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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/23/2007 4:10:27 PM | Hmm,,,what did we do before personality tests came into play? Even better, what did past generations do? I don't place a great deal of faith in any of these tests. It's already been proven that your answers reflect the mood in which you happen to be in, at the time you took the test. Also, the majority of those who take these tests, are very seldom 100% honest in their answers.
So, do you base who's compatible with you by using these test results? I'd have to say NO. Communication is still the best 'test' going.
Seems to me, when reading the forums and the responses given to the originators of the threads, learning to read and thinking before answering, should be put to the test.  This is just an opinion and not a test of personalities. | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:01:02 PM | | i appreciate the compatibility profile. until success is imminent re; true love and happiness, i choose to utilize all the tools available. enduring, creative, passionate,stimulating relationships are difficult to find. allof the test questions and analyses address important issues of an individual's behaviour,attitude,tastes. this inormation will all be revealed in time commencing with a first date, andcontinuing onwardthrough time until the relationship ends due to initial or inherent incompatibilities. if i remember correctly there were 9 areas of concern. i've done alot of soul searching and self analysis over the years, re-hashing past diffculties and disappointment in failed relationships. i'm grateful to have the content of articulate assessment of my personality and needs as well as caveats of issues i would over/under value. i am sincere in a quest for lasting, fulfilling relationship and at this stage in my life i have no longer the bravado to re-invent the wheel, damn the torpedos fullspeed ahead. i did that at 20 yrs. ago currently i want to grow and develop relationship towards myself and others more effectively than previously. as with any good reference material the reader utilizes knowledge constructively, creatively, or dismisses it. the reference material does not diminish my soul, limit my choices, alter my values. it adds to my self awareness and puts words into my shape thoughts, feelings and intuition. | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/23/2007 7:17:57 PM | I took both versions of the test. In the complete long version, I am an ENFJ. On this site, I am an ESFJ. The N and S was where I was closest to the middle on the MBTI so I think it's pretty accurate.
As far as a benchmark for dating, I don't think it's a very useful tool because so many other factors that play into attraction aren't included. It also tends to give your complete opposite (at least in my case) as your ideal mate. Personally, that's a lot of work and I would think those relationships would take a lot more "work". I'd prefer someone who is a little more like me.
However, I do think it's useful as far as understanding each other once you are in a relationship (romantic or friends or business associates). As an E, I have learned that I think out loud and often give the impression that I've made up my mind (because I'm speaking) when I'm actually still weighing the options. It makes me look wishy washy or indecisive. I've also learned that if I'm making a decision with an I, I've got to shut up and let them think because they process things quietly! As an F, I know that I need hard facts to bring a T around to my point of view because they don't "feel" things out like I do; they "think" them out. As a J, I have to learn to be patient with P's who can sometimes seem completely irresponsible and unorganized (even if they aren't) and I have to appreciate the fact that that characteristic sometimes makes them really fun, and accepting their way of doing things sometimes helps me to let go and relax! Understanding the other's base motivation for the way to do things helps you accept them and live with them. I think it's very useful in that regard. | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/23/2007 11:17:45 PM | Great so I am a ESFJ, Now I know what I have been doing wrong all these years I need to quit being everyone's trusted friend. This thing says I need to find a ISFP, or a INFP.
Any takers. I think alot of this personality stuff is okay but don't take it to the bank type of things.
So any takers out there. Just come and find me that will take all the work out of it. | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/24/2007 2:52:08 AM | | I think personality tests, iq tests, compatibility tests and all other such tests which seek to quantify and categorize aspects of human consciousness and relationships are complete and utter bollocks. | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/24/2007 3:31:29 AM | | Oddly enough, the few people that I had a really high compatibility rating with that I've spoken to, were people that I really didn't seem to get along with very well online. LOL Made me wonder if we were just too compatible for there to be any sort of spark, or if the tests just weren't great for setting personalities up. I haven't yet met anyone IRL as a result of the test...I'll have to check the results before I meet someone again just to see! I think the tools are fun...but wouldn't rely on them as a means for meeting my match. | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/24/2007 6:46:09 AM | TallTexann;
Great answer!
I too find the information useful in some ways, mostly in understanding the how and why each of us react differently to individual characteristics, especially in relationships, and in business communications. It's good to know someone really does understand what I was asking.!! I also agree that other factors of attraction are important influences, and - That Is WHY - relying on just the personality test is (imo) not a realistic benchmark.
Compatibility IS vital, but individuality interferes with any "text book" statistic.
Romance comes from the heart and should be evaluated from the heart as well as the head. But, a little insight from these personality profiles can be a useful tool if applied to self - awareness, and not to trying to change someone else.
Thanks for your input.!
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/24/2007 6:49:29 AM | | In the real 3-D dating world (not this cyber one) we are drawn to others by our gut instinct & chemistry. I don't agree with the cookie-cutter analysis of myself and started to laugh when I read it. Because you eat cookies does that mean you disregard your health? If you work out in a gym does that mean you never drink alcohol or smoke? Being pigeonholed is silly, I think. I have dated a specific type of man in terms of height, character , compatibility and upbringing that seems to work best for me. The personality compatibility test had me linked with people and personality types I know are harmful and destructive to my character, happiness and needs. Of course, I am sure it may be spot on for some people so that is great. My eyes, gut, heart and brain are my computer analysis for whom I am compatible with. Although they are not kid-tested and doctor-approved, I'll stick with those, thank you. | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/24/2007 7:08:04 AM | to jwa: in your thread you said : """""Tell us your experience with the two versions.""""
My first experience with the Myers Briggs test was through my course (Psychology) with the University. It was in fact, part of a structured setting, were we were only allowed to answer each question as spontaneously as possible the first time, then told to redo the test and give thought to each answer. We were not given the results of either session until both had been done and handed in.
It was rather amazing how close the two results were because no one "knew" what the results would be or would reveal. The following day, another group had to do the same test twice, only they were allowed to see the results from the first one before redoing the test.
THAT time the results were miles apart! Apparently, some people did not like the end result the first time and changed their perception of how to answer the second time around in order to get "better" results. LOL I understand I suppose, why some people think they should fit into a different category, but if one wants to have any real insight from a personality profile, honesty is a necessity.
The second time I ran across the M. B. Personality profile was on a dating site, ( and NO..not E-Harmony) as some seem to think. It was one of those "free" until you want to make contact sites...so I ditched that site and found this one. I really do not want to be negative about the personality or the needs test on POF, but I agree with you that the results are so inconclusive as to be not much use (imo) at least for myself.
I think the MB test, because I first used it in University setting, was far moire satisfactory and informative. But I still wouldn't use any "statistical" test as a benchmark for compatibility in the romance department, there are simply too many other factors involved.
I really thank you for requesting this reply. It helps me sort out my own thoughts as well as remember the "turmoil" within the research group - which sheds light on some of the responses in this discussion. Great input.
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/24/2007 7:26:10 AM |
it is BASED on WHAT YOU SAY about YOURSELF! (self-reported)
therefore "idealized" versions of "you" come into play?
Actually, the first time I was involved in the MB testing, it wasn't "just" a test. And the test itself was much longer than the test they give on this site. We had a few days of workshops, teaming with different people and having no idea until the end of the workshop what our types were.
I remember one of the tasks involved our being given marshmellows and toothpics and told to "do" something with them. At that point, we (unknowing to us) had been teamed with others of the exact same combinations of types. Some of the groups did purely creative things with their items. My group made something that had a clear function...where everything contributed to the creation...a cycle of life type thing. We were told our types after that particular exercise, and it was really funny because as they described what, for example, an ESFJ would create and why...it was clear to everyone in the room that our group were the ESFJs. They even talked about the liklihood of cooperation in creating, the way we'd come to decisions, etc., and it was spot on for all the groups.
Anyway, my point is that although the questions "may" tempt us to self-report idealized versions of ourselves, the test has a lot of validity. I score the same on this test as I did on the test/workshop I took in my 20s. And I have to think that most people would answer the questions honestly. There isn't any right or wrong answer...any better or worse answer. | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/24/2007 7:47:09 AM | as much as i can appreciate the intelligent, articulate and sometimes funny posts to this i have some very serious questions for all of u. mowst of u have been married before -did u have a compatability test or personality test for your partner when u met them? i could list 100 factors i want in a woman-but will she even like me when i meet her in person or will she gag and run? or did u meet -the fire hit and you got lost in each other not even knowing or caring about compatability and personality cause it came natural-either the fire and romance is there or we run. i sure as hell want a relationship where every day of my life i cant stop thinking about her and cant wait to be home in her arms and kisses and to kiss her to sleep and to wake her with kisses and to not even know if she is really beautiful because she would always be beautiful as we aged. Myparents were married for almost 70 years -died last year-dad had altzheimer-could not even remember his six kids but he would simply reach over and put his hand on moms arm-and once he patted her butt when she got up when she got up to feed him-he did not think i noticed-give me that relationship any day-yesssssssss forget the tests-i want to fall so deep in love with just one special person that i would love to die in their arms
btw mom died 4 months after dad-her last words were " i am in pain and miss dad so i am going to him-and she went to sleep"
now that is love and dedication-did they have rocky times? sure many but they kept on
what i dont want is a person who wont try or quits easily cause something is not compatable on their list-oh well | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/24/2007 8:00:47 AM | If nothing else, tools like MBTI can give you insights into what personality characteristics work for you, and what compatibility may mean. Many of the people I met didn't know their type beforehand. The ones I "clicked" with later turned out to all be of the same type: INFx. Most of my long-time friends also turned out to be xNFx or xNTx types as well. It also turned out that some people I did not get along with very well were xSFx or xSTx types.
Usually, knowing something about the characteristics of the various types and what worked best for me, I could focus on finding those traits without having to know a person's type. However, knowing their type early on helps determine what to look for in their personality that may become an issue - they could be the "wrong" type but still work if for me. | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/24/2007 9:38:57 AM | Before I answer the questions, I'll explain my POV. I'm an INTP. In many respects, it fits me to a T. But then again, a lot of people see other sides to my character. One ex-psychologist guy I know said I'm more of an extrovert, but not all the time. I have few friends on this site who are all INFJs,, but that is really all I know at the moment.
I never asked anyone I'm attracted to what MBTI type they are, in real life. Women have already found it a bit odd if I asked them what star sign they are, and everyone knows what star sign they are. So I never even bothered to ask them about the MBTI types they are. Kind of difficult to ask someone to take a personality test, unless you're already dating them, and then, it's a bit late.
I don't see any link that shows what MBTI type you are on POF Profiles, so if I'm attracted to someone, I don't know their type.
So, either way, I don't know what types would and would not be more compatible with me.
The compatibility test was also not so useful. I found it hard to relate to, w/out any Bottom Lines, or percentages to grab hold of.
However, when I've checked out a profile on POF, for dating or for friends, I like to take a look at the Needs test, especially the Bottom Lines. It gives me a bit of a feel for the person, and I've been pleasantly surprised. It's detailed enough that I feel I could see how I could match myself to the other person, and most of the time, it has been very close to my intuition. So, when I'm looking at someone for dating, I'll put my Needs against theirs, side-by-side, and see where they complement each other and where they differ. It's much more useful to me than 4 letters.
should compatibility profiles be used as a serious benchmark for dating?
I think it might help. I'd rather know in advance if someone has a characteristic that I know I cannot stand. But I think it would be best if it was laid out in some simple sentences, like the Needs test, which can be viewed from a profile, and possible included in an Advanced search. If people had this info to hand, in real life, I know it would cut out a lot of the games. I'm a firm believer that we all play games of differing types. Perhaps I should say that we all have ways of acting and reacting that work for us. It would make life easier if people who like the same sorts of ways of acting and reacting were paired together. At least that makes more sense to me.
Also, there is another factor to consider. Star signs often have 2 or 3 body shapes attached to them. It might even be possible to target the sort of people you would be attracted to more easily by using some sort of profile. I'm not saying it's an exact and proven science at the moment. I'm just saying that I've seen a pattern of connection between the way people look, both through nature and nurture, and their personality behaviours. So, it might be possible to make it easier to find someone you get on with and are attracted to, using personality tests.
Should our instincts change (in regard to romantic searching) if we became aware of what personality profile we fit in?
It might help us to understand better how we react, and how others react to us. If therapeutic and/or practical advice was available based on the types, it might lend for a greater understanding of how to modify our behaviour in a more productive way.
If one uses a proclaimed famous personality test as a generalized standard for compatibility, what does that say for individuality?
I believe that we are all unique, but that we are equally well composed of similar attributes. Just because we have similar attributes, such as a common interest, does not make us the same, nor does it mean that we see that interest in exactly the same way. But it sure makes it easier to get on, if we both know we both like that same thing. I believe that it is the same for personality tests. It would definitely make it easier if 2 people know what types of personality work for them, and can make it easier to find someone compatible, and not just attractive in general.
Personal perspective (in my opinion) is very subjective, I think to rule out certain profiles because of a "standard evaluation" is to neglect the "soul" of romance. I prefer to use my own judgment in eliminating or including profiles of interest. What do you think?
To rule out a type of person, because they do not fit our matched criteria, is to eliminate those who conflict with the average for that criteria. To me, that is the essence of being an individual. The fact that I can have some combination of characteristics that do not exist in anyone else makes me unique. However, by our very nature, we already eliminate such people regularly from our dating choices. As an example, lots of women will invariably select only men who are taller than them, and lots of men will only date women who they find to be very attractive. Age, background, employment, financial status are also classic criteria people use to weed out those they imagine to be undesirable. The other types of men & women get left out of their dating choices, and many of those choosers find it hard to get a relationship as a result. Mainly because the actual people they want to screen out are the people who intend on taking advantage of them, and hide themselves in the crowd. So we are left with screening out people purely on the basis that there are too many people to meet, and so we select preferences. However, this has as much success as it does in the workplace, which in the UK, is notorious for having employees in the wrong jobs. The few companies I worked at where most of the employees fitted in, used psychometric tests on a variety of areas, and they were well-known tests in the industry, but used by only a few companies. Some unsuitable guys still made it to the probationary period, but even they were still able to do their job 70% of the time. I can tell you for myself that I've been advised to rewrite my CV for every job I applied to, and I don't think dating is any different, just less feasible.
So, while I agree that we do rule out potential matches with these personality tests, we are doing so anyway, usually with physical tests, that obviously support the obvious physical aspects of any relationship, and therefore ignore the emotional aspects. I cannot see any harm in using a personality test, unless it is way off base, only advantages by that token.
I think that what most people are interested in, is a way of selecting matches that have a high likelihood of success, and where if the match does not work, you can see why they were selected in the first place, and how they were very compatible if not suitable, and so not feel disgruntled as if you were just palmed off.
However, the skill to match person-to-person or job-to-person is a lost art, in my opinion.
I remember as a teen, there were matchmakers in our community. The typical response of a person who went to a matchmaker was that they told the matchmaker their age, and a whole host of details, and if they were a girl, they were told a great match was available, but when it came down to the guy, the only possible common value they had was that they were around the same age, and he was a few years older. As you can imagine, they were not recommended highly.
I can only recall one person who was able to do that successfully. I used to work on a phone line reading fortunes and one of my supervisors, Paul, had a knack for pairing callers off with correspondingly suitable fortune-tellers. Apart from that, I don't recall people taking an interest in ensuring others were compatible, in work, study, or romance & dating. As far as most people were concerned, as long as work-mates, study partners, and boyfriends and girlfriends were not tearing each others throats out, no-one seemed too bothered to improve the situation. Even if 2 pairs of people were better paired up differently, it was usually up to them to force the situation to be changed to their benefit.
The other 2 cases when I heard that such compatibility pairing was successful, was:
1) In the case of very religious families, where the boy and the girl were very close to their families. As a result, the 2 families would meet, see how they got on, and if they got on, it was assumed that it was likely for the boy and girl to get on. Fortunately, this seemed to be the case for a high number of cases. But they did lack the relationship skills to really build on this and change a potential compatibility into a very real closeness.
2) When a guy and a girl first got married, the guy would have a lot of single friends, and the girl would have a lot of single friends. Often, in the first few years of their marriage, they would try their hand at matchmaking. As they knew their friends very well, they were able to make a few matches very successfully. Unfortunately, this sort of matchmaking, although the most successful, tended to peter out rather quickly. The longer the marriage went on, the less the couple tended to try and match people together, and when they did, they put less effort into ensuring the 2 people were truly very compatible.
I think that if you were to consider any form of selection process as a tool for dating, you would have to look at it the same way as Soichiro Honda, the founder of Honda, looked at building cars, from inception to end. Effectively, a tool would only be productive, if there are no consequent negatives, In order to do that, you would have to consider all of the relevant stages of dating, starting from: desiring a mate, joining a dating site, choosing what type of mate you want, and what type of person you can expect to be interested in yourself, making pictures and writing a profile, sending emails, putting a public appearance by posting in the forums, communication via emails and IM, adjusting your personal appearance and habits to be more date-able, first meetings, second meetings, living together, marriages, pregnancy, abortion, adoption, parenting, divorce and death of a partner. All of these issues would do well to be examined under said spotlight.
Personally, I'd rather have a quick and easy spotter so I can figure out the types of the people I'm around and see on POF, and how to respond to them better. The same idea as "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" books, but for types.
I also think these personality traits would be really useful for parenting, as different parents and different kids require different parenting styles, and would probably save both much heartache.
Well, that's my $100.00 At least, it's a lot more than 2 cents. | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/24/2007 12:54:30 PM |
it is BASED on WHAT YOU SAY about YOURSELF! (self-reported)
therefore "idealized" versions of "you" come into play?
Its not about what version you are. The test is about your preferences and as such only you know what those are. There are four categories of focus:
Favorite World: Introvert or Extrovert — Do you prefer to focus on your inner world, or do you prefer to focus on the outer world?
Information: Sensing or Intuitiion — Do you prefer to focus on basic information, or do you prefer to focus on adding value and interpretation?
Decisions: Thinking or Feeling — Do you prefer to focus on logic and consistency first, or do you prefer to focus first on people and circumstances?
Structure: Judging or Perceiving — Do you prefer to get things decided and to closure, or do you prefer to keep room for new information and possibilities?
All of us can do all eight. The indicator only points to our preferences — where we go first and where we would rather focus. Finding our preferences adds to our self-awareness. So its possible that knowing more about how you think and what you focus on can possibly help you with finding someone who is compatible.
However, Sugar*daddie, if you bothered to read the rest of my post you would see that I dont believe we find perfect compatibility with someone due to a simple test. My personal experience has shown me that I can be compatible with totally different personalities. So it is a case of learning to deal with our incompatibilities which makes a good relationship because no one is 100% compatible. | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/24/2007 12:54:31 PM | Took the tests and says I'm an Ewok in search of a galaxy that is far far away!!
Ok Scottie! Beam me up and let's go boogie down at the Ugga Bugga Lounge and sip on some Dorkafunkle 
If you do these tests, this could happen to you to!! 
Life's a test folks! We either pass or we don't. I'm still waiting on my results to come in, if they can ever get that courier pigeon to hold still. | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/24/2007 1:04:33 PM | I have taken the Myers Briggs test many times. Says I am an INFP. Fits me to a tee I might add. Says my likely personality matches are ESTJs and ESFJs. Every significant relationsip I have had (and most of the insignificant ones as well) has been one or the other of these two personality types. Gotta say, I tend to gravitate to these two types. Gotta say, so far it is not working. What initially attracts within 4 months.......not so much.
Type Schmype! These tests only illuminate how people process and who we attract and are attracted to. Going against type sounds good to me right now. | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/24/2007 1:35:29 PM | | The big problem I see with many of those test and their findings is that they tend to match apples to apples, and that people want someone close to their own personality trait. I tend to differ. I personally think that based on your personality, you seek people that complement you, which tends to be many times opposites. | |
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| On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability
Posted: 8/24/2007 1:49:08 PM |
(OP) I think to rule out certain profiles because of a "standard evaluation" is to neglect the "soul" of romance. I prefer to use my own judgment in eliminating or including profiles of interest. What do you think?
I agree 100%. IMO, it's all about chemistry.
A romantic relationship involves both people taking a completely different life path. When I see people's profiles stating they are looking for someone to "fit in" their life I almost feel sorry for them. They are missing what romance is all about.
To use an analogy it's like going on vacation to a place you've never been and selecting beforehand what you want to do and see. The whole idea is to do and see things you have no idea about. That's what romance is, IMO.
When speaking with couples who have been married many decades they invariably say the same thing. They never had any idea where life would take them. They started an uncharted journey together. That is romance.
Maybe they endured because they didn't have any set expectations. Maybe it was due to every day being an adventure. Who knows? All I know for sure is my partner and I had little, if anything, in common when we met, yet, it's been the greatest 11 years of my life and still going strong.
I think people have a problem just "letting go". Maybe they haven't found the right person but they have to meet people and not decide on profiles and compatibility chats.
When two people meet and want to be together then just be together. Less analyzing and more sailing along, so to say. Let the romance, that free, airy feeling take you away. Romance is such a delicate thing, easily extinguished by doubt and uncertainty and over analyzing. We must not take the "feeling" out of romance. | |
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