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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > If I say the word, "celibacy"...      Home login  
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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 76
If I say the word, celibacy...Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

I want to date, I want to kiss, I want to cuddle, and I want to fall in love...BUT, I want to know that I can do ALL those things without having sex, and losing the guy I like/love.

I'd laugh at this point, but I hate to come across as cynical.

I'm not an angel, but I want the option of going through the relationship and not having to have sex with the guy.

I'd like the option of space travel so I could meet aliens on other planets, but I realize the likelyhood of having that option is probably pretty small, so I'm not going to bank on it.

My ex husband and many other men use the, "try before you buy" theory.

I use the, ``Why do I need to justify it'' theory.

BUT women aren't cars guys

That's sort of unfortunate for you. If you were a car, you'd have it made, since neither I nor any other guy I've met has wanted to have sex with a car.

IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK, to wait until the wedding night to have sex!?!

No, it's not too much to ask. However, it might be too much to expect many guys to accomodate, especially since you've already been married. It's not like you haven't done it
before and are hesitant to lose your virginity.
 Iced1071
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 77
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/23/2011 11:26:07 AM


IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK, to wait until the wedding night to have sex!?!


Before I marry someone, I want to get to know them in ALL facets.. For all I know you could be a very bland lover and I could be too fun/adventurous/kinky for you and its not compatible..

or you could be some dominatrix w/ weird fetishes that i'm not comfortable with...

If I'm going to be with someone for the rest of my life, better believe I want to know how they are sexually since I don't intend on being with anyone else...
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 78
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If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/24/2011 5:59:53 PM

What's your first reaction...?
I want to date, I want to kiss, I want to cuddle, and I want to fall in love...BUT, I want to know that I can do ALL those things without having sex, and losing the guy I like/love. I'm not an angel, but I want the option of going through the relationship and not having to have sex with the guy.


My reaction is "Wonderful! Great! Perfect! That's exactly what I'd want." I'm not looking to get married, though, so it wouldn't go any further than the above; what's the reaction to that?
 cg43resflo1
Joined: 1/26/2011
Msg: 79
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History
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/24/2011 6:19:10 PM
Not unreasonable but somewhat unhandy depending on what one desires in a relationship---from what little I know (since I am 88 and from the olden days when men had the crazy idea that most girls were virgins) I believe actions of a number of women have brought the 'try it before you buy it' or 'why buy a cow when milk is so cheap' attitude to the foregropund opf dating these days---just my .02
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 80
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/24/2011 6:25:20 PM
"If I say the word, celibacy...What's your first reaction?"

Mine is: when I'm not in a relationship, it's more or less forced on me, and I don't like it very much. My sexuality is a crucial part of my being and I'm not getting any younger. On the other hand, I don't like to screw just anybody. if I did, doubtless I'd be having a lot more fun

But that's just me. If the OP, or anyone else, wants to have a different standard for themselves, they can certainly determine what works for them.
 Morning_Face
Joined: 5/26/2010
Msg: 81
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/25/2011 12:19:10 AM
I am not interested in a celibate guy. I made that mistake of celibacy in my late teens to early twenties and waited for Mr. Right. Sex with him was the worst physical experience I have ever been through par none. I was bitten by a poisonous fish once. I'd do the fish again but not him lol
However, after several relationships that went bust, I had a conversation with someone lately and I said I will not be comfortable with introducing sex early on in relationship any more. His answer was that he was willing to wait for me till I am comfortable even if it will take me months. As much as I find what he said very sweet and gentlemanly, I don't think it will take me "months" and I don't think if the tables were turned I would like to wait "months" either. Sex is a beautiful thing to have when the time is right for the two of us, but if our tempo is not right, there is no point. If a guy told me he wanted to wait for marriage till we have sex, I will not be interested in either.
Yes, you can have you cuddles and hugs and affection without the sex but for how long? Have you ever thought that maybe you were with some inconsiderate guys who didn't give you the affection you wanted and used you only for sex you didn't enjoy much?
 Maureen1969
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 82
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/25/2011 2:33:55 AM
If a man respects you and truly loves you selflessly, he will wait.

Be honest and up front with him with your needs and expectations after marriage. He will need to know he will receive all the affection he deserves as a husband. Just be careful you do not tease him or he will receive mixed messages.

When true love strikes, it is powerful and there is little the other won't do for each other.

Best of luck to you.
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 83
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/25/2011 9:55:03 AM
Not too much to ask...but...entering into a 'lifetime contract' with someone without knowing Anything about their sexual tendencies is a Major gamble...!!!
...
You say 'Celibacy'...
I say...:
"Puritanical"
 boarderdad50
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 84
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/25/2011 11:13:58 AM
I have not read your profile but at the very least you should put something related to your religious beliefs, probably not full disclosure just yet but something. Then as you meet people it would be something to bring up somewhat early on to weed out the majority of guys that this will be a total deal breaker for.

I'm not sure I would say I am waiting for marriage but I would definitely say I am waiting a lot longer than most men and some woman. Part of life is making mistakes and that happens but we should learn from those mistakes and not repeat them. After reflecting on my marriage one thing kept coming up, we started a sexual relationship very soon after meeting. For both of us there was lust not just love mixed in our feelings and over time I did fall in love with her, however no matter how many times I forgave her and took her back she never really fell in love with me. She lusted for me early on and then fell in love with a skewed view of who she thought I was not who I really am. I did not misrepresent myself but she still saw what she wanted not who I was.

With all of that I have learned that while sex is great and a very important part of a loving relationship, it can skew your perception and blinds you from getting to know who your potential partner really is.
 boarderdad50
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 85
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/25/2011 11:18:20 AM
just realized this was a dug up old thread so the OP is long gone...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 86
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/25/2011 12:09:15 PM

SO, ultimately my question is:
IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK, to wait until the wedding night to have sex!?!

Yes -- without a doubt for 99% of the population. You need to expect a lot of brainwashing if you wish to have someone past 21 not expect to have sex before any potential wedding date.

... I want to kiss, I want to cuddle, and I want to fall in love ...

Is it too much to ask to hold off on kissing until AFTER you fall in love? :) Yes, it would.

Because I DON'T want to fall in love, have sex, then for some reason the relationship ends...and repeat the process with another person.

Do you want to fall in love, make out all the time, and then have a relationship end -- then repeat the process with another person, and another person after that? No. Nobody wants to repeat a relationship ending then starting another.

Easy solution: Don't kiss until you get married. That way, if you break up -- at least it's not someone you kissed, so feelings aren't so hard.
 Darkbutcomely
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 87
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/29/2011 9:38:21 PM

It's sort of like when Dave Chappell said, all you women are flooding the market with p+ssy... and the price of p+ssy has plummeted...


THIS IS SUCH A TRUE STATEMENT. AMEN stand up and stomp your feet.

NOW OP this is easy. Tell them you are celibate. The ones who run for the hill well good ridden to bad rubbish. NEVER believe what a man says but what he does. Now if you sticks around YOU might find that you are cool with a sexual component to your relationship. BUT for the love of gawd make his sweat for it. IF he is that easy to get in bed DO you really want him as your husband??? CAUSE let me tell you what will happen the night before the wedding. HE will run around the club begging for extras from the strippers. STICK to your guns. And brush the dirt off your shoulders.
 viper1j
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 88
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/29/2011 11:39:35 PM
BUT women aren't cars guys, and we don't put notches on our belts (at least I don't). Because I DON'T want to fall in love, have sex, then for some reason the relationship ends...and repeat the process with another person.

SO, ultimately my question is:
IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK, to wait until the wedding night to have sex!?!


Don't get all shocked and shaken when you find out the new hubby has a mistress across town then. After financial issues, sexual incompatibly was the #1 reason for divorce in 2009. Only on the divorce papers it's listed as "irreconcilable differences"..

When I want frigid, I'll sleep in the freezer..
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 89
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/29/2011 11:46:38 PM

What's your first reaction...?




My first reaction, you do you and do what makes you happy, but for me, helllllllll no.



I don't want to be "taken on a test drive"...why is sexual "performance" so important...?


Honest answer, because i do not want to commit myself to someone and THEN find out that we dont mesh well sexually, or that he has performance issues, or that he likes things i am not into, or that i dont like his touch. Sex is not everything, BUT, and it is a huge BUT, no freaking way I can live a romantic partnerhship with someone who i dont enjoy being with sexually. I dont see sex before marriage as giving anything up or test driving per-se, but rather an expression of passion and intimacy, and seeing if the shared intimacy is enjoyable enough to lead to more. (or sometimes *gasp*.....just for pure unadulterated no strings fun)
 viper1j
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 90
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/29/2011 11:49:38 PM

Honest answer, because i do not want to commit myself to someone and THEN find out that we dont mesh well sexually, or that he has performance issues, or that he likes things i am not into, or that i dont like his touch. Sex is not everything, BUT, and it is a huge BUT, no freaking way I can live a romantic partnerhship with someone who i dont enjoy being with sexually. I dont see sex before marriage as giving anything up or test driving per-se, but rather an expression of passion and intimacy, and seeing if the shared intimacy is enjoyable enough to lead to more. (or sometimes *gasp*.....just for pure unadulterated no strings fun)


Marry me!
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 91
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/30/2011 5:06:32 PM
^^^^ LOL, test drive first though!
 waxinglyrical
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 92
If I say the word, celibacy...
Posted: 7/30/2011 7:00:03 PM
That would not work for me, but whatever makes one happy, I guess.
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