| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/7/2007 6:03:10 PM | I have had this experience in my life, and it worked out Great. I agree that it takes Secure People who are very aware of the terms of the relationship. This is one where overly Jealous People need not apply. Actually I have had this with 2 different men in my life, of course at different time periods. These were men that I had dated, and we became Friends. Yet we knew that we were not compatible for a LTR after dating a while. Yet we also cared about each other, and stayed Friends and are still Friends.
Once you figure out that nothing more can come from this, its a very Safe Place to find Great Sex with the benefit of knowing that your Just Friends. Now keep in mind that I had already dated both of these men, and it was than that we both knew we had already been there Sexually, and that we do care about each other. So it worked out Fine. I am not now in any relationship like that. However I am still Friends with both men.
Personally, I don't think to just go out and look for this person is the same, because its Friends With Benefits. So You would have to make sure that You Are Great Friends.
It is usually the Men that have the Hardest Time with this type of Relationship, I have found. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/7/2007 6:54:53 PM | | C'mon say it like it is.......it's f*** buddies, plain & simple....Been there done that.....didnt work for me. I felt it was same as dating a married man, a man who wont commit, is emotionally unavailable when u need him, u get together at the last minute when he can "fit u in his schedule" blah blah blah, after a while I asked myself who really had the non-committal issue here.......and I ended it, still the best of friends thank God for that, now he's emotionally available to me anytime day or night when I need someone to talk to, go figure...... I dont recommend it but to each his own. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/7/2007 8:07:07 PM | OP there is nothing is wrong with friends with benefits.
In my opinion too many people get attached to quickly without really becoming good friends first. Some women don't mind intimacy outside commitment some cannot. Just be completely open, honest and respectful with all of them and, as a good friend, accept what they are or are not comfortable with.
And it should go without saying that if you have a benefit friend then make sure that she has a great time with it!! Keep her happy. 
Cheers!!
Marco | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/7/2007 8:09:52 PM | | I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all. Not all guys can get laid, but if you find a girl that will trow it at you, by all means take it! | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/7/2007 10:23:33 PM | | Nope, as long as both people are mature enough to know what they want out of such a relationship, go for it. FWB's is the best kind of friendship, in my opinion. If you're friends and attracted to one another, might as well get to know one another physically as well. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/7/2007 10:29:20 PM | It is not something I seek. However, I see nothing "wrong" with it if both parties can cope and are aware that it is what it is....a physical thing with no strings attached.
Just hope /make sure that one of the two is not having a FWB with other "friends" and if they are...they are using protection! | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:34:03 AM | | I don't think anything two people decide to do behind closed doors, which is consensual, and not bothering any other people is necessarily "wrong". I am not judgmental like that. However I feel that these sorts of FWB arrangements don't work very well. Better put, they DO work for a short period of time, but eventually one party either wants more of a relationship (not just friendship and sex) or wants completely out of it (because they fall for someone else, get bored, etc..a variety of reasons). And of course the other party, the one who doesn't want the arrangement to change, is left with bad feelings. So it may work for a short time, then when human emotions come into play, you end up worse that where you started. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/8/2007 11:10:49 AM | | I have had a friend with benifits for 3 yrs and it just ended when i moved. we both enjoyed the friends and the beninfte it was like nothing was expected from the other it was a great friendship he is my best friend now that i moved we talk about or dates and all types of sex i would love another friend like him im hopeing to find him | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/8/2007 12:34:52 PM | | Me personally, do not understand the whole friends with benefits thing. You are friends with this guy/girl so obviously there is a mental connection. You are having sex with this person so there is the physical connection. Whether or not you call it "friends with benefits" your in a relationship with that person. You have a relationship with everyone you talk to on a regular basis. Why are people afraid to admit it? If all you do is have sex and nothing else, then you are not really friends, you are a lay. If you go out, do things, have fun, and then sex, youre in a "relationship". Grow up, get over your fear, and enjoy your time with your girlfriend. All that fwb crap is just allowing to see other people, and sometimes if you do, the fwb gets jealous and then you get confusion. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/8/2007 4:56:42 PM | It has been my experience that when you have that sort of relationship, FWB, that someone always ends up getting hurt. It may start out good and even go well for a while, but nearly always someone ends up getting hurt. Of course, we can't make a blanket statement and say that every single relationship like this ends badly and someone gets hurt.
What you need to know is that women and men do not think the same when it comes to sex. We are wired differently. It's that old Mars and Venus thing. Women tend to attach emotions with sex, and it is usually love or something like it. Love is even defined differently by each gender. This is just my opinion. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:11:48 PM | It is a meeting of minds to enter into a casual relationship, which is a part time relationship, known as “Lovers Without Commitment,” or a “Relationship of Conveyance.” This relationship is know to work when it allows people who have sexual chemistry to enjoy physical intimacy with each other, even if they are not compatible on other levels. It is seen as a way to enjoy the benefits of sexual activities without the emotional strings of a romantic relationship.
Some claim this kind of situation may lead to a strengthened bond and a more stable relationship in the future. And it does allow two individuals to enjoy intimacy with each other when there is still interest to seek someone more desirable without feeling guilty. It is generally acknowledged that a frequent cause for the termination of such a relationships is the development of a one-side romantic attachment. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/8/2007 11:53:11 PM | You are so Right Yeti!!!
I think that the whole misunderstanding here is that others, are not understanding that it is Friends, with benefits. So surely if your Close Friends, that have priorly dated, looking for LTR and it was not there, for whatever reason yet you have had sex with that person. That means that you have been together for a while, and you like or love many things about each other, but know that you could not marry this person. Yet you have evolved into Great Friends, this is when its able to work. Now being Great Friends also means there is communication going on between the two people involved in the Friendship. So if one or the other is ready to meet someone New, than this is not a Secret. It is talked about, and I have found that it can work out Very Well. It is understood that if one or the other meets someone that they think, may be a Keeper, the Sex Stops!!! Notice I said the Sex Stops, Not the Friendship. Also being a Close Friend, You would be Happy that he/she found someone that they were looking for.
Also I would like to add, that this can also work if that Keeper that you wanted to date, was not the person you thought that he/she might be. You can now cry on Your Friends shoulder and have the Comfort of knowing they will be there for you, as a Friend. Also the sex can resume if you BOTH choose to do so. As I said in my prior post this is not for the Jealous Type. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/8/2007 11:53:50 PM | You are so Right Yeti!!!
I think that the whole misunderstanding here is that others, are not understanding that it is Friends, with benefits. So surely if your Close Friends, that have priorly dated, looking for LTR and it was not there, for whatever reason yet you have had sex with that person. That means that you have been together for a while, and you like or love many things about each other, but know that you could not marry this person. Yet you have evolved into Great Friends, this is when its able to work. Now being Great Friends also means there is communication going on between the two people involved in the Friendship. So if one or the other is ready to meet someone New, than this is not a Secret. It is talked about, and I have found that it can work out Very Well. It is understood that if one or the other meets someone that they think, may be a Keeper, the Sex Stops!!! Notice I said the Sex Stops, Not the Friendship. Also being a Close Friend, You would be Happy that he/she found someone that they were looking for.
Also I would like to add, that this can also work if that Keeper that you wanted to date, was not the person you thought that he/she might be. You can now cry on Your Friends shoulder and have the Comfort of knowing they will be there for you, as a Friend. Also the sex can resume if you BOTH choose to do so. As I said in my prior post this is not for the Jealous Type. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/9/2007 3:40:47 AM | It seems to me that even with two people that "think" they can handle it, this notion just opens the door to a lot of upset and frustration. People who are sexual with each other tend to build emotional bonds, and it's pretty likely that there will be trouble as soon as one or the other moves to a more serious relationship with someone else..... Seems more like a "test drive" kind of scenario...to me anyway...  | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/9/2007 5:00:01 AM | Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits? No. It can work for some people, not for others.
C'mon say it like it is.......it's f*** buddies, plain & simple Incorrect, lots of people are confused with the syntax and the definitions. FWB means Friends first, Benefits later. FBs or Bed-buddies are all about the sex, friendship is ancillary.
I've got a friend and cuddle-buddy that is my occasional lover. If we are both single at the same time we have no qualms about having some mind-blowing sex when the mood strikes. We both know that if one of us finds an interesting prospect to date then the sex ends, but the friendship stays strong and secure. We are more focussed on the friendship and place a much higher value on it than the orgasms, it has worked great for us for the last twenty years or so. Even if one or both of us is in a committed relationship we still make the time and effort to maintain our friendship with each other. He was the first person to see my son when we left the hospital, I've been there through the pregnancies with his exes and their children, we have supported each other through tragedies, worked together towards a common goal and have had some of the most fun and memorable moments in life side by side. This is what perplexes me and most other people about FWBs. You sort of are limited only to date outside of the primary FWB other people who accept FWBs. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't want to be close personal friends with a member of the opposite sex while dating a different woman. I can't see maintaining the friends part of the FWB; I'd want that closeness within the romantic relationship. I'd feel goofy if I were to attempt to explain to my lover why I had the FWB or why I feel compelled to invest time in that friendship instead of in the relationship.
So the FWB may start off OK, but this is why lots of people see them as problematic: to most of us they simply are unsustainable. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/9/2007 5:50:38 AM | I agree with lanielynn as long as both parties know what kind of relatiionship it is and no one is being lead on to think anything else is going to happen then why not. Sometimes the best sex you can have is with this type of relationship as you can be uninhibited and just enjoy the friendship/sexual relationship all in one, you can just be yourself for a change.
I just came out of a 14 year relationship and don't want to get into another one just yet, as they say girls just wanna have fun, if guys can do it why not us. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/9/2007 7:19:18 AM | Are you brave enough to be completely upfront with the new person? "I have issues, I am not ready to move on, I still miss my old life, I am only looking for sex" if you cannot look someone in the eyes and say that then be prepared for drama and hurt. I cannot imagine there are many women out there that will be happy being your release valve until your Ex either takes you back or you decide your ready to be a single man again. Putting another person into the role of transition woman or stepping stone is dishonest at best, if you cannot be 100% truthfu. It can lead to depression and most of all makes the other person feel worthless.
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/9/2007 7:26:36 AM |
Why don't you just look for anonymous sex?
????
Maybe you don't comprehend that it is friends first and foremost. The benefit is not an immediate deal, if it happens at all.
It is always friends first. Anything else and you are just kidding yourself. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/9/2007 12:25:55 PM | | I see no problem with such a relationship as long as both partners are fully aware that this is the type of relationship they are establishing. Honesty is the best policy when starting any relationship. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:29:52 PM | Would someone who has had FWBs or currently has an FWB explain this:
Do you date others romantically?
If so, do you:
Tell the new person about your FWBs?
Tell the FWB about the new love interest?
If you don't date others romantically, why?
Just given up on forming long-term romantic interests for the time being?
See no reason to explore long-term romance in the short-term?
I'm not condemning the concept of FWBs, whatever floats your boat, but I think if you have a long-term mindset about relationships, a FWB doesn't appeal to you. Or does it? It wouldn't to me, as much as having occasional sex with a female friend sounds appealing, I think if I got to that point with her, my mindset would be at a long-term goal. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:45:26 PM | ^ I tend to agree with you, Bikeman. (Why is it that when I read that name I always think of a human/bike hybrid with super powers?)
Even if I were to agree to that kind of relationship, it would have to end if I/they started seeing someone. Not only that, I am very close to my friends, and I feel that in that kind of relationship it is very, very, very difficult to not wind up with someone getting hurt, and why would I want to ruin a perfectly good friendship over occasional sex?
I will admit, though, that I don't see the point of sex outside of a relationship. It's not that I can't understand the WHY of it... I do, it's just not something that I could fathom doing myself. Much like I can't understand the concept of "dating around"... I view dating as a search for the "one"... why would I want to waste my time dating several people at once? I'm not Jack Tripper, after all.... | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:54:55 PM | there is nothing wrong w/it as long as things are clearly stated as being as such; not where one person is thinking its the next best thing and someone else is doing their thing..
people are at diff stages of their lives and don't necessarily want to be in a committed relationship; an still want companionship or to have needs met and a FWB is the best way to do so w/out misleading or hurting somenoe.
but if u want a real relationship u should not settle into that sort of thing; if u want a real situation..then go for that and only that | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/9/2007 2:22:06 PM |
Do you date others romantically?
If so, do you:
Tell the new person about your FWBs?
Tell the FWB about the new love interest?
I had a long term FWB. so let's see if I can help you.
Do you date others romantically?
No, a FWB reverts back to friendship when you start pursuing another interest.
Tell the new person about your FWBs?
Why would you? Do you tell your new person about every person that you have slept with and expect them to do the same?
Tell the FWB about the new love interest?
Of course. You are friends after all. | |
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