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Show ALL Forums  > British Columbia  > Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......      Home login  
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 MelBToast
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 26
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
If I could take back my 20 hours, I would. Because it was all for nothing, all the calls and emails as well. He lead me on, I know it happens, I just was shocked at how many women he said he's dated off this site.

And he will not be the last man or woman that "leads on" another person on an internet dating site.
Did you enjoy those 20 hours with him??? Honestly??? If so, then it wasn't a waste. If you learned something from it then it definately wasn't a waste.

And all for him to find the mirror-image of his ex.....come on.....there is definitely something wrong with that

Firstly, there is nothing wrong with that. He probably is still in love with his ex and has not gotten over her. There are probably hundreds of men (and women) like him on this site and unfortunately, they start dating before they have dealt with past issues. That is why people who meet should not be afraid to ask pertinent questions....
 NeptuneDreamGirl
Joined: 11/10/2004
Msg: 27
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 7:43:07 PM
OP, it was actually (the very wise) MB728 that commented about the separated men, but I do full heartedly agree with her on that one.

Finding that right person takes some investment. Mainly your time. If you find out that he's not the one after you've only invested less than a day (in person) consider yourself lucky, and move on. There are 'Plenty of Fish' in the sea.

P.S. I can be good at giving advice, but not so good at taking my own..., lol.
 Sir Raffarott
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 28
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 8:40:29 PM
OP, look at it like a miscarriage. It wouldn't have worked out anyways. Good luck in the future.
 Michey63
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 29
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 11:20:55 PM
This has happened to me more times than I care to admit. But the best thing is, to just let it go and carry on. I don't understand that mentality either...it is not being honest and leading people in the wrong way, especially people that do want a LTR...you think you have found someone and then down the road when feelings are involved, they tell you that is not what they want...I just don't get ....I try to be as honest as I can on my profile because there is no point in lying...something will always happen and it is not always good. My 2 cent worth...
 tballin
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 30
People claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 11:36:36 PM
there i sorta changed the thread title...lol

"abd if they ar listed as seperated , they also are not available"

Compltely untrue in my case, no divorce anguish here, divorce is iminite(sp) i am legally separated and i bought my own house, just awaiting the judicial meeting..woot!

how did this get off topic?
 BOT TAK
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 31
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:56:31 AM

i don't meant to be rude but, he may want a long term relationship, just not with you. Will I do 'til the real thing comes along?
Exactly!!! I'll have whatever until I meet my Mr.Right.......and if I am not his Mrs.Right, then I will be his dating only...........why to suspect the worst thing? People just try to find their soulmate...or someone who they want LTR with

As for the topic of 'sex too soon', I know quite a few women who constantly say they're looking for a serious relationship yet push(yes, women do initiate and push for it too)for sex very early in the relationship. Is it because they figure if he gets some, he'll come back? Who knows...I don't think some of them even realize what they're doing.
What kind of serious relationship is possible without sex? If a woman ready for it earlier than a man, why wouldn't she bring it up? If he's not ready, he'll probably voice it
It has nothing to do with coming back, because after some sex I might never come back. Sex is an important part of any relationship between men and women, it's just another form of connection...not more but not less
 tornado1
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 32
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/8/2007 1:52:59 PM

^^ abd if they ar listed as seperated , they also are not available


I have to disagree......you're making assumptions! Better to ask questions instead of pre-judging someone. I have been separated for over 5 years.......there's not a chance in he!! that I will go back to my ex......I simply have always found better things to spend my money on than a divorce, even though it would be a no contested, do-it-yourself one!
 AV8_R
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 33
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:12:13 PM
There's something to be said here about personal responsibility. You can't find in another that which does not already exist within you. In other words, you can only find that in another as it mirrors that which exists within you. If you're seeking something from this guy, in those 20 hours, and he turns out to be a fraud, and this is not in harmony with you, then move on. You have learned something very precious, and it took 20 hours +.

Also, for you to move on, I would suggest finding something in those 20 hours that you appreciate, honor and respect. Not for (or about) him, but for yourself. It wasn't all for nothing, as you say. He didn't lead you on. You allowed yourself to be lead. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing sinister about wanting to be lead on, to dive deeply into romance. This is a wonderful part of human nature. There's something in him, his profile, in his communications that called out to you. Rejoice in this, as you recognize this exists within yourself. Unfortunately, not within him. So, move on. In gratitude.
 Minksie
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 34
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:37:47 PM
Can you email me? Because of your restrictions, I cannot contact you.
Thanks!
 dragonlady45
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 35
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/8/2007 10:25:40 PM
{Also, for you to move on, I would suggest finding something in those 20 hours that you appreciate, honor and respect. Not for (or about) him, but for yourself. It wasn't all for nothing, as you say. He didn't lead you on. You allowed yourself to be lead. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing sinister about wanting to be lead on, to dive deeply into romance. This is a wonderful part of human nature. There's something in him, his profile, in his communications that called out to you. Rejoice in this, as you recognize this exists within yourself. Unfortunately, not within him. So, move on. In gratitude. } i a gree totally
 cooolbooob
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 36
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/9/2007 5:22:06 AM
I put looking for friends on my profile, but in the body I indicated that friendship should come first then we will see about long term. It just makes sense. Looking for a long term relationship on this site is jumping the gun in the ol dating race, I believe.

I have said it before and will say it again, there is a "kid in a candy store" mentality on internet dating sites. People taking a "bite" of the candy, looking back in the box at that other piece that looks a bit "tastier" and tossing the first piece aside....

I agree with MelBtoast , with so many choices there is a tendancy to hedge your bets. Getting a few messages in a row. Good. Exchange e-mail.. good. Facebook, myspace and a telephone call getting better. Then a first date. Then a second. Slow and easy is the best way for people not to get hurt. Whats the hurry, If it really is the "right" person your going to be spending the rest of your life together right? Let it build and enjoy the tension.
 Minksie
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 37
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/9/2007 8:58:25 AM
Angelwing can you email me please?
 bikesNguitars
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 38
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/12/2007 12:03:11 AM
ok wait a minute. . . . . . . .

I have traveled the world, seen a lot of things, but I have never seen anything quite like this. . . . . guys that can't be trusted? wait a minute can this be true? Well ladies it is true all over, and I for one would like to apologize right now for the way that some guys treat women.

Now having said that. . . . . I haven't always been honest, haven't always done what is "right."

The truth is that we are all on this crazy site looking for the person that sets off the bells and whistles in our heads. Is it possible that maybe we all need to learn a little discretion? Not just the guys?

lol. . . . .food for thought. . .
 Cuddly Dudley
Joined: 10/18/2005
Msg: 39
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/12/2007 12:54:31 AM
our date lasted like 20 hours, we have coresponded almost everyday since, talked about seeing each other again, blah, blah blah, you all know the story. So, I e-mail and ask him flat out if he's getting allot of e-mails and is he still interested in seeing me.


interesting how the comments have varied......some have paid attention to the OP, some not......

HERE is Brutal....(ALSO known as tellling you what you DON'T want to hear...)

20hrs....you slept with him.....FACT ....bad move! it helped create your questions

corespondeded "almost" every day since.....FACT....he did not want to see you, he HAD what he wanted.....you GAVE it to him.

asked him if he is getting a lot of emails.....DUH????? What guy doesn't wish he didn't get lots of emails on a singles site??????? THERE are numerous threads about guys NOT getting emails....does it give you a hint?...oh, come on...does it???? HINT????

the rest of the thread is simplified......if you can answer and face the questions i offered.....

but do you want to?

Your thread should be a lesson, in your own behavour.....learn from it?

Have some respect for yourself, you owe it to ..............yourself?????


btw......you should know you deserve someone that is a MAN, not a scum bag
 Rob_Mc
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 40
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:02:49 PM
I'm sorry this has happened to you, I do feel for you. I think that there are a lot of guys out there who want long term relationships. I know there are some, I'm one of them. But like women, it's hard for some men. I've met quite a few women recently (dating them at separate times), none of whom I am wanting to have a long term relationship with. But that doesn't mean I don't want one. It just means I don't think I am ready to have one with any of them. It's a matter of finding someone you can actually feel like you can date for any length of time. I really would like to commit myself to one person for a good deal of time, I just haven't found the person who's right for me yet. Time will tell.
 SangriaOnIce
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 41
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:32:50 PM
......................................................................................................................................Im sorry this happened to you. I've learned...'whirlwind relationships' NEVER work. You get all caught up in the fantasy, fed crap that you want to hear but are only lines to get what he wants. Its all manipulation and a game. Has nothing to do with you. You're just a piece of 'meat'....a notch in the bedpost. Men will lie lie lie lie to get what they want. It sucks. Many women have gone through this so you're not alone and can only empathize. Live, learn, don't repeat.

Best wishes
Peace
 Rob_Mc
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 42
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/16/2007 12:38:50 PM
^^^^^

But not all men do that. To say that all men do that is to say that there's no such thing as honesty, compassion, or humility in the world. And surely that can't be the case, else most of us would be dead right now.

I know it's most likely just a generalization, but it's one that can be harmful on the whole. I don't mean to sound like a jerk, and I apologize if I do, it's just that "jokes" (if that's what that is) like that make it harder for guys to have long term relationships.
 Wyldekatt
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 43
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/16/2007 8:33:44 PM
Some men, I said some here, not all.....but some men will say whatever it takes to get a woman to go out with them.....which they hope leads to sleeping with them....and then you'll get the speech of "I'm not sure if we're compatible" or the calls stop...or the "not sure we'd be good together" or some excuse...."you live down the block but that's too far away" etc. I'd rather they were just honest about what they are seeking....getting hard to swim through the bullsh*t

Like I said, its some, not all, men.....but a few bad apples are starting to spoil the whole bunch. Now I'm sure there are women like this....but the topic IS about guys LOL

Oh laugh people, life shouldn't be so damned serious all the time.
 thumper*
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 44
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/16/2007 8:36:18 PM

Some men, I said some here, not all.....but some men will say whatever it takes to get a woman to go out with them.....which they hope leads to sleeping with them....and then you'll get the speech of "I'm not sure if we're compatible" or the calls stop...or the "not sure we'd be good together" or some excuse...."you live down the block but that's too far away" etc. I'd rather they were just honest about what they are seeking....getting hard to swim through the bullsh*t

Like I said, its some, not all, men.....but a few bad apples are starting to spoil the whole bunch. Now I'm sure there are women like this....but the topic IS about guys LOL

Oh laugh people, life shouldn't be so damned serious all the time.



I agree...
men will say anything, that suits them at "that" time...
nuff said.
 tballin
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 45
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/16/2007 8:45:35 PM
women do it too, dont lump us all in a bunch
 Mountain Lion 1
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 46
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/16/2007 9:55:56 PM
^^^^shall we say many people will do or say many things if it suits their purpose...sheesh what took y'all so long to figure????

Toronado post 12
<div class="quote">who fit the above description perfectly and yes was considered a player, but when he did meet the "right" woman, he was like a changed man......I wouldn't have believed it, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes!
Yup, seen that too, in both male and female friends

Real impressed to see so much positive feedback from the pofettes

OP given that you stated you are fairly new at this your resentment is understandable however unjustified as YOUR expectoration's weren't met. The man may indeed as many stated before have sincere intentions and may indeed not be emotionally available as he is still looking for whatever he misses in his ex and he may never stop searching, he may however get swept off his feet by someone totally different and forget what he was looking for...the same may happen to you. Obviously neither of you was meant for each other and/or perhaps both of you are not really ready to meet a new companion. Disappointing it may be, but don't judge so harshly. Anything you have learned from this experience makes you a bit wiser.
All I could suggest is keep your expectations clear and under 'control', move slow and cautiously. If you have reasons to blame another for the events you have then you are not in control of your own self , meaning if you feel disappointed by someone then you did not anticipate that and your belief in what could be mislead you. Life will always bring such experiences, accept that, learn and move on, blame does not change anything.

Dating site including POF only act as a a medium exposing you to opportunities. Use them with caution and in time you may find what you are looking for.
Best of luck

 sageb1
Joined: 2/26/2004
Msg: 47
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 9/24/2007 2:50:57 AM
I've come to accept the fact that i am almost nobody's type due to accident of birth.

Though, the ladies interested in me live far away and...

While I can live with being alone, I am lonely.

Though, bars do not do it for me, consider that I am a very moderate drinker.

Hopefully by the time I am ready to check out the old age home, I am somebody's type.

Until then, I am gonna say, "I agree. He is dishonest."
 Robin64
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 48
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 10/1/2007 9:24:15 PM
I have come across this on several occasions, and I find it frustrating, to say the least, I have come the the belief that either the men do not really know what they want or just want sex, and think they have to go this route. I prefer that they be honest, there are quite a few women that just might want an intimate encounter , that would save us a lot of time and effort,
I understand on a site like this, any one can say anything, and the proof is in the pudding so to speak, but Why go to all that effort to get a womans motor running and rev'd up and then , tell her you are there for the short haul, not a long one as previously advertised.Personally it seem to me that they get more out of the hunt/chase then the actual end result. And what frustrates me even more is I have no way of finding out until I have invested time, emotion and feelings in to this person, to be left standing there wondering what in the hell happened
 spring_babe
Joined: 8/14/2005
Msg: 49
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 10/1/2007 9:42:54 PM
Hence the commitment Phobe.and the serial monogamist...........I still think it is an issue with most men!...
 misseyes
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 50
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 10/1/2007 10:49:21 PM
I think it comes down to being scared. They know what they want in their lives, can see it and feel it, but when push comes to shove, don't want to go for it because all of a sudden, it means they can feel again. I've heard this reasoning twice now and it blows me away every time. A guy who is uncertain, should neve get involved with a tenderheart because he knows it will only end with her feeling unwanted and unworthy, and with him feeling even worse.

I think they do want a long term relationship but just can't do it because of fear. Both people in the relationship pay the price in the end.
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