| | i cant comprehend yourPage 4 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | | im impressed that you did wwhat you did...it took courage. I dont think theres any hope or her, her family would never intervene, theres enuff denial there for a medium sized city. i want to move on with my life...sick of teh drama saga and all the poor pitiful me b.s.....im rarely sad, the only emotion i seem to feel towrads her is disgust, but its time to put childish things away.....ive seen the light. your post certainly helps my resolve, you are a wonderful human being, that much i know | |
|
| how is your drinking??
Posted: 9/23/2007 4:07:58 PM | ("How is your drinking affecting your relationship with this woman????? I DON'T SEE HER JUST SITTING THERE DRINKING ALL BY HERSELF.. i am sure that your drinking also. Drunks never like drinking by themselves!! Possibly, you and your woman have a dual addiction to alcohol going on.... and certainly some co- dependency issues as well. Maybe it is time for a family evaluation, and intervention. It is time to put the cork back on the bottle., and do some serious examination of the whole picture.")
INCORRECT......Alcoholics do not choose alcoholic partners they choose carers! I don't usually talk about such things in here as i feel that part of my life is private....However, my childrens father is an alcoholic. I do not drink at all!.....in total, maybe 5 times a year!.....and that's glasses not bottles! He would go out and drink with his friends or drink with neighbours, arrange a house party/barbeque/night in......anything to get a drink! Your right....he seemed to hate drinking alone. But i outright REFUSED to drink with him! I agree with and can sympathise with most of what's been said here, by both the OP and others. I was like the OP.....infact, he could have been describing my life!!!! In the end i cut him off. We still speak because we have 2 kids....but honestly, if we had no ties i don't think i'd be so forgiving. He is now in treatment at a drug and alcohol clinic, but honestly....i don't think he'll ever stop drinking! Can relate to alot of what's been said! | |
|
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 10/8/2007 8:57:20 AM | The only way that you can help her is to help yourself first. Go to Al-anon like others suggested. But even giving her an ultimatum is NOT going to make her quit drinking, no matter how much she loves and cares about you... Alcoholism is a disease and she's going to have to decide to quit on her own and for herself, nobody else. Otherwise it won't work. I tried to quit drinking for absolutely everybody but myself. I couldn't do it until I was damn good and ready... that meant losing friends and relationships with others until I finally pulled my head from the bottle.
If you can't handle being with her right now, take a break... but I guarantee that if you tell her "me or the booze" it's not going to make a difference. She obviously hasn't hit her absolute rock bottom yet. Sorry about your situation! Good luck! | |
|
| |
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 10/11/2007 7:47:39 PM | Drunks dont like drinking by themselves.
Not necessarilly true. By the time my drinking career was finished about 7 years ago, I had no choice to BUT to drink by myself. First off... no friends left to drink with, and even quite a few of the watering holes I was going to did not like to see me coming, and would not serve me. So.. whats left? Drinking by myself. I strongly suggest you seek the help and aide of Alanon. There are times where you think you might be helping the situation, and in reality, are hurting it. And i do agree that you do need to get away. Problem with living and dealing with the practicing alcoholic is that whether you want to admitt it or not, you are just as mentally, physically, and spiritually bankrupt as she is. Please, seek the help of alanon..... and dont give up after just 1 or 2 meetings. Stick around... there are some wonderful people there. My attitude after 1-2 A.A. meetings about 7 years ago was these people are more messed up than I am. Fortunately, I stuck around, the program has worked.... and am now able to help people rather than be my old self.... and that surely wouldnt be posting on this thread.... if even around to post at all. Good Luck. Gary M. | |
|
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 12/18/2007 6:24:25 PM | | hi to all of you wonderful souls, this is the original author....yup....bamabeachcomber, after a three week split in august, i got sucked in again...its been another 3-4 months of pure hell, she saw this forum and told her entire familty i was trashing her on the internet....i have nothing for her, it is the drama addiction im sure of it.not love or anything even remotely like it....sooooo, my good friends, whats my next step??? | |
|
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 12/22/2007 4:59:12 PM | | I have been involved with many alcohols, al-anon helped me a lot. Your GF won’t quit drinking until she is ready. I had to cut loose my last BF for the same reason it just got worse and worse. have you tried talking to her??? | |
|
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 12/22/2007 5:13:15 PM | | in a word...Al Anon... And for the record, Al Anon will help you come to the realization that the only person that can help this lady is herself. Call your nearest AA office and they will help you find Al Anon meetings near you. Try several meeting locations before you find one that fits and makes you feel the most comfortable. Good Luck to you. | |
|
n10649
| | Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 84 | |
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 12/22/2007 5:16:09 PM | | Man, i cannot tell you what to do, cause i have never been in that position but just LEAVE. Every day you stay you drag your young one through hell. Sure he loses the date as well but dam. Enough is enough. Sometimes you have ot be a parent, and put aside your childish insecurities about dating... You and the kid come first... trust me there will be other dates... let her go... | |
|
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:54:33 PM |
im addicted to the inevitable drama that is her life....
This is just disgusting,,,,,and for a second, I actually thought you were serious. And as far as the kids being a couple,,,,nice excuse,,,but also pathetic. I just can't even go there,,,,I lived with an alcoholic whom I loved for 5 years,,,,it was the most sobering experience of my life. I moved 1500 miles away,,,so that is my advise to you. Move away. | |
|
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:56:18 PM | | PS - at 48 and drinking 2 gallons of vodka a day,,,,dude, she will die a drunk. You cant stop it,,,you will never be able to stop her. Ever. So, just move away. | |
|
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 12/31/2007 1:55:00 AM | | well it sound like vodka is her new master, you and your son and her daughter have to make her choice for her , the three of you have to be the bad guys and take the booze away from her no matter what she says. my friend , this is going to be hard but you need to make the chiose for her.: | |
|
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 1/16/2008 11:24:58 PM | PS - at 48 and drinking 2 gallons of vodka a day,,,,dude, she will die a drunk. You cant stop it,,,you will never be able to stop her. Ever. So, just move away
My ex was drinking 2 1/2 gallons of vodka a day after we broke up. He ended up homeless and after a wile of drinking like that he eventually he had a stroke and could not move for 24 hours. Luckily he did get help and is back in jail. Now he wants me back now that he has cleaned his act up. Even though we have 30 a yrs history and I love him dearly I can’t go back because I can’t live that kind of live anymore. My advice to you is to get out as soon as you can and don’t look back, you are only going to end up being drug down and the longer you stay the harder it is to leave .
Good luck to ya | |
|
| |
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 1/22/2008 8:37:41 AM | AA is a wonderful program..as is alanon..alateen etc.
having said that....no matter how many meetings you attend, you cannot stop an alcoholic from drinking!!! it is totally up to them...they have to want it. No matter how much they may love you and want to stop for you....can't happen.
I spent 11 years banging my head against the wall trying to get my ex to stop. It took my another 2 years to walk out the door.
I obviously would never tell anyone what to do but in my opinion...you are wasting your time. be supportive...help however you can...but live your life and save your sanity!!! | |
|
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 1/23/2008 8:05:18 AM | | You read very little advice about trying to work on things with an alcoholic. It is a shame that some people have the reactions they do with alcohol, but if you deceide that being together is not helping them I think it best to let them go. My mistake was trying to separate the person from the alcohol problem. They are one and the same. It is a package deal just like women with children grown or not. That is so simple to understand. But with an alcoholic problem we without a problem have trouble understanding that the problem comes with the person and it is a life-time condition. They are a package deal. It is so easy to say if I loved someone I would quit in a heart beat, easy when you are not an alcoholic. And I used to wonder why women grille a guy on a first meet or date. Now I understand. Life is short and why not rule out what is not going to work. | |
|
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 1/23/2008 8:48:22 AM | Bamabeachcomber ~
GO to:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html
Put in your state and you'll find Al-Anon meetings in your area.
Al-Anon encourages you to focus on YOURSELF...it's not about changing the alcoholic. It's about learning 'self-care' and enjoying the wisdom and validation you receive from those in the support group.
Your children can also GREATLY benefit from Ala-teen, I cannot recommend these groups enough, since alcoholism and its effects are detrimental to family life.
Take care!  | |
|
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 1/29/2008 5:09:27 PM | Boisegoodbadboy………….. Cruising the forums and noticed your reply here. I applaud your wisdom to leave the relationship; however, you are incorrect regarding Al-Anon.
For the record it was founded by Bob Wilson, founder of AA’s, wife. She started this group to help the partners and family members of the men and women who came to the AA meetings. She noticed these people setting alone. She formed to the group to offer support to this group. It has been around for over 65 years. I have attended AA for 10 years and am sober today, after divorce and all life has to offer.
You may have had or know someone who had a bad experience with Al-Anon but they may have been involved in a bad group or didn’t follow the advice the received. I am not going to take your inventory, but please do not comment of subjects with the opinion that you are an expert. As for the AA recovery process being helpful less than 5% of the time. What have you seen that works better that equals the number of people that AA helped and continues to help? | |
|
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 3/4/2008 6:41:53 PM |
weve been involved for 14-15 mos., (my son and her daughter ages 15 are bf & gf) there have been some good times, but i cant take the drinking anymore, shes 48, and drinks 2 gallons of vodka a week....i know shes killing herself...and i have a hard time turning her away when she calls me...HELP
Where is the real mother and father of these kids in this? What are you doing to your son? THAT's the nightmare. What she and her daughter do is not your business, but your raising of your boy IS.
You two don't need advice, you need your kids taken away from you. Nothing against AA or Al-Anon, wish our alkie President and his family would've taken advantage, might've produced a better world outlook. | |
|
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:54:15 PM | | well first and foremost shes not going to get better on her own... its a terriable disease that tell you there is nothing wrong.......but like a car that is broke it aint going to fix its self thus the term needs help......................you cud say me or mr booze but you probabally know the answer to that one............and you say you want out so that might be your only option if the practicing alcoholic chooses to keep on praticing.gl to you. | |
|
| |
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:19:19 PM | | I went to alateen, alanon, ACOA, it was a closed group that lived in their own reality trying to fit their lives around the alcoholic instead of realizing theres more out in life than the caos the alkie creates. I have read and studied the statistics of the effectiveness and failure rate of AA,NA, ect. I know recovering alkies that see these addicts come and go as if to pick up sobriety from showing up/osmosis. The ones it works for are very few and they have other avenues and support systems in place to give them the reality messages needed to stay sober. Its NOT a disease...it causes disease. 95% failure rate. Its sad...but addicts live in their safe world of denial, manipulation, quick fixes and defensiveness, plus their behavioral patterns are distorted. I have seen people that stop drinking continue the behavior and its much more hurtful as they are sober when acting like they do. Often times they have more going on than the addictions..they are symptoms of a greater problem.The few I have met that AA worked for have moved on to other growth and healing mechanisms. You ought to hear what they have to say about AA haha! They think its a joke...its definitely not like it used to be. They see alot of exchanges for other addictions ect...its a mess. I am not sure why you would stay in this relationship as the pity you feel for her is not love. I can't figure out why you would expose your child to it as well, it is up to you to protect that child.... both of you unplug from it for awhile..you will see it clearly. | |
|
| i want out of this alcoholic nightmare
Posted: 3/5/2008 3:42:49 PM | well, sit down and talk to her.......and tell her how munch she means to you.ask, her is she loves you .if she say yes,tell her she needs to check herself into rehab for herself and for you to continue this relationship.if ,you mean anything to her she will get help......... | |
|
| |
| |
Home
login 
