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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 10:40:14 AM | | No, to me money isnt important unless some guy is looking to live off of my money. Its the same thing I find younger guys writing me wanting to live off of me, and not work soo then I say sorry go away. Personality really counts for me | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 10:51:34 AM |
It does seem to have some relevance ,,,, generally , after a period of correspondence with a lady , she usually brings the subject up in some fashion ,,, once I see this ,, I just casually mention I live poorly ,,,,strange isn't it ,, how quickly someone can disappear!!!
...I'm sorry.
Couldn't resist barra, the devil was sitting on my shoulder.
...maeflowers | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 10:55:06 AM | I'll say it again.
The majority of the time women have inquired about money, it's not because they are looking for a walking wallet. They want to make sure they are not going to have to support your broke a$$ if you have no job, are horrible with financial matters and have no ability to support yourself, let alone occasionally buy a cup of coffee for someone else.
I know a lot of women who are curious about what a man makes, not one of them are golddiggers. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 11:02:34 AM |
The majority of the time women have inquired about money, it's not because they are looking for a walking wallet. They want to make sure they are not going to have to support your broke a$$ if you have no job, are horrible with financial matters and have no ability to support yourself, let alone occasionally buy a cup of coffee for someone else.
I know a lot of women who are curious about what a man makes, not one of them are golddiggers.
...Let me re-phrase something I posted earlier...."Why hasn't someone snatched you up?"
...maeflowers | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 11:41:29 AM | I never ask a man I've just met about his financial situation. I feel when and if he wants me to know, he'll tell me. I fell in love with a man I thought was 'comfortable' from the way he talked about his lifestyle. Turns out he was a millionaire, just didn't flaunt it. He confided that some women he had met were just looking for a 'sugar daddy'. It never was an issue with me. I'm not looking for a partner to support me, rather to share with each other what we have. I will always want to keep each other's money separate at this point, even if we were to marry. Not having my own money at this point just won't happen. I went that route, was voluntarily 'supported' by a man. I never felt so powerless over the direction of my life.
It is good to know though what situation a man is in. You can usually tell by the way he talks about what his life is like. I have probably enough to support myself when I retire, but I can't and don't want someone to think I'll support him. That would be not only an impossibility but something I have no desire to do.
The OP is correct when he says when we're younger and just meeting someone, money usually isn't the issue, after all, when you're young you have lots of time to make that money. However, in the Over 45 world, it becomes a touchy issue. If a woman falls for a man with money, everyone assumes she's just with him for the money. (And the opposite is true with a 'sugar mama'.) No one assumes that perhaps love is involved at our age, but rather security. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 12:47:59 PM | | From all outward appearances it must seem I'm broke.....I suppose I have to go buy a house and a bunch of toys to look like I live comfortably. I don't need anyone to support me. I know people who bought houses and then the bank took them, at least for a while they looked like they were doing okay. An expensive car is one of the worst investments, but it looks so GOOD! A house is not always the best investment or an indication of ones finances, but now is definately a good time to buy one. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 1:22:32 PM | what ever happened to the days when we didn't talk about money in polite company?
Things are only an issue if you let them be or if you categorize groups of people as all the same.
BTW - Topjack, you're batting a thousand! | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 1:23:12 PM | Let's get real. Most ladies are looking for someone finanical and emotional stable.
Someone who's toys or love of toys matches their own.
"I know people who bought houses and then the bank took them, at least for a while they looked like they were doing okay. " How often does that happen? In my country very rarely. Paying rent in Canada instead of buying is like buying your money. Canada has a constant history of real estate values growing strongly. Canada has a totally different mortgage system than the United States, and our housing market is extremely strong as usual.
If a person has reached a certain level of financial comfort, it only makes sense that they would want to become involved with someone of equal financial comfort. If we want to do charity work, there are plenty of places to volunteer our money too. Most of us won't be paying for others who can't hold on to money. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 1:44:04 PM |
"I know people who bought houses and then the bank took them, at least for a while they looked like they were doing okay. " How often does that happen?
In the states, it's actually quite common. It's been my experience people have a tendency to live way beyond their means. The amount of credit card debt alone in this country is ridiculous. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 3:47:09 PM |
In the states, it's actually quite common. It's been my experience people have a tendency to live way beyond their means. The amount of credit card debt alone in this country is ridiculous.
And for that reason I would say that money is important. Perhaps not money necessarily but a person's ability to manage what they have. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 4:18:34 PM |
I know a lot of women who are curious about what a man makes, not one of them are golddiggers.
I can't remember EVER asking any male how much money he makes. EVER. I have however experienced that 90% of males are EAGER to inform me of what they earn and what they possess. It's quite common as well that men will comment on what my income must be...when they know about my employment. It's also quite common that men show a range of reactions to my total disinterest in their incomes....ranging from disappointed, to angry that I'm not impressed. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 4:28:32 PM |
I can't remember EVER asking any male how much money he makes. EVER. I have however experienced that 90% of males are EAGER to inform me of what they earn and what they possess.
..Like you, I have never asked someone their income, male or female...the way I was brought up, its just not done.
I did have one gent tell me how much he made last year and if I played my cards right he could be very generous....damn, never could hold a poker face.
...maeflowers | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 4:33:45 PM | "In the states, it's actually quite common."
It is unfortunate that this has been allowed to happen in the US and that the housing market has colapsed because of it. I believe 40 year mortgages that lending institution allow purchasers to have where part of the cause.
In Canada mortgage companies require a minimum of 20% down payment, and finanically qualifying for a mortgage isn't that easy. There is a government program where only a 10% down payment is necessary but the government guarantees this type of mortgaging.
Here in Canada home ownership amongst older single people is just as common as with the older married group.
If a women is living in a country where singles owning their own home or condo is a regular occurance that makes financial sense, then yes many of those same women would expect a man they were planning to have a relationship with to also be in a similar position. I am not saying they would expect him to own a mansion, but a place that would increase in value over the years as real estate in this country has been doing for many decades. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 4:46:44 PM | | I don't really care if a man owns a house, has a bmw, what you own does not make the person you are. I think whats important is that the person (male or female) isnt a free loader looking for a free ride. But a hard working person who's life took a different path than perhaps your own, but has worked for where they are today and they are proud of where they are in life. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 5:14:12 PM | | I can see the attitude so many women have about this subject is because they are so independent and have it all, thanks to a certain advantage the court system gives women who decide to divorce their husbands. Sometimes it's fair because there are children and the wife sacrificed her earning potential taking care of the children. But, often it's not fair what the women get....they basically take everything from the man. This has not happened to me. And about houses, I can put much more than 20% down on a house. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 5:54:12 PM | "thanks to a certain advantage the court system gives women who decide to divorce their husbands."
Reminder yet again! No all people here are divorced. Some of us were widowed at a young age. Regardless most men and women have worked hard since leaving school and continue to work hard today. Most of those who have worked hard for what they have won't be giving it to a person not willing to work for what they want in life. Especially those who make a career of get parents, iblings, and partners to give them a free hand out. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 6:18:39 PM | unfortunately in Canada its based on 50/50, or at least where I'm located and once the children turned 18 the responsibility of their father ended, although they remained to live with me. But thats okay I love them dearly and wouldnt have it any other way. I think perhaps before someone spews from their mouth they should open their heart and realize that there truly is a potential in todays world to have the man benefit from a divorce even when he doesnt have the children with him. Sorry a bit off topic but now you can see my "attitude" so NO I dont need a man's money or social standing. What I will admire from his is his love, understanding and caring for the person who I am.
(I definate need to chill out lol ) | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 6:34:17 PM | Hi all, very interesting conversation.. I have roamed through most of the pages out of curiosity about these attitudes. btw, sorry if this is long.
So, I am wondering, what's a guy (or gal) to do.. Especially at this age where the opportunities to become financially independent (secure, solvent, etc. etc. ) are far more limited then when we were much younger. I am damned if I have a lot (I will preyed upon by copious amounts of gym rat gals) or have very little (shunned by all some kicking up huge clouds of dust )..
I used to have it (that illusive "security) then got divorced (traded in for much newer model), laid off (dot com problem), burst a disk in my back (playing tennis with a rich chick). Had to pay for my own surgery (could not get Insurance) and live for awhile without income (off my diminishing reserve). I am NOT saying "poor me" !! Just the way it worked out. From a big house on a hill in Calif to a large RV in a mobile home park. Anyway short story is lost my retirement. Know several guys that have lost theirs also fromm a variety of reasons. Point is that any of use can lose it all and sometimes very quickly. One minute your fine and the next ....well.. you get the drift. I do well (have a good job with a large company), am now in good health and physical shape. etc.etc..
Where I live is mostly rich chick town (Sonoma, Ca.) (yep , most of them are at the local gym). And since I don't own a winery.. well ... ..zoom.. . cough.. gone. I probably will have to work forever unless the lottery is good to me (have to remember to play..hmm. )
So, question is , Being that I would like to spend the rest of this time with someone that is in reasonable shape, Doesn't mind doing some of my core interests. Does not have a old (read dead) attitude about life and still wants me to chase them around the table (and catch them  ). What do you do?? And I am being serious about this.  | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 7:35:33 PM | I struggle to believe this thread is still hanging around. And it irks my blood pressure points everytime.
I am an only child... and 2 yrs ago I moved my mother in with me and quit my job to care for her 24/7. Her dementia disease causes her to be violent, which means she has been kicked out of 2 nursing homes. As a result... I have conceded to the thought that I will have to sell my house to continue to care for her if she lives beyond 5 more years. (no she does not have Alzheimers... she has a form of dementia that is worse that that)
Lets assume... I sell my house for the sake of my mother... and then some day she dies....
then I have a "date" with this guy only to explain that I'm a RENTER????
AND THIS SOMEHOW MAKES ME A LESS PERSON?????????????????
ANYBODY who puts that much value on a persons bank account..... don't ever come near me!!!!! | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 7:54:29 PM |
thanks to a certain advantage the court system gives women who decide to divorce their husbands. I think you know exactly where you can shove that holier than thou attitude BUD. Check the records. I'm the one who worked 90 hrs a week to make the 30% downpayment on the home my ex and I bought....I'm the one who worked 7 days a week to pay to buy ALL the groceries, pay ALL the day care, and make MOST of the contributions toward all family vacations. In spite of the FACT that MOST of the financial burden was carried BY ME throughout a 25 yr long marriage......I did NOT cry like a little baby girl when we sold the house, and I handed HIM a check for 50% of the equity. Had I wanted to "act like a man", I'd have gone around whining continually about how bad I got ripped off. Guess what....NOBODY CARES!!!
And about houses, I can put much more than 20% down on a house. Who cares??? Now run off and pout in some corner because I laughed at your petty little achievment ..... hahahahaha, my __________'s bigger than your __________ I just bought a home and paid 100% down. Whatcha gonna do about that one? Pout some more? Hey, no alimony, no child support, no life insurance policy....know how I did it? I got rid of deadbeat men who drain my financial resources buying "toys" they can't make the payments on just to impress the welfare moms that they love to date so they can brag about how much money they got so they can get laid...and then come into a POF forum and whine about women ALL being golddiggers. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 8:05:57 PM | | It's been my experience that women really don't show what I would call a blatant interest in what a new found man might have. However, they do seem to like men who have the energy to achieve goals. It is by this logic that the woman will try to channel the man's drive toward such things as income appreciation and projects that will eventually bring returns; home renovation, for instance. When their success eventually reaches a certain net worth, and their love has become stale enough (a point predetermined by the woman) she removes, with the help of her lawyer, her velvet glove to reveal the iron fist. Need I say more... we know how these stories end, fellows. To sum it up, I'd rather work half as hard as a single man and keep all I earned than to work twice as hard as a married man and lose half of it. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 8:21:48 PM |
When their success eventually reaches a certain net worth, and their love has become stale enough (a point predetermined by the woman) she removes, with the help of her lawyer, her velvet glove to reveal the iron fist.
While this may be true about women you have encountered in your life, and "some" women,
it's patently unfair to make it sound like "all" women do this. I take issue with these statements because I, and most other women don't do this. Many of us do have a sense of fair play and try to live honorable and decent lives, not stealing or exploiting anyone. Don't paint us all with the same brush.........please.?  | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 8:29:52 PM |  .. You can say that again! LOL. When I got divorced it was 50/50 too, except for the 1/2 million my ex inherited. And yes, I got the raw end of the deal, mainly because I was in a hurry to get out of Hell, so I settled for even less than 50/50, and was unable to work for a year because of a blood clot in my lung, while he is living it up on the inheritance... Doesn't matter to me, I could have stayed and he never would have divorced me... BUT... there are things more important than money to me. I would rather be poor than with someone that has money and is a SOB. JMO..  | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 8:32:14 PM | | How is it unfair exactly? If you experience something 9 times out of 10, do you not then consider probabilities? It's common sense, simple math and understandable if you really think about it. Even if one thinks it's unfair, it is called a logical conclusion. If you are different from the norm, show you are and eventually (probably soon), someone will appreciate you. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 11/25/2007 8:32:27 PM | Post # 498
I am NOT saying "poor me" !! Just the way it worked out. From a big house on a hill in Calif to a large RV in a mobile home park. Anyway short story is lost my retirement. Know several guys that have lost theirs also fromm a variety of reasons. Point is that any of use can lose it all and sometimes very quickly.
I commend you for saying that you're NOT saying "poor me", and show great maturity in realizing, that yes, sometimes that just the way it works out! When I separated, I dragged out getting the divorce for over 5 years...waiting for my "not so soon to be ex" to get health insurance. Where I live, it was HIGHLY likely that I would have been ordered to continue providing his health insurance as a sponsored dependent...and the cost of that was $462 a MONTH. Needless to say, his signature agreeing to sign off on my pension was worth far more to me at the time than the difference the $60K equity in our home would have made. I'd have had to turn it into a contested divorce rather than a pleasant "dissolusion", would have paid a fortune in attorney fees, and still run the chance of having it all blow up in my face if the judge had taken the attitude, "dang women...how dare they make more than a man". What really gets to me is that it's now been almost 12 yrs....my ex and I are "friendly"....but I still have relatives....my relatives....who continue to tell me ohhhhh poor ex hubby.....he can't retire because he can't afford it. I rather think that he should have considered THAT possibility at some point during the 25 yr marriage when he devoted ALL his energy to making me miserable!!!! LOL! I know I sure never neglected to realize that one day I would like to retire and not have to live on cat food....therefore I worked!
But what REALLY ticks me off...far more than him still trying to make me feel guilty because I finally got sick of his crapola and left him after the kids were raised is what kind on NONSENSE I have to deal with today from total strangers!
I never get a chance to say or present my feeling that it doesn't matter to me what a man earns....as long as he's doing his best.....because they all want to shove it in my face long before that....trying to impress me. I really have to wonder if that isn't a LOT of what's going on with some of these guys. The other issue.....which still baffles me beyond all proportion is the number of men who blast me for not being destitute!!! YES, a LOT of them. And their rational is that because I'm able to take care of myself, in most cases far better than they're taking care of themselves.....that I'd eventually dump them because they can't offer me what they THINK they're supposed to. This past summer, I had a guy that I'd dated for about 1 month tell me exactly that. When I told him that "real life" wasn't diamond tennis bracelets in your champaigne glass....and in fact....I don't even like jewelry.....HE stated that to HIM....that IS what he wants "real life" to be. Well, it became obvious to me at that point that that relationship had NO chance of success. NOT because I have more than him....but because he was MAD that I have it. Therefore, I sincerely believe that most of the men who do the whining about what some woman has gotten over on them, are ONLY looking in the welfare lines for women. Where ELSE are they finding these leeches? Think about it! How many women have you ever encountered who would get mad at a man because when he needed something....he went out and bought it? None that I know of. YET, I run into MANY men who are highly offended by a woman's ability to provide for her own needs. Regardless of ALL prove and evidence that she has worked for what she had.....he will still find some smart mouthed excuse for how she had to have manipulated and extorted it from a man. PERIOD. Oh yeah, lets see how I did this.....ahhhh, I took my husbands job...I dressed up like a man and went to work everyday under his name....I'd actually bound and gaged him to the kitchen sink and I forged his signature on paychecks for the last 30 yrs. OMG, some of you guys really need to BUY A CLUE! (cause MOST of us woman are NOT for sale....get it???) | |
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