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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 8:06:49 AM | I have been in relationships where my income and lifestyle were shall we say ~different~ than my mates. Here is the problem...I am not going to give up having or doing the things I am accustomed to because me paying for them makes you uncomfortable.
So being concerned with a mans income is not because I want them to support me, it is because I have seen them get upset when I support myself.
does that make any sense? | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 8:07:29 AM | | Let me put in my 2cents worth.....Absolutely, money is important! I am not looking to have someone take care of me financially. I have a great job, am well-educated, own my own home, am financially secure. Now, don't I deserve to have someone in my life that is financially secure also? My lifestyle includes some things that require a discretionary income...travel, for example. The way I approach it, income is a a marker of sorts for common values and interests. Hard to be planning that trip to Europe when you don't know how the rent is going to be paid this month! And at my age, it would be irresponsible to not have concerns about financial stability. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 8:48:13 AM | I think the accumulation of wealth, possessions and financial security is important to many people -- I don't see it as gender specific, nor good or bad one way or the other. I used to work and be part of the world of many people like this. And although my artistic/bohemian temperment made it so I eventually had to leave that world, they were good years that I spent with very good people. Their focus was different than mine. Their lives were different than mine. And their view of their control over their own future was different than mine. But they did not live a lifestyle that really worked too well with what I look for in life. So when I pass these people in life and in here at POF, I try to be courteous, understand them for who they are, and then continue walking until I meet someone who I can identify with. I think there will always be people who place a great importance in material things (two of my best friends are such people) and those that don’t feel that same importance (such as myself) – plus all the grey areas in-between. And the best way to find the type of person that suits you best is to talk to them – send a few e-mails back and forth, talk about things that interest you, maybe take it to telephone conversation before you actually date them. And there’s nothing wrong with saying that you are two different people, happy in your lives, but probably not the best ‘match’ for anything more than friendship. Rather than just dating a face, wait just a bit till you can date who’s behind the face. Usually peoples' attitudes about material things show quite clearly, quite soon.
cdn guy | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 8:57:13 AM | In my humble opinion, I am not in total amazement. Frankly, it depends on the woman. I pay my own bills and expect the man to pay his own. If I go out on a date, I don't mind going "dutch"....I have been that way since I started dating wayyyyyyyyy back when - my father didn't like it, but I told him it wasn't fair that the guy pay all the time.....I have carried this with me throughout my life.
There's money and there's MONEY - and alas, I didnt win the lottery last nite, so I have money - not MONEY.
I think we (yes, I said "we") sometimes make bad choices when we pick a partner - we don't see what's right in front of us - if she's in it for you to support her - dump her. Our "true selves" do show up, and it's up to us to go into a relationship with our eyes wide open, or we're in for a rude awakening - not all the time, but some of the time.
And, oh, as far as the vehicle goes....I drive a 2000 Ford Ranger, single cab - it's a mode of transportation - it gets me to work - I'd rather spend my money on other things.
No offense intended. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 9:23:28 AM | As we log into POF from day to day, we see these pop-up advertisements referring to the other affiliated dating sites. There are sites for single parents, blacks, and yes, that inoccuous site called Sugardaddy.
Because I was not meeting many members on POF who were my age, retired in their 50's, and snow skiing lovers, I wondered if there was an economic reason behind my lack of success - POF women on average simply lacking the economic resources to develop outdoor activities that call for an annual investment exceeding several thousand dollars.
So last night I Googled "Sugardaddy" and the first site to come up was something called "millionairematch.com", probably not the exact POF affiliate.
Just to check it out on a lark, I went there and registered with the proviso that if they did not consider me to be a millionaire, I would immediately withdraw. There are rules concerning certification. A millionaire in their view is one who has an annual income exceeding $150K US or a net worth of over $1 million dollars US.
Being retired with all my capital in the hands of my ex-employer's pension fund, I meet neither criteria, but I have asked them to evalutate my unique situation, as with the Rick Rockwell of Darva Conger fame, a (multi) millionaire can be measured using many different, and highly suspect, yardsticks.
So for fun I began to read the profiles of their women and the texts are quite different from what you find at POF. These women come across as no nonsense, cool headed ladies, and so far, I can't tell if any of them ski. I even see a few photos there that appeared also in POF.
So POF men, if you believe that POF women are so money oriented, go check out that millionaire site and I believe you will be thankful you don't swim in that pool.
As for whether money makes or breaks a relationship, I remember that sex and money are the leading cause of first divorces.
So I guess deep down, everybody has some kind of financial insecurity that they mask to one extent or another. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 9:29:28 AM | If all you attract are women who want to crawl into your wallet, then the common denominator is you, and not all women. There are many financially responsible and solvent people who are seeking the same in a mate, just as there will also be parasites (MALE and female) that are looking for a host. Apparently being financially responsible must matter a little to you, too; otherwise, why would you complain that that all women are just looking for a “comfortable retirement”? After all, as long as a potential suitor has what “counts” (i.e., looks, personality, etc.), who cares if they want a free ride? Or are you inferring that you do not bring as much lucre and coinage to the table as the women you pursue, and are, thus, being rejected? If so, then perhaps you would have better success with women who have a similar lifestyle and outlook to your own.
When we are younger, we have our entire life ahead of us to work toward financial security and retirement. However, this window of opportunity shrinks as we age. To expect responsible and hard-working older folks to blindly overlook the financial responsibility of a potential partner in exchange for their “looks, personality, etc.” is being unrealistic, IMO. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 9:30:31 AM | If someone wants to give me a bunch of money, I sure wouldn't say "no"!
Send me an email, I'll tell ya where to send it. 
As for a relationship... I only care that we can survive and have no debts. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 11:30:20 AM | I am fairly amazed that a person of either sex would find themselves shocked that someone they are dating wants to be sure they are financially responsible. I do think, however, that there is indeed a difference between that and feeling like one is being taken for a "ride" . That would include the area of money as well as sex and a few others. It seems to me that if you find yourself being grilled about your income during the first few months it might be time to take a closer look at said relationship. We are all out there looking for something or we wouldn't be at this site. I think you have to use some wisdom about the kind of person you are looking for and evaluate any potential relationship in the light of your own criteria. It would be nice if the things that aggravate us about others could be as easily figured out as "do you smoke"...unfortunately most times this just isn't the case. I think most of us are willing to overlook some differences in activity or interests, but at the same time we are attempting to find someone as close to our own ideal as possible. I also think that by the time a person passes 45 and is still single or single again, that one has had the time to really think about the qualities that are important to them. I don't think that all women are looking for a wallet with legs, any more than I believe that all men are only interested in sex. But let us also admit at least to ourselves that there are those few out there who do fit those catagories.
ok...someone help me down from this soapbox now, please! | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 11:30:37 AM | | It wasn't long ago that men routinely provided for their families, wives bringing in no money at all. Women wanted the choice to work, and they have it now. The expectation remains that a man pay for things, and if he takes a penny from a woman he is scum. Women have no problem accepting men's generosity. It is another example of the insanity that has resulted from women's liberation. Despite the obvious justice of gender equity, social habits and attitudes change more slowly. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 12:49:44 PM | I am afraid I will have to disagree with your statement jpt2.
It is not about women accepting money from men. It is more the fact that most single women take care of themselves and their children on their own. In today's world it is a struggle, especially for single mothers, to make ends meet. However, most of the time they manage.
What we do not want is someone coming along tilting that delicate balance. There are just as many men as women who are looking for a "free ride", or close to it. My stand on income is not the income - it is the man working. I do not care if he digs a ditch for a living as long as he can take care of himself and is not looking for someone to supplement his income or help him retire early (because he thinks he deserves to quit work at 50-something and let the woman work).
Anyway, just my 2 cents. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 1:29:24 PM | Here's how I, personally, look at it:
I have a tiny/sufficient income
He has a tiny/sufficient income
We combine it and .... oh good,
we now have a medium income and that leaves us extra for some fun things.
Sounds good to me. Uncomplicated. No stress, no mess. lol
~smile~
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 1:49:20 PM | OP - is money any more important to ladies than looks are to a man? Get real here, the topic of money and looks has been beaten to death on POF. Seriously men, what do you really mean by money? Is it the size of one's bank account? Is it someone who can pay their bills on the income they make? Is it one who can live within their means? Is it one who has goals in their life where eventually they can live not just survive? Is it alo the ability to pay all obligations (child support, taxes, etc)?
Yeah, I may "love" my mortgage company, but guess what? If I don't pay them with money, all the "love" in the world isn't going to keep the from foreclosing. Same thing with being able to put food on the table, obtaining medical care, and living in a safe environment. Folks, we are hard wired to some extent when it comes to money and looks. You'd better believe a woman wants a mate who is secure financially. That doesn't require being a CEO of a company making mega millions. What security and financial freedom does provide is more choices in life, than living in the streets. Likewise, men prefer to marry women who are healthy and attractive.
Perhaps in my early 20's, I felt time was on my side when it meant taking risks with money, or getting married when we both made minimum wage (which we did in 1977). Fast forward to the half century mark in my life, I don't feel I can "risk" dating a man, much less marrying a man who lives on the street or lives with Mom and has no income. I want a man in my life, where we are on the same page financially. Where we have a positive attitude about money, where we can discuss money (openly & freely), where we live below our means, and also where we have good/sound financial goals. Also being able to get through life without worrying about bills. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 1:58:21 PM | | If you lost your job, your savings, your income, whatever the source, and were forced then for a time to be poor, work your way back, do you politely excuse yourself from romance until you have recovered the illusion of financial security? If you are married and for some reason need time off from work, no longer bringing home a paycheck, do you file for divorce since you have threatened the delicate bank balance? | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 2:00:11 PM | Is the AIR that you breathe that important? You normally wouldn't give it much thought, but you'd sure notice if it were suddenly gone, wouldn't you?
When we're young, we despise all things materialistic. We're above it. We're better. We're immportal, invincible, and we're DIFFERENT.
Then, we get out into the big bad world. We get judged by it. We get measured based upon how much we can GIVE - or how much can be taken from us.
After a few years we get really tired of having to deal with all these people preoccupied with all that "materialistic" stuff.
That's when we start the wishful thinking of "wouldn't it be nice to just have all these $$ worries just disappear and not have to deal with that crap EVERY. SINGLE.DAY." | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 2:45:56 PM |
If you lost your job, your savings, your income, whatever the source, and were forced then for a time to be poor, work your way back, do you politely excuse yourself from romance until you have recovered the illusion of financial security? If you are married and for some reason need time off from work, no longer bringing home a paycheck, do you file for divorce since you have threatened the delicate bank balance?
First of all, financial security is not an illusion. I believe most of us have been through "tough times" financially by the time we reach 45. As far as filing for divorce because of financial reasons, that is ridiculous. You pick up the pieces, and continue to love your spouse, even if it means taking on a second job. That is reality.
Maybe some of you have been burnt financially by the opposite sex but that doesn't mean all or most are like that.
Then there are those who have plenty of money and are afraid to spend a few bucks to go out, or want everything to be dutch treat. If I were on a date and had the money and wanted to go someplace nice to eat, I have no objection to paying for both or one of the meals. The key is to live within your budget.
Of course, there are always unusual circumstances, but if you have someone, male or female, who have a pattern of never working, or living beyond their means, that is a red flag to me. JMO | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 4:21:41 PM | OP:Yup & Nope
Like Frau posted you become the common denominator depending
on your entourage of denominations .
And like AW.... I red flag deadbeats.
OOPS...time for a commercial...."What's in your wallet?"
Skunkster | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 4:57:57 PM | I don't feel money is the most important thing in the world. But I certainly respect it.
It's kind of a red flag to me to hear anyone say it's not important.
One thing about money is, for most of us, it is earned. Looks and personality aren't necessarily "earned". They're important too, but I wouldn't "pay" for them.
Some say that the Golden Rule is "whoever has the gold, rules".
I wouldn't go that far, lol. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 5:41:24 PM | Did any of you guys who are complaining that she is only interested in your money ever consider that maybe she just used the money thing so that she doesn't have to tell you that you have body odor, talk loudly in public, make fun of her religious beliefs, ridicule her political stance or lied to her about your age?
Wanting financial stability in a man is not the equivalent of being a gold digger.
I was married to a guy who always complained about what things cost, although he would not let me work. I don't need that now. I had nearly everything taken from me by a man I trusted, who had nothing when I met him. I am much more careful now. I don't ask how much a man has, but I will pay atention to the things he says about money. His attitude toward it is the big tip off. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 7:11:51 PM | | Maybe you have been attracting the wrong women. I am not "into" money. I can not be bought by a man. Most men equate money with power. They try to show their love through money and most of them are "emotionally unavailable". Give me a man who can FEEL more than his checkbook! | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 7:44:45 PM | I am a keen observer of life and throughout my life - all the way up to now - I have observed that men - at all ages and stages are more than willing to share and share generously with a woman he 'takes up with' regardless of her financial circumstances... When an man becomes enamored with a woman - stars come out and not much else matters...
But in the last 10 years, I have observed that women near my age are not willing to share much of anything that she may possess. This is what I have directly experienced over many happenings. And it is not just a knee jerk response to a thread title.
It is sad that women today are not generous as they should be - not able to be discerning - figure out who is deserving or who is not - be giving - sharing.
If you - as a woman are sharing and giving - well that is fine, but it doesn't cover the totality of a man's experience.
JoeBob | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 8:14:12 PM | It must be , they certainly were not shy when helping to spend mine !!!!!
Ahhhhh , But I have the memories !!!!!
56 and starting again ,,,,,,, and no regrets whatsoever,have had a fortunate life . | |
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