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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 2:30:10 AM | | I think the guy is using the weight as an excuse to not let the relationship go any further, come on he was already sleeping with you and now you need to lose the weight to be considered his girlfriend? And after you lose the weight what is it going to be next? He is trying to control you, he is hurting your self esteem. Lose him, love is unconditional thru thick or thin, etc....... | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 5:01:50 AM |
2. These women were 'easy' and he could get sex without much effort.
How dare you asume something like that? Im a bigger women and im not ugly in any sense apart from the fact that im not thin and some men dont like women who are above average size! THIS DOES NOT MEAN BIGGER WOMEN ARE EASY! that is such a nasty way to look at it.
Ive been out with a lot of men in the 4 1/2 months ive been single for in my life (after spending 4 years in a relationship) and I was offered sex from most of them- I didnt sleep with them though- just becasue im big doesnt mean that I will sleep with the first man I see- we have respect for ourselves just like any other person! Being big does not make us desperate! And in my case it makes me more cautious!
I can't believe how naiive some people are in this day and age! | |
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golf44
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Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 78 | |
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 5:26:33 AM | You've got to be kidding. Can you imagine saying to this guy, "look, you're starting to bald, and before I can consider you my boyfriend, you're going to have to go and get a hairpiece".
I understand the natural physical attraction thing, but unless this guy is George Clooney, I bet there's a few things he could improve upon. The difference is....you didn't stoop so low as to say something to him as ignorant as he did to you.
What's next, the hair, the makeup? What if you lose weight and gain it back? Will he have a scale like:
if you gain 5 lbs - I won't tell you I love you
if you gain 10 lbs - I will go out less often with you
if you gain 20 lbs - We only see each other in private
Just because he's an adult, doesn't mean he's mature. I'd tell him your feelings were hurt by what he said, and of he can't see how stupid his statement was, stay friends. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 9:08:04 AM | The dating sites are FILLED with guys looking fro someone slim, fit and the younger the better even if they are 60years old and covered with wrinkles. That has been my question. I have asked it MANY times and not one man has answered it. People don't say the same forever. So this is for all of these men who are so fixated on a certain build, hair colour (that more often than not comes out of a bottle), and youthful appearance. What are you planning to do when your wife inevitably gains a few pounds after having kids (a woman chasing toddlers and school aged kids AND working certainly does not have time to live at the gym), let's her hair go back to its natural colour and heaven forbid gets a few wrinkles? Dump her.
It boggles my mind how shallow some men are. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 9:49:07 AM | That has been my question. I have asked it MANY times and not one man has answered it. People don't say the same forever. So this is for all of these men who are so fixated on a certain build, hair colour (that more often than not comes out of a bottle), and youthful appearance. What are you planning to do when your wife inevitably gains a few pounds after having kids (a woman chasing toddlers and school aged kids AND working certainly does not have time to live at the gym), let's her hair go back to its natural colour and heaven forbid gets a few wrinkles? Dump her.
It boggles my mind how shallow some men are.
It boggles my mind how self-absorbed some women are.
Why, after she's married, do some women think that it's not important to remain sexually attractive to her husband? Why is that gallon of ice cream more important, than turning on her husband? Why does she chop her hair off, because she can't be bothered keeping it long, even knowing that he loves her hair? Why does she stop coloring her hair, changing it from what it was, when he was attracted to her? Why does she think it's cool to demand and complain, do exactly as she chooses based on her own convenience, and yet expect her husband to remain focused and attentive?
Point being, a man can "love" his wife, despite all the changes, as a "friend", as the mother of their children, as a person, etc.., but romantic love is based on "attraction", and she can't do everything she can to be unattractive, and expect that he will be romantically attracted to her.
Real love is each person trying to give all of him or her to the other, and trying to take care of the other's needs. Part of what a man needs from a woman, is for her to make some effort to remain attractive, and a man, too, can't just let himself go to hell physically, and expect her to be interested. Marriage is not "retirement" from making an effort to be sexually attractive to the person you went out of your way to attract in the first place, or the marriage will die. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 10:23:50 AM | How dare you asume something like that? Im a bigger women and im not ugly in any sense apart from the fact that im not thin and some men dont like women who are above average size! THIS DOES NOT MEAN BIGGER WOMEN ARE EASY! that is such a nasty way to look at it.
Ive been out with a lot of men in the 4 1/2 months ive been single for in my life (after spending 4 years in a relationship) and I was offered sex from most of them- I didnt sleep with them though- just becasue im big doesnt mean that I will sleep with the first man I see- we have respect for ourselves just like any other person! Being big does not make us desperate! And in my case it makes me more cautious!
I can't believe how naiive some people are in this day and age!
You should have read my entire post before attacking me. The woman asked why ex BF cheated on her with an obese woman. I said that the women were 'easy' was one of several possibilities. I also stated among things that he could be attracted to obese women. I didn't state that all or most fat women were easy. I simply stated the women that he had an affair with could have been easy. If a woman is easy, then her body type and overall looks are often irrevelant. She could be an ugly skinny woman and some men would still have sex with her if she is easy and threw herself at him. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 10:27:04 AM |
The dating sites are FILLED with guys looking fro someone slim, fit and the younger the better even if they are 60years old and covered with wrinkles. That has been my question. I have asked it MANY times and not one man has answered it. People don't say the same forever. So this is for all of these men who are so fixated on a certain build, hair colour (that more often than not comes out of a bottle), and youthful appearance. What are you planning to do when your wife inevitably gains a few pounds after having kids (a woman chasing toddlers and school aged kids AND working certainly does not have time to live at the gym), let's her hair go back to its natural colour and heaven forbid gets a few wrinkles? Dump her.
It boggles my mind how shallow some men are.
I agree with you. Whats far more important is that you find someone with which you share a deep connection with, something that transcends physical appearance, something that will bind you two for all time... | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 83 | |
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 11:15:40 AM | MeloFelo,
I agree with you. Yes everyone will eventually lose their looks at some point, but there is no excuse for a woman ( or a man that matter ) to let herself go and not attempt to stay in good shape after getting married and having kids. A woman can still have a good diet, exercise properly, still use the whatever type of wardrobe, hairstyle, makeup, other skin / beauty products etc that makes her more attractive after getting married and having kids. There are plenty of gyms and health clubs that have day care centers. There are plenty in women in their 40s ( even some women in their early 50s ) that are still fairly attractive. Most of them have kids. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 11:22:56 AM |
There are plenty in women in their 40s ( even some women in their early 50s ) that are still fairly attractive. Most of them have kids.
Not just "fairly" attractive, but truly beautiful in a way that says something about a woman that goes beyond her looks alone. I'm "involved" with a woman in her 40s, who has 4 children, and has had to raise two at home on her own for the last 10 years, working, taking care of the house, and being both parents. To me, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, precisely BECAUSE she's in her 40s, with all that, and still cares enough about being a woman, to keep herself looking as she does. It's a huge turn on for me, as a man, to be able to appreciate that part of things. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 11:49:13 AM | Get on the scale first thing in the morning every day, make it part of your routine. You WILL NEVER gain it back. you will hit 5 pounds over your target weight and say, NO WAY AM I GOING BACK! and you will make the changes needed. I do it and it works great. I have started to float up a few times and seeing the weight change in a number helps and makes it easy. Its all the tiny disciplines. And if you do ever gain a bunch...SO WHAT!?! hit the gym big time for a month and diet again, BAM you will lose lile crazy. Shock the body, get a good trainer, get a gym membership and go, find a workout buddy, working out gives me endorphens like crazy, I feel SOOOO good when I come out of the gym. If Im ever stressed I can go to the gym and come out feeling like a million bucks, the first month I felt like shit but after that, GREAT!! :) YOU WILL TOO.
If you excersize steadily and eat right consistently, you wont have weight flux anymore, other than you will go from sexy as hell to sexier ;) haha. Now that is not a bad flux.
YOU CAN DO IT!!! so many people do these days, they lose 100+ pounds in a year etc. You have no more excuses... YOU CAN!!! Believe in yourself, and give yoruself that gift, you are worthy. Now go get the body you DESERVE.
Never quit, never give in, never die, never stop, smile with confidence every last time you are told you cant. GO! 
Thank you very, very much, champ_55ca. You've inspired me to get back into training, and to get into shape for my woman, but most importantly for myself. Whether that makes me more accepting or not, I have yet to see. But at least I'll be putting my money where my mouth is. Who knows? As you've put it, it should make a major positive difference to my (currently) single life, and it might change things a whole lot more. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 1:52:26 PM |
It boggles my mind how self-absorbed some women are.
Why, after she's married, do some women think that it's not important to remain sexually attractive to her husband? Why is that gallon of ice cream more important, than turning on her husband? Why does she chop her hair off, because she can't be bothered keeping it long, even knowing that he loves her hair? Why does she stop coloring her hair, changing it from what it was, when he was attracted to her? Why does she think it's cool to demand and complain, do exactly as she chooses based on her own convenience, and yet expect her husband to remain focused and attentive?
Point being, a man can "love" his wife, despite all the changes, as a "friend", as the mother of their children, as a person, etc.., but romantic love is based on "attraction", and she can't do everything she can to be unattractive, and expect that he will be romantically attracted to her.
Real love is each person trying to give all of him or her to the other, and trying to take care of the other's needs. Part of what a man needs from a woman, is for her to make some effort to remain attractive, and a man, too, can't just let himself go to hell physically, and expect her to be interested. Marriage is not "retirement" from making an effort to be sexually attractive to the person you went out of your way to attract in the first place, or the marriage will die.
This makes so much sense and I think that it is something that I've KNOWN for a long time, but never really thought about... (does that make sense?)
Some women have it harder - We get pregnant, have kids, and then look after kids all the while trying to look sexy for Mr. Man to come home and ravange us after a long day at work.... Well that's not my life and I'm not going to pretend that it is, although it's weasy enought to say that we have it harder - I do not.
Champ, Mr. Melo between the two of you and my talks with my 'other' last night I have been inspired. It makes sense to do this and I'm gonna do it, for him and for me.
Everyone who thinks he is a prick - He's agreed to do some major soul searching to find out HOW to better recognize and change the behavorial/mental actions/thoughts that he has about these things. We have both agreed to continue to be honest and I am sure to continue to be a skeptic, but I know that we got somewhere. Thank You to all of you for your thoughts and opinions, I appreciate all the feedback and respect all the different opinions.
Champ- I hope that we can keep in touch!
Thanks,
Maggie | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 3:31:54 PM | | The truth may hurt but whats the alternative, Lies? Most men are turned off by fat or obese women. Just like most women are turned off by fat or obese men. With some women, unless you are 6" feet plus they will not even look at you regarless of how great a guy you are or how toned your body is. You have two choices; either sit on your @ss getting fatter each day and complain how men "only want sex" or get off the couch and start doing something about your weight. It is just like me, some would say I was too skinny so rather than complain about women and their choices I have been working out on weights for two months and building muscle mass. I am still the same person but most people will not give you the time a day unless you look sexy enough to them. So, how are they to learn all of the other great qualities you may possess. Thats just the way the world is. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 4:22:51 PM | i agree with the other posters that say that people need to keep in shape for their significant others. it seems so sad that people let themselves go when they are in a serious relationship.
i saw that you got back with him, even though he asked you to lose 30 lbs. however, you need to ask yourself if losing 30 lbs will matter - and whether his statement is not just a larger complaint of a dying relationship. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 5:24:29 PM | | You guys were intimately involved. One could reasonably conclude from this that he felt physically attracted to you. As you said, all the components were there, but the deal-breaker was simply his concern about his image. First off, this guy needs to be honest with himself. He was/is sexually attracted to you. Every guy dreams of having that barbie doll of a girlfriend, every guy dreams of having a girl that the other guys stare at, but fairly early on in the dating game it should become apparent what calibre of woman he'll be keeping company with. For 80% of guys, she won't be Barbie, and there's an equally good chance he isn't Ken. He has to 'get in where he fits in', and man up. The problem is his not yours. If he can't get it figured out, there are plenty of men out there that not only are not turned off by a few extra pounds, but also would be proud to bring you around their buddies. Good luck to you. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 7:25:47 PM | Sounds like you're a victim of what I call "a man's gotta eat" syndrome.
To be 100 percent blunt, a reasonably plain or attractive female, even if she is carrying extra pounds, can go into a bar on a Friday night and get laid that night. Depending on the bar, even the ugly ones can make out.
That is simply not the case with men. Even a high percentage of the good looking guys go home with nothing.
So if a man finds a woman he is somewhat, but perhaps not tremendously attacted to, he may maintain a comfortable relationship with her. Cause after all, "a man's gotta eat". It's only until the woman wants to take the relationship to the next level that the man says, "this is as far as I go". | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 10:10:51 PM |
i agree with the other posters that say that people need to keep in shape for their significant others. it seems so sad that people let themselves go when they are in a serious relationship.
No one should get in shape and stay in shape FOR someoen or to KEEP someone. One should kees in shape for their own health and well being PERIOD. Any relationship that is so precarious that a guy's interest can wane give or take 20 - 30 pounds, is indeed shallow and headed for trouble. 20 - 30 pounds is not a lot.
People gain and lose weight for all kinds of reasons . It isn't always about letting oneself go or not paying attention to physical appearance. People can also gain weight due to changes in hormonal levels, pregnancy and its aftermath, surgery or accident that precludes working out for a while. Metabolism does slow down over time. I would love to see some of these guys who are insisting on perfect bodies in another 20 years of so. Many start to look like old men from the time they hit 40 and STILL expect a cover girl.
What kills me are the guys who expect their wife to work full time, do all of the house work and the bulk of the child care and still find time to go to the gym. It's expecting just a bit too much . Better to know early on and dump the shallow jerk than to get stuck living a life of hell with him forever. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 10:20:28 PM | | It seems that you are a lost cause OP. Even other gentlemen on this thread have advised you of your SO's controlling, facetious and manipulative ways, theyve told you its all about his image.. OP, the truth is he thinks youre not good enough to show off in front of his friends. How High School is that. You say youve spoken to him about this,.. but I notice that you are still going to lose the weight as he requested. You also agree with Champ, one of the most shallow and irritating posters I've ever come across. it sems you're a sucker OP. i wish you luck, but I fear you'll be back here again when your SO dumps you on another trivial matter. and you'll be a victim for another a***hole who recognises your low self confidence. I know youre a lost cause, but I cant help giving it one last try. He's NOT your friend.. he doesnt love you,.. Hell, he doesnt even like you. You are an attractive woman, and Im sure theres some guts and gumption in you somewhere, for your own sake, please find your dignity, and stop listening to him and he other guys on here who are trying to convince you that its your fault, and your weight that is the problem. Ok nuff said.. I have a feeling all the well intentioned people on here just totally wasted their time on you, but hey, Hope Springs Eternal.... Good Luck. DA. x | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 10:27:09 PM |
No one should get in shape and stay in shape FOR someoen or to KEEP someone. One should kees in shape for their own health and well being PERIOD. Any relationship that is so precarious that a guy's interest can wane give or take 20 - 30 pounds, is indeed shallow and headed for trouble. 20 - 30 pounds is not a lot.
The OP asked men how focused men are on image and weight, and men have answered the question. Men, in general, care about looks. You don't have to care what men care about. That's your choice. Likewise, men don't care what you think we should care about. Most men will continue to be men, and you can deal with it, or choose not to, as you like.
If you're satisfied with yourself, that's great. If you're satisified with the men or man who is interested in you, then no need for you to change a thing, so why is this a problem for you? If you're not satisfied that men are responding to you, then you can either "blame" men for being men, which won't change a thing, or you can choose to change, for you, so that you will receive a more favorable response.
It's really all about choice, and no one is trying to "tell" you what to do. What men have tried to do is answer the topic question, even if you don't like the answers. | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 96 | |
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 10:52:44 PM | People gain and lose weight for all kinds of reasons . It isn't always about letting oneself go or not paying attention to physical appearance. People can also gain weight due to changes in hormonal levels, pregnancy and its aftermath, surgery or accident that precludes working out for a while. Metabolism does slow down over time. I would love to see some of these guys who are insisting on perfect bodies in another 20 years of so. Many start to look like old men from the time they hit 40 and STILL expect a cover girl.
I don't necessary expect a woman to be exactly as good looking in her 40s as she was in her 20s. However it still very possible for a woman to be reasonably attractive in her 40s and even in her early 50s in some cases if a woman takes care of her body. Yes sometimes people can gain weight because of reasons they can't control, but the biggest reasons for weight gain are a poor diet and lack of exercise which are controllable.
What kills me are the guys who expect their wife to work full time, do all of the house work and the bulk of the child care and still find time to go to the gym. It's expecting just a bit too much . Better to know early on and dump the shallow jerk than to get stuck living a life of hell with him forever.
If a woman was in shape before marriage, that means she most likely had a full time job, did housework and still found the time to go to the gym. The one possible difference after marriage is kids. Like I said before, many gyms have day care centers. Also why do you think a woman would do all the housework and most of the child care. In many cases, it's about 50/50 unless the woman is a housewife. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 10:56:06 PM | If a guy I'm "with" said that to me, he'd be out the door so damn fast. I've never heard something so juvenile or ridiculous.
I've always been pudgy, it's no big deal. I tell people who I might meet from personals that I'm pudgy, they never believe me. And when I meet them they always like me so it isn't a big deal.
Also, not all women get laid from going to bars. When I go out, whether I'm on my heavier side or my skinnier side no one EVER hits on me. Ever. (and yes, the places I go to are full of people like me so save the stupid tattoo insults.)
But that's ok, because I don't go to bars to get laid. Never did. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 10:58:22 PM | OP if someone is making conditions that you have to meet in order to be with them then they are not worth your time.
If you make a change then make it for yourself and not because of some "reward".
Personally I hate ultimatums. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/25/2007 11:02:03 PM | Also, not all women get laid from going to bars.
Maybe not all women, but if an average looking woman and an average looking man were trying to get laid at a bar, the woman would be more likely to get laid. An average looking woman might be more likely to get laid than a good looking man at a bar. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 5:37:26 AM |
Also, not all women get laid from going to bars. When I go out, whether I'm on my heavier side or my skinnier side no one EVER hits on me. Ever. (and yes, the places I go to are full of people like me so save the stupid tattoo insults.)
But that's ok, because I don't go to bars to get laid. Never did.
I would guess that the reason you don't "get hit on" lies in your last sentence. It flies in the face of life wisdom and experience, that you wouldn't get "hit on", if you were "available", but what people do in bars is largely irrelevant to the real point of the OT. A mood altering drug (alcohol) removes the inhibitions and uncovers base animal instinct, and at the core, most guys, want sex. In a normal state, there is some selectivity and discrimination about with whom, but alcohol, or long periods of "deprivation", can turn it into just wanting a woman, and any woman will do. The base animal drive in women is somewhat different, which is why, in most bars, there is a disproportionally larger number of men.
Animal drive alone, though, is not what propels us in searching for what we hope will be a "lifetime mate", rather than a sexual partner for the evening. In my 20s, and in the bars, "any woman" would "do", but finding a woman with whom I would form an emotional attachment so strong that I would turn away from other women, who might be available in the moment, because I was focused on her, is a far different thing.
The delusions that rise from one night stands in the bars aside, to form an actual relationship, ongoing "attraction" is something more than finding a "warm place to put it", and to answer the OT, image and weight are part of that attraction. | |
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