| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 9:25:13 AM | | Yes this can happen, same as it can with a woman loving a man and cheating. Sometimes cheating has nothing to do with the other person and all to do with oneself. Sometimes it just "happens" before we realize it. Sometimes it doesn't even have to do with sex. I think there are different ways one can cheat on their partner. Because we love someone does not make any of us perfect. | |
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zsuzs
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Joined: 3/5/2007
Msg: 52 | |
| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 9:44:20 AM | Its not the actuall act of sex , although thats not a very good thing too.
When you cheat , do they ever think what can they cause emotionally to the person they love? You see thats the worst part. If the other party finds out , why would you take the chance to hurt your partner whom you are in love with. Is it worth it?
People say they are in love then they go and have sex with someone else. To me its just stupid, if you think about what you have with your partner you are willing to loose it all just for some unknown strange p*****. So if you are willing to do that, how much or are you in love with that person? I think not. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 10:03:18 AM | Ill put it very simple. If you loved someone so damn much that it hurts, then there will be no room for cheating. Then again, there is a difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone. Either way, you only go running to another woman/man if there are problems in that relationship, so if you had any dignity, you wouldnt run to another person when things get tough. We all have needs that need to be satisfied, but its also called divorcing or breaking up. If you think that might cause too many problems, what in the hell makes you think cheating wont? People dont think these days before they act; thats why they repeatedly get into trouble. People would rather run than work things out.
On to another point, if youre stupid enough to stay with that person after they have cheated on you, then you need a life. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You can fight til the end on that one, and say that you will change after doing it once, but I guarantee you wont. If someone cheats on you, then that is demeaning you as a person, and when the cheater sees that you stayed, it sends a signal to that person saying its ok to do it again. You might say that you love that person even though theyre cheating on you, but im sorry, if that person loved you back they wouldnt do it.
its just my opinion though. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 10:06:47 AM | "Lets put it this way: If we were meant to be monogamous, why is it we still feel attraction for other people while in a relationship?"
This is a slippery slope poster.
Using the same logic (i.e. we are meant to do as we feel) people were meant to...
- grab and use everyone they see and can over power as the compulsion strikes them
- take whatever they want from whomever they want as the compulsion strikes them
- lash out and destroy whoever makes them angry
- etc.
Its idiotic to argue that people should not attempt to do something because they inherently have feeling to do otherwise. The whole goal of being human is to not to give into every impulse you have. Even dogs and great apes can practice self control when it suits a larger purpose.
That is nowhere NEAR the same idea at all, to be honest. The fact that you pulled out that ONE piece to try and discredit me is actually the idiotic part. All you can argue with is my opinion...which is supported by scientific data.
Your saying this:
"because people ACT on their urges, then that makes it ok"
NO!
I'm saying, If monogamy truly represented the fulfillment sexually and emotionally of every person, then why is it EVERY person can be attracted to another, and have the urge to be close to them emotionally/sexually. Why is it even "really committed and loving" relationships can have one or both partners cheat?
Whereas, when your financial, psychological and self esteem etc needs are met and in order , you don't HAVE the urge to be a selfish, grabbing, controlling **stard. You are ok with yourself and your situation. AND THE MJORITY OF PEOPLE ARE LIKE THAT.
In effect, if we go by your logic, because a MASSIVE % of people in the world cheat, they must have something wrong with them. I mean, if you are happy and healthy, you don't have the urge to abuse, hurt, or use other people and throw your insecurities around because it makes you feel good. So it must be the same way...if your happy and have your needs met, then you DON'T HAVE THE URGE TO HAVE SEX OR BE EMOTIONALLY CLOSE TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So it must be that almost 50% of us are all ****ed in the head, emotional wrecks, and see other people because we have no self control, emotional and commitment issues, right?
Like I said, you can trust men and women to be just that, men and women. Our programming is not going to change because religion and society tries to tell us it's not ok.
I mean, 20 years ago we could be having the same talk about sex before marriage..."If you have sex before marriage, you don't really love that person, or you would have waited to fulfill a lifelong contract of marriage with them."
Guess how that one turned out?
Yours truly,
The not so Worthy Playboy
PS: It's idiotic to argue which came first, our biological programming for sex, or societies and religions strict code of how and when are the circumstances we may have sex. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 12:42:40 PM | Well love you but probably not be "in love" with you. The decision to cheat on someone is a selfish decision. Giving into animal needs (usually blaming it on too much alcohol or something) and not thinking about the consequences or how it would hurt the other person.
This should be a deal breaker in practically every case. I wouldn't put up with it for a second.
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 12:58:49 PM | It doesn't matter what women think on this. How can anybody on this or any forum answer for another persons feelings and emotions? Many women have stayed with men who cheated on them.
Plus, there are plenty of women who have cheated and still claimed to be in love with the one they cheated on. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 1:07:52 PM | Oh boy, I like this one!!!
Good answer #5!! I have to laugh; so true...not in a bad way, in a human (manly) way.
Answer to question: YES; absolutely, a man can still love you, though he has cheated;
however, we are not animals (literally, I mean) and our brains are much more complex than that of a monkey or bear, and should not act on every "impulse". The desire may, and should (humanly) be there, however, it is the ACT that makes it wrong. Not as much so in a dating relationship, because other than verbally "yes I'm yours only, " and we know that talk is cheap; but, definately in a MARRIAGE... | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 5:01:30 PM | True, we are not animals, cheating is WRONG. It's not WRONG to have more then one lover, **** buddy, boyfriend, whatever you want to do.
It's WRONG to agree to a contract (dating or marriage) and then BREAK it. You should TELL the person your with your views, and your needs...and let them make their decisions based on both UNDERSTANDING each other.
Anybody who SACRIFICES large parts of themselves, or "puts up" with many things that are an annoyance/go against your beliefs at the beginning of a relationship, is AN IDIOT. Your just going to have to "make it work" until it snowballs LATER, into something HUGE.
STOP BEING SO NEEDY YOU HAVE TO HIDE AND MISREPRESENT PARTS OF YOURSELF SO YOU CAN GET AND KEEP A COMMITMENT WITH SOMEBODY.
:verymad:
For ****s sake, when people say "Be yourself", they mean DON'T BE SOMEBODY ELSE. Figure out who the **** you are and what you want. When they say "Be honest" they mean "tell me what it is about me you don't agree with or understand, and I will do the same. Let me know WHAT YOU WANT."
I just wanted to clarify, as I am working on my online/written communication skills. My strong points are more spoken and non verbal communication.
Yours truly,
The not so Worthy Playboy | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 5:31:42 PM | if you ever tell somebody, "you don't know what love is" or "you don't know what love means"
they can never understand what it is you are saying to them
because everybody thinks they know what it is
and everybody thinks they feel it
which is half true, to some limit extent everybody kinda feels love
but to me, kinda is not enough. kinda is bad.
if a man cheats on you, sure he kinda loves you, just like he kinda loves his car, or his shoes.
in my opinion if a man cheats, he doesn't know what love is
maybe he thinks he does, but he doesn't
and if that sort of love is enough for you then it means you don't know what it means either.
you deserve more | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 5:35:04 PM | | YES!!!!! I firmly believe a man can cheat on you and still be in love with you. Sex is sex...... sex is not love. I have been on both ends of this question and yes, I did divorce my husband for cheating; but as someone else posted, there were underlying issues. I have also been the other girl and think there should be no judgements unless you have acutually been on both sides. Some men and women have a strong chemistry, it is what it is. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 7:17:22 PM | | Some men seem so much better at separating the feelings from the actions. The men I have spoken with about this have said "Just because a guy cheats does not mean he doesnt love his wife". To me that meant for them love and sex were to totally different actions. Does that mean though that they "make love" to their wives but have "sex" with their girlfriend?. | |
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clay71
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 69 | |
| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 7:48:37 PM | | Yes it can happen.My ex and I were seperated and heading toward divorce,it was obvious to everyone who knew us.I spent the weekend with a mutual friend.But when I got back I still wanted my family back,nothing had changed. I was taken away from the stress of everything for a few days thats all.Since we were already seperated and living at different addreses, I never really considered it cheating any way. | |
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nmwjmw
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Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 70 | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 9:16:37 PM |
Does that mean though that they "make love" to their wives but have "sex" with their girlfriend? Maybe. What do you call it when the wife won't have sex anymore? Something other than "making love," I'm sure. I work with too many over-middle-aged men to know that all they want is for their wife to treat them kindly and have sex with them . . . more than every once in a while. If you want to be loved, than give love.
And, Clay - that's exactly what I'm talking about:
Yes it can happen.My ex and I were seperated and heading toward divorce,it was obvious to everyone who knew us.I spent the weekend with a mutual friend.But when I got back I still wanted my family back,nothing had changed. I was taken away from the stress of everything for a few days thats all.Since we were already seperated and living at different addreses, I never really considered it cheating any way. I know that once I broke up with a boyfriend (not a husband and family) . . and too soon thereafter kissed another guy - and it just felt so wrong. I knew, the moment I touched another person, that I belonged with numero uno (the ex-boyfriend). And, if the shoe were on the other foot, I would believe that could happen to someone else. So, for me - it's just being honest about it, should it happen, and not making me psycho crazy through a labyrinth of lies and cover ups. If you test the so-called greener pastures and see the error of your ways - I forgive, as long as your honest about it. But, the truer point is . . . sex and a "break" from it all is one thing . . . but, at the end of the day, if stepping out reminds you that your family is numero uno (which, it should - if you are at the brink of losing it) - then . . basically, I understand that family trumps a mistress or a one-night-stand. If my husband wants to destroy the stability and sanity of my children, he's gonna have to think of a more strategic way of doing it . . something better than sticking his penis in random woman. | |
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clay71
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 72 | |
| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 10:27:34 PM | | I do see what you mean K-lo I didn't leave my wife and family though.She left us and never looked back, except to sign the divorce papers. I was the one who went to court and stood in front of a judge and do all the legalities myself. I did'nt move the first person I fell for into my house and into my daughters life. I fought to keep my family together until she tore me limb from limb.It was a 2 week seperation before the big D. even began.My friend who was a long time friend took me out of town because she saw what was happening to me.By that time I was broken.So up to that point it was my wife and only my wife for me,I never strayed. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 11:07:21 PM | My thoughts:
The person that is cheating feels they are "lacking" something. It could be they are lacking the attention they are wanting from their partner. They could be lacking self esteem and need to feel "wanted" elsewhere. They could be doing it to avenge something that their partner did to them. Whatever it is, the person cheating is lacking SOMEthing and are being selfish by not communicating with their partner what they FEEL they are lacking. Maybe they do love their partner, but just don't love themselves. This does not give the cheatEE the right to do it, or an excuse.
Communication is so important! If you need to seek attention outside of the current relationship, just get OUT of it before you cheat. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 8/29/2007 11:23:14 PM | Candiliz - what if the spouse isn't interested in listening to communication? What if the spouse has tunnel vision and refuses to appreciate the magnitude of the problems? What if the spouse takes for granted that they are married and so assumes that their "partner" has no other option but to accept the terms as they see them and suffer through it?? What if the cheater doesn't want to give up his whole family, breakfast with his/her kids every morning, helping them with homework after school every day, eating dinner with them in the evening . . what if the cheater wants to follow through on his/her committments to his children, and experience their daily lives and his/her influence on their daily lives (which have nothing to do with his/her sexual life - - whether or not it's with his wife or someone else - - I don't know how many of you were immersed into the details of your parents' sexual lives, but that wasn't something we talked about at supper time). So, what if the cheater doesn't want to give up the family, but his/her spouse has no interest in pleasing him/her anymore?
What if the only thing that peaks the spouse's attention enough to fix the problems is the fear of actually losing the man/woman and relationship that she/he used to know . . . to another woman/man?? | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 9/1/2007 1:25:13 PM | I would say yes it is possible. In my opinion a lot of men cheat because of lust and because the opportunity presented itself.
I do not condone cheating and would certainly not be in love with anyone who cheated on me.
Brandie46 | |
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