| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 8:16:53 PM | id say online is just that online men bashing JUST NOT COOL its just a computer people gezzzzzzzzzz you meet some good and bad everywhere not just online i think men are just that MEN they like sports sex friends fun and beer sue them for bein themselves what do u expect for them to play barbies with you there men but hey gotta luv em | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 8:33:53 PM | I was thinking the other day that this on-line dating thing has toughened me up and generally I think it has. I'm actually scared that I have become too insensitive but every now and then my emotions do come out and they are beyond my control....
So, generally I have toughened up which is a good thing for me because I used to be way too sensitive. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 8:35:02 PM | Yes, sadly it has toughened me up..and also made me sad at the same time. So many liars, players pretending to be something they aren't. People making assumptions purely on looks...if you are fat you are lazy, if you are older you aren't fun anymore, guys assuming all girls just want their wallet, girls assuming guys just want sex. I am very saddened at what dating has become. We are all here for the same reason (hopefully) but with so many lies few will hook up.
But then again I have met some amazing friends too. Without POF I would never have met them and have a great social life because of them.
I think too many people are waaaayyyy too picky about a person's appearance..why not meet and see if there is something that does attract you to the person. Especially as you get older,,,looks aren't at the top of my list. It is how he treats me, if I can trust him, if he shows that he cares and makes me a priority in his life.
I had to laugh at one guys profile...he was average at best and overweight...but he had down the colour of hair you had to have, the colour eyes you had to have, the height you had to be and you had to live within 20 min of him....gee I wonder how long he will be on here. Must be nice to have that much confidence that this person is just waiting for you.
Anyway, I just enjoy the forums, my friends and get togethers with the friends I have made on here and have very little expectations of meeting the "one".   | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 8:44:12 PM | | At times I can go thru spells and start ignoring email and take it as I say I may need to take a break for a while. After a while all the lil yellow envelopes look the same .. Kinda been doing that a lil lately cause had lot of personal stuff on my mind and contemplated taking my profile down for a while...Sometimes I find myself that way when I have a "crush" fall thru that never got off the ground..."to know thyself"...makes it fairer on others when ya get to feeling like this...I have to have "downtime" sometimes... | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/25/2007 6:59:17 AM | I'm not sure if online dating has toughened me up, but it has made me somewhat more suspicious and less trusting when I first meet somebody. I think I was a bit naive when I first joined the site, so a little enlightenment was good for me!
I've learned to look for signs of sincerity and can weed out the players pretty fast after being on here for the past 18 months (yes, I've changed my account once or twice). I don't give up too much emotionally, but I think I've always been that way until I have that trust and emotional connection.
I think a lot of people are a bit more assertive, and in some cases mor abrasive than they are if you were talking to them face to face. If I chat with a guy on here who is looking for a piece of me or is clearly playing a multitude of women, I always ask them if that is how they treat women in the 'real world'. If they were to meet me in a public place or if we were to have a real date, is that how they would treat me? Usually that's where the conversation ends!
For the most part, most of the people I have met online have been great. It's only a small minority of men who contact me that I have had to be 'tough' with! | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/25/2007 7:57:24 AM | My experience online has been interesting. I realize there are all types of people from both genders, from the good, the bad and the ugly. Even though I may see only a picture or not, I know there is still a human being behind them. I am a sensitive person also. However, I not going to give money to someone I don't know, whatever the story maybe.
I have received all types of email and learned to dismiss the ones that are unacceptable. I am not sure if I have toughen up. I know that rejection happens to both. I just go with the attitude that must not be the right person for me. My online experience has been fun at times. I enjoy making new friends. I would prefer to meet people in the real world but the option is not open to me that much. I will make the best with the online dating experience as I do in real life.
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/25/2007 11:23:39 AM | This venue can create the "candy store effect" for both sexes.... While many of us hone in on that particular sweet most appealing to us, those who are naturally prone to be fickle in our taste, will overindulge in the assortment of flavors availale. They become proficient in their ability to coerce several individuals into believing that they are "the one" just to make them feel more confident... the more variety, the more attractive they feel...Unfortuately, they are often so good at their game = with their marketable good looks, gift of "speak", and "lines" and many fall prey to their enticements (yup, for some reason I am one of those that attracts that ilk!)
So I have become almost resistant to any "over the top" hottie that waxes poetically how special, gorgeous, fun, amazing I am... many before even laying eyes on me! It's often difficult, because we all want to believe that this type of Prince Charming will come for us and really would love to believe that someone could be sincere in thinking initially we are this special (and not be doing it for their own scorecard)... As a result, one can become guarded, protected, and almost resistant to meet new people~!! The sheer dismay of this type of thing reoccuring is daunting!
D A R N!!!!!    | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/26/2007 9:18:26 AM | | It teaches you some lessons on how some people act/react to things, I think it does change the way you think about the whole dating thing and yes, makes you a little thick skinned and a little sensitive, none of us came on here originally to be rejected by whoever on a whim, of course it hurts, there are people out there who get their kicks from playing with peoples emotions and it works for them, the shame is we are not all here to play mind games and then the next person I chat to has, to prove themselves to me, not fair on them, its not the case of 'once bitten' its been bitten repeatedly, that hurts. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:24:03 AM | Toughened me up.
It's still stings when someone that I'm talking to disappears. Worst possible way to be rejected. In these particular instances, it was clear to me that if they so easily became disinterested, then they really were not interested enough to have been talking to me in the first place. That is why I put it in the game-playing category, not just because I don't like the way they did it, although it is a little rude. Some of the people who rejected me stand out as some of the nicest in my eyes because it seemed like they gave it a fair shot and then let me know that they weren't interested. That's all I ask: if you talk to me, give me a fair shot--if you're not willing to do that, then why the hell are you talking to me? But I've learned not to expect anything. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/26/2007 3:21:39 PM | I don't know if I would say it has toughened me up, but I became smarter to online dating. It is all about live and learn. It doesn't have to make you less trusting either. Just need to set some guidelines for yourself.
1. Never take any rejection, disappearances, stop contacting etc. personally. It is them and not you. Learn there are rude people out there and just forget them.
2. Don't believe anything until you see it.
3. Don't get excited or have expectations when you meet someone.
4. Even if the first meet went well, it doesn't mean you will hear from them again.
5. Just take things as they come. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, so what.
6. The obvious.. don't have sex too soon with someone.
If you do that, you won't get disappointed, feel hurt, feel used etc. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/26/2007 3:46:03 PM | Definitely a little of both. But it has also made me a lot smarter/experienced about relationships. I was in a marriage for 16 years, so being with only one one woman for that amount of time and now single..... dating has change dramatically. So as you may expect, my dating prowess and/or relationship expertise was miniscule to say the least. The biggest thing that I have learned is that I was quite naive about women. I honestly felt women were incapable of lying to a "good" man...well I learned that lesson very quickly and still finding that out on a regular basis Someone posted earlier that ALL men are liars, cheats, etc...well I am a prime example that that is not true. But to a certain extent the same can be said of "some" women...definitely not all but I can honestly say I am surprised at the games women play. I truly expected better from the earth's greatest treasure. On the other hand I have met some absolutely amazing women online and we have established some fantastic relationships...which would never have been possible without online meeting sources. Those good relationships have made me more sentive to the single woman's/parent's plight. As a single dad myself, those relationships have benefited me immeasurably. And I am an even better person becuase of them.  | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/26/2007 4:18:54 PM | I became toughened on line because I don't fall for all these sob stories because getting hurt is part of life! I say it takes all kinds to make the internet go- around! Often guys want to get serious with me too soon when it comes to on on-line dating when they write in their first e-mail" Hope we can last forever or I would love to marry you" or "will you move to Montana to be with me and live in the wilderness"!!!!!!!!!!!!! I question people a lot like this! Am I rally suppose to give up my entire life up for a total stranger!? Often,I have broken many hearts of men on line refusing to date them or to date them every week.I know that when they get hurt by rejection that is their problem and not mine because keeping up with my homework and working and finding a future job are high priorities for me ! I do feel bad for people that get took by others online because I know all they wanted was someone to love them! Practically my whole life I have been a strong independent woman who loves herself her first and I will not allow others to take advantage of me!
on- line dating has toughened me because I often feel internet dating is the underground world of dating that is good and bad! There are sweet and sincere men on POF, but I wish I had more time to date them all because getting good grades in college often has made me lose a lot of great men!
I look at the dating selection as many different ice cream flavors and I know we all can not like all the same flavors of ice cream ! So when someone does not like me I just figure I must not be the right flavor of ice cream for them ! | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/26/2007 4:25:52 PM | | toughen up or more sensitive? I say it's neither. If anything, I've probably learned to be more calm about the whole business of (online) dating. As msg 61 said, don't take rejections personally and don't get overly excited when meeting someone new. Like anything else in life, keep your emotions and expectations in check, and enjoy the experience. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/26/2007 4:54:36 PM | toughened up or more sensitive?
Not sure about those two descriptors...
but I think that I have figured out that I clearly don't know what I'm doing...even in the aspect of just talking..
but I am here to learn.
If I was a bettin man, I'd put my money on me getting more toughened up eventually though...even if it was just being mad at myself for being so stupid.. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/26/2007 5:28:49 PM | | being online hasn't changed me at all I've always been a prick :) but if you want the educated truth about something I'm the guy from the street. Lots of people in here talk about things they have read in books but how many have actually lived any of it? I find so much of this forum to be silly as hell. I start threads about real things and they get kicked all the time and the fluff threads made for morons keep rolling ? | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/26/2007 5:35:32 PM | It has really shown me what has happened to people over the years since I have been divorced.
It has disgusted and appalled me the way people act selfish, uncaring, ungiving, lie and try to get what they can only for themselves. Is this the world now? My God what happened?
It is people like myself and I'm sure a few others on here that still have a heart. But it's people like the ones I've discussed above that take it from us and close us up inside. Whether you call it toughening up or what you may.
There is very little I have left to give of my heart anymore because of the people that have ruined dating. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:53:38 PM | Definitely toughened me up. I was raised in a small farm community where a handshake was a person's word. Going to an online dating site like this has been shocking.
The untruths I've seen have made me question what I read. A man I was dating exclusively, planning to grow old with, is on this site saying he is looking & single. Geesh. Which is it man? | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/26/2007 9:38:18 PM | I'm embarassed and ashamed to admit being on this dating on-line service has affected my self esteem and made me question myself in relation to what I have to offer. Truly I felt more positive about myself and confident I would find that special someone here before I'd been on-line here. I just can't understand why so many men write in their profiles that they are looking to meet someone for a relationship then e-mail you with all these sexual comments? Or they chat with you for a while then when it comes to getting together they chicken out? Guess I must be niave or take people at their word because I'm continually getting let down from a man who shows interest on-line but avoids getting together in person. What's up guys? Is this just a safe and easy way to chat with women but avoid the reality of actually meeting? Maybe that's what it is...on-line it's just a fantasy..a game. Well I have no time for games and I'm past that stage and am sincere when I say I'm interested in finding that special person to share life with. I will continue to go fishing, but will keep throwing them back until I find a genuine, honest guy with the maturity and security of knowing what he wants and isn't afraid to go after it! | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/27/2007 3:42:37 AM |
I'm embarassed and ashamed to admit being on this dating on-line service has affected my self esteem and made me question myself in relation to what I have to offer. Truly I felt more positive about myself and confident I would find that special someone here before I'd been on-line here. I just can't understand why so many men write in their profiles that they are looking to meet someone for a relationship then e-mail you with all these sexual comments? Or they chat with you for a while then when it comes to getting together they chicken out? Guess I must be niave or take people at their word because I'm continually getting let down from a man who shows interest on-line but avoids getting together in person. What's up guys? Is this just a safe and easy way to chat with women but avoid the reality of actually meeting? Maybe that's what it is...on-line it's just a fantasy..a game. Well I have no time for games and I'm past that stage and am sincere when I say I'm interested in finding that special person to share life with. I will continue to go fishing, but will keep throwing them back until I find a genuine, honest guy with the maturity and security of knowing what he wants and isn't afraid to go after it!
For some of us, it's not a game. Some of us are looking for something deep and meaningful. Why be ashamed of online dating? Here you can learn about someone from the inside out, as opposed to the outside in...Thats not as easy to do out in the real world. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/27/2007 4:29:04 AM | IMO. . this on-line thing has done both. Made me more sensitive, in that I now listen to what women are actually saying and not projecting my wants into the conversation. No unrealistic expectations! I've also toughened up because there is so much rejection and we humans hate rejection! It is also easier for those of us who have honorable intentions to really have meaningful conversations with those who truly want to get to know us! It's whipped me into shape!  | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/27/2007 4:41:19 AM | | It has given me a wonderfully balanced perspective on how alike men and women are in that we are all looking for the same thing, I think. I have learned alot. I love the opportunity to meet people that online gives me, and I know I have become more savvy. When I first started a very wise man told me to "be myself", and that was the best advice anyone could have given me. Online gives everyone the opportunity to be themselves, because there really are plenty of fish. And that can only be a good thing. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/27/2007 4:42:02 AM | For me after many years of working with people in management and human resources, I did not expect to find such a filtered group of jerks in this area of dating , of course I only write to women , but wow after several years of this I can say with confidence the following , and it has opened my eyes even farther with dissapointment.
1) Within the last 2 to 3 yrs there has been a major shift in womens attidtudes, as to what they are trying aquire, Romance is out material/service gain is in..
2) The common degree of mannerism has fallen to the bottom with no replies or cutting remarks, especially if you hit a sore spot !(within the truth)
3) Women dont seem to lie about things as men may do , but they are silly if they dont think men can see thru the front they put up, and thus the very type of man they want will not write to them. thus they create a I lie to you so you lie to me thing .
4) above all else I require a down to Earth romantic woman , but times are tough and I think they are out there , but survival requirements have put romance down a few knotches ....at least I have not seen Venus in a coons age | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/27/2007 4:44:23 AM | Toughened up emotionally or more sensitive being online?
Not really. If anything, it has made me take this venue much less seriously than I did at first. Yet, I will be serious when I meet the guy who is seriously serious about me and I feel that way towards him. Isn't that why we are here fishing?  | |
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