| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:31:11 PM | | I dont find anything wrong with it at....as long as it stays just friends with bennies...but the sad thing is....it can only last for so long..well i guess thats like anything else huh? | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/14/2007 12:47:59 AM | In answer to a Question that does not seem to be Sinking in, is Friends with Benefits is not something that you go out looking for. I am someone that would Never Put Out on a First Date. I like to get to know someone first. So Friends with Benefits would be with someone that you dated and got to know, and than had Sex and it was good. Yet you have reached a point in the relationship, where you realize that this is not a LTR. Yet you still have a Friendship and you have Already had Sex.
Also if one or the other meets someone, YES, you do tell the Friend with Benefits!!
Also the Sex Stops. Yet your Still Friends!!! Now lets say that the new person you meet is a Keeper, than the Sex is Over. Yet the Friendship is still there. Remember the two of you have already discussed how much you care for each other, but know that it will not work for a Marriage. So you have other things in common besides Sex, like a Great Friendship.
Also if the person is not a Keeper that you stopped the Sex for, the Sex can resume if that is agreed upon by both parties, that are Friends first with Benefits. It Works, although someone that is the Jealous Type, should not even attempt this. However it can work Wonderfully if you totally understand and discuss the Relationship. After all your Close Friends so you should be Happy if one or the other Finds what they are looking for. Also I would like to point out that your more than just FB, as there is not a Great Friendship there. Its a casual date. I find this much more Moral than having Sex on a First Date. And Never Seeing that Person Again!!! At least you have a History with the Friend!! Or you would not be Friends with Benefits. FRIEND'S FIRST BENEFIT'S SECOND!!!!
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/14/2007 2:47:09 AM | | this isnt realy what a friend with benifits is, this would be what would be called a **** buddy. the key point in friend with benifits is the friends part both parties are already good friends and both know they want sex but know that the other two arnt what they want in a long term partner. The key of course is that neither one wants a ltr with the other. Like someone said earlier this is usualy where someone gets hurt, and I would say that the ratio is probaly slightly in favor of the girl being hurt more times then the guy. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:33:07 AM |
i absolutely agree with u . Singles nowadays have no morals and are downright skanky unfortunately i am dating these skanky guys or meeting them but once i know they want FWB i kick them out real quick . Never looked back and could not care less.
The ppl dating nowadays have no morals give their bodies easily. No one i s scared of HIV?
Feechee,
Having no morals is ...
... A person who makes a commitment but then ends up cheating on his/her partner. Anyone who has ever cheated is a hypocrate pure and simple!! That is no morals!! They hide behind a commited relationship like a security blanket they can run to and lack the self-confidence and courage to be completely honest.
If a good friend and I decide to be intimate, but not exclusive, that does not make us skanky or any less moral than you!! You have no idea how much I respect and care for friends and how completely open and honest I am with them. I can assure you that I have morals where it counts.
Anyway, I've got to go for now but I'll be back with a few other points
Regards,
Marco | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/17/2007 9:12:36 AM | Ok...I agree with Marco...moving your friendship to the sexual realm is just an extension of your friendship...enjoying each other sexually does not make one skanky.....it makes one relaxed, loving, joyful and euphoric. We have so many taboos regarding sex in the U.S. that we forget how to just enjoy each other.  | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/17/2007 9:44:28 AM | | ^^^^ We also have a lot of ho's who don't realize that they are ones. Since they demand such a high price (flowers, dinners, commitment, etc) they think they're actually better than those who are way less mercenary. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/17/2007 10:44:28 AM | | If you can get a longtime friend to actually agree to an FWB (people you just met are more like FB/NSA) and you're both adult enough not to take it for more than something that serves its purpose in it's time, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/17/2007 10:56:37 AM | | Well thats what I am looking for, friends with benefits. Nothing stressful.... not 100 % sex based either. Just someone to enjoy some time away from home with and no further expectations. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/17/2007 11:25:19 AM |
vegetariancoffeelover: hmmmmm (scratches head) wondering if those up arrows mean that he is calling me a "ho".
Sorry, no, I was following on to your last sentence:
"We have so many taboos regarding sex in the U.S. that we forget how to just enjoy each other. "
In other words I was agreeing with you. Again, sorry, for any confusion. Perhaps the word "And" at the beginning would have clarified things. My actual reference was to a couple of posts farther back upthread. But you can be a "ho" if you want to... : smilie : | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/17/2007 2:21:02 PM | I don't think its wrong. I used to have a FWB, and I loved it. I knew that if I needed it, I could call, him, and he could do the same with me. It was nothing but intimacy, and there were some nights, that I would go...get laid, then get right up and leave. Then there were some nights, we would get done,and I would want him to hold me. But I never saw him as more than just that.
Which reminds me! I think I may still have his #......... | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/17/2007 4:21:39 PM | I fully agree with that scene. I have been there done that. Never want to do it again. Somebody, ususally the woman does always gets hurt in the end. Women at least most of us have a tendancy to get attached real quick to a nice guy. Then all we are is a ---- buddy to them. Before ya know it u will be watching him walk down the isle. Guess what? I t will not be with you! All you were was a part time play toy. Now you are tossed aside like yesterdays garbage. That really hurts guys! | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/17/2007 4:25:27 PM | Ya been there done that, ended up in a relationship, Not what I wanted.
One way or another one person wants a relationship out of it, No Doubt about it.
I waisted six years just because of a night of drunken sex , turned into more and more and then, f ck | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/18/2007 10:33:26 AM | Hi SugerandSpice,
<div class="quote">It will not be with you! All you were was a part time play toy. Now you are tossed aside like yesterdays garbage. That really hurts guys!
SugerandSpice, that happens all of the time in "committed" relationships at some point and how many times cheating is involved? Really, how many 50 year anniversaries do you see in life? What is the divorce rate again? Let alone the committed relationship break-up rate?
My thoughts on commitment...
I believe that way too many people commit for the wrong reasons and do so way too quickly. A lot of times, it is their own insecurity at play - hence the rush. Society has its hand in this too though. In a lot of ways the taboos force things that deep down many people don't want to do. At some point, some are able to stand up to the taboos while others play along and find other ways to get around them. As for the rest of the people... Really, if two people commit for the right reasons, and stand by their commitment, then that is truly a beautiful thing.
My strongest advice. Really take the time and effort to develop the friendship and, at your own time, commit for the right reasons. Don't use commitment as a fix to get what you want and don't commit because you feel that you have to.
Take care,
Marco | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 9/18/2007 12:42:20 PM | Nothing wrong with it at all if thats all you're looking for.
It works for many people for many different reasons. (Purely physical attraction, too busy, she/he is too dumb to bring home to mom lol etc etc) Sure, some people get attached but many others dont and stay with the "program" so to speak lol.
Althought it ended last year (because they got married) a friend and I had that same arrangement which spanned the course of 6 yrs, on and off when we weren't in something serious, so they can work without complications if everyone is on the same page.
I would agree that alot of people are quick to settle for those kind of things...but at times of your life, thats all you need. WHen u want ot commit to someone, you will | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 120 | |
| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 3:52:27 AM | I have never understood why either gender would degrade themselves for a title such as "**** buddy". This is either gender's way of stating, "You are not good enough to take home to Mom, you are only good enough to satisfy my sexual urges when they do indeed come up", it's ridiculous. What I would like to stress to women, largely because I am one, is that great sex comes along with great emotional ties to someone, yes, sex can be really good with someone, but the ultimate with sex is when there are feelings involved, such as caring and respect for that person you are giving yourself to. I feel the same applies to men as well, we all want that emotional bond with someone, this is when it is no longer sex, it's commonly called "making love". Nonetheless, both genders should have more respect for themselves.
I do agree with "women" majority-wise getting hurt within these types of sexual relationships. Women no matter how strong we proclaim to be, are definitely more emotional than men, therefore, be careful before engaging into these types of relationships, more than likely this situation can not be utilized to change a man's mind, and this scenario will never go any further, this can definitely backfire on anyone.~~~Nona | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:57:18 AM | | I think you're wrong that the woman usually gets hurt- I think guys have a hard time with this kind of relationship & it seems it's confusing for them! I would LOVE to find a guy who is confident & honest enough to have a relationship like this- the key word is friendship, you have to like one another & be honest from the start. I wonder what seperates this type of relationship from a "real one"? If you are friends & lovers what more (unless you're looking for marriage) could someone ask for? This is the first time I posted on here, but if you think women fall in love because of sex, you are wrong!! What's up with the seeking out revenge, you must have slept w/ pyscho's or very young women who didn't understand. Anyone that seeks revenge is a pyscho anyway! Run, lol! | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 122 | |
| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 8:05:16 AM | | No, if both people clearly understand the situation. Sometimes in a FWB relationship, one person wants more and the other person wants to keep it the way it is. | |
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B.Ann
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Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 123 | |
| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 8:16:11 AM | | Friends with benefits?I don,t want that.I think one person would become more involved and end up getting hurt,especially if it was a regular thing.Why waste your time on something that nothing is going to come of it,when you could be with a guy who does want a relationship with you,in every sense?Maybe it,s because ppl are lazy and can,t be bothered making an effort to date someone. | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 125 | |
| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 12:17:34 PM | | Jamiesnotcrying: You most definitely sound like a confident woman, and I commend you for that :) But I do believe you are speaking for "yourself" and not the majority of women, for I feel that majority-wise, women are more emotional than men, and they are usually the ones who get hurt in relationships such as this, due to the emotional factor. I should have stressed, and my apologies to you if I offended you, that not all women are ruled by their emotions, I'm one of them as well, where I could handle a FWB relationship, I do not want to, largely due to the fact, that I want to concentrate my effort on something real and longterm, not something gratifyingly short. Yes, there are "alpha" females out there, but they are a minority. | |
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