| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 7:47:43 AM | Online dating has not made me any tougher or anymore sensitive; It has opened up my eyes to know how sensitve some others are, how hurt some people are, and there are so many negative people. If people could only understand that we are all so different with so many variables. That the first person you meet is really not going to be the one....and so on...
I have had one very bad experience on here,but that was just one person. I have realised just how sensitive some people can be when it come to rejection or I should say not being compatible. So far it has been a really great medium for me...
I could make this post a mile long but I won't...
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 7:57:50 AM | | I have never been sensitive or given a sh1t to what people said or thought. I do like to study psychology and the forums are a very interesting read. You cant see the people that are truely depressed, highly emotional, low self esteem, etc. A few priceless friends have emerged from the nut jar. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 10:06:31 AM | For me the answer is both. I was pretty tough to begin with but being online and being hurt a time or two does make a person tougher on who they let through. My filters have toughened up and I try to keep my emotions out of anything that could bother me. No one that knows me well would hurt me and those that don't know me don't matter.
However, I am more sensitive to how I let someone know that I am not interested having seen how many people on this forum have gone through the read/deleted insult. And I have learned not to tell someone "You're a nice guy but..." since that is perpetuating this ongoing myth that women only like bad boys.
So yes. Both for me.
Post below:
really hate rejecting people! I really don't like hurting other people's feelings. So I tend to get a double whammy in terms of sensitivity.
Ditto. I loathe sending those letters. It would be so easy to just delete, delete, delete...
But I can't. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 10:09:47 AM | Well, it's made me both tougher and more sensitive.
I've become more sensitive because not only is rejection tough to take, but oh boy! I really hate rejecting people! I really don't like hurting other people's feelings. So I tend to get a double whammy in terms of sensitivity.
But I've also become tougher - or maybe more jaded. Now when a guy "caspers" (drops off the planet suddenly), it's no longer a surprise, it's more or less par for the course and I don't take it personally. Now I feel a moment of regret, because all to often there were engaging qualities in the "caspered" guy, then I dust myself off and move on. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 10:33:36 AM | I wouldn't say I have been "toughened up" or made "more sensitive", an accurate thing to say is that I'm more educated and aware of women's attitudes and behaviors. The forums are great entertainment and fun, and on occasion there are useful tidbits of information to help make oneself a better person.
Regarding "Online Dating", for me it's no different than meeting someone "In Real Life", I treat people quite similarly in both environments, so I've seen and experienced really nothing different with on-line dates. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 10:55:08 AM | Good thread here.... Being online has challenged me quite a bit, in both good and trying ways. Rejection can certainly bring up difficult feelings and be quite a teacher--and it teaches me to deal with it with more awareness. The biggest teacher for me online: ego. Coming to grips with my own and seeing when there is too much in others.
I hope not to have to learn the lessons of what it feels like to be online too long... | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 10:55:17 AM | | I prefer "resilient" vs toughened --- able to receive, process, filter and rebound regardless of the result. Open, as another OP wrote --- to life and all there is to experience and maybe just a little more confident such that it's safe for others to interact with me and not be overburdened with drama. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 11:02:24 AM | I don't think it's changed me... just really opened my eyes and taught me a lot of valuable things that can spill into real life. I think for the most part I was really naive in the beginning. I figured that if I would go onto a dating site, there would be plenty of other honest and sincere people that also would ~ and there are ~ unfortunately they're tough to find. Yes indeed ~ naive is a good word to describe it.
Things I've learned about personal safety and things to watch out for have proven very worth it for me. It's interesting to note how many people are disenchanted with the online thing and want to go back to the 'real life' way of meeting people. In my experience, if anything, online dating has opened my eyes up to the truth about meeting someone out in the real world too. They're not any more honest or open 'out there' than they would be on a dating site. Sadly, you'll have your liars and cheaters and players everywhere.
I think if anything, I'm grateful to have a place to come where there are forums to discuss and share our experiences of both. It's definitely educational and more of an insight into people and behaviours than I would have ever gotten without it. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 11:11:45 AM | Have to be careful here we don't treat 'sensitivity' as a bad thing.
Being sensitive is a good thing. People need to be more sensitive and more alert. When you're being abused you need to know it as soon as possible and get out early.
Toughening up isn't something for someone else to do to you, toughening up is something you should do to yourself when you feel too clingy to someone you like etc and it causes you pain. Dating and meeting people should not be painful.
When we 'toughen up' to adapt to abusive behaviour we're actually dampening down our ability to detect the signals of unsuitability.
When you get a 'no thanks' reply you have a choice of feeling rejected or of thinking you've just helped yourself in identifying unsuitability. When something hurts, find a way to go round it mentally as though it's water off a ducks back. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 4:14:25 PM | | being online has helped me see men and women in a new light thats for sure....but I also met some really good friends who I still stay in contact with who were also on the sidelines watching the fishies go crazy lol ...there are alot of fakes and flakes, and I swear every guy here is looking for a sex only relationship. It's been interesting thats for sure. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 4:33:38 PM |
there are alot of fakes and flakes, and I swear every guy here is looking for a sex only relationship. It's been interesting thats for sure.
Not everyone peeachy, dont get me wrong sex is important to me and i have my own reasons why, and im always carefull to let prospective partners know, but im honest about it and i don't see why anyone should be any different.
We are all grown ups so waiting a period of time until the new person in your life is comfortable shouldn't be a prob really.
Back on topic
But after some thought it shouldn't really change because if you have any sense you will meet the person concerned anyway.
But it does take a little of the sting out of first dates because you have that little bit of foreknowledge thats gives you the starting push to get going because you always have those little tidbits that you gleaned from chatting. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 4:46:53 PM | Great post
Well, online dating has toughened me up in more ways than one, but it has also jaded me. I am less trusting, which at my age can be a good thing or a bad thing. I'm quick to spot the darn nigerians which is a good thing and I'm far from patient about it. I tend to do as thorough of a check as I can on the guy once I learn his last name and where he's from. I've caught several men lying to me, saying they're separated or divorced, when in fact, there's nothing on file in public record that reflects the divorce, trust me, I call them on it and they get ticked off. NEXT!!!
I'm less apt to let somebody into my life right away, which is a great thing, but has it's draw backs too - in my experience, the men that I have met, see this as a threat to them, in that the other guys have ruined it for them and they don't seem to want to take the time to let me trust them. But trust has to be earned, no matter how old you are.
I've learned to deal with my demons so to speak; not drag my baggage from my marriage into a relationship; deal with my anger that was caused from that. It has made me a better, stronger person, but I'm still alone. But at least I'm better. IMO | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 4:47:05 PM | Well, let's just say I've become more aware of the parameters of the online dating scene and how it works....or, in most cases, seems to not work...hahaha.
Probably, I'm going to remain the same person, A strong me.... with a sensitive half..for a while, i believe it would take more than this website to harden me off......and, I've learned a long time ago to not take a lot of things too personally, and especially from total strangers....eh?
ummm...i have found some obvious rudeness and one upmanship on here....but, that's in the real world too....although, i think people tend to be more crude when 'hiding' behind a virtual wall.
On the other hand, i have found a gem in the rockpile here as well....so, i would say take the good as it comes, and let the angry , bitter and lonely fight it out amongst themselves.
Peace tonight
````````````````````````````akimmbo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 4:49:14 PM | | It has made me cynical. Every time I try talking to women, just like stated in this thread, you get someone who automatically thinks that you only after a piece of their @ss and then naturally come on here all jaded and say they hate all men, etc. I am cynical at how the women on here are all pissed off because their "dream dates" won't give them the time of the day or only want to have sex with them and dump them in the garbage, well, what do you expect? Probably half them guys are either unhappily married or are just plain players. I don't think all the women on here are this way, as I have talked to a few who weren't, but a big majority sure are and are the types of women I totally steer away from. You don't have to go far to see my point, take a look at some of these threads and you will see my point about a lot of women being so damn jaded. Fact of life, 95% of males like sex, if you cannot handle that, then don't go looking for someone to date. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 5:09:28 PM |
I cant say I have toughened up.. but I have noticed an ability to see lines and bull chit increasing by leaps and bounds! I have gotten a shorter tolerance for the " HEY BABY's and the YOUR SOOO HAWT!" HAHAHAAHAHAHAAAA!!!!! YEP! no mercy for those creeps!
Hell, you won't hear that from me looking at your picture with that big ass gun in there! Damn, I bet not too many men would say anything with that thing in the vicinity!!!! LMAO | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 5:27:12 PM | | That big ass gun, is there to let some men KNOW I am not a push over, nor will I be bullied.. and there are bullies everywhere you go in the world..... AND Yes they do say stupid things because over the internet, I find they will say things they would NEVER think about saying to a lady in person! | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 6:29:00 PM | | I find that being on line has changed my attitude towards men quite a bit. I used to believe that there was good in everyone, however I am learning that is not entirly true. Trust is not something I give lightly anymore, it is something that someone has to earn. I make sure that when I speak with someone on here that he is not the type that I am not interested in, meaning only looking for sex. I admit, my first thought is that every guy is a player until he prooves himself not to be. IS that fair, not really, and the nice guys can thank the bad guys for that. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 6:33:58 PM | Right on, that is a nice gun. What caliber is it (.357 or 44 mag?) I have a .45 and a .40 S&W, but yeah, I understand, a lot of guys are jerks and don't know how to treat a lady. That is good that you are strong willed like that and I am glad that you aren't bullied around. I will say though that it is one hell of a big gun though!!! LOL  | |
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gigna
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Joined: 6/2/2006
Msg: 48 | |
| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 6:51:48 PM | Have to disagree with your first statement, think its loads easier to be rejected on line than face to face!! Unread/deleted, so what, loads easier than someone saying 'thanks but no thanks' in person!!
Thankfully haven't yet turned up to meet someone who is shorter, older, fatter, then profile indicated, if I do, I will tell them that they have not been truthful on their profile, ie they have lied, therefore think it is ok for me to cut the date short as I don't date liars!! | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 7:22:07 PM | hey what about the woman that are on here just using this as a play toy?
i know there are good and bad with both sexs.
and when some one is honist the get ignored.
it has made me more aware of how evile people can be after they have been hurt........... so we try to look for the good in people | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 7:28:54 PM | Both at the same time. If someone were to take my lifetime of experiences (both good and bad) and draw them out on one solid line like a bio-rhythm, they'd notice that I fell off the edge and bottomed out near zero when I first joined this site in the fall of 2005.
Yet today was the first day I truly felt happy to be alive in years. Each transition and building myself a more stable riding mechanism involved growth in both categories -- as well as a great deal of juggling. | |
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