| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 12:38:06 PM | | I think that if you want to date and find "the one" it's not such a good idea to have a FWB. But if that is all you want out of life at this time, nothing wrong with it. I actually spent 2 hours on the phone discussing this with a male friend. He was interested in dating a woman until he found out that she had a FWB. I said that if she was going to start dating him, she would not continue seeing the FWB and he thought that "most" women would not be able to remain faithful to the person they are dating if they have an FWB. His reason being that the woman could just fall back on the FWB whenever something difficult came up in the relationship and that the person they are dating would eventually lose out or become just another FWB. I told him he was being rediculous, but he was adamant that this was his experience with the women he has known. I told him then that maybe he should just not "ask" or try to find out about his dates past sexual experience and he said NO that's important. I need to know what I'm up against. So then I basically told him that he's never going to find a woman at his age (50) who hasn't had a past. He said we all have pasts, that isn't the point. So I asked him about his FWB, because I know he has had them, now and in the past. He said, well, they are not women I would be interested in for anything other than FWB. I said, well according to your thinking, you just took them off the market for anyone else to date also, since they are your FWB, they wouldn't be "dateable." He again said, well if they wanted to "date" someone, they should not be his FWB. Does anyone else think like he does?? | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 1:02:31 PM | BDRT, I've had FBW's for the last 15 years, sometimes as many as 3 at the same time. Funny thing is I don't go looking for these relationships, they find me and I'm cool with that, but that's a whole other thread, To answer your question, if he can have a FWB then he better be able to give that up as well, and give her the benefit of the doubt that she could do the same. I've had FWB's come and go when they find someone they fell in love with and married, and I had no problem letting them go. But the biggest thing with FWB's is that both parties are on the same page concerning that relationship. COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION!!!!!!!!
I think you gave him good advice | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 1:36:13 PM | | I'm with you ripeagles... I do not get questions like this. If you are wrapped up in religious morality then you should follow that. If not then follow that. IF you percieve somethign as wrong then don't do it. If you think you want to try it then find it disappointing then don't do it again. It is called living life. Next question please. | |
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washie
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Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 129 | |
| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 1:46:39 PM | I don't think it's "so wrong". Personally for me, I think I'm worth much more than that, then to just hook up with someone and go through the motions of a friendship where we both know really what it's all about is getting laid in the end. For some people it works and hey, more power to you. For others, me included... I'd much prefer the whole package.  | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 2:57:41 PM | Nothing wrong with FWB.
If the well is dry.. and the only choices left are FWB... and the right woman comes with that offer.. then i see nothing wrong.
All that "FWB is morally wrong rah rah rah" don't matter when the ones complaining aren't adding anything to your life anyway. If it's there and you can handle it, go for it.
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Nona37
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Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 134 | |
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U-nMe
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Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 135 | |
| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:47:26 PM | Im no psychologist but I get the feeling that you are still hung over from your last relationship and you are looking to 'heal' from a non committed relationship based on sex.
I know of at least three male friends who are in this situation.. All three are emotionally unavailable to any woman..meaning that they have bounced from one FWB to another for YEARS and each of them state they long for a LTR. They are so messed up psychologically that they cannot connect with any one woman and move on to the next as soon as some emotion is imminent.
Be careful with whats going on with you....there is nothing wrong with it as long as you are upfront with the woman so she knows not to expect anything but casual sex with no committment. ...theres not that many who can do that... | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:55:43 PM | | friends with benefits? hmmm ive wondered about that phrase...id rather find my best friend and then get benefits..right now ive met someone that wants friends with benefits and im enjoying the ride with no expectations...and if the time came when there would be no benefits...i would still love to be friends beacause i care about him as a sweet human being and thats important in friendship but damn id miss the benefits part....lol..... | |
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icartb
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Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 137 | |
| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:11:27 PM | I've been in a FWB situation. This went against what I thought was my 'moral code' but, setting all that aside, there's nothing wrong with two consenting adults being in this type of relationship. HOWEVER, make sure you and the other person discuss this before you sleep together. Also make sure you have your head and heart in the correct places. I don't fall in love easily so I was fine. Nonetheless, some people do. That's where it gets sticky. When I had my relationship, if you can call it that, it served its purpose. However, I'm in a situation where that's not my goal. It's just my opinion, but I do have a strong belief about dating around while being in a FWB relationship. For me, I can't do both. It's one or the other.
To sum it up, you have to have your head on straight, not to mention your heart. Make sure you see the person as someone you know you won't want a long-term relationship with so you have less of a risk of falling in love with. That may still happen, but your risks are less. How did mine end? He started dating a person he knew a couple of years ago. Amazingly, he still wanted me. I couldn't do that because I wouldn't want that done to me. Where did I meet him? Right here on Plenty of Fish. Did he promote himself as wanting an intimate encounter? Nope. However, I won't promote him as a player or anything else because we were consenting adults and both made decisions. Would I do FWB again? Probably not because I am looking more toward marriage.
Good luck. | |
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libbyv
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Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 138 | |
| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:22:26 PM | | Nothing wrong with it if it's what you both want, and I would want a friendship with it. And we would go places together, it would have to benefit me or no deal. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/28/2007 10:31:52 PM | | To answer your question about a friend with benefits. I see no problem with it as long as you both understand thats all it is. I've had a friend w/ benefits for 10 years now. Were best friend first and for most and when were in a relationship thats all we are. There is to many diseases out there to just sleep around when your horney. If neither one of is in a relationship we hang out like normal but theres usually sex at somepoint. We enjoy eachothers company but because of who we are we know that we'll never be anything more. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 10/30/2007 7:53:28 AM | | It's not wrong, it's just not something everyone can do, it's not easy, eventually it turns into something more for one person and I'm talking from experience, I used to met up with someone just for a hook up, after awhile he wanted more eventhough we'd agreed it was a relationship that was solely based on sex. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:50:31 PM | | froggy is a liar. I met with her a few months ago & she told me that she's still having sex with her "friend". She couldn't understand why I didn't like that situation. She said they were both doing it till Mr. or Miss Right came along. There are other sites for people that just want a "fling". | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 5/23/2008 3:17:38 PM | | People have their circumstances to where they cherish their independence. All relationships whether as just FWB or seeking longterm have the risks of someone getting hurt. If one enters a FWB then it should be defined from the start and understanding the risks. There are some who enter such arrangements thinking in the back of their mind that they can win the others heart to something longterm and committed....If that be the case then I'd say don't enter it. In todays world there are so many risks of STD's yet people have their sexual drives. Being friends with the person is alot more safe. I do think sex without some mental and emotional connection is lacking. The question is can you have an emotional connection with that friend knowing one day it will end. If you are cool with that then it is an adult decision to make. | |
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mac390
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Joined: 4/22/2008
Msg: 144 | |
| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:46:20 PM | | it is usually the female that get hurt..........why??? because she is the one who is usually ok at first with it then she gets emotionally involved and that moves the goalposts.....we have to realised men dont think of sex the way women do......its just sex to men they may be fond of you but the bottom line is its just sex to them.........we should all(us girls) be a bit more like samantha from sex in the city!!!! but we just cant do it its not in our make up!!!! dont get me wrong some women can do it no problem!!! and hats off to them i say !!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:22:36 PM | I think it is the perfect way to go after a divorce. I had three FWB and all three were great guys. When ever I needed someone, they were there. It got me thru the hard yrs after a divorce. You just don't want to jump into a relationship after a divorce. I could always count on them to help, listen and take me out. LOL Of course they didn't want anything more then FWB either, so we were all on the same page. Anyway, it was perfect at that time but as I get older I just want one person. Which means I am ready to have another relationship. LOL The stages of life.  | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:10:08 PM | | I'm not sure where the statistics come from that supposedly indicate a woman is more likely than a man to be the one hurt from a FWB or FB relationship. I don't think there's any good reason a mature person of either gender should be hurt by such a relationship not developing into something "more." Of course there are many reasons one may want and the other not want the relationship to change into something more permanent or more involved. More permanent and or involved, however does not necessarily mean better. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it?" On the other hand, if both parties in the relationship feel they can communicate well with each other, a conversation--WITHOUT expectation--could reveal that desire for a more involved relationship is shared by both. I have personally found that seeking a permanent relationship is ultimately ineffective while allowing one to develop is rewarding in many ways and occasionally leads to a powerful connection. I think it unwise to force permanancy, but if one develops feelings and desires them to be returned, that one should be willing to either end it or accept things "as is" if the other doesn't want such changes. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:55:01 PM | Sometimes, FWB 's is the way to go if your not interested in or have time for a relationship .Guess it just depends on you and what your wanting, but theres nothing wrong with 2 consenting adults enjoying some fun together !!!  | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:27:16 PM | i currently have 2 FWB's and I know fora fact, that yeah, one guy i have known several years and we can talk about ANYTHING and there is no feelings of commitment there AT ALL, BUT
one the other hand, my other guy is the one I am (actually have) fallen for, and I have known him much longer than the first guy. I guess it is a hold over from when we dated years ago. Yeah, I know I am gunna be hurt by him , but I got Guy A to fall back on and cry on his shoulder. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 5/25/2008 12:00:00 AM | | Done it, and there's nothing wrong with it if that's what you want. What I found with myself is that I started out only wanting a friend with benefits (I had just gotten out of a relationship and was NOT looking for anything serious) and then while we were doing the fwb thing, my wants changed to wanting a relationship, and it ended up messing with my ability to be happy with just sex. I've also done the fwb thing and caught feelings for the person I was hooking up with, which just killed the whole point and cause some emotional trauma to me. Therefore, I don't do fwb anymore. There has to be something there, something more than just sex or else I'm not into it. | |
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| Is it wrong to want a Friend with Benefits?
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:36:34 AM | | I dont think its 'wrong' for 2 people who can handle it and not let emotions get in the way. I had one for 2 years, and in the end, i ended up getting hurt because my growing feelings got in the way. I have a friend right now who wants to do this,,,,but nope, i wont go there again. | |
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