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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > If I say the word, "celibacy"...      Home login  
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 timetravlr
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 26
If I say the word, celibacy...Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you not wanting to engage in
sexual activity till you have found someone who values you enough to
wait till the commitment of marriage. Your looking for a life partner, not
to become someones personal sex toy.
Our sex obsessed , pornography saturated society has produced a generation
of young men and women who view sex as little more than a bodily function, with as
much meaning as eating an ice cream.
Dont be discouraged, you are obviously a moral and thoughtful young woman
who wants something deeper , more meaningful and lasting than casual sex.
I would suggest a dating service for people with similar intentions, or more traditional values. There are young men out there who want a commited monogamous long term relationship and a family.
I dont think your going to find what your looking for on Plentyofish.
 TrevorIV
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 27
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/29/2007 12:06:07 PM
Ah but the word celibacy is over used,

When said to a man it 99% of the time (made up statistic) I just don't want to have sex with YOU, I've met many women who said they are celibate just to get rid of me
 rjpeagles
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 28
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/29/2007 1:18:09 PM

IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK, to wait until the wedding night to have sex!?!


It's too much to ask me, that's for sure. Unless, of course, I'm allowed to have meaningless booty calls with someone else til we get married.
 grin2cu
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 29
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/29/2007 2:41:45 PM
I say it's your choice. But you're 23, so you have plenty of time. I note that you have an ex, so it's not a matter of maintaining virginity.

My own attitude, as I mention on my profile, is that sex is a part of a good relationship. But, not the kind you're talking about: "try before you buy", or just for "notches on the belt".

I'm a widower, and was married for a long time. I don't think I'm revealing anything startling in saying that my wife and I did not wait until we were married to have sex.
My personal thoughts are that a wedding night is just an awful time for the first sex. You're tired, and probably have had too much to drink.

So I think you're eliminating a lot of nice guys. Admittedly, as well as a lot of not so nice ones as well. Obviously, I'm not in your age range anyway, but my reaction would be not to get involved with you if I was. Sorry.

This does not mean you have to jump in bed with everyone. There's a middle course between promiscuity and celibacy that many of us seem to find.

Good luck.
 PardonMeMiss
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 30
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/29/2007 3:01:08 PM
Well, from a man's perspective, all of the kissing and cuddling leads up to something. There are two options: Release or Frustration, there is no inbetween.
 East Coast Hospitality
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 31
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/29/2007 4:20:07 PM
"Would you buy a car with out test driving it?" lol

Would you rather marry someone and then find you guys are not very compatible sexually........then drift apart later down the road because of a lack of intimacy.......

Is it too much to ask for? You make it sound like it is a bad thing to have sex before marriage. Just remember Marriage is just a piece of paper,

For me.......Yes it is too much to ask for......

Being in a relationship involves getting to know each other in every aspect, that includes SEX, I sure would hate to look forward to the wedding night and be dissapointed that you suck in bed.

If you meet someone and have a relationship and you have sex and the relationship ends, so be it, we all have to repeat the process over, it is call life..........whether you had sex with the person or not, you would still care for them either way.

Ya ........I know Im going to hell for haveing sex before marriage. Im so bad!

TO each their own............but it's not for me.

Cheers
 Maisy0000
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 32
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/30/2007 3:22:38 AM
i don't believe it's too much to ask at all...

if a guy loves u and repects u he will wait however long it takes.
 Kazot
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 33
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If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/30/2007 4:23:21 AM

if a guy loves u and repects u he will wait however long it takes.

I'm curious?

Does this mean that she doesn't need to love and respect the guy?
Or does it mean his wants and needs are irrelevant?

How come women can say something like that without hesitation but if a guy were to say "if a gal loves you and respects you she will do what ever it takes." we would see the torches and pitchforks coming out?
 tgif1984
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 34
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/30/2007 7:36:20 AM
I wouldn't be comfortable marrying someone without experiencing sex with him. What if you just don't click in that area?
 cjgregory
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 35
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/30/2007 7:41:30 AM
I would NOT go into a realtionship with someone that I was not sexually compatible with. That would never be up for debate. I would just move on.
There are too many variables. That is not to say that I would go into a realtionship if just the sex was good either. It would not be a "relationship".

Wait all you want. Nothing wrong with that. I'm sure that there are plenty of men who will like that as it won't put them on the spot if they are insecure about their abilities to please. I do think that it could be misleading to naive, goody two-shoe, type guys though. They will think that they are courting a prim woman who is innocent. Later on when his paradigm gets wrecked because you are not what you presented then you will have to deal with his introduction into the real world. It will be very very rough on him.
 Anazdaddy
Joined: 7/12/2007
Msg: 36
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/30/2007 8:03:15 AM
I am celibate now but not by choice..just haven't had a lot of interest shown my way. If I am in a long term relationship or marriage though..and it's still celibate..no thanks. I know sex isn't everything, but I am not going to be in a celibate marriage (unless its something temporary like an illness or pregnancy, etc).
 tampatarpon
Joined: 5/18/2007
Msg: 37
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/30/2007 10:28:45 AM
my first reaction to "celibacy" is to say "damn" and put my collar back on
 PardonMeMiss
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 38
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/30/2007 4:29:48 PM
If she's cute and celibate, I might buy a bit.
 ParisLady
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 39
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/30/2007 4:42:39 PM
Celibacy is fine but if I decide to pursue a serious relationship with someone I would definitely want to know what I am putting myself into...
I believe that sexual compatibility is crucial to an healthy relationship.
 orchidtigress
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 40
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/30/2007 5:00:47 PM
Depends on the level of intimacy you want...most guys need physical attention as confirmation....mind you that can take many forms.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 41
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If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/30/2007 9:07:59 PM
I want to date, I want to kiss, I want to cuddle, and I want to fall in love...BUT, I want to know that I can do ALL those things without having sex, and losing the guy I like/love. I'm not an angel, but I want the option of going through the relationship and not having to have sex with the guy.


I'd be fine with that; the cuddling and so on appeals to me a lot more than the sex does. Though with me, there might be no sex during the marriage either, just kissing and cuddling and so on.
 peachesncreme
Joined: 7/27/2007
Msg: 42
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/31/2007 5:54:55 AM

why is sexual "performance" so important...?


*blink blink*

how is it not important???? do you want to go thru the rest of your life sexually unsatisfied?
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 43
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If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/31/2007 7:35:44 AM
I'd love that, but most women want to "try before you buy".

I personally don't ascribe to that concept, as I believe that most people should know if they are sexually compatible just by looking at how they move.

I've decided to compromise on that, but if I found a really great woman, who I wanted to marry, and she felt the same, and we could be really great together, then definitely. Make for one hell of a honeymoon!

However, I am aware that most men are not like me.

Edit: If I buy a car, the FIRST thing I learned from car dealers was to look under the bonnet, underneath the car, and check it thoroughly over for defects of all kinds. That is a must. But after that, the tests drive is the last stage in the deal and not the first.

FYI, there is a very good reason for doing this. Salespeople are taught that if you put something into someone's hands, they don't want to let it go, and will be willing to part with their hard-earned cash even if the object being sold is a complete dud.

Also, the car can be crashed, so a salesman will routinely run your credit card through a machine to make sure that you can pay for it first, BEFORE letting you test-drive the car.

So, although car salespeople may try to push a test-drive on you, the reality is that for the salespeople, the test-drive is the end of the deal, not the beginning.

The only time is check it out first is with clothing, as I find that the same 2 sizes may fit you differently.

That is why the 2 criteria I would want is to dance with her, and to hold her close, to see how we fit, and see her naked to "check over the bodywork".

Sex can wait. IMHO, that's the last stage of the deal, and not the first.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 44
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/31/2007 8:00:49 AM
I'm sure there are some folks who think it's ok to develop man/woman relationships that emphasize emotional intimacy over physical intimacy. However, I'm seeking an equal combination of the two. Others value physical intimacy over emotional intimacy. It all depends on what you seek, and I suggest not mocking or ridiculing others who don't line up to your viewpoint.
 twisted kitten
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 45
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:32:27 AM
[ IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK ]

That depends on who your asking. If you want to wait, by all means wait, it's totally your choice. Would I try it myself? Nope, I would want to know for sure we are compatible on all levels.
 inkogneato
Joined: 10/24/2006
Msg: 46
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:35:29 AM

having sex before you are married is WRONG


Why?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 47
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If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:43:00 AM
~OP~ I'm a celibacy girl. They can deal with it, or don't. It's part of who I am and I don't feel the need to explain it, argue about it or change it. I'm one of those who did wait until marriage for sex ~ there are many many many ways to determine sexual compatibility without intercourse. I often smile when I read that "try before you buy" crap. I knew exactly how my intimate life would be with my future-spouse. Doesn't take rocket scientry to figure out someone's sexual preferences, likes/dislikes, skills/abilities or even fetishes for that matter. Pay attention and spend some time with clothes on and it's amazing what one can figure out simply by being an active participant on multiple levels. To each their own ~ I don't feel the need to play a couple rounds of naked-twister in order to determine sexual compatibility. (And ~ before this gets going ~ I'd still be married if fate hadn't taken him from my life....I'm not single by choice on that note. PS: The sex??? HA, it was amazing. )
 peachesncreme
Joined: 7/27/2007
Msg: 48
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/31/2007 3:08:01 PM
how do you determine sexual compatibility/chemistry without having sex? i mean you can talk about it i suppose, but then to me that's like attempting to build a relationship online or over the phone, it gives you some idea, but it's just not the same...
 beanzieman
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 49
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/31/2007 4:41:17 PM

If I say the word, celibacy...


...then I'll say the word "goodbye"....
 wld_blk_orchid
Joined: 12/28/2005
Msg: 50
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 8/31/2007 8:14:17 PM
"beanzieman" ummmm yeaaaaa I would have to agree with your answer hahahaha


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