|
|
|
|
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:24:33 AM | I notice that my question still hasn't been answered. You get married, your wife gains 10, 20 or 30 pounds for any number of reasons that I have already listed. It doesn't mean she is "letting herself go". What would you do? Dump her? Screw around on her with a slim woman? I really want to have an answer to THAT one.
If a woman was in shape before marriage, that means she most likely had a full time job, did housework and still found the time to go to the gym. The one possible difference after marriage is kids. Like I said before, many gyms have day care centers. Also why do you think a woman would do all the housework and most of the child care. In many cases, it's about 50/50 unless the woman is a housewife.
That's where you're wrong. The shallow sexist guys who are rigidly fixed on packaging are the very ones who expect the woman to do the lion's share of the work upon arrival at home, even in this day and age.
FYI, very few gyms have day care centres. I am sure that there are more but I live in Canada and can think of only one that I have ever come across that had child care facilities. These were for toddlers only. Not babies, not school age children. Work hard all day, come home, cook clean, take care of kids, and drag the kids to the gym with her? It's interesting that you would expect the woman to drag the kids to the gym with her so she can look good FOR YOU. It's all about YOU. Not concern for her health.....just being attractive so that you can have some eye candy on your arm....and you would expect her to drag the kids with her while you do what pray? This is all VERY telling and speaks volumes. I rest my case | |
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:49:49 AM | I notice that my question still hasn't been answered. You get married, your wife gains 10, 20 or 30 pounds for any number of reasons that I have already listed. It doesn't mean she is "letting herself go". What would you do? Dump her? Screw around on her with a slim woman? I really want to have an answer to THAT one.
Your question HAS been addressed, albeit not in the "Have you stopped beating your wife?" context, where it's a "no win" answer, regardless.
The loss of attraction in a marriage, is something I have experienced. My ex wife and I talked about, while we were dating, and I told her then, that weight is an "issue" for me, in terms of being able to "turn on" enough to sexually function. It was a concern, because she had been heavy earlier in her life. She agreed, and had her own concerns, not the least of which that I was a sober alcoholic, when we met, so she said if I ever drank again, that would be "the end".
At the time, she was 5'4", and 130#. I'm sorry that I'm not good at metric conversions, but that was "ht/wt proportionate", but not slender. As soon as we were engaged, she stopped putting as much effort into things, and she did gain those aforementioned 20#. Ok, she was still "attractive", and still weighed less than my 165# on a 6ft tall frame.
Then, she got pregnant, and the doctor recommended she gain about 30#, but she gained 100#. She never took it off, despite my somewhat subtle attempts to "help", like replacing her 8 cans a day of Mountain Dew with Diet Mt. Dew. She refused, and insisted on having the sugar laden variety. That alone, by the way, would eliminate 960 calories a day, and if nothing else changed, cause a weight loss of about 2# a week. She refused to eat "no fat" snacks in replacement of her regular snacks, etc..
I didn't harrangue about it, but on the rare occasion that I did bring it up, her response was "if you love someone, it shouldn't matter". WTF? I told her it would "matter" before we were married, and she agreed.
Ok, our sex life dwindled after our first child, to the point that our second was something of a "miracle" coming from one of 5 times in the whole year. Effectively, after the birth of our second child, 8 years into the marriage, our sex life was over.
Because I believe that children have a greater need for a secure home, with two parents, if at all possible, than my "need" for a romantic relationship, I stayed another 11 years. I continued to be her "friend", room mate, and provider. She was a stay at home mom, until the last year. I felt responsible for her welfare and physical needs, and I spoke well of her to others, and treated her with human kindness, but with attraction and sexuality gone, there was no connection as a man and woman.
At the end, as a result of reading some article about "female empowerment in marriage" or some such, she gave me an "ultimatum" to either move back into the bedroom, and make an effort to "function" as a husband sexually, or that there was "no point". I agreed, and with my daughters being old enough to sustain a relationship with them, by living close by, I moved out and filed for divorce.
Of course, she felt "betrayed and abandoned", and no doubt you, and others in the "posse" will regard that all as "men being pigs", the simple point is, if a woman elevates her own comfort to do whatever she pleases in terms of her appearance, as being more important than attempting to remain attractive to her husband, sooner or later, it does have an effect on his feelings for her, or willingness to stay in the marriage. | |
|
EC22
|
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 103 | |
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 7:42:28 AM | I notice that my question still hasn't been answered. You get married, your wife gains 10, 20 or 30 pounds for any number of reasons that I have already listed. It doesn't mean she is "letting herself go". What would you do? Dump her? Screw around on her with a slim woman? I really want to have an answer to THAT one.
Yes it has by myself and other posters. I already stated that I wouldn't expect a woman in her 40s to be quite as attractive as she was when in her 20s although in some cases some women are actually more attractive in their 40s then they were when they were younger. I simply stated it is possible to for a woman over 40 still be at least somewhat attractive if she takes care of herself. Also the reasons you mentioned are possible, but aren't the main reasons why people gain weight. I mentioned that in my previous post.
That's where you're wrong. The shallow sexist guys who are rigidly fixed on packaging are the very ones who expect the woman to do the lion's share of the work upon arrival at home, even in this day and age.
I know plenty of men in marriages that are willing to help with child care and housework.
FYI, very few gyms have day care centres. I am sure that there are more but I live in Canada and can think of only one that I have ever come across that had child care facilities. These were for toddlers only. Not babies, not school age children. Work hard all day, come home, cook clean, take care of kids, and drag the kids to the gym with her? It's interesting that you would expect the woman to drag the kids to the gym with her so she can look good FOR YOU. It's all about YOU. Not concern for her health.....just being attractive so that you can have some eye candy on your arm....and you would expect her to drag the kids with her while you do what pray? This is all VERY telling and speaks volumes. I rest my case
Please. I NEVER stated that a woman should stay in good shape ONLY because of me. I simply stated that a woman shouldn't let herself go after marriage and having kids. You are claiming that a woman wouldn't have time to go to the gym because she has kids. That's BS. I know plenty of women with kids who find the time to go to the gym. Day care centers is one scenario. She could have a babysitter or have the husband watch the kids when she goes to the gym. She could go to the gym when the kids are school or at some after school program. Maybe the husband does some of the housework while she is at the gym. | |
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 9:10:00 AM | I notice that my question still hasn't been answered. You get married, your wife gains 10, 20, or 30 pounds for any number of reasons that I have already listed. It doesn't mean she is "letting herself go". What would you do? Dump her? Screw around on her with a slim woman? I really want to have an answer to THAT one.
Some people have addressed your rant. Anyways I highly doubt that many men would dump or cheat on a woman ONLY because she gained 10 or 20 pounds due to age, injury, or pregnancy. 10 lbs is hardly noticeable. 20 lbs might make an average sized woman slightly overweight, but not obese. If a woman gained 20 lbs, then she would gain either 1 or 2 clothing sizes depending on her height and how she carries her weight. A woman who was a size 8 is now a size 10 or 12. Not a huge difference. If a woman gained 100 lbs because she was lazy and refused to try and lose weight, then that is a different story | |
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:11:54 AM |
The loss of attraction in a marriage, is something I have experienced. My ex wife and I talked about, while we were dating, and I told her then, that weight is an "issue" for me, in terms of being able to "turn on" enough to sexually function. It was a concern, because she had been heavy earlier in her life. She agreed, and had her own concerns, not the least of which that I was a sober alcoholic, when we met, so she said if I ever drank again, that would be "the end".
Excellent post, Melo.
The weight thing is often times a symptom. Maybe the person is depressed. I think it's both partners' responsibility to work to resolve those situations when they occur. Yet both people have to be willing to work or it's a no-go. Sometimes you can still love someone on some level but you still need to say goodbye. | |
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:29:47 AM | As serious a topic as this is, I think it's funny and sad. Not one reply was unexpected. Champ and Melo are addressing the question and most of the women are talking about the guy.
Yes, the guy is an A$$ to sleep with her and say he can't call her his GF. But that wasn't the question.
almondcookie
I notice that my question still hasn't been answered. You get married, your wife gains 10, 20 or 30 pounds for any number of reasons that I have already listed. It doesn't mean she is "letting herself go". What would you do? Dump her? Screw around on her with a slim woman? I really want to have an answer to THAT one.
Speaking for myself, the short answer is no. But like Melo, I'm not going to be excited about sex either. He stayed with a woman who doubled her weight. DOUBLED! That alone speaks volumes about her. He wants to be in the relationship and she is so selfish that she can't be bothered with eating a reasonable amount of food. It takes a lot of calories to gain that much.
You all talk about time and money to go to the gym. The gym is fitness. You can go to the gym all day long but if you don't control your diet you lost the battle. The gym as stated by Champ, releases endorphines(sp?). This will actually reduce your hunger and thereby affect your diet positively.
My opinion: cantevenbreathe5, the guy effectively told you he was using you. Maybe he didn't want to hurt your feelings, which is giving him the benefit of the doubt, but that means he wasn't man enough to tell you the truth about how he feels. Either way isn't good.
Weather you stay with him or not, go buy a cheap kitchen scale and a calorie book that includes whole food, not the prepare stuff because you can get that info off the label. Weigh everything you eat and count every calorie every day. If you go out and blow the diet one day don't beat yourself up over it, just start over the next day. You should shoot for around 100 calories less then you need in a day. Don't count the calories you burn at the gym, its not as many as you think. If after a month you aren't losing weight adjust the calories. Don't look at daily weight because your weight will vary, weigh yourself at the same time of day for at least a few days and average it. And not for that 'one' week either. After a while you will have to adjust how many calories you eat, but when you get to where you want to be, you'll know how much to eat. This isn't something that you will do for a short time, it is forever, but after some time it will become second nature.
I think you will find you get more attention from the type of man you deserve and you will grow out of the current guy you're with. Best of luck.
For the rest of you man eaters that talk about acceptance blah blah blah...your denial won't improve your position in life and you'll just be bitter and alone. Your problem is you think it's all about you. A good relationship is about giving and you will get everything you need when both parties worry about the other rather then themselves.
Cheers, I'm out. | |
|
EC22
|
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 107 | |
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:34:16 AM | Please. I NEVER stated that a woman should stay in good shape ONLY because of me. I simply stated that a woman shouldn't let herself go after marriage and having kids. You are claiming that a woman wouldn't have time to go to the gym because she has kids. That's BS. I know plenty of women with kids who find the time to go to the gym. Day care centers is one scenario. She could have a babysitter or have the husband watch the kids when she goes to the gym. She could go to the gym when the kids are school or at some after school program. Maybe the husband does some of the housework while she is at the gym.
One more point. I stand by my previous comments about a woman being able to go to the gym after having kids. Yet hypothetically even if a woman didn't have time to go to the gym. Getting married and having kids should NOT affect her diet in anyway. A woman can still eat healthy food. | |
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:56:10 AM |
I notice that my question still hasn't been answered. You get married, your wife gains 10, 20 or 30 pounds for any number of reasons that I have already listed. It doesn't mean she is "letting herself go". What would you do? Dump her? Screw around on her with a slim woman? I really want to have an answer to THAT one.
Almond I've been there myself. When I met my last GF, I was about 15 - 20 pounds overweight, according to BMI. I'm a little on the big-boned stocky side anyway, so I didn't look fat. Maybe "soft" is the term.
Then I let myself go a bit and gained another 20 pounds or so. Now I was 35 - 40 pounds overweight. Well, at that point I was truly on the threshold of being just plain fat. In clothes I could cover it up alright, but in the bedroom even I was getting very self-conscious of it.
My point is I went from somewhat overweight to quite a bit overweight. Somewhat overweight was the threshold for my GF. Quite a bit overweight was crossing the line. She became less attracted to me and I don't blame her.
For the OP, this guy might be attracted to her in a transitory way (good enough until something better comes along), but he may know that if she gains another 30 pounds, that will be the end of his physical attraction to her. i.e. his attraction to her is somewhat borderline as it is, as it was in my scenario above.
As melo stated very well, there is a difference between women a man will sleep with and those who we want to jump full-bore into a deep committed relationship with. The requirements are different, just as a woman who has a one-night stand with a man doesn't weight the decision on his personality but rather his looks.
As I was trying to elucidate in my previous post, if the conditions were such that I, as a man, could go into a bar on a Friday night and pretty likely get laid, then there'd be no need for this particular dance.
In summation: don't hate the playa - hate the game. | |
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:59:54 AM | Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder ! The male as we know him is excited by what the eye sees ! The next thing to cross his mind is can I have it ! I want it !
Once he has had it ..the flair wears off...it's all about visual BUT what keeps it is the quality ! You need to value yourself in all aspects...
He got your precious for nothing...and is no longer stimulated with imagination..all that's left in his head is will I be able to mount this in the years ahead...or will she continue to expand...Next please...
His ignorance for stating to you He wouldn't name you to be his girlfriend, show's his dog like characteristics clearly..Try being with a real man ..one who is a gentleman and looking to grow together with you.
Talk is cheap and ACTIONS do speak louder than words!  | |
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 11:05:14 AM | Goodness, just because you get pregnant and have children does not mean that you will be overweight. It is not a 1+1 = 2 scenario. First preganancies tend to be the ones where "us" women gain more weight than necessary but truly it is not with the idea of "I don't care about being attractive". It is more out of the excitement and anticipation of the up and coming birth as well as giving in to all cravings for fear the baby will be harmed in some way. By the time I had my second I realized that all the cravings I had did not have to be satisifed with eating. I ofetn found a walk helped significantly.
I have given birth to 4 children and with each one it took me about a year to get back to my normal weight. I tried to exercise a lot, especially during the pregnancy. It seemed to make it easier after giving birth. I took the children for walks in their stroller a few times a day...talk about great resistence.
Anyways I never worked to regain my original weight because my husband asked me to. I lost weight because it made me feel once again like the sexy woman I always imagined myself to be. | |
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 11:50:42 AM |
I notice that my question still hasn't been answered. You get married, your wife gains 10, 20 or 30 pounds for any number of reasons that I have already listed. It doesn't mean she is "letting herself go". What would you do? Dump her? Screw around on her with a slim woman? I really want to have an answer to THAT one. I'd ask her if she wants to go on a joint health kick. I lived with my sister for a year and a half, and we actually did this. But then she went to France, and my exercise partner was gone. If she was willing, we could do the following together:
1) Put the bad food in the garbage
2) Buy better quality food
3) Cook together
4) Find a gym where we could work out together and get someone to look after the kids, or:
5) Take turns at the gym, or:
6) Do exercise together at home, or:
7) Bring the kids to the gym, or to a Yoga class, and have the whole family get fit.
8) Encourage her to join her own activity that she enjoys, be it women's soccer, basketball, netball, tennis, or whatever she wants to join. I'd look after the kids while she enjoys herself, and would be only too happy to bring the kids to some matches and cheer mommy on.
By the way, many forms of exercise, especially Yoga, is very good for children, as long as you speak to a doctor about it, and make sure that they only do those exercises that are good for them. Same for eating healthy food. Not all foods are food for children, and it's important to find out which are good for them and which are not.
P.S. As I'm a walker, and love camping too, it would be really great if she enjoys them both. Be really, really cool to take kids camping and then go walking for a nice long trek.
P.P.S. My father did part of the housework, and the cooking, and my friend's husbands all do too. I really gave up on the idea of being in one of those traditional relationships where the woman did all the housework, cooking and cleaning by the time I was 6. | |
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 12:22:07 PM | I was going to make a post about this very subject, something along the lines of how vastly different it's received when a WOMAN states what she wants, as compared to when a MAN does the same thing. I found this particular post instead.
the posse: accurate description, Melo! Kudos to you!
The type of people who rally behind the authors of those books are all-too-typical members of society these days. They're lazy and want something for nothing, and once they have a poster-child, they run amok as if everyone owes them something, and GOD HELP YOU if you so much as hint that you disagree with ANYTHING their personal "ego-messiah" has written. The authors are particularly adept at brainwashing their sheep into believing the idea that if someone disagrees with them, then they are somehow admitting they are, in fact, the evil "man-pigs" the book describes. Simply amazing...
As for the original poster, cantevenbreathe5 , she's an attractive young lady and I see nothing wrong with her figure at all. Personal preference here. I went and checked her profile:
"I like metal music and country, horses and trucks, dressing up in heels and lace and wearing greasy coveralls.
That screams "SEXY" to this old country boy...but, again, it's all a matter of what one finds attractive in the opposite sex. One would think Arkansas would have an abundance of this type of woman, but it's just not true.
Young lady, you deserve much better than that, don't sell yourself short, you have ONE life to spend, and you deserve to spend it with someone with whom you share uttermost attraction to each other. DO NOT settle for anything less than your ideal mate, tell those who would say you're shallow for not "settling with less" to take a hike...enjoy life, don't live it like some feminazi author would have you do, be true to YOURSELF and you'll not have any regrets...:rocker: | |
|
| |
| |
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 3:59:25 PM |
Young lady, you deserve much better than that, don't sell yourself short, you have ONE life to spend, and you deserve to spend it with someone with whom you share uttermost attraction to each other. DO NOT settle for anything less than your ideal mate, tell those who would say you're shallow for not "settling with less" to take a hike...enjoy life, don't live it like some feminazi author would have you do, be true to YOURSELF and you'll not have any regrets...:rocker:
anachronisumus - first you go off against the crowd and books that tell women to ignore what men think, that they're pigs, etc.
Then, you tell this person she's fine and sexy just the way she is and "don't sell yourself short".
Maybe I'm mis-reading you, but sounds you like you're telling her the same message as those authors you don't seem to like so much - that it's the men who are the problem, not her.
I don't like to sell myself short, and I know if I keep myself in shape and live a more active, productive and healthy lifestyle that I'll attract the kind of woman I ultimately want. So the question comes down to this: is the OP selling herself short if she is expecting to attract a man that is not attracted to her? | |
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 4:05:09 PM | No one is saying that men are pigs because in all honesty they are no worse or no better then women are. This particular man who has been having a sexual relationship with this particular woman of whom he has seen and known all along what weight she was and how she looked , is a pig.
This is not a couple years later after dating that she all of the sudden changed and her weight went up .She is the one who has decided to stay with a man who is so ashamed of who she is now and who she has been all along . It would be a smarter thing to find someone who accepts her , loves her and wants to be with her as she is right now. | |
|
EC22
|
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 117 | |
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 5:14:14 PM |
Thank you all for finally answering Heidi and Scorpiolover. I really like what BOTH of you said. Kudos to you.
Other people answered your question. Apparently you didn't consider the question to be answered if you disagreed with what the person stated. | |
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:27:03 PM | NO just a case of a couple of typos. It should have read:
Thank you all for finally answering . Heidi and Scorpiolover, I really like what BOTH of you said. Kudos to you.
All means ALL, everyone who answered. I do apologize for the confusion.
BTW, I specifically asked about 20 - 30 pounds. No where did I mention 100.That is an extreme example. However, even in the case in which the woman doubled in size, the answer to my question in all cases was "NO I would not (or in some cases did not) dump her" So then why place so much emphasis on weight in the first place. Why make such a fuss about 20 -30 pounds when dating? It's shallow and meaningless.
I can tell you this much. At my current height, I have ranged from a size 7 and 112 pounds to 165 pounds and size 16 when I had some surgery and could not work out for a few months. (I was married at the time). After that I had to work out like HELL to lose it. Literally go to the gym and get tortured by a personal trainer 3X a week PLUS walk many KM 3 times a week plus participate in 2 other physical activities that I enjoy. No, I won't be killing myself to fit into a size 7 again to please anybody. It was natural to be that size before. It isn't now. Now, depending on the manufacuter I go between a size 10 and size 12. Today I bought 2 pairs of jeans from the same store. One was a size 10, the other was a size 12 but a bit loose on me. Does it change who I am as a person whether I am a size 7, 10, 12 , or 16? Absolutely not.
I don't care how much a woman or man takes care of themselves, there is no way that they are going to look the same 20, 30, or 40 years from now as they do on their wedding day. It's impossible. A person can always work out and lose weight but an ugly personality will remain ugly for ever and you will be stuck with her even when she no longer looks hot so why not place just a little less emphasis on something that is going to change any way and a little more on the things that really matter. | |
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 7:13:37 PM |
I don't care how much a woman or man takes care of themselves, there is no way that they are going to look the same 20, 30, or 40 years from now as they do on their wedding day. It's impossible. A person can always work out and lose weight but an ugly personality will remain ugly for ever and you will be stuck with her even when she no longer looks hot so why not place just a little less emphasis on something that is going to change any way and a little more on the things that really matter
Appearance and attraction, "really matter", Almond cookie. In terms of the "romantic" part of a relationship, if there is no attraction, then we're "just friends". I stayed in a marriage, that was "just friends" when attraction no longer existed, because I had children to think of first. That same situation does not apply to people on POF, who are just now meeting, in their 40s and 50s. So, to pretend that "other things" are what "really matter" is a delusion.
In terms of aging, the truth is, as we age, our "eyes" to see women closer to our age do too. When I was 16, I didn't look at grown women as "beautiful". Now, there is a 44 year old woman who I see as the most beautiful woman I have ever known, and I expect, 10 years from now, to still see her that way, because she is, and she cares to make the effort to be attractive. It makes her feel sexy in a womanly way, and that draws out the "man" in me in an undeniable way. She has many talents, and endless qualities that i love and admire, but what drew me to her first, was that she is physically beautiful. What excites me first, as a man, is that she is desirable. What motivates me to change my life to be with her, is that the draw to her as a woman, from me as a man, is undeniable.
So, tell me, Almond Cookie, what are these things that "really matter", that are "more important" than the attraction and connection of man and woman? | |
|
| |
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 7:59:50 PM | Well, I don't think you need to be in a relationship with a guy that treats you like that. Obviously, he doesn't love you nor value you. I wouldn't give this man another thought, he doesn't deserve one. You're better off alone than with someone who will attack your self-esteem.
Is it really that big of an issue, when everything else matches?
It depends on the man. Sure, there are a lot of men today that do not like dating overweight women. What you really need to ask yourself is if your weight matters to YOU? If it does, try and lose it. If you are happy with the way your are, find men who don't make weight an issue. The key is communication, and when entering into a relationship, a couple's preferences should be communicated to each other early on. That way you have a good chance of weeding out men who will treat you like the jerk you lived with. He could have told you up front he wasn't attracted to you, rather than telling you after taking the sex and dumping you later on.
Now, it's time to move on. Work on whatever it is about yourself you don't like and find a man who appreciates you and what you bring to the table. | |
|
| |
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 8:42:04 PM |
things that "really matter", that are "more important" than the attraction and connection of man and woman?
physical beauty is fleeting an tenuous... when you look beyond this you find other things that "really matter". Those things that "really matter" are what are the true and lasting attraction between a man and a woman. If a relationship falters because a person's physical appearance has changed and yet they are the same in every other way, then it seems it was a shallow relationship to begin with. Those things that "really matter" are such things as personal values, personality, the way you treat each other, shared experiences and so on. I too had a husband who gained quite a bit of weight after we married--close to 100#s. He was a tall man with a big chest and shoulders but even so, that much weight made him fat. Sure, I didn't think it was attractive to look at, but the man inside was still the same. As long as he was good to me, when he held me in his arms he was the most beautiful man alive. Did he let himself go? Did he not care about what I thought? No...he liked to eat, and enjoyed what I cooked a little too much. He had a genetic tendency towards weight (his youngest son played college football at 350# and not a spot of fat on him). And he was diabetic which makes it more difficult to lose weight AND he became ill with cancer which stole his energy.
It really saddens me to read all of the shallow postings on this thread because when you lose someone you REALLY love, you know how superficial those concerns about losing weight are in comparison to the reality of losing the one you love and the loss of life. | |
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 8:58:35 PM |
If a relationship falters because a person's physical appearance has changed and yet they are the same in every other way, then it seems it was a shallow relationship to begin with.
I agree with you. If a person values her husband's need for her to remain attractive by not allowing her appearance to change for the worse in ways that she can control, so little, that she chooses her comfort food over him, then her love is, indeed, quite "shallow". | |
|
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:06:18 PM | | I am sure it is the way .. some men really feel .. but certainly not all....other wise.. there would not be so many men who have bigger woman .. or so many woman who have heavier men ....love comes in all sizes .. and even being a size 7 does not guarntee happiness or a relationship working out... you have to be comfortable with you... it is more important .. what you think of you.. than how others feel... because in the end it is you.. who has to be true to you .... only if you feel that you need to lose weight .. should you do it... not to long ago.. i had the same comment . someone said. to me .. if you lose 30lbs i might ask you out.. i replied and if you get better looking i might except.... meaning it is fine for men to prefer slim woman.. everyone has there preference... but it still gives no one any right to judge others.. or make them feel bad for them having the extra weight.. the correct responds should be i prefer to date smaller woman... not you need to lose weight to date me.... chances are you would lose the weight and would not want to be with them anyway..... don;t allow other to validate who you are.. or how you feel about yourself.. do what you feel is right for you.. and have the confidence that there are men who are gonna like you for you ... once your feeling better about yourself.. then the weight will probably disappear | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
