| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/2/2008 8:18:29 PM | | I think if someone is interested in someone this day and age, why hide it, write it. I send out emails and get reponses, But I also will respond to emails. Some of the dates I went on are from responding to womens emails. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/2/2008 9:10:07 PM | I have no problem with writing a man 1st n lettin him know im interested. y wait on someone? they may never contact u! so, go for it n email them 1st is what i say. if u dont get a reponse, so what, move on to the next one. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/3/2008 4:54:00 PM | oh yeah, I have no problem making the first move and I am sending email to profiles here that interest me. For the most part, there's no response at all, although one fellow gave me some tips on my profile before politely rebuffing my interest.
The odds are certainly not in my favour to continue sending emails, but since just about every guy on this thread has insisted that he is completely flattered by that 'take charge' personality, I'm sure one of these days I'll run into one. Might take a few more decades though, before men in general let that whole "I am hunter" notion lapse.
Maybe it makes you feel somewhat 'feminine' to be pursued? Just curious - cuz a whole lotta you don't like it at all. I would appreciate feedback on why that might be. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/3/2008 4:59:33 PM | | I've written first occasionally, but there are as many guys who don't respond as there are women who don't respond to them. I don't think most men appreciate a woman initiating contact, they want to be the pursuers...then they have that to complain about and will undoubtedly say that they don't like assertive women. Damned if we do, damned if we don't... | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/3/2008 5:10:58 PM | I think this is one of those individual specific things. Yah, guys like to be the pursuers at times, then again it's nice to get a email first. I'm not 100% sure on the ration of men to women on POF but I think that there are far more men then women on this site. So receiving an email first is a welcome surprise.
If a guy doesn't like assertive women then he needs to do a little more maturing. In todays age he's going to have a hard time not finding one. So weaselontoast your not damned if you do.
Trev | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/3/2008 6:45:25 PM |
crabstuffing on 8/26/2007 2:01:05 PM
Subject: Should women write first?
Message: Women will write to you first if they find you interesting and want to know more. It's pretty simple.
this has been my experience as well ~ If you are not getting mail ~ work at it longer ~ I truly believe there is someone for everyone ~ Keep a happy heart and a smile on your face ~ few faces a smile won't improve. ~ dar | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/3/2008 7:05:41 PM | | They could, but messages to guys are just as likely to come back as 'unread deleted' even if there has been no previous contact to justify doing so. Had one myself not too long ago. He even changed the age he was looking for almost immediately so whether aimed at me or not, I am not able to contact him again. It's an option open to anyone. Don't sweat the small stuff. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/3/2008 7:14:59 PM |
.....I'm not 100% sure on the ration of men to women on POF but I think that there are far more men then women on this site. So receiving an email first is a welcome surprise.
If there are more men than women here I'd be very surprised; about 52% of population is female, and the ratio gets higher as we all age.
Personally, have about given up writing to anyone, since percentage of responses is so small. 
Instead I've decided to BE the fish ....and see what tasty bait is presented. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/3/2008 7:20:15 PM |
If there are more men than women here I'd be very surprised; about 52% of population is female, and the ratio gets higher as we all age.
Personally, have about given up writing to anyone, since percentage of responses is so small.
Instead I've decided to BE the fish ....and see what tasty bait is presented.
yes but more of the female portion of the society gets hit on and can pick and choose then the men of the society. Women are more sucessful at dating cause men offer them dates and sex more often and women can turn it down. Men have a harder time of it. So more men join dating sites. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/3/2008 7:44:05 PM | That doesn't work at all I have written first several time without any response back. It looks like they are all looking for the super model types and thats all. If I waited on a guy to contact me I would be old and gray or dead...lol
What is even more funny is that most of the guys complaining think they are the sexiest men on the planet with their pop bellies or more. I will probably be fussed at for speaking up but if the truth hurt I'm sorry.
They bad mouth women for the very same thing that they are quilty of themselves. They say that they are looking for a honest, good hearted woman but when it really get down to it they want something totally different. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/3/2008 8:08:12 PM | Heck yeah!!!
There are wonderful men out there that are just too shy to write first. I met one recently. He never approaches women. If you chase the man first, you get your pick of some of the best that just may be shy and you will make their day! And the other women is has been eyeing never write him so he will be all yours.
My philosophy is chase a man until he catches you! Gals make the initial conversation and let him know that you are still interested after you meet, then stop right there and hand over the reins to him.
What do you think of that guys? | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/3/2008 8:20:36 PM | The beauty of this lovely -- and of course imperfect -- fishpond is that it somewhat increases your pool (!) of potential partners. Not as much as many of us first imagine, of course - because we're all selective. I wouldn't think of NOT sending a note to a man I found interesting - why in heaven's name wouldn't I? - and I'm always surprised when the response is utter silence. How can this fellow possibly keep quiet, I ask myself, when we're so obviously kindred spirits?
Yet I'm just as mystified by some of the men who send messages to ME: They're absolutely convinced we'd make a great pair, and yet somehow they've managed to overlook what I'm after - or, more precisely, what I'm NOT after. Call me elitist, but a guy who can't spell or who posts photos of himself showing off his Harley, his car, his biceps or a whopping fish just isn't my type. Neither is anyone who describes himself as "just an average guy" (is there really a woman out there who considers that a selling point?) and whose chief talent is "opening doors for ladies."
I can't get excited about the debate over how best to deal with people whose messages & profiles spark no interest. I've sometimes speculated that a "thanks, no thanks" response can be more stinging than silence. Which brings me to my last point: Wouldn't it be nice if part of the "ethic" of fishing in this pond - part of the community pact - was an expectation that we'd all help each other out by offering gentle, genuine feedback to (at least some of) those whose expression of interest we can't reciprocate? Something like: "You seem like a kind person, but I sense that you're much more 'into your feelings' (or 'obsessed with bowling,' etc.) than I am."
I've occasionally sought that sort of feedback from a non-responder ("I understand your decision, but would be grateful to hear your thoughts. . . .") No luck, of course. But if I could figure out how to start a "Tell Me Truly" movement, I'd do it. We all have our blindspots -- and so rarely do we have a chance to learn how others really see us. No matter WHO writes first, we could all do each other a favor by being more kindly candid about why we shoose as we do. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/3/2008 8:57:44 PM | Ok I've had a guy post a whopping fish that turned out to be hotter than Georgia asphalt.As to the poster that wants to know"Why do people put other people on their favorites list when they don't even know them? How can they possibly be a "favorite" when you have never even emailed each other. " Maybe you just think their pic is hot & like to look. DUH! Maybe you like a joke that you can share w/ friends later. Who cares? I have favorite musicians I've never met. 99% of these people I'll never meet cuz I talk to people all over the world.
In answer to the OP, I think the woman contacting the guy first would eliminate the guys just interested in the capture & kill. But what about the women interested in the most dangerous game? Tee hee. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/3/2008 9:05:05 PM |
Ok I've had a guy post a whopping fish that turned out to be hotter than Georgia asphalt.As to the poster that wants to know"Why do people put other people on their favorites list when they don't even know them? How can they possibly be a "favorite" when you have never even emailed each other. " Maybe you just think their pic is hot & like to look. DUH! Maybe you like a joke that you can share w/ friends later. Who cares? I have favorite musicians I've never met. 99% of these people I'll never meet cuz I talk to people all over the world.
In answer to the OP, I think the woman contacting the guy first would eliminate the guys just interested in the capture & kill. But what about the women interested in the most dangerous game? Tee hee. I have another answer for that question about favorates. Being a busy person and also spending a lot of time in the forums. I do not have time to read every profile that catches my eye, give it 100% of my attention and the attention that profile deserves.
I like to read the profile thourogly to see if this is a person I might want to meet. Then I will email or remove them from my favorates list. However we got off topic. Women should write first if they are interested instead of playing the chase game. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/4/2008 12:39:32 AM | | Women should only write first if they want to take control of their own dating life and date people they want to date. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:16:26 AM | Women should write first.
I should win the lottery today (despite not playing).
There should be world peace.
And everyone should have a puppy. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/4/2008 11:54:54 AM | | I think it is silly to worry about. Who cares who writes first. I write to men I am interested in, and men write to me too. If someone does not respond, who cares, more on, and if they respond saying they are not interested, again, who cares. That is how it works. You have to test the waters and check out a lot of people before even finding a maybe. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/4/2008 6:52:10 PM | "Women should only write first if they want to take control of their own dating life and date people they want to date."
You mean, the illusion of control. We write first because it makes us feel like we're in control over our dating destiny, but when there is no response, it's clear where the control lies. It's better if you believe that the guys who don't respond really weren't right for you anyway, and let's face it, they know best LOL! For whatever reason they choose not to respond, I chalk it up to saving me a lot of time. | |
|
dewitt
|
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 94 | |
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/5/2008 10:32:32 AM | I would like to say women online will more likely be the same as in person....do they approach men first in the grocery store,in the mall or at the gas station? From my understanding it's the mans duty to be the first to approach a woman, that is the tradition,but then again it can go both ways ,but it is probably rare to see a woman approaching a man first,Therefore it's probably natural for a woman to wait for a response. No one really knows anything about anyone unless they ask questions. What has been done for hundreds of years is not going to change in a short period of time. Tradition will always be an important part of culture. I would say it's easier for most woman to just sit and wait for emails, then answer the ones they are interested in and not waste the time to write back to the ones she is not interested in. Forget about women being polite, man has catered to woman from the beginning of time to now,face the truth...you are the one to be polite. LOL Adam ate fruit from the forbidden tree of knowledge of good and evil because Eve asked him to eat it when he knew it was wrong.Why did'nt he tell her she was wrong? From the beginning Adam and that tree was in the garden before Eve arrived. So what will happend now if you sit and worry about a woman not responding? | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/5/2008 11:06:52 AM | | The same thing happens to women, they write to the guy and 1)he doesn't write back 2) he says he is already dating someone and he wants to see what happens, or 3) you get back a message of a sexual nature, because he thinks you are gonna be easy because you are so into him that you wrote first. I have yet to get a date from writing to a guy first. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/5/2008 11:12:28 AM | | hell yes ,,why not ? you wanted equality right ?? go ahead and give it a try . | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/5/2008 12:24:35 PM | Lots of men send out tons of emails and don't get responses so I'm loathe to make this a gender issue. Still I think men are more likely to get a response when making first contact than women are, for many of the reasons identified in this thread and possibly some others we haven't thought of.
Just about every guy on this thread has said "well, I like a woman to make first contact and I wouldn't have a problem responding to that." and just about every woman has said "Hey, when I write first I get no response at all or Read-Deleted" so it appears to me that there is a bit of a disconnect between saying and doing. Maybe we women (unaccustomed as we are to making the first move) are taking the sheer number of rejections a little more personally than guys do. We're all kinda "hey what gives" after a dozen rejections and you guys are all "well, that's pretty normal and I wouldn't worry about it until I had more like 50 rejections." | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/5/2008 12:33:44 PM |
Lots of men send out tons of emails and don't get responses so I'm loathe to make this a gender issue. Still I think men are more likely to get a response when making first contact than women are, for many of the reasons identified in this thread and possibly some others we haven't thought of.
For me it is quite the oposite. I will respond out of courtesy and couriosity and even genuine enjoyment if I get an email.
I think the reason most men do not get replies back is that women are inendated by emails and sometimes wont even read them. I had one woman not read my email cause she hated my profiles and pics. She did not read it and that is her loss. However, you can not blame a person with 100+ faves from not answering every email, even if she is your type and what have you. | |
|
DonQ
|
Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 99 | |
| Should women write first?
Posted: 2/5/2008 12:40:52 PM | I've responded to every person who has taken the initiative to write to me. I feel its only the polite thing to do.
Actually I'm sure women get far far more emails from guys then the other way around. Its just the way it is. If they didn't like it on at least some level, there wouldn't be a woman here or on any web site. | |
|
| Should women write first?
Posted: 3/3/2008 8:44:03 PM | | Personally, I almost never send the first email, guess I just gave up after awhile. | |
|
Home
login 
