| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 7:00:33 PM | Did you check to make sure he didn't go through your underwear drawer too? 
I don't know.........I think you sent him a message that you're pretty relaxed about your "stuff" when you left him home alone. I'll bet he's pretty surprised that you took exception to it. If you're moving into the relationship phase, you need to let him know your viewpoint on these types of things. If you can't bring up a subject like this and have a reasonable discussion without getting worked up about it, then maybe you shouldn't be leaving him home alone. | |
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 7:10:31 PM | I have just one question......was he wearing your undies on his head while he was searching mapquest???????
... that would leave me feeling violated if he went through my "drawers" and other personal items..but then again I don' leave strangers alone in my home,even if I want free yard work.
but hey.. he was alone , who really knows what he did .. on the pc or off...
Windows has the option of password protection on boot up... you might wanna try it .. keep your secrets secret... | |
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Savona
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Joined: 1/28/2007
Msg: 56 | |
| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 7:11:25 PM | I am amazed that I am actually responding to this question.
My home is my very private place, so anyone who is at my place is either a very good friend or family. My friends and family respect me and so I wouldn't ever have to worry or wonder if anyone in my home used my computer. I am not saying I would or wouldn't care if they logged on, I am only saying I know everyone that comes to my house very well.
Why was someone ALONE in your home that you didn't know well enough to know if they would invade your privacy? I don't think the computer question is really relevant. I think the better question is ...
"I left someone in my home alone that I didn't know well enough to trust, is that a good idea?"  | |
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jana55
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Joined: 5/29/2007
Msg: 57 | |
| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 7:16:47 PM | | That is funny, so you let him in your bed but you don't allow him to use your computer...think about, computer is just computer like all other things...but no fillings... | |
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 7:34:42 PM | Well, off the top of my head, the past three friends who have visted me have all felt it was OK to hop on my computer while they were here. Now, these are all people I've known for years, and I don't keep anything overly publicly accessible (I suppose they could've browsed some of my e-mail if they were nosy). I didn't really care because I trust these people, but still, I would prefer that they'd asked.
As a few others have said though, if you're concerned about someone hopping on your computer, you should password protect your account. Plenty of people think of a computer more of as an appliance than something private. If I leave someone at my house for the day, I usually leave them with a computer with a guest account set up. At least he was browsing MapQuest rather than using Quicken.
And good grief, nobody washes my dishes without company (supervision) the first few times. Somewhere between a third to half the women I've dated seem to think that dishes/silverware with food still attached to them are "clean". If you're really motivated to mow the lawn though ... have fun. | |
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 7:44:37 PM | | Absolutely not wrong to think that way! How long have you known him? He should have known better. He sounds like a pretentious ........ um..... person. Like I said how long... and did he mow the lawn? | |
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 7:51:43 PM | I think that the OP has her priorities screwed up.
She has no problem with him jumping on her the night before (strongly implied).
However, she has a problem with him jumping onto the Internet? Hmmmm.
If he was simply looking at a mapquest page, it's not like he was necessarily going through your personal files, your saved e-mail, etc.; none of which you also mention (but merely imply - where we can't clearly infer such action).
In deciding to let him say while you were out, just what did you expect him to do all day? He's "accessed" you, and you have a problem with his access to your property, which you granted without restriction? | |
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stacj
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Joined: 6/27/2007
Msg: 62 | |
| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 8:03:15 PM | | I would never use someone computer and I don't like anyone using mine. When someone is going to be at my house I put a password on my computer because some people think its ok and to me it's NOT. If someone asked then I would probley let them use it but In a relationship or not it's best to stay away from my laptop or you might loose a arm LOL. | |
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 8:10:52 PM | | Mapquest huh? That's the oldest one in the book. AFAIK, that's code for "I'm looking for the bad things you hide on your computer." Don't trust that guy. | |
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 8:32:55 PM | well I am with the folks that said their computer is just like an appliance you use in a house. I have had 2 boyfriends who stayed over, use it to read their email and never worried about it because if I trusted them enough to stay in my home where theres files and paperwork and all kinds of personal stuff then I trust them not to snoop in my personal stuff on the computer too. Looking up a mapquest is pretty innocent and he told you about it. Didnt it occur to you that he could have done it and not said a thing? How scary would that have been eh? I mean he probably looked in your lingerie drawer too!
and yes Savona nailed it : This is a better question
"I left someone in my home alone that I didn't know well enough to trust, is that a good idea?" | |
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SNK1
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Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 65 | |
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 8:42:09 PM | | I understand your feeling of violation... To me my notebook is as sacred as my diary... It has all of my personal contacts on it... my journal... what ever... I have had that happen to me before... One of my male friends of 7 years just helped himself to my laptop without asking and I was present and then had the gull to question me on my search history... none of his beeswax I'd say... When he left that day I put a pass word on my section of the computer and set up a different domain so that if anyone else logged onto my notebook they cannot see or touch my stuff... I feel that when you are in a relationship and you allow that someone into your home nothing is sacred any more and simply expect the unexpected... | |
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 9:01:08 PM | OP
Before you take another breath, go to your computer and click-on ‘Control Panel’ > ‘User Accounts’ > ‘Create a Password’. “Problem solved”!
In my case, the traditional mailbox outside my house has become virtually obsolete. I receive almost all of my correspondence electronically, including all of my merchant-card and utility statements. I use my laptop for managing all of my banking related issues, my investments, budgets, taxes, spreadsheets, business/personal related correspondence and much, much more. I would not be able to sleep at night if every single application wasn’t ‘password-protected’.
I’d much rather have someone try to fiddle with my lawnmower than my laptop!!! ;~)
By the way... "MapQuest ShlapQuest"... he was snooping!!! | |
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 9:29:32 PM | | I have mixed feelings about this like many seem to. You shouldn't have expected him to cut your grass, unless he hinted that he would do that. If I felt comfortable enough to have someone stay at my place all day, they are welcome to use whatever they like. I said use, not abuse. Perhaps some of us don't see a computer as another tool or utility like a TV, radio, or fridge. It is much more personal a gadget since it performs so many operations, including diary, datebook, etc. I don't think I would feel bad if a woman was at my place and looked at my PC. However, do you really think he was just looking up mapquest? My guess is that he was looking around for more personal stuff..maybe seeing if there is real or imaginary dirt concerning your relationship with him. OP, is that more your concern with him helping himself to your computer? I have no idea what your relationship with him is like or what level you and he are on, but my guess is definitely that he did more than look up directions. Think cookies, browser history, photo and document files, etc. I know not everyone is like that, but most people do have a bit of a nose especially in an evolving relationship. In my opinion..if this turns out to be an issue, you may both share a bit of the blame. | |
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j5rush
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Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 69 | |
| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 9:30:22 PM |
I guess I find it odd that you would expect him to cut your grass, but feel that he's overstepped his bounds by hopping on your computer.
What? I always leave strange women at my house to cut the grass.
Seriously? It's obvious you dont trust this man. Why is he at the house while you're away? You really should set up a guest account on your computer. That way, the men that sleep over will never know what kind of porn you look at or how many guys of a dubious nature you're currently speaking with on messenger.
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 11:04:47 PM | First I must say, when you got home did you think to check your internet history and see if he was on mapquest? If not is it to late to check now?
My pc is a jukebox, game machine, media center, TV, telephone, ect...I built it my self, very much enjoy it and like to show it off.
I have no credit card numbers, bank info or any of that kind of personal information on my computer. Nothing for anyone to steal, but do have some personal things like old letters I saved, pictures and things like that.
I must agree with the post that said don't change my settings.. ..that was great. But other than that, I'm a very open and trusting person , if my home is open to you so is my hard drive Dive in as deep as you want with one fair warning. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SEE HERE, GET THE F*** OUT. 
On the other hand, every person (and pc) is unique. A one of a kind.
My girlfriend (of about 2 months) works from home on her computer. I would never think of touching it with out permission for that reason. I have been alone at her house many times.She has never told me not to use it, but never said I could either. I know she trusts me and don't think she would mind , but out of respect and because I know it is her work, I just wouldn't do it without asking.
I hope this helps.
P.S. I have not cut her grass , yet, but have done her dishes more than once now. Not because she asked, its just the way I am. A one of a kind and hard to find.  | |
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/28/2007 11:16:36 PM | | Some people are really anal about their things, i am not one of these people. A computer isnt necessary but pretty much everyone uses one these days. I could care less to come home adn see someone using mine, which has happened many times. At the same time if im over at someones house i willl use theirs without thinking twice, i have never been told by anyone that they had a problem with it. Some people are just more open to these sort of things. | |
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/29/2007 2:50:42 AM | A computer is not like a TV or toaster oven?
I suppose not. But it's very, very easy to create hidden folders and password protect things that you don't want other people getting into. (If you're not sure how, contact an IT or a teenager. Either will work... though the kid might want money.)
I guess, metaphorically, it's kind of like the book case of your older sister when you're 10. Remember those diaries they used to sell with the locks on them? The stuff you don't want your little brother to see went in that.... where as he could very easily go to your book case and read Garfield.
You should be very careful about what sort of financial information you leave on your hard drive anyhow. With all of the hacks, spyware, and other general crap out there.
It's not even so much that she's irritated at him for using it... I can somewhat understand your angle on that since I know people who only use their PCs for business and finance stuff.
I get that multimedia machines aren't always media devices to some people. It's more the fact that the OP felt that unplugging it mas meaningful communication that he wasn't supposed to use it.
When you have expectations you should tell the person. Different people have different ideas of what is acceptable. (Like I said, I don't watch tv... I'd've probably done the same thing... only I would've called and asked first, and you would have said no.)
Also, fun tip- If you want him to mow the lawn you should promise him some sort of food product. Men love it when women give them food products. | |
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/29/2007 2:53:38 AM | | Of course it is wrong of him to use your computer without your permission but is it really something that you felt the need to tell the world about? Don't be so petty! If you have a problem with it, tell him. Simple as that. | |
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/29/2007 3:06:04 AM | i could never imagine having any sort of problem with anybody using my computer. i've got a laptop next to my bed, a desktop in the corner, another in the living room... and i've just never even considered anyone using it as any sort of problem. i go to my friends house and i want to check my email, i don't ask, i just hop on... i want to play a video game, or download a tv show, or whatever... its never an issue. if you're so anal about your computer, password protect it, and ask the person not to use it. but otherwise, its just like any other appliance in your house. just because you find it special and private, that doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way about it. computers weren't labeled "personal" computers because the computer was an intense personal object belonging to a single individual, it was labeled that because computers then were only owned and operated by large corporations... vacuum tubes anybody? so a personal computer was considered a smaller, more personal version. but in no way does that imply it being under the same moral/ethical privacy demands of a diary or your underwear drawer. actually, its quite the opposite. companies like apple and microsoft have worked very hard, and spent trillions of dollars to change that view. i mean what, you wouldn't want somebody thumbing through your ipod either? if thats the case, god forbid they turn the stereo on, or pour a bowl of oatmeal and attempt to use the microwave.
if there are weird restrictions in your household over your property, you're going to have to limit who is there unattended, and tell people what they can and cannot do. but you can NOT expect people to already have preconceived ethical standpoints about the accessibility of a common appliance in your household without notifying them of any crazy hyper-paranoia that you feel. if this dude wanted to go through your shit, he could have. you gave him every opportunity. don't complain because he didn't lie about it. he didn't do anything wrong. its like yelling at somebody the next day for walking around your house in shoes, without you telling them to take them off at the front door when they walked in the day before. | |
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| Helping himself to my computer...............
Posted: 8/29/2007 3:10:34 AM | | hey if you dont want people using your computer make it password protected or let the person know. You shouldnt be mad at the guy for using it when you didnt say not to if you get mad about small things like that then your always going to get pissed off | |
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