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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 10/20/2007 11:54:13 PM | Wow, I have to say this thread is shocking. How can so many people believe that someone in love never cheats? Logistically that doesn't even make sense. If that were true, that would mean that roughly one third of all married people don't love their spouse, and that's just the number of people who have admitted in a poll that they've cheated. Coincidentally, that's also the number of people who believe infidelity should be a crime. A lot of people are being highly unrealistic.
Being in love has nothing to do with the ability to cheat. It just means you're doing a greater disservice to your partner by doing it. I've never cheated on anyone, but I would never assume a man who cheated on me didn't love me. I would just be highly reluctant to trust him again. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would never make a rule about cheating in regards to my relationships. I won't say that I would never forgive a man, and I won't say that I would. I would try to take in all the factors before making a decision like that. Because men, just like women, are human. And all humans make stupid mistakes sometimes. Sometimes they've forgivable. Sometimes they're not. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 10/21/2007 12:37:40 AM | | To me being in love with someone involves respect and trust and honesty. When a person cheats, they show that they don't respect you and that you can't trust them. It also shows they can't be honest. Once you lose that, I don't see how there can be love. You can still feel attracted, but I just don't see how you can tell someone that you'll be faithful, then break that when you respect the person you said you'd be faithful too. Plus it's been my experience that most cheaters don't go out, cheat then as soon as possible, call their partner up and confess. They usually lie about it. No trust= no love. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 10/21/2007 12:49:18 AM |
To me being in love with someone involves respect and trust and honesty. When a person cheats, they show that they don't respect you and that you can't trust them. It also shows they can't be honest. Once you lose that, I don't see how there can be love. You can still feel attracted, but I just don't see how you can tell someone that you'll be faithful, then break that when you respect the person you said you'd be faithful too. Plus it's been my experience that most cheaters don't go out, cheat then as soon as possible, call their partner up and confess. They usually lie about it. No trust= no love.
By that same token, you would assume that anyone who's ever lied to you can't love you, which is also logistically unlikely. People lie all the time. Parents lie, friends lie, siblings lie. My sister has lied to me before, it doesn't mean I think she doesn't love me. Love and honesty are not tied to one another. By that same token, it would mean you would automatically stop loving anyone you couldn't trust. History says, that doesn't happen. Love doesn't turn off and on with a switch. If a man and a woman have been married for 20 years, and then one of them does something stupid, they don't suddenly not love each other. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 10/26/2007 2:22:57 PM | Can he cheat and still be in love - yes. Being in love doesn't make a person immune to mistakes, even of that mega-proportion. And the same for the person he loves, she might still love him, even if she can't trust or risk further hurt.
I know a lot of people with great, loving relationships that have survived the challenge of infidelity. In many cases, it made their love stronger and better. It doesn't always end a relationship. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 10/26/2007 2:29:33 PM | Perplexing question. Now you are making me think.
Automatically I want to say no. If you love your partner you would never cheat. That is my values speaking though and my reaction to having been cheated on.
In all honesty, yes. You can be in love with your spouse and cheat. It can be a mistake or it can be lack of communication between the couple that leads to needs not being met. Either way though, the result is the same. It damages the relationship and sometimes people find out that love is not always enough to fix things. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 10/27/2007 12:14:20 AM | | I think the question is framed very interestingly. Do you mean, if a man cheats on me, does he love me? Well I don't know, ask that man. Or do you mean, if a man cheats on me, would I still feel loved? The valuable answer to that question already exists in you. So-- if your girlfriend cheated on you, would you consider yourself being loved by your girlfriend?... There's your answer. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 12/20/2007 4:07:37 AM | in my opinion, love implies that you care about the other person more or at least as much as yourself. Given that, no supermodel in your bed would be enough to make up for the hurt it will cause the other person.
Assuming that 'what the other person doesn't know won't hurt them' is cheating yourself. Ultimately, you do a disservice to yourself and what you have together. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 12/20/2007 4:13:03 AM |
I think the question is framed very interestingly. Do you mean, if a man cheats on me, does he love me? Well I don't know, ask that man. Or do you mean, if a man cheats on me, would I still feel loved? The valuable answer to that question already exists in you. So-- if your girlfriend cheated on you, would you consider yourself being loved by your girlfriend?... There's your answer.
True Image, such a logical thought process is forbidden from these forums. Please repost your answer with an impulsive and emotional response better suited to the spirit of these forums. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 12/20/2007 4:26:51 AM | My answer is yes, I think a man can still love you after he has cheated.
Heres my reasoning:
He cheated in the first place because your relationship with the guy was having a lot of problems. So, when he cheats, he is basically saying he doesn't want to be with you any more. You cannot control who you love. So, even if he doesn't want to be with you, he may still love you. This is also why so many people keep running back to their exes... because they love them but don't want to be with them. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:14:46 PM | | If some one truly loved their partner their is no way that they could possibley contemplate the idea of cheating. Maybe Im sceptic, but Id never think about cheating on a partner of mine. If you truly love them, you would have only eyes for them. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:56:25 PM | I don't know
I couldn't (nor would it even cross my mind) cheat on someone if I was in love with them.. I'm just not built that way so I have a really hard time understanding how that is possible. I think because even IF I found someone else attractive (and I don't when I'm in love - other than, "oh, there's a good looking person", more an appreciation than a sexual response) the idea of betraying someone I loved would kill any real desire. I also know deep down that I would be doing irreparable harm on some level to the relationship. In some way it would be the beginning of the end.
But that's me... and over the years I've come to see that just because that's how it is for me doesn't mean it's that way for another. Still it seems very selfish to me.. because obviously one is putting their desires above the well-being of their mate when they make a decision like that.
However.. the point for me is moot... whether the man still loved me or not.. it would be over. I know myself well enough to know that I could not forgive, nor repair that in my relationship. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 4/24/2008 9:30:56 PM | | Apparently but personally I couldn't think of cheating if the relationship has been fostered such that you have emotionally, mentally and physically have developed the relationship into a committed one...then absolutely not...alternatively, a person is either capable of cheating or not bottom line whether he loves you or not. But even if I wasn't in love with the person and the relationship was near an end, I couldn't cheat..the relationship would have to end first. In sum, it would have to be more dependent on the character of the person and less about how much they love you. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 4/24/2008 9:58:03 PM | Bizarre to think of...but...yes...I have to say YES.
HE can think he is in love with you....and hell maybe HE is in love with you...but love, acceptance, emotional needs, physical needs....dare I say intellectual needs... perhaps he is getting some of those needs met by other people.
I have been in a casual relationship where I know I am not The One... despite him saying that he loved me. It is too early in this relationship....logistics play a factor this time...but I suspect he is getting his various needs met by others.
Not a problem with me now that I am aware of that fact.
Glad it is not a serious relationship and it has not progressed much.
He even suggested that I seek out others to meet my needs...lol...lovely...considerate of him....lol
I would be pissed off if I was in a committed relationship and HE cheated.
My Ex cheated, with no remorse, no apology.... I stayed with him despite that...stuck with it a further 15 years...big mistake.
I sound calm and collected and very matter of fact now...because I am older..and been there, done that. I can recognize the various shades of grey in people's thinking.
Not saying it is acceptable. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:53:01 AM | | absoultely NOT. if a man loves you cheating will be the last thing on his mind. not all men are losers. there are good ones out there. there is a difference bewtween loving somene..and being in love with somene. to love somene woudl be like u love ur mother or father. to be in love is a whole different story. it means they are you world and u cant seem to do enough for them. I was once in love with a guy that i nevr had sex with and cheating never crossed my mind, not one single day. he was all that was on my mind 7/24. so no true love will not allow u to cheat. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 4/25/2008 5:11:23 AM | | Yes, I think it's probably true, they might be in love with you and cheat. But, I doubt that they would actually love you, as in the sense of caring about you. Being in love with is essentially a feeling and so is selfish. Loving someone is different and not so selfish, it's about caring about someone else and their feelings. I suppose the important question is, what would happen if they fell out of love with you when the honeymoon period was over, would they still care enough about you and be attached enough to continue happily in the relationship or would they just drop you? I suspect the kind of person who would be in love with you and cheat is someone who is unable to see a person as someone with feelings and therefore is unable to bond with them. | |
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:19:42 AM | Sure, anything is possible, but I wouldn't be around to listen to his lame-a$$ed protestations of love,
after he just committed the ultimate act of betraying it.
This is when my sailor's vocabulary comes in handy, as I'm either 1): walking, or 2): escorting him out the door. 
hnh
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| Ladies, can a man cheat on you and still be in love with you?
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:58:56 PM | What is this "still be in love with you" concept? This would have to assume he actually felt something beyond a groin itch at some point - so my answer is no, someone who has always been an emotional zombie won't ever feel anything, most especially after cheating. Men don't love, they simply don't have a capacity for affection - they just cheat and spread stds at every and any opportunity like dogs. "Love " if such a Holy Grail existed in this world would require advanced intelligence levels for a male, and even a basic understanding of cause and effect.
Yes a man can still have a groin itch he wants to satisfy after he has rubbed himself elsewhere, but don't degrade it by calling it "love" when he hopes to infect an innocent decent human being with his filth. Isn't giving someone Herpes tingles, constant sores, chronic fatigue, fine nerve damage and brain injury for the rest of their life a wonderful way to show your love and affection, or maybe Chlamydia to leave them permanently sterile? Seconds anyone? | |
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