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Show ALL Forums  > British Columbia  > Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......      Home login  
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 jetty65
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 101
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......Page 6 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Its actually common to look for traits in your new relationship that are of old broken relationships. Its like the need to fix what went wrong before is such a strong pull.

The problem is you just end up repeating history and the new relationship ends up being just as broken as the last one.


To avoid the fake long term men, I ask to meet for a coffee first, I had 2 so far that really kept pulling for me to stay over before i even met them. They are now blocked.
Im learey of guys that bring up questions about my sexuality and start telling me of their high sex drive. Oh what a surprize you have a high sex drive. Ive never met a guy with a high sex drive before.

Long term is long term you just want sex intimate encounters please.
 silibus
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 102
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 4/16/2008 9:28:06 PM
Rightious mb. Bang on the nail head. It does suck to go throught that. So people are so addicted to "instant gratification" that they probably never will get to the really really good stuff ever. Sad eh?
 silibus
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 103
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 4/16/2008 9:38:53 PM
And No most Don't do it intentionlly. I do think there are a lot of deprived people here at POF. "You have to kiss a lot of frogs" can also be, " You hve to kiss a lot of Princesses". Personally I think we should all slow down in establishing these things, especially the romantic site of relationships. I don't eat fast food so why do I want to eat the icing (have sex) off the cake first only to find out the inside was even better but she won't let me in now. I still don't eat fast food. And I am still hunting. I can live with that.
 Robin64
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 104
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:00:19 PM
It has been my experience that most men are looking for a very particular woman, and so mark down long term, and they are willing to meet and even get involved with you until you step out of the picture that he secretly carries around in his mind, of his perfect partner. this is why I insist on absolute honesty because I am me, not some one's dream girl, And that is the last point to this post, they believe if you would only be a bit more understanding and do things a bit more the way they like it, you MIGHT make the short list.
 Tiny Bubbles
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 105
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 5/18/2008 12:02:04 AM
Re: angelwings04's original posting

No, you are not alone, and yes something similar happened to me too. Just like angelwings04 experienced, it seemed a promising connection at first, my male POF counterpart and I had mental synchronicity and personal characteristics in common, we both found each other attractive, yada yada yada. But after a few phone calls his little brain (the one located below the waist) began to dominate the conversations more and more. Little red flags started popping up in MY brain, but I was determined to keep an open mind. Long story short, despite the two-faced jerk's profile stating he was into a long term relationship, all he wanted from me was a hook-up, his interest wasn't in my charming personality and wit as he led me to believe, instead he just wanted booty call and on our first meet 'n' greet no less (or should I say, no more l.o.l.). Once I made it clear that wasn't going to happen, he totally snubbed me and I never heard from him again.

His loss, we might have had something special there. I am now a little wiser, immediately after that experiance I put a polite but firm note in my profile making it clear that any attentions from guys who's interest in me began and ended with an intamite encounter, was entirely unwelcome. Being a positive person I tend to view that incident as a learning experiance, and I can't complain, really - in all my years of dating, that's the first guy like that I have ever knowingly encountered.
 satinpink
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 106
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:11:06 AM
I think that most guys just state that they're looking for long term to get some. I dont trust em. I met a guy who was in touch with me 24/7 for a week and then all of a sudden realises that he doesn't want 'long term' anymore. the way i look at it now? shit happens. I dont trust men. And you better watch out
 grog27
Joined: 2/25/2005
Msg: 107
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:49:22 PM
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......

"So I have just been completely "CONNED". To say the least. ...
... Am i alone in this or has this happened to anyone else?"


No, you're not alone. Ask any guy on here who has gone to the trouble of sending emails (REAL emails, with actual sentences and actual references to the profile of the person they're emailing!) only to be repeatedly "Unread/Deleted" Seems that not many women on here are serious either. Just a bunch of time-wasters with unrealistic expectations and over-inflated self images. Mostly though, just too many paranoid people with way too much baggage, obviously here only for entertainment and to waste the time of those who ARE serious. Too bad.

But then, it IS a free site; you get what you pay for!!
 trustmyhart
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 108
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 5/27/2008 3:14:13 PM
I have found that guys say they want long term, but don't want to call you or see you but once a week. I am confused on this because that is not even close to long term. Was starting to think I was the only one till I seen this bulletin. So I keep trying hoping that I can find someone that knows what they want and that are not into games. Just my thoughts, Ronda
 happypair
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 109
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:23:18 PM
Some guys claiming long term relationships are full of #(*)&. However some are not. I was on this site for 3 years and dated many people. Some I thought were the one, others was obvious after the first 3 seconds of a date that i'd never have anything more to do with them. It wasn't until I gave up the desire to find that perfect someone, and was content with just being by myself, that the perfect person found me. It's now been 1.5 years of love, respect, and happiness with him, and am thankful EVERY day that I paid attention to that first email message he sent, when at that point, I wasn't sure I ever wanted to look at another man again. NEVER give up trusting in YOURSELF, follow your intuition and your heart. It may hurt sometimes, but it will never do you wrong. IT ALWAYS leads you to where you NEED to be for the future!
 The PigWig
Joined: 10/19/2008
Msg: 110
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History
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 12/18/2008 12:50:38 PM
Thought this should be back up due to the redundant nature of the thread itself...
 Halokitty™
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 111
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 12/18/2008 1:38:38 PM
One comedian said: Men get married to have sex. Women have sex to get married. How true that is now with one-night stands, FWBs, etc. I don't know, but I still think it's funny.
 You go first
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 112
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 12/18/2008 5:31:54 PM
I'm sure there are guys that really do want a long-term relationship. What that actually IS in their minds could be anything.

It could be anything from the Stepford ex - like the one the OP was being interviewed for - to a he-has-his-own-place, I-have-my-own-place let's just date forever situation.

As long as both parties know in advance and agree to the terms... why not?
 Arkainium
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 113
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 1/17/2009 7:48:24 AM
There's just sooo much negativity involved with 'long term' it seems... Maybe I should change my looking for to 'intimate encounter,' hope I hook-up with someone, and see if it evolves into something that lasts!! (Long term) lol No, lets face it, there are many rotten fish out there, and to find a good one is hard. We should all appreciate the fact that a good deal of people on here just might be looking for someone who'd be with us as we grow old. Yet, why are we here in the first place? 'cus we're single. Some of us may have just ended a meaningful relationship and whant one that is close to the same, others might want something new in life. But if we put down 'long term' as our goal, it just might be that some of us mean "Long Term!"

It could be longdistance, it could be to move in together, what type of long term relationship is up to the two people who manage to find each other.

The point of 'long term' is not to find someone who has many trates in common with an ex. Nor do we seak a sparing-partner, or a dominatrix or, or, or.... It seems to me that a lot of the ladies out here are looking for an instant fix to lonliness, (so are the guys I'm assuming) and that might be great for dating, hang-out, etc.

So, if you get conned into something by a member of the opposite sex - don't let it ruin your day, week, month, etc - there are many other possibillities out there, try the next one!
 WesternWildRose
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 114
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History
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 1/18/2009 12:21:08 AM
Don't accuse me of being Suzy Sunshine here...lol..but.. but..buttttttttttt .. I think that well.... maybe some guys and gals 'Think' that they want a long term relationship.

They 'think' that they are not players...they 'think' that they are not shallow...but.. in reality they get into POF or other situations with meeting new people and it is a bit overwhelming.. the attention...the smogasboard of choices to choose from....who can resist but to try them all .... in your 'Quest' for that right person forever forever!

sooooooooo.... perhaps the initial intent was to find Miss or Mr Right...but you get sidetracked on the way...and you realize that you have to check out everything out there...and perhaps One Niters and Hit n Run situations is what gives you the quick fix and the gratification and it feels better.

the old addage... 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free'... well...?..
Maybe the Longterm Relationship in these times is only 20 hours...or 2 for some.

just my 2 cents.
 XHTML
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 115
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 1/18/2009 6:45:18 AM
WWR ^^^^

... the smogasboard of choices to choose from...


Perhaps what you say is more true in urban centres with high population densities, where there truly is a smorgasbord and great selection of dishes to taste, that is not always the case.

In places with lower population densities the experience is more like going to the country diner, where variety is whatever the line cook feels like making. The waitress announces the specials only to newcomers, "Same as last week, same as last month, hash browns & beans and the other favourite, beans and hash browns."

Okay you know I'm exaggerating a tad, just to make a point, but you get the idea.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 116
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:16:38 AM
This thing about trying to put a "title" or "statement" of what we are looking for her, does nothing but confuse people,,,,of both genders. If you talk to enough people here there seems to be quite a bit of differences in definitions of the same thing. With "hang out"alone, there seems to be quite the variance in beliefs of what this means,,, a lot to do with what age you are.

Now,,when some here put down "long term",,,they maybe looking for it,,,but I ask,,,how do you get to that point????? And "long term" at what????? Dating????? Being "friends" for more than a month or two????? Or would that being intimate for half a year????

For those that are somewhat serious of trying to find the "one",,,long term maybe the ultimate goal,,,but to get there, takes time,effort,,,,,,,time,,,,,,,and more effort. Becoming "friends" first seems to be our first step,,but even to do that sometimes feel a chore in itself.


in reality they get into POF or other situations with meeting new people and it is a bit overwhelming.. the attention...the smogasboard of choices to choose from....who can resist but to try them all .... in your 'Quest' for that right person forever forever!


^^^^^ This maybe true for "some" out there,,,but I would hazard to guess NOT the majority. "Overwhelming" maybe a good word to describe this place if you DON'T read profiles, compatability, interests and just look at someone's gender.
And from my personal experince,,, "smorgasboard" or "buffet" types of anything do nothing for me. When I hunker up to the table,,,I end up picking the same types of food,,,no matter what is seemingly "offered" to me.

You can look at that two ways. One is that I am "set" in my ways, have a list of "wants" and "do not wants", and I am closing doors on some "potentials". Or,,,,if I decide to "try" out different things,,,or different types of people,,, I am now considered guilty of the "candy store" mentality. Kinda like damned if ya do,,,,damned if ya don't. I honestly don't know the answer anymore.
 Arkainium
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 117
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 1/18/2009 9:37:51 AM

You can look at that two ways. One is that I am "set" in my ways, have a list of "wants" and "do not wants", and I am closing doors on some "potentials". Or,,,,if I decide to "try" out different things,,,or different types of people,,, I am now considered guilty of the "candy store" mentality. Kinda like damned if ya do,,,,damned if ya don't. I honestly don't know the answer anymore.


I think the above sums things up rather well... But we are all on a dating site that tends to be just that, an opertunity for us to try out new things, people, etc... In the end, no one wants to be alone, and I'm thinking no matter what you put down that you are looking for, it's probably a fore-gone conclusion that if you hook-up, and then the two of you end up liking it you just might end up doing it "long term" together. (But let's be real 6 months isn't long term, I think that would be called a "Fling.")
 ~FlowerChild~
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 118
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 1/18/2009 9:38:53 AM
I'm sorry that happened to you....I think for some (both genders)....."long term" means "long tern serial dating with a plethora of partners". I think this site can become an "attention addiction" for some and even when they do meet the right person, they keep going out on "coffee dates" to see if they can find someone better. I dated a very nice fella for three months only to find he was still dipping his line in the pond. I ended it immediatly as it made me feel "not good enough" and thats a lousy feeling for anyone. All I can say if that if someone bahaves badly please know its "all about them" and don't feel its your fault at all. It was just not meant to be.

 sylvester 437
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 119
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 1/18/2009 11:53:06 AM
^^^^People on these kind of sites definitely can become attention addicts and some evolve into serial daters in their quest for attention. Thats still no reason to judge everyone by the acts or attitudes of some. I've met many on here that are serious about long term, just as their profile states. One thing i've never understood is why sex is the one area of compatability that many consider taboo to explore in the early stages of a relationship? Would you want to spend 3 or 6 months dating someone only to find out that your completely incompatable sexually? Noone seems to think that attitude is a "game" or being a "player" while anyone who thinks that sexual compatability is very important in a long term relationship is open to be labelled all kinds of derogatory terms.
OT ......if someone is looking for a replica of their ex on here they are headed for disaster or should just resign themselves to being single. The last thing i need is another ex. If it didn't work the first time its not likely to work a second time with the same type of person.
Op you should take everyone at face value and it won't take long to see if they really are who they say and want what they indicated on their profile.Being suspicious and paranoid will more than likely deny you meeting the kind of person you are looking for.
 perfectoast
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 120
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 1/18/2009 9:38:04 PM
Yup, it's happened to me. I think it's possibly a way to get out of something they can't verbalize in person. Maybe they just don't like us and can't tell us. Regardless, it's a pain in the a**. Ever notice they're still on the site afterwards?
 samadongshi2
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 121
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 1/18/2009 10:38:35 PM
after much discussions with my female friends.. we've concluded those guys that say they want long term relationships have all equated to long term relationships with f*** buddie.. that's it... nothing more!
Therefore, I stay away from those as I don't want long term.. maybe short term.. with an expiry date!
 incredible karma
Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 122
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 1/19/2009 11:37:58 PM
well i dated a guy for almost 8 months,,separated for 2 yrs, i should have put the freakin red flag up when he talked more to his ex on the phone then me, and discussions about him getting a divorce were always about how she would take him.. but lo and behold no,,i got freakin taken again, but he was good,, and he loved me so much,,NOT!!!! so all i can say is watch out for the slimmy ones!! sometimes the ones that say,, i promise,, and im one of the good ones,, and i will never,, well my advise put the red flag up right away!! cause after the honeymoon is over they tell you they love you soooooooooo much one minute then the next they love you so much,, they simply need a break to SORT things out,, WTF is that all about,,, give me a break and they say women are dumb,,, guess what,, men have no feelings, except at the end of their penis's,,,, so maybe we should all dress up like a penis and then we could **** them too!!
ya from a little bit bitter chick,, but hey, ill get over it, just remember guys,, its men like you, who make us into bitter ****es, ,for the actual real men that arnt cowards,, and do mean what they say!!
 ByLucifersBeard
Joined: 11/5/2008
Msg: 123
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 1/20/2009 4:32:34 PM
I think there are a lot of people that want long term but opt not to put it on their profile. I chose dating because although I want long term, you have to date a bit first and then make the decision to date exclusively etc. I have met a lot of guys who claim to want long term yet act like they want intimate encounters. But then again woman can be really indecisive too when it comes to what they want. I don't worry about other people though. I think about me. I think about what kind of relationship I want to ultimately have, and now I am searching for someone that wants the same. If you say you want to date and have long term, then act like it. Court a woman, don't take her out and drink and try and get laid. If I am interested in dating a guy I say so, but sometimes it would be nice if a guy would pursue me, ask me out to coffee or something. I think a lot of guys view online dating as a way to find easy lays, and woman too. So they put long term on their profiles so people won't think they are on here for intimate encounters. Also a lot of people block intimate encounter profiles from emailing them, so if you have dating or long term you aren't blocked. I wish people would say what they are really here for. That way people wouldn't waste their time on the wrong people. Saves time being honest lol.
 pro-filer
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 124
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 1/20/2009 6:08:33 PM

One thing i've never understood is why sex is the one area of compatability that many consider taboo to explore in the early stages of a relationship?

The problem with checking out "sexual compatibility" early on is that if you find out within the first while that you aren't compatible in other ways, you have to go get those darn tests done again since condoms aren't a sure-fire protection. It makes sense that someone would want to make sure the relationship itself stands a chance, before needing to check out sexual compability and taking the associated risks. Anyway, talking about one's sexual preferences is certainly useful in determining sexual compatiblity; don't necessarily have to check it out right away. :)
 sylvester 437
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 125
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 1/20/2009 7:58:07 PM
^^^Thats a legitimate point dia. What i said was more of a comment on the fact that what one considers normal in the beginning of a relationship,another may think is a "game". Many women play the game of "looking for long term " when it is not really their intention. It would have been more appropriate to name this thread 'People claiming they want long term"
To all who are convinced that men on here who say they are looking for long term,but really just want a f***buddie, there is no reason to go online for that.Those are easy to find at the bar. If your that jaded or bitter about dating ,try a councilor for your next date?
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