| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/19/2008 3:01:54 PM | diamond wrote
"Neither do I, but I was hoping you'd have a great personality." I thought it was kind of clever.
Very witty. Touche. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/19/2008 3:10:45 PM | There's a feature on here that allows dudes to select for women who haven't gotten an email that day. More of us guys should use that feature. Why contact someone who has already been favorited by 50 other guys? Not smart.
Go for the women who are not getting as much traffic. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/19/2008 3:12:05 PM | crabstuffing ~~~ you are so right.....I have been so very nice in the past....and it was like a different person writing me back...they were so sweet and nice...then when I was kind enough to tell them no thanks ..but did point out some positive things....it was like a monster wrote me back...they wrote me back telling me what was wrong with my profile and me...I was like dang.......why did you write in the first place if you didnt like me or what I wrote in my profile....sometimes I hide my profile...that way I can look and take time fishing ...and write the ones that interest me....don't worry you can post on forums while hidden....
Angel | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/19/2008 3:54:38 PM | I've had no problem contacting a guy first. But it does seem like most of the time it goes to their heads. Seems like they don't put a lot of effort into it. Maybe they think it's a done deal or something.
However, I do think every woman should give it a try. There are the exceptions, such as those guys that won't take a polite no for an answer. But, if a guy writes or approaches me and is sincere but I don't feel a connection, I try to be courteous and polite. I have a new respect for their position after being in their shoes. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/19/2008 3:57:02 PM | I have written to a few guys whom I think we would make some sort of connection, and I get no replies. No replies is a hazard to this site unfortunately, but the readers just have to weed out the ones they don't see as having a connection with.
Writing back to everyone to be polite and say "thanks but no thanks" requires hours on this site because they always write back wanting to know "why" or they insult you or want to have a conversation, etc..
yes, I have had that happen on numerous occasions, and even if I dont reply I still get those "whys" and insults. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/19/2008 3:58:31 PM | | I don't know if they should write first, but if they do then I at least know there is some interest and we can go from there. I have in the past so many times taken the time to actually read their profiles and made references to it and thrown in some humor and various other things only to find many went read/deleted without so much as a thanks for writing or no thanks, you're not my type. I don't expect to become friends with everyone I write to but if I do take the time to write after reading her profile I personally believe the least she could do is write something back and not blow me off like that. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/19/2008 4:09:30 PM | | Women who write me first gets my attention first. The reason being is that those who sit back and receive emails are just waiting for something better to come along. I'm just the average Joe with a house on the block. I can not compete with the dude with a mansion and 6 cars.... | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/19/2008 4:16:52 PM | | Or better yet, display the percentage of letters responded to. This way if a woman gets slammed, the guys will move onto other profiles. I would imagine that many women get only a few emails from time to time. In theory, such feature will make it easier for men to screen out those who don't or can't respond and give those who have few emails a better shot. Keep in mind that even though there are far more men, they also don't stay very long. A friend of mine works at Match.com and said most guys will put up a profile, pay for a month's membership, stay for about 3 weeks, cancle account, then disappear. My last run on POF was only 9 days! | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/19/2008 4:25:58 PM | | I agree - we are not in the 1800's anymore - you see what you like go for it. All that person can say is no thank you and then you can tell him he lost the best thing he could of had and never speak to him again - LOL | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/19/2008 8:16:41 PM |
I have written to a few guys whom I think we would make some sort of connection, and I get no replies. No replies is a hazard to this site unfortunately Well I certainly applaud you for that - and yeah, getting no reply is irksome.
It's good of you to politely respond, too - if you're getting too much backlash from that, just go ahead and reply, then immediately block the person.
(Either way though, it's still less of a blow to the old ego than "unread - deleted") | |
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7Patt
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Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 36 | |
| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/19/2008 9:12:08 PM | ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ Donnchadh, I hate to break it to you, but . . . . . MINE'S LONGER ! ! !
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/19/2008 9:17:30 PM | | I wrote quite a few first messages when I joined up last month. There's only one person that I'm still in active contact with right now who got a message from me first. If a profile REALLY catches my attention, I'll write first, but I'll admit it doesn't happen often. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/19/2008 9:37:48 PM | Why should a woman write first? Why should a man? Shouldn't it all depend on who's interested in who? Should not someone write first if they find someone they are interested in? Dont go by what may have happened in the past. People are on here (and other sites) for different reasons! I DO have to admit that I dont write first very OFTEN for the plain simple fact that I have a lot of what someone may consider 'baggage'..I am 35...divorced...with a child...not in as good of shape as I would like to be...and have interests in some things that somemay consider strange. My reasons for not writing first are simply this. I would rather have someone read my profile and then, if after seeing all of my 'baggage' and interests and they STILL want to make contact, then I know there is a good chance (if I am equally interested in him) that things might possibly work out. But see this is the kicker. I dont have as much self-esteem as many do. I hate rejection. :) I DO NOT consider my child or situation baggage, but some would...and I want someone to learn all of this about me BEFORE deciding to write to me.
By the same token, if I read a profile that really inspires me to write to them, I will... regardless if I think they will write to me or not. Of course, SOME response whether favorable or not IS appreciated but...some profiles/people are just irresistable.
This all being said, I try to always respond even if I am not interested. I just think it is the polite thing to do...and if someone receives a 'not interested because..' response from me and presses on, THEN I dont feel the obligation to write back.
Just my opinion...and always a humble one. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/28/2008 6:24:58 PM | | like a booger everyone likes to be picked.. it don't matter to me.. me or her it's all good | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/28/2008 6:28:47 PM | In the big picture, does it really matter? If there's a mutual interest, who cares who asked who or called first...
If it gets down to hasisng over that, then it's a moot point.
Mutual interest should be continually expressed if you want to actually have something, or keep it going. Who starts it....who cares?  | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/28/2008 6:34:15 PM | | I don't have a problem writing to men first Its just that I am not that easily impressed. I think that a lot of people both men and women often write to someone they have no chance to meet. For example if an unattractive man writes me I just usually delete it. Sorry looks are important, and at least I am honest. I think both sexes sometimes contact people that don't find them attractive, If they would choose someone more on their attractiveness level they would probably be more successful in getting replies. for example Fred Flintstone should not contact Barbie just like Ms. Piggy should not contact Brad Pitt feelings are likely to be hurt, | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/28/2008 8:44:14 PM |
For example if an unattractive man writes me I just usually delete it. Sorry looks are important, and at least I am honest.
It's a matter of courtesy to at least send a polite "Thanks, but no, thanks" note. Not replying at all only because of the less attractive looks of the sender is incredibly rude and proves bad manners.
I think both sexes sometimes contact people that don't find them attractive, If they would choose someone more on their attractiveness level they would probably be more successful in getting replies. for example Fred Flintstone should not contact Barbie just like Ms. Piggy should not contact Brad Pitt feelings are likely to be hurt,
And who exactly are you in this list? The equivalent to Barbie or the equivalent to Miss Piggy? From your profile pic I am having an opinion on that, however, it seems like your opinion on your looks is severely different from mine... Which beautifully illustrates why your demand that only attractive people should be allowed to contact other attractive people is obsolete: Beauty is solely in the eye of the beholder, and a person that you find butt-ugly might look like a supermodel to the next person.
Also, if you feel that unworthy men approach you in this pond, why are you on here and not on beautifulpeople or on hotornot where your pictures need to get you a majority of positive votes before you can join? Should be the places to be for you when it comes to online dating.
As for first contact: I am getting approached more than I am sending out initial e-mails, but a significant number of e-mails I receive are generic chain crap. So when it comes to original and individualized initial e-mails I think I've been sending out about as many as I've received. And I couldn't possibly think of a reason why women shouldn't write first. This is the 21st century. Women work. Women drink alcohol in public. Women inhale. Women vote. Women are in congress. Women rock.  So why shouldn't they send out a friggin' e-mail? | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/28/2008 9:40:44 PM |
It's a matter of courtesy to at least send a polite "Thanks, but no, thanks" note. Not replying at all only because of the less attractive looks of the sender is incredibly rude and proves bad manners. What th-yes! You just made my night with that comment! (Which I suppose either really says something about me, or the PoF population at large... or maybe both). 
Women rock. So why shouldn't they send out a friggin' e-mail?  | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/28/2008 10:00:12 PM |
Should women write first?.
Women and men shouldn't be writing in the first place....
For starters....it's on a computer, so they should be typing...duh?
I had to be a smarta$$....i just had to...k? | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/28/2008 10:23:10 PM | | Yes- I must have emailed letters to POF women and now I am just really ready to give up and just enjoy the forums. All replies were either deleted or they flaked on me to meet for a date. I like it when the ladies approach me- at least there can be a true moment of honesty and get some initial spark started. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/28/2008 10:37:15 PM | I've pretty much given up writing first. I've gotten maybe... two responses from anything I've ever sent out first. I see stuff about women thinking it's so terrible to be read/deleted, well, that's what happens to guys. It's like 'hey, I don't like it, but you deal with it and take teh chance of it happening, I don't want to'. I think that if EVERYONE sent out messages more, it'd be better for everyone. Even if someone isn't interested, it feels good to get a message doesn't it? It obviously feels bad to be rejected/ignored. If people just got more messages I think it'd be better. *I mean real messages, not the perv tard messages*
If I send anything first at this point, it will actually say something. I try to make sure I respond to everything, even if I have to read it now and get back to it later. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/29/2008 3:56:10 AM |
Women and men shouldn't be writing in the first place....
For starters....it's on a computer, so they should be typing...duh?
I had to be a smarta$$....i just had to...k?
Even if you use a keyboard it is still writing. It's just not handwriting.
I, for instance, am a professional writer. And the sole fact that I am using the computer to do my job doesn't make me a friggin' typist.
So, next time you're smarta$$ing around, take a look at the dictionary first - to spare you the embarassment. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/29/2008 4:15:21 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^Oops sorry there......I didn't mean any disrespect to you urbanessa  | |
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