionals with Md, PsyD, etc after their name down that don't know you and after laying out the same picture for each, you may get half or more that cannot agree on even the most basic of diagnoses without taking their DSM IV out after you have left the room. But even if you get one or two to agree, what does it do for you?? Confirm that someone agrees that you may - repeat may - have a neurological condition that they have hung a label on because it fits a pattern that has been defined as AS. My response for something like this is - "yea, SO?? - what can I do? to which there is seldom an answer that doesn't involve drugs that don't fix the problem but rather mask it or make it worse for the patient. My suggestion is that you start to explore the wonderful world of heavy metal toxicity - paying particular attention to Mercury, Lead, Cadmium and Arsenic, each of which have an affinity for fatty tissue - ie. brain - and each of which have been found to raise all sorts of hell with behavior by impacting neurological processes of all sorts from simple arrhythmias to extreme bi-polar violence. Depending on what combination you have floating around in your system the "why" could be answered and then the only other question that would need to be asked is "whatchagonnadoaboutit"
Suggestion is that you find an "alternative" practitioner that will do a hair analysis or preferably a provocative urine analysis (DMSA only) to tell you what your levels of heavy metals and nutritional elements in your system and then when that is defined, send me a private post and I will suggest which questions to ask any alternative practitioner you want so you can get some help in dumping that stuff from your system - and seeing if perhaps the AS issues don't begin to fade. In the meantime - I did change my mind - Don't say a thing. in your profile - That's my 2 cents - | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:34:00 AM | astralman
i'm not overly educated when it comes to this, i've only been diagnosed 2 years ago, but i think autism (and it's varients, such as AS) has not been proven to be linked to metals and such.
in my case, the AS is 100% withouth a doubt, genetic.
to some, it's a label, to others it's a solution.
the past 2 years have been a whirlwind of closure and self acceptance for me. i went 38 years without that label, and spent that time wondering what was wrong with me.
that label has given me the opportunity to face the next 40 years with a stronger sense of who i am, of recongnizing what triggers the subtle stimming i do have, and ways to control it so i'm not looked upon like some sort of freak in a world of "normalcy"
that being said, I have changed my mind about posting it on my profile.
it seems people don't want honesty, even when they ask for it...and with an Aspie, you can be sure to get honesty.
We don't know at what level the OP is, but it does and will have an effect on the first date.
Potential relationships can be affected by it, and I think a person deserves to know.
As far as the "whatchagonnadoaboutit" it goes...why should anything be done about it?
Hair samples? Urine tests? You make it sound as you've discovered a "cure" for autism. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:46:54 AM |
I figured out a few years ago that I have it. It puts people off, and I don't blame them for it. But I'm wondering now if it will help women understand me better if I put it on my profile, or it's just going to put women off, by being a pity statement. What do you think?
I would put it in yur profile so people know this before they begin to get to know you, with aspergers as you know everything is taken quite literally and there are problems with certain parts of comunication aswell as socialising,there are different situations that can cause certain behaviours,if you let people know that you have this condition at least they will understand if something you say or do does not seem quite right.you are better off letting people know and accept the real you and it would be no big deal to any person with a bit of understanding  : | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:39:19 PM | "Should I put Aspergers in my profile?"
My First thought was "How do I put Aspergers 'in' my profile?" << Literally! lol
Then I read most of the thread..
My experience? I had it posted and I took it off, I may or may not put it back! I will say that having it on meant more mail - Not all good! Some people think that Aspergers is a "mental illness".. that it is a "Bad" thing. Yes there are "inconveniences" particularly in human relations, there are also some pretty frikkin Awesome things about aspergers ...
Google Aspergers Good Qualities
Anyway, I just got tired of explaining what AS is and I got tired of the ignorance that I have a VERY low tolerance for.
A.S.is
(A lien S ecret .. AS .. ahem - it's not in my profile, it's in my nic! lol)
"Aspie Alert" was a headline I used .. hmmmm | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 7/10/2008 2:45:19 PM | | If you feel uncomfortable with putting up the info in your profile, then you could always tell through a message. I think most people would want to know from start rather than finding out later... the truth can´t be hidden anyways. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 8/16/2008 8:37:48 PM | It is interesting to me that I feel that I can tell that a person is an aspie just by reading their profile/posts provided it isn't sparce.
I have read many of your posts in the past scorpionmover, and I already assumed you to be one.
I am aspie too. | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 8/29/2008 7:37:16 AM | Dear scorpiomover:
My humble suggestions:
1) If you find it difficult to know what to say or do in person, try to keep up the email contact as well, especially if you like to express yourself in that way. You are very clear on this forum, so if words don't come to you spontaneously in person and you meet a woman you like, keep up the email contact along with the personal contact. Might be easier for you to assess her feelings and 'signals' if they are in writing?
2) Make a list of questions that are important to you, even if this takes time to do. Review them with people you trust. Ask people you trust (and who do not have Aspergers) what sort of answers THEY would expect. Use those questions when dating.
3) Learn some "mindfulness" techniques that will help you to focus on and be connected to your immediate situation while protecting you from the overstimulation of the "static" that you pick up from while out in public. It's difficult but, trust me, it can really really be an invaluable tool. If you see any ads in your area for CBT, mindfulness, imagery workshops, I urge you to try them out.
4) Keep a mood journal for a couple of weeks listing activities, time of day, mood, levels of agitation and distraction, etc. to try to get a better idea of what triggers you (whether it be tiredness, being hungry, circadian rhythms and so on) and this may help you to take some of your moods a little less seriously when you are out in public. May help you to be less nervous and less prone to the parts of your "quirkiness" that you don't like, also.
It's not easy sometimes but, with practice (a lot of it!) this may all start to seem more natural.
My personal techniques include: 1) making sure I schedule activities (art, music, etc.) every day where I can use my intense focus, 2) meeting people for the first time during the day (as opposed in the evenings when I'm a bit more scattered sometimes) in a quieter surrounding, 3) using breathing exercises and imagery on a regular basis, and specifically imagining billowing soft gauzy fabric draping down around me when I need to be protected from the static but don't want to lose connection to my surroundings, 4) understanding my natural rhythms and triggers.
In some ways you have been blessed with a wonderful gift that someone will learn to appreciate one day!
Best of luck,
Sudsie One | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 8/29/2008 5:14:08 PM | Dearest Sudsie One,
Your suggestions are excellent points especially concerning written correspondence and certainly mood journals and general journals (no, I'm not talking about accounting here lol) can be quite helpful, especially in finding out your patterns and discovering what one can do differently to achieve a different result.
While there are some helpful approaches that CBT and CGT can offer, they do not seem to have full effectiveness for people with AS and even NVLD (Non-Verbal Learning Disorder). Dr. David Burns books particularly "Feeling Good The New Mood Therapy" do focus on CBT to a certain extent and certainly on keeping records of moods, energy levels, etc.
The books, "Asperger Syndrome and Social Relationships - Adults Speak Out About Asperger Syndrome" and "Asperger Syndrome and Employment - Adults Speak Out About Asperger Syndrome" both edited by Genevieve Edmonds and Luke Beardon, offer some interesting insights to interaction with others (Neurotypicals). I will say social workshops can be of help.
Yes, there are gifts associated with AS and I think people can appreciate them (and not have to learn to appreciate them)!
I appreciate the suggestions you've made!
Best Regards,
drew8472 | |
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| Should I put Aspergers in my profile?
Posted: 8/29/2008 5:18:37 PM | Dude, I would say no.
If I saw that in a profile, it wouldn't make me curious to find out what it is.
If it's not something that someone else can "catch", then it's better to hear it from the horses mouth. | |
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