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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 12/17/2005 8:11:46 AM | | like a few others posted, a psychopath doesnt know the difference between right and wrong. a sociapath knows the differnce and just DOESNT CARE, making them far more scary and destructive. any adult who uses mental illness(s) of any sort, as an excuse for unacceptable behaviour is dead wrong. grown ups have to own their crap, not just keep projecting it onto everyone else that crosses their path. that cycle will never end until they get professional help. | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 12/17/2005 8:27:54 AM | | it is a catch 22 and noone will believe you. my girl went through this with her ex, and you're right...the only option is to run, no contact, no nothing. they're pathological liars and that's just the tip of the iceberg. just surround yourself, like she has, with REAL friends and family, who see the truth and things will get much better. takes some really hard work and she's done a lot of that as well. | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:54:41 PM | cabana boy - thre terms psychopath and sociopath are interchanceable. they are not as commonly used anymore, as they have been replaced with the term "antisocial personality disorder". i used them in the title because they are more easily recognized.
polly - this was not meant as a means for laypeople to diagnose disorders, but rather as a tool for people to recognize patterns of behavior, and the possibility that this is what you are dealing with. it was also meant to enhance awareness, as these problems are much more common than people think. most tend to think of psychopaths as mad-dog killers, but they usually appear quite normal - except to those close to them.
longte - child abusers are at least capable of emotion, even if they are sick and twisted. there is a difference. try using google to find treatment options for antisocial personality disorder, and you will see what i mean. they main problem with possible treatment is that these people are highly unlikely to submit to treatment.
ticket - not sure what you mean... | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:33:23 PM | You're right polly, but I truly believe that after you've known someone for a while, as well as their family members, and they display some "fairly severe" symptoms, it's not all that hard.. Although, could be narcissistic, sociopathic--you know what I'm saying..
I just met someone for the first time last year, and I know he has something very major wrong.. However, typical of the sociopath--blah, blah, would never admit it. In fact, he would laugh at me when I caught him in a major ((but very stupid lie)), and act like I was losing my mind... Honestly, they have this certain talent.
Has anybody Googled any of these terms>? I honestly didn't want to believe what a girlfriend was telling me could be the problem, but had to admit that if it's not one of those, it's something even more severe....
He just moved to Oregon to mooch off of his brother since his step-mother got tired of him living with her for the last 6 years, as well as his sister, who he lived with before that... And he's 46 years old. I absolutely loved his family, which is what made it hard to cut things off, but there comes a point.
He actually still tries to contact me.... just left a phone message less than a month ago and has sent several e-mails.... I just ignore them, because I can't get caught up in anything like that again... | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:22:20 PM | | I was at a retreat 2 1/2 years ago and a few psychiatrists were also there with us participating. We got on the subject of psychopaths and one remark struck me - especially coming from a professional in the field. He said that he refuses to 'treat' psychopaths. Be believed that they are untreatable and played games with the doctors. That was from his experience, and when he said it, he was emphatic about it. | |
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Joined: 1/9/2005
Msg: 181 | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 12/18/2005 11:02:59 PM | howdy richard.
yup, that's the problem. these people are incapable of true emotion, and they are incapable of remorse. most believe that they are never wrong, its the rest of the world that has a problem. they are convinced that other people are here for their pleasure, or to use for whatever they can get. they are incapable of empathy. this disorder is often tied to narcissism. | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 12/19/2005 1:20:47 AM | | I learned that from the research I've done.. That they are untreatable..Much of it due to the fact that they never, ever think there's anything "wrong" with them.. Also, there doesn't seem to be any kind of medication whatsoever to treat this kind of problem... There is a lot of controversy about the cause of it, with one of the theories being major childhood trauma. I know the guy I met last year, and dated for 9 months, watched his mother die when he was only 11.. She had hypertension and had not been taking her medication. She died of a stroke at home. But, who knows>? I think it's a very complicated subjected and they're very complicated and, sometimes, very scary and destructive people. I guess until you've actually truly been involved with a person with these traits, it's so hard to "get">? I never, in a million years would have had a clue, had my friend not suggested I Google the terms we discussed... It sure opened my eyes, gave me a stomachache, and a few other symptoms I won't go into....I'm just glad I got steered in the right direction, which was away from him.... | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:16:24 AM | I would agree with you livewirehere, most psychopaths/sociopaths can improve but so much damage in the thinking processes have taken place that its hard wired them to be that way.
I have dated a Narcissist, it lasted only a couple years before I finally broke free of it. I was completely traumatized by it and had to go into councelling for a year to undue the psychological damage he did to me. I had to do a lot of research on abuse and abnormal personality disorders to try to protect myself from this ever happening again. There are signs though and its important to be educated about them. Here are some of my clues that set off redflags. Most of these though are personality traits I don't really find attractive anyway so I've just learned to pay more attention to them. The below doesn't necessarily mean the person is suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder but regardless of what causes it, these traits are damaging in any relationship.
1. If they are always repeating what others have told them instead of expressing their own ideas. Its important because most of these types have learned their thoughts are innapropriate so are very hesitant to share any of their own actual thoughts.
2. They will slam others ideas if they don't possess the proper qualifications to give it. The only opinion worth anything is from someone who they deem is high enough to have one. Even if they are seeing a therapist that therapist is usually considered "the best". Because only "the best" could treat them.
3. Overly critical especially of spouse. They actually will seek out their spouses negative traits and constantly remind them of them. They will basically punish their spouse for not being this warped ideal of what they feel their spouse should be. Many have warped ideas of the opposite sex. They will exhault them to the position of holy virgin or whore. Women fall into one of only two categories: Evil or heavenly. The classification doesn't really have to do with sexual behavior of the woman but more her all around behavior. The angel's take his BS the whore does not.
4. Complete lack of emphathy. Any emphathy they are expressing is not sincere. Its because they have learned overtime to pick up cues and know its time to express emphathy.
5. Paranoia. In situations when you need to protect yourself against a psychopath this is actually a good tool to use. They do tend to be more paranoid then other types so you can suggest certain things to them and their imagination and paranoia will do the rest. It is suprisingly easy to trick a socio/psychopath.
6.They themselves were abused as a child. Impact of child abuse on a person varies from person to person. However, the commonality in alot of socio/psychopaths is that they were abused as children. I will definately scrutinize someone closer if I find out if they have been abused as a child. Its a shame but its just a fact of life. Its also important to note in the case of narcissistic personality disorders they can also develop due to overindulgent parents. Overindulgence is also a form of abuse to a child.
7. Acts like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hide. These people are usually supreme actors. Some are very charismatic. If they are acting mean to you but when others are around is Mr. or Mrs. Personality that is a pretty good indication something is up. Dr. Jeckyl is actually the closer personality to what they are. The Mr. Hide is an act they have learned to get what they want from people. They will never be Mr. Hide so don't hope for it.
Its important to remember if you get in one of these relationships you are not considered an equal to this person. You will never get that respect. These people feel so horrible about themselves that they feel that anyone who is interested in them must be slime. So they will think of you and treat you as slime.
Your only use to them is a source of narcissistic supply. They don't see you as a real person. They just see what they need from you. They will only do for you what they require in order to continue to have their needs fulfilled. You are a mere tool to them and have the same significance as an inanimate object.
To end it you have to completely stop being that source. No contact. No matter how much they call, not matter how much they have said they changed....no contact. Therapy does not usually work for these people because they lack the ability to be honest enough with themselves to have it work. If there therapist pushes it, they will tend to drop the therapist. If the therapist doesn't push it, the therapist is basically sitting there listening to the person promote themselves and their warped views.
A socio/psychopathic partner will not leave you alone if they in any way still see you as a potential source for their narcissitic supply.
Do not seek revenge against these people. If they see you as a threat they can act extreme because of their paranoia. Because they are so self-absorbed they will go off and find another source of supply. You just have to worry about you and healing you. You will have to learn to trust the opposite sex again.
Its a pretty big blow to realize that the person you love simply does not exist but is nothing but an act. For me, it was actually that blow that made it pretty easy to leave the relationship. I was staying before out of hope and love. When you realize that you've been basically tricked into loving someone its a lot easier to break that tie. Takes longer to stop punishing yourself for being decieved though.
Oh one more thing too. Narcissists will often look to start a relationship with someone who is going through a traumatic experience or break up. They will use their charmisma as the "in". When you are going through a ruff time its wonderful to get support from someone but be careful who you get that support from. If a person seems to be trying to start a relationship with you during a time like this that's a pretty good indication they are lacking emotional maturity. | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 12/19/2005 10:28:37 AM | Great information polly... And believe me, when I started reading stuff like that, I totally freaked out.. The Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde thing was almost the hardest part to deal with for me, along with the habitual lying ((about the most stupid things I did wonder if I was losing my mind)).. I'm so glad that I had my eyes opened and learned to understand it. Believe it or not, I still tried after reading all of that info--thinking maybe that wasn't his problem... So, between the online chatting, phone chatting, and then the in-person time, I spent close to a year trying to deal with this guy.. Yes, it really can mess you up "bad"---
I guess now I know why he never married by the age of 46, and was always living with 1 family member or another.. He also has 3 beautiful daughters, who he was trying to get custody of last summer.. He didn't, and I'm honestly so glad, even though the mother isn't a whole lot better... ((I have to say, I truly miss his step-mom, who was almost like a mom to me, and his sister and her family))... That's almost the saddest part of it all.... | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 12/19/2005 10:40:04 AM | By the way polly, I meant to say that I'm sorry to hear you were also involved with such a person, because it really is psychologically stupifying, to say the least.... I feel for anybody who has been involved with such a person, but I've also learned about the "red flags" to watch for.... Life's twists and turns again......  | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 12/19/2005 3:08:54 PM | | thanks for the invaluable insights sidheanwwyn. to livewire and the others, my girl included, who got involved with such characters, i admire your courage and strengh in moving beyond it and healing from the damage they cause. we've read all of the info. available re: "antisocial personality disorder", not to diagnose. just to understand. | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 12/19/2005 3:14:01 PM | Thank you livewirehere. I can total emphathise with the feelings you are going crazy. The lies and the manipulations make you doubt your intuition. If you are someone who relies on intuition its like poking your eyes out.
I'm not actually sorry at this point anymore though. I learned more about myself in the years since this happened because of this that its helped me in a lot of areas of my life. Biggest lessons:
1. You teach people how to treat you. There is no justification for someone constantly violating your boundaries.
2. You HAVE to set boundaries with people and there has to be consequences when they cross those boundaries.
3. I am MUCH stronger than any of these people are. I wouldn't have been able to survive it if I wasn't. There is no way a lot of these people would be able to take what they were dishing out.
4. TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I didn't want my friends and family to hate him so I tried to deal with it all on my own. By protecting him I was creating an atmosphere where there was no accountability for his actions.
5. Being a victim of abuse is a choice. That was a hard one for me to take. Because in my head I wasn't doing anything to encourage the behavior from a "normal person" but I was doing things that encouraged the behavior of a narcissist.
6. Lacking confidence is how you arm people like that. If I didn't already have low-self esteem he would not have been able to have such an affect on me. You have to work on your self-esteem...believing in your self is like creating a shield around you that these people can't penetrate.
7. There are a LOT more people out there who suffer from these disorders than I would like to believe. They walk and function in society, they are not murderers and killing puppies. They just walk around destroying people on a psychological level instead.
8. Psycholigical abuse actually has a worse impact than physical abuse. Physical abuse is more evident and you know its wrong immediately. Psychological abuse is a bit more insidious. You don't always know its even happening to you at first unless you learn to study the signs of it. In these relationships though the abuse actually escalates. I left before the physical abuse started but there were enough signs that this is where the relationship was heading. There was an increase in destruction around the house. I used to find the excuses for the destruction just amazing. My coffee table was smashed into splinters and the excuse given was "I was vaccumming and moved the table and it just fell apart that way". It's never their fault. He completely ransacked our apartment 3 times in fits of rages but it was always someone else's fault. They drove him to it.
9. These people do not deserve my pity nor my compassion.
10. Not everyone who abuses is a socio/psychopath. There are other disorders, including depression, which can mimick the symptoms of a narcissist. When someone is severely depressed they only think of themselves. Either way though, their mental issues are not your responsiblity. It's THEIRS. If you are there dealing with it for them they have no incentive to deal with the issues themselves. You are not "helping". The best way to help these people is to leave them.
11. Get support and help. Go into councelling, call your local women's shelter, and/or join a support group to deal with all the crap you have been put through.
Narcissists rarely commit suicide however, they will threaten it. Anyone who tries to tell you that you leaving will cause them to commit suicide is not taking responsiblity for their own actions. I have heard, more than a few unfortunately, tell me that they were staying because their ex had made threats of suicide. Once they did leave though I've never heard of anyone's ex's actually going through with it. Twice there were so called "attempts" at suicide but they were not real attempts. They were just enough to get them in a hospital in order to try to make their gf/bf to feel guilty enough to go back with them.
In fact, in both cases of the "attempts" the first person who was called was the ex. One called the ex while in the process of the attempt. They are looking for the person to run and save them. Don't give in to it.
My ex threatened it but never actually made an attempt. After awhile you get sick of the "boy who cried wolf" syndrome and feel like passing them the knife. That may sound harsh but its not when you are going through it. If they do contact you and you are really worried. Call the police and tell them to go check it out. Don't go yourself.
You also have to give yourself time to recover from a relationship like this. You have been damaged and are not healthy enough to hop right into another relationship. Its not fair to you or that person you are getting involved with. In fact, at a time like that you are prime bait for a narcissist and risk getting involved with another. They look for people who are going through a difficult time usually.
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 12/20/2005 1:45:18 AM | one of the "you might be in ems if..." thingsis: you might be in ems if you have ever wanted to host a seminar entitled, "suicide - doing it right". | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 12/30/2005 9:08:17 AM | | The terms "Psychopath" & "Sociopath" while still commonly used are not longer diagnostic terms. The only diagnostic term today, which covers both of these (which were interchangeable) is "Antisocial Personality". These people may or may not know right from wrong...............they don't care!!! There is little or no conscience or concern for consequences. They are difficult to treat and do tend to NOT seek help. Some therapists can work with them. Every match of a patient, of any kind, to a therapist, is a fit, that involves many criteria. It does not always require sympathy or as therapists say "empathy". The therapist may see helping the person as a challenge. He or she is being paid. These are also motivations. Helping an antisocial person is also helping society and that can be a motivator. Helping them requires at least enough empathy in order to understand them. As they improve; struggle; and expose their vulnerabilities; the therapist will feel more empathy for them. If you are involved with someone who behaves this way (thinks only of their own needs and acts on them impulsively w/o regard for others or for consequences) get the hell away from them. If you are married to one, help them get into treatment. | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 2/4/2006 3:54:02 PM | | Hey diggy03, i'm not sure if I agree with what youv'e said a 100% but, I did live with a sociopath for 16 years and am glad to leave w/ my life. | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 3/19/2006 1:42:13 AM | Sid
This is a great thread
95% of the people in this world will never know the true personality of a sociopath/psychopath. Because to know them you have to live with them.
You have to deal with them in the daily basis of thier personal life.
Doctors can't make the diagnosis because unless they have been there and seen every
trait in action and really know that, that person is actually like that, can they say that
they are socio/psycho.
You really have to know a person to see these traits. I mean know a person.
There are not as many out there as you think there are, they are few and far between.
Someone said earlier that when they tried to explain some of the things this person had
done, they felt stupid trying to explain it. Becuase you can't tell someone that has never
experienced one of these people and make them understand what you mean. (as you have
over and over again told people to read the initial post)they will never understand unless
they live through it. You can not explain it, and they will not understand it.
The only way I can think to explain it is to tell these people is to imagine a person with every one of these traits, and they express them daily, all of them.
These people are very complexed, they are toxic, and addicting to anyone that is envolved with them. They are hard to break free from, and they break your heart. Over and Over.
The sad thing is that we let them, cause we don't know at first that they are socio/psycho,
and we are just addicted to them.
90% of the world population are good, (almost normal) people with their own little quirks.
But this other 10% are leathal. Pray to god that you never have to deal with them, and if
by chance you do, hope that you figure it out early. Because, like I said it takes a long time
to really know a person.
Love this thead!!!! | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 3/19/2006 7:28:17 AM | I too have missed the point of this thread.
I find this type of stuff fascinating and often read about it, but I just can't figure out why someone would post it on here. Is it just for informative purposes? If so, then thank you for that tid bit of knowledge, but if there is a subtle reasoning behind this thread, I have failed to unearth it and perhaps my degree of intelligence should be questioned.
To the OP: When Diggy asked for the purpose of the thread, it was not to embarrass or belittle you, but simply to understand where you are coming from. You shouldn't attack her intelligence for inquiring. Doing so is juvenile and only suggests a lack of intelligence that you may posses. Besides, asking questions is how smart people learn. | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 3/19/2006 9:01:30 AM | See what I mean about never understanding.
Over and Over again.,
This thread is to help anyone that may be in a relationship with one the these kind of people.
I say kind, because they are truly one of a kind.
Correct me if I'm wrong. But one of thier main statements in life to everyone they meet is.
"YOU HAVE NEVER MET ANYONE LIKE ME."
These people are very hard to break free from.
They are TOXIC
Someone said "They are either very Loved or very Hated" And if your in a relationship with
them there is a very strong love for them becuase they are toxic and addicting people.
Just look at one of the addictions that you have (we all have them) food, candy, gambling,
drugs, sex, etc; these habits are hard to break, some people need professional help to break free. Others have the will power to do it on their own.
When you are in a relationship with one of these kinds of people you need help to break free.
You can not do it on your own will power. Whether it be professional help, friends, family or sites like this to make you realize you are in a useless battle will you start to fight the battle
you need to, to break free from these freaks.
AGAIN; THIS TREAD IS HERE TO HELP PEOPLE UNDERSTAND
And like I said before, If you don't live it, you will never ever ever understand it.
If your not in one of these relationships, don't worry, you probably will never be, but if you do end up with one of these people if the future, will now have the knowledge from this thead
to realize the traits and hopefully get out early, before you are mentally or physically indured for life.
This is a great thread Sid THANKS | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 3/20/2006 10:18:18 PM | | ^^^ you're welcome. i have run into so many people who fit this profile that i thought it would be informative - not only the profile, but also estimates of how common this disorder really is. pretty scary that it's so common. more than one out of ten people... when most people think about this kind of person, they tend to think of them as being a rare aberration, rather than a common personality type. they don't all kill people, but they can leave a swathe of devastation in their wake wherever they go. if someone reads this and doesn't get it, then i really don't care. i don't have any emotional investment in this thread. i just put it out there in the hope that someone would see it and maybe more able to recognize if they are dealing with this kind of person. | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 3/21/2006 8:04:37 PM | Kinda funny thing about mental disorders. Say you take a class on psychology, and discuss mental disorders. One of the great challenges is avoiding the urge to see certain studied traits in yourself, and diagnose yourself as having some version of "WTF is wrong with me" syndrome.
My mom worked for a prominent psychiatrist in Houston for many years, and diagnosed one of my ex roommates as sociopathic. I got him a job where I was working; I ended up riding my bike to work frequently because even though we were supposed to ride together, my truck would be gone when I was ready to leave because he'd take it to visit people or take road trips. He'd skip work, get fired and rehired over and over because he had this overwhelming charisma and even hardnosed people just forgave him for everything. He'd run multiple girlfriends, and go on shopping sprees with their credit cards. This was him on a daily basis; totally impulsive, no restraint or worries about consequences, no concern for other's needs or property. And yet he could walk up to strangers and have them in the palm of his hand like they were old friends in just minutes. He was the master of guilt trips; blame him for anything, however reasonable, and he'd make you feel bad for opening your mouth.
So, that's my concept of a sociopath. I'm sure there are many people out there who's version of this condition (disease) is much worse.
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Just my .02; glad to discuss it, and I've no concern as to why this thread was started; I think it's great.
PS: SIIIIIIIID!! Haven't heard from you in forever! Whassup? How's life with Giggleparts? | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 3/21/2006 11:31:52 PM | | howdy, bart. was wondering where you went. we are just fine, and are now the proud parents of two cats and three ferrets. he's back in the forums now that we have the internet at home. i mostly play on it at work in between calls. | |
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| characteristics of a sociopath/psychopath
Posted: 3/22/2006 5:13:28 PM | Hmm, forum rules say no chatting, but...
Been working like a dog lately. I can't give up POF for too long of spells tho'.
OT: um... psychopaths... suck.
peace | |
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