| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:55:42 AM | I have to agree with PretaPorter...I dont take this online dating thing seriously either...Why should I?...Seriously?...Im very open, show little kindness, know who I am, and basically know where I fit in the scheme of things..."Some jus dont realize they are here, visiting POF like the rest of us...Their egos are as large as their arses...
Toughened me up...Nope, "More realistic"....Sensitive,"Nope"...
I appreciate the comical side of the internet dating world...Some loose themselves to their own fantasies .... | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:56:49 AM | My comment to you about becoming more "tough" or more sensitie.......
In life we all bring to the decision table experiences that unknowlingly teach us to absorb everyday situations with wisdom, hopefully. Making decisions correctly at last is an indicator of maturity. Learning from the incorrect decisions will ultimate cause us to reflect or simply learn to laugh at ourselves. Life is still beautiful Becoming sensitive is a combination of honesty and leveling of feelings within ourselves. We have to learn to become mature and value ourselves at the highest level to ourselves.
When this level is established, then we individuals becomes enriched. Our emotional "bank account" is now drawing mature interest and thus decisions we draw from our self respect, mature development nature combined with the validation of ourselves will result in a kinder and gentler individual who finally will accept the premise that we are valued highly and are the "prize". And, ultimately learn to say "no" and "yes" to the areas of life that continue to increase our self-respect and value as a human being. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:16:13 PM | | Haven't had a computer for years 5 years to be exact then.. like but 2 months ago i get this one.... but I'll say this.. To know me in person is one thing where i work im extreamly friendly.. i joke alot.. i can make you laugh i promise that.. open hearted warm hearted but online i was at first then i had to catch myself... i mean.. its scary .. so now it takes convincing for me to let you see me.. the real me.. the me my friends see... i am a rare breed i promise you that.. i am extreamly sensitive to those i let near my heart .. but here i am guarded extreamly guarded... | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/8/2008 1:43:29 PM | i think this is a great question/topic
i was always a very sensitive person who took everything very personally
over the past few years, i have evolved into someone who takes very little personally, and for the most part, don't really concern myself with what most people think of me..........i've heard a term in recent months which is interesting, true, and helpful to me in this regard ; "what other people think of me is none of my business"
of course there are exceptions to all of the above; and my ability to take things less personally was well under way BEFORE i started on POF.......but i do think being exposed to these forums, to putting my thoughts out there in posts, and the "will he or won't he answer my email" has helped me develop a thicker skin for sure
i think to last out there in the single world, or the world in general, developing a thicker skin is essential to emotional survival; i am glad i have been able to develop a somewhat thicker skin and i do think being involved in this site has contributed somewhat to that | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/10/2008 4:03:58 PM | It hasn't toughened me up at all but it has opened my eyes, primarily to the fact that women using online dating sites seem to have to put up with a whole load of crap from "men" (deliberate quotes).
Now maybe I'm old-fashioned and naive and inexperienced but what is the point of giving women so much hassle, if they say no (or don't reply at all) then move on to the next one. And as for contacting them to tell them they're ugly or they'll always be single, FFS get a life that means you don't have to compensate for your own insecurities and whilst you're at it please go away because you make life hard for all the genuine, sensitive, caring, honest guys here.
No wonder women are cautious when there are so many people here with the wrong motives. If I don't get a reply from someone I message (a frequent occurence  ) I just move on to the next one with an ever so slightly bruised ego. Lets face it its far less scary then walking up to a woman in a bar and saying hi and it hasn't cost you anything. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/10/2008 11:22:37 PM | Well I think it really depends on the type of person you are naturally.
For me, I have always tended to be on the sensitive side. If someone has a problem I am the one who wants to help. If someone is having a bad day I want to try and cheer them up. If someone needs someone to listen to them, then I am happy to do that too. Therefore, there was no way coming here would make me more sensitive because that is just how I am.
So coming here I probably needed to be toughened up a bit and that has indeed happened. I have learned a lot here through interacting with many different people. I have also learned a great deal about human behavior and this has been a blessing.
Plus you can learn a lot from your failures which also acts to toughen you up. Yes as a guy you will endure many rejections on here. But if you can learn from them and not be too discouraged then you can make progress.
So for me, I am tougher now, but still the same old softie too!  | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/10/2008 11:46:42 PM | | Being on line has definately toughened me up.I will no longer take bullshit from anyone and if i think someone is lying to me i,m so gone!I still remain good hearted and caring cos i cant change who i am but experiences of on line dating have made me more wary and cautious.I dont take rejection to heart now like i did when i1st started and i dont treat PoF as a joke,just see it as another tool to meeting people,making friends and socialising at meets and if something more came from it then great. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:23:46 AM | I don't think it's toughened me...I think at times it's exhausted me...sometimes you put so much into getting to know someone-even if it's just for a week or two...you have texts or emails you enjoy and then if the meeting doesn't pan out, it's gone. Very cart before the horse and sometimes I get so tired of it I just stop for a bit.
I do have to say I can laugh at a lot now that I couldn't when I first started. I've learned how to weed some people out and, in all honesty, I've been known to wind a few arseholes up because they don't know when to quit.
I must say I've met many more good than bad and I've made more friends than had dates. I use this site as a social thing...I have a paid site I'm on that I find much more suitable men--they're paying and the majority aren't going to just mess about. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:39:42 AM | | neither. it has just broadened my knowledge base and given me many connections. i learned in real life, that i am very sensitive and thus "how" to handle mean spirited people. i try to do the same online. if you are ignored or rejected that will just get you faster to where you need to be. otherwise, you'd be wasting your time. my friend in sales taught me that a long time ago. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:55:51 AM | Being on line , condenses what would normally happen in "real life" ...
You may get rejected 20 times instead of twice. You may chat to 20 men/women instead of one or two.......so the emotions are raw (excpecially if you HAVE been rejected so many times) but what do you do??? sit and mope? No, get back on and have another go...
So the answer to that question is both.
My emotions are raw, but I am tough.  | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/11/2008 1:14:55 AM | It's really opened my eyes. I had been married for 10 years and just recently got back into the dating scene since a teenager. Wow things have changed. Or maybe I was just naive back then. I find that the majority of men online are either just looking for sex, bitter about women or con men. It's damn scarey. After a couple guys I dated basically broke my heart, I have wised up. I am more cautious and less eager to get back out there and try again. My last date was 6 months ago. I've been asked out several times. But I haven't accepted any.
I will get back to it eventually. I just want to be smarter about it. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:05:23 PM | it sounds like the rejections are coming from just looking at a slew of pictures and sending out a "quickie" to each and every one of them. there is no way i could want to know/meet that many people in such a short time. i truly believe if you can reel  in your brain and do some research on someone by analyzing or absorbing their profiles and/or their forum comments, you might contact less people --but meet a higher percentage of them and even have success. likewise, you should be clear about who you are on your profile--keeping it on the level of someone you would want to connect with. i assume you are already posting to add to the revelation.
it's like sending resumes indiscriminately out to every place of employment that has a nice window dressing, irrespective of suitablity or pay scale. then you wonder why you don't like the job or aren't getting enough of whatever, or they are not into you. everything takes "research" and "thought".
there is a military concept of tactics versus strategy that business now employs. you can win the battle (tactics), but lose the war (strategy). i guess it boils down to, why are you here? if only to meet "the person" of the rest of your life, you need more strategy. personally, i love people and making connections. if i had to bank my entire future on pof, i'd croak! but, i did meet my man online as an outgrowth of my goals, to make good local friends who have similar belief systems in their brains. so, who you try to meet, should also be linked to who you are as a human being.
there are many great people online, who have to cloak themselves and you really don't know them. some are devious or evil, many more are great people --but whether for you, remains to be seen. you cannot walk into a candy store and eat all the candy. you have to decide what it is you want or you'll make yourself sick. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/12/2008 5:34:32 PM | I have been internet dating now for 12 months ; on the whole I have met some very nice ladies and had some good times. However in the last few months it has become a rollercoaster experience and there has been a great deal of sadness too. My lessons are
You need to be protective of yourself
Relationships are much easier to start than to finish
Many people internet dating may well be say in their 40's & 50's but if they have had a very long marriage in reality they are relatively inexperienced at dating
Even the seemingly perfect partner can hurt you unexpectedly - you hurt the ones you love.
So yes learn to be self supportive - keep your friends close to you & always live for the moment more & be careful about your expectations for the future of any relationship.
People do not mean to hurt those that they have loved or been close to - its more that they are not experienced in winding down / closing a relationship whilst having regard for the feelings of the other party.
Spencer | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/12/2008 5:38:25 PM | I've only tried online dating for less than a year. I signed up for my first site in October and made my way here by December (deleted profile for a bit when I met someone, but I came back for the forums).
I think I've learned not to take it all to heart so much. I've learned to let a date be a date and go meet people with little expectations involved. I don't let myself take it too personally if a guy doesn't show interest after we meet. If something's meant to be, it will be. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/12/2008 5:49:07 PM | | Being on POF has made me learn from other people to read the books, WHY MEN LOVES ****ES, and HE'S NOT THAT INTO YOU. These books have completely changed my life, and if there are any other books out there that will alter my awareness of the dating environment, I would certainly love to have anybody's input in suggesting other readings. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/12/2008 6:00:52 PM | | I am here to say it isn't just men that lie more online, it is everyone. The problem is that most people, to a degree, have a problem totally being themselves in the beginning of any relationship from friends to long term romantic relationships. It seems to center around the "look good" that we all try to attain, because of our insecurities. In other words most people have that little voice inside that states I have to be this way until someone likes me because they would never like the real me....then when they feel secure with the person liking them, they relax and the "real" person comes out. Then you take the internet, which provides a venue for people to be anyone they want to be.....most do become someone they are not. Most of the people I have met online or at least on dating only sites (i.e. POF, Match, etc.) are not who they portray themselves to be from pictures not matching to personality descriptions. Another problem is that a persons perception of themselves is usually different then someone else's perception of them. That perception can go both ways. I offer no secret squirrel shortcuts, just the advice to go slow whether in person or online. More so online, because you have so many more applicants that have another level to hide who they truly are. It is what it is and it is, and it isn't gender specific. I can tell anyone that I am not perfect but a "work in progress", I don't lie unless it is about the surprise birthday party I am putting together for you. lol Good luck to everyone in their quest for the "perfect for them" mate. Take care and just be you, whoever you are because it is enough, just trust it. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/12/2008 6:45:18 PM | | well I don't know that it has done anything really except make me more cynical about people in general. That most people have a hard time being real and being themselves, especially online. I do make a conscious effort to be optimistic that there will emerge a small group of people to show me that not all is lost in this arena of humanity.....and I hope for world peace....lol Good Luck! | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/12/2008 7:25:25 PM |
# of times rejected by women I encountered in real life - probably about 20 or so
# of times rejected by women I encounter on line - couple of thousand
Sure, but how many women have you actually asked out in real life, compared to the number of women you've contacted (or tried to contact) online? Go out to a bar, and you might have a chance to approach a handful of women. On here, you can contact women until your fingers get tired. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/12/2008 7:29:50 PM | For me it's totally entertaining; but also disappointing; delightfully surprising and perhaps I would say, yes it has toughened me up a little. You have the opportunity to meet as many people as you wish. You could not possibly meet that many people in "real life". After meeting them, you have multiple choices before you, so I believe you have to be careful with your profile so that you attract who you want.
I think you get as good as you represent. Amazing that girls who call themselves sexy names are surprised when they attract men looking for casual and meaningless liasons; especially when accompanied by partially nude photographs. There's a fine line between sexy and slutty.
Guys are easier, as they rarely use innuendo and make their intentions quite clear from the start, which makes it a lot easier and quicker to us the old "fail proof" block and delete.
Good luck everyone... | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:02:36 AM | | I think this question may be more for women. They deal with the pervs and players for the most part. My worst experience has been really old pictures, serial dater once, and a really weird woman that embarrased me in a really nice restaraunt. For me my last two LTR were both off match.com I have just learned to stay grounded. No more than one or two emails or phone calls. Take it to a normal place. That normal place is called the real world and off the internet or phone. It is much harder for women due to bad guys. Realistic expectations and don't start a relationship via email or phone is a good policy. Start a relationship the old fashioned way. Face to face. And also practice good judgement about safety. | |
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