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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 8:52:37 AM | | Angel...yes it's about honesty...wants,needs desires and preferences are all part of what make us who we are.The debate about the "right" wants,needs and preferences will unfortunately continue...a sad waste of time when you consider that the time could be better spent finding and appreciating someone who shares them after you have both been honest about what they are. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 9:24:05 AM | To a person seeking a loving relationship, money isn't the first factor. Having said that, it would also be foolish of a woman or a man not to have an interest in ensuring that their own money is safe from the irresponsible spending habits of an unwise dating partner. Often, and as early as the first date, you can tell what the spending habits of your date are by listening to what they say and observing what they do. If they are in the habit of ordering the most expensive item on the menu without a thought to what you are ordering, that could be a hint as to how they will act in other financial situations; without a care or thought to you.
I believe that honest women deserve honest men; so old-fashioned of me, I'm sure, but true, nonetheless. It seems as if your invective against women seeking money rather than a relationship may mean that you've been "looking for love in all the wrong places". Rather than making the assumption that all women are looking for in a relationship is the relative merit of bank accounts, stocks, and bonds, assume instead that a woman has all that in place for herself, and relax and enjoy the date. You'll soon discover whether or not this is true, but you'll have assumed the best, not the worst. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 9:35:58 AM |
To a person seeking a loving relationship, money isn't the first factor. Having said that, it would also be foolish of a woman or a man not to have an interest in ensuring that their own money is safe from the irresponsible spending habits of an unwise dating partner. Often, and as early as the first date, you can tell what the spending habits of your date are by listening to what they say and observing what they do. If they are in the habit of ordering the most expensive item on the menu without a thought to what you are ordering, that could be a hint as to how they will act in other financial situations; without a care or thought to you.
I believe that honest women deserve honest men; so old-fashioned of me, I'm sure, but true, nonetheless. It seems as if your invective against women seeking money rather than a relationship may mean that you've been "looking for love in all the wrong places". Rather than making the assumption that all women are looking for in a relationship is the relative merit of bank accounts, stocks, and bonds, assume instead that a woman has all that in place for herself, and relax and enjoy the date. You'll soon discover whether or not this is true, but you'll have assumed the best, not the worst.
A great post. To me $ is about having ENOUGH $, not tons, but certainly not broke. Call me medium maintenance Although it would be nice to love & be loved by a rich man, middle class is certainly good enough. That is how I was raised & how I lived & how I do live. But for me to expect to not even do simple stuff because my partner is broke, no way! I have gone out w/ men who said they can't afford this & that, so I had to do what I wanted to do ALONE. Why be w/ someone if they can't or won't do anything recreational? | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 9:36:19 AM | In a previous post I said "we are not after your wallet".
Well, last night I was invited over to a friends house for dinner and a movie. All he had was a bottle of merlot and I like whites. So, he told me where his wallet was and to get out a $20. I found the wallet and took it to him. He asked why I didn't just open it and take the money? All I could think of was this forum and started chuckling. He asked what was so funny.
"Those silly boys who say we are only after their wallets on POF!" He thinks this thing I do is silly.
Yeah....I told him I couldn't wait to go back on line and tell all you about the Idiot who gave me...GAVE ME his wallet!!!!
Some men are gentlemen...some women are considerate...then there are ALLLLL the others. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 10:09:30 AM |
Rather than making the assumption that all women are looking for in a relationship is the relative merit of bank accounts, stocks, and bonds, assume instead that a woman has all that in place for herself, and relax and enjoy the date. You'll soon discover whether or not this is true, but you'll have assumed the best, not the worst.
..I wish I had said that. I'm thinking a few of the guys must have been burned in that respect...which is too bad, but gee whiz fellas, don't paint us all with the same brush. You might be missing out on getting to know some great woman here based upon that line of thinking, relax and have fun.
...maeflowers | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 10:25:34 AM | | I've never asked a man about his financial status, but I've had plenty of men ask me about mine. So, were they all after my money? I don't think so. I think they were trying to ascertain whether I'm self-sufficient or whether I'm looking from a man to support me. As for why I have never asked - I can usually figure it out for myself within a short period of time. It's been my experience that the men whining the most about women looking for men with money are usually the ones who don't have a pot to pee in. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 10:42:35 AM | I'm sure some will thing what I say is hogwash..but money really isn't everything. If it was in my case I would have remained with the ex-husband who makes a good amount. When I look back..I had more fun and was happier when I was struggling with the ex-fiance. Yes, times were tough but the laughs we got and I still get when I think back to some of those struggling times. Like the time we went an entire year with no reverse on our vehicle. Or the time....we went out for dinner and instead of looking cheap with our tip...we took the tip money off the table next to ours and added that to our tip.
I've had guys try to impress me with how much money they make and to be honest..it's a big turn off for me. I'd rather live just getting by but being happy than having lots of money and being miserable. There is alot of truth in the saying...money can't buy you happiness. It's only superficial happiness that money can buy. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 11:20:11 AM | | Yes, it is. At our ages, it is necessary for finances to be in order. I don't include wealth in this situation. It is security that is a must. I worked all my life and invested in my future. I prefer a man that did the same. Although money does not make us happy, it makes life easier in our older age. I did my part and I seek a man that did his. I am of the belief that anyone that is a financial disaster at our age, will always be a financial disaster. You can throw money at some people and they will come away broke. You can throw money at other people and they will come away with wise choices. I prefer the ones that made wise decisions. I understand that divorce leaves some in dire situations but I went through divorces and still held my own. I just can't see myself starting from scratch at my age. I'm not looking for wealth, I'm looking for the whole package. Money included. I don't think that this issue is a divorce thing, I think it is a personal habit thing. Some people, men and women, just don't handle money well. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 11:53:33 AM | As an self sufficient female, I would say yes. Money, and wealth did not come all that easily for me, so I embarked on a savings program in addition to my pension plan. I developped my own sense of priorities, and wishes, And you know what? I was able to retire from my dead end job about four months shy of my 55th birthday, (most of that was saved vacation and sick time. My ex, was a guy who was waiting for the right job to come and find him. I realized that he was the wrong guy, when I let him know of a job at work. He declined because he wanted something better. Now I am no Bo Derek , or whitney houston, I have the scars, and the grey hairs that took years to earn. I have not tried to buy good looks or happiness. If being thin could come in a bottle, Microsoft wouldn't be the biggest corporation, and Bill wouldnn't be the riches man. I keep hoping to find a guy, who will accept me as I am, as an older woman, who has experienced a few of bumps on the road of life. I hoped that I have maintained a tolerant attitude, as well as a generous spirit. I am just as happy, if not happier in old clothes and shoes that are intended for walking on rough roads. What I don't want, is another guy like may ex. I want someone who may have fallen on hard times, but who has the smarts, etc. to be able to help me out as I face old age. I mean those little things that men do with such ease, like car and home repairs. Home renovations, even just help to shovel the snow, and mow the lawn. Of course there would be a pre-nup, that would also be reflected by my will. I keep in mind that there may be partners, and children even who hate me. What I really want is a life partner, who would like to share my life. As for those who are finding only gold diggers, perhaps they are fishing in the wrong stream, or are making too many requirements. Keep in mind, any fisherman, will tell you about the trophy, the one that got away. In many streams and lakes around here, the biggest ones aren't necessarily the best eating. There's plenty of toads in the same stream.    | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 4:38:55 PM | I grew up comfortable. My marriage consisted of a two income life style. Thus because my ex was in social work, and we owned our own non profit business my income was the BREAD, not the butter on the table. I contributed 100% and then some - even borrowed against my 401k. Looking back, I could have made wiser decisions.
for me, I'm accustomed to a life style. I don't need someone to take care of me, just care for me. However i won't settle and take care of a man financially either. So money is important. Is anything wrong with my perspective ? Two people with good jobs or retirement plans.... that could travel, enjoy life. Don't we deserve it ? | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 4:55:55 PM | "Hitting head on desk here,,,,grrrrrrrrr!!! Why do so many men automatically assume that ALL women only want or are looking, for a man of means???????????".
Why - why do we know? Because we are on the receiving end of the letters, of the conversation at first meeting and weeks and months later. As men , we know what is said - and you don't.
It is MEN who get these messages from POF women and other dating sites - not women.
Women are not on the receiving end of what women in general put forward to men.
That's why.
One woman cannot judge or know how other women present themselves to men.
One woman does not know what other women do and say when they talk to a man.
In this regard one woman does not know anything except what she is told by another woman - she does not know what was actually done or said.
That's why...
JoeBob | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 5:01:34 PM | And - as was stated but not debated on another thread.
Some women - maybe far too many believe that a man must have as much money and assets as she does - but it is just fine if a man has more in assets and money than she does.
This is an obvious and indefensible Double Standard.
So ladies - how do you defend it?
And this time - on this thread it would nice if the double standard wasn't ignored.
Please don't attack me for asking the question (which is usually the course of action) - just answer the question - if you're brave enough.
And it was not debated on the other thread - just personal attacks.
JoeBob | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 5:02:40 PM | | Sad as I see it...yes.... To me, it is an issue that depresses me. I also have that question..."Why is it an important factor to women"? I understand the idea of a good financial future, but let me ask the ladies this... Do you EVER hear of men saying "And be financially secure."? Actually, I would like to say to those women who seem to "depend" on the men for a financial future... Where is "your" part? What do YOU wish to contribute to the relationship in this area? IS a relationship supposed to be a "uni-faction" or where TWO become as one? What am I missing here? If "I" made the better money, does that mean you don't have to contribute? Whoah me if I dare ask the other way around on this. Let's face it ladies, it seems you want the old lifestyle to depend on a man, but then also believe in modern life where you are independant... And I wonder why so many American men goto other countries to seek a wife... | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 5:19:18 PM | | Seems there was a country song not long ago that fits this situation....lol. "It's all bout me". Or as my ex made me realize...."What is yours is mine and what's mine is mine". I BET none of you EVER heard that one before... | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 5:43:44 PM | i've heard the song and never once have I asked a man to support me. I have always put my 100 % into the finances of the home. My late husband and I made the same money so I guess I'm one of the few women who can say it was a 50 / 50 partnership for most of our time together. I supported my husband and child on 80 a week for over 2 years while he had no job. We lived fine not high on the hog.
. If you are always getting the same questions Maybe you need to look again at what it is you expect or want in a woman. Not all women are made out of the same mold. Men don't always make the most money in a household. We live in a society now where woman are self sufficient and do and can make more income than a man. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 6:22:07 PM | Reality: The questions I ask and the positions I pose have little to do with any one person's particular history and everything to do with prevailing female attitude over the broader spectrum.
Modern day women can insist and demand all they want - and practice all the double standards they wish - but men as not the stupid dumb butts that many women believe they are...
JoeBob | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 6:40:45 PM | I don't remember calling anyone a dumb butt but if the name fits so be it. I still feel if a person is getting the how much money do you make question then they are barking up the wrong trees. The question should put a light on. HMMMM
The day of the double standard is over and if you are still seeing it I just don't know what to say to you.
Maybe you need to rephrase. ARe you looking for a woman to support the family while the man stays home?
If that is the question then it does happen. My son in law was a stay at home dad for the last three years.
and he is not the only one out there....... | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/3/2007 7:22:24 PM | I think that the double standard you're talking about is a throwback to earlier times when men were the sole breadwinners and many men felt it would be a threat to their manhood if his spouse earned more than him.
That's not so much the case anymore, but sometimes it's hard to change ideas that fast. I think many women may want the man to earn at least as much (and even better if he earns more) not so much so she has more to spend, but that she wants him to feel comfortable about their financial situation. She doesn't want him to feel less of a man or resentful.
There are golddiggers, for sure. Male and Female. This is what crossed my mind reading this thread. Can anyone relate? | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/4/2007 4:27:09 AM | Joebob: If you wish to have YOUR questions answered, start another thread. At the risk of getting my post deleted for not being ON TOPIC, you still don't get it.
You proclaim that WE women can spout off all we want and it's just talk, but then we are suppose to take the word of one man that ALL women respond the same. HMMMMMMM something very wrong with that.
So you have been burnt, which I believe is going on here from MANY of your posts, deal with it and move on. The more you think women are all just one woman, the longer your search will continue. But then again, you may be just one of those PEOPLE that like to stir the pot just to see what happens, who knows, who cares...........it's to bad, your a nice looking man, appear to be fairly intellegent, but lacking in the common sense area. NOT A SLAM, just an observation. LOL, slam away, I know it's coming,
On topic: I believe the votes are 100% that money IS important, but the difference is how and who spends the money is the key divider.
There have been a few that have said, whats mine is mine and whats his is his, I believe that. If a man makes more then me and wants to share his with me, in return I may not be able to match his share, but I can and do find others ways to match his generousity(?) NO, I don't mean sex, although............ KIDDING.
Relationships should be and can be 50/50, but it's figuring out ways to equally share without one or the other party feeling used. It can be done IF both partners are willing to work at it. IMO, ok J.Blet me have it. lol | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/4/2007 5:21:52 AM | OK, getting my 2 cents in seeing that is all I have.
I tend to agree somewhat with Claypot, but the 50/50 is a little ridiculous, and what is his is his and hers is hers. If I were making more money than a SO, I certainly would put up more than 50/50, and visa versa.
As an example, when I was married, at times I was making more, other times I was making less, but I always had to put in 50%.. Then when he was making more, I would hear how I couldn't save any money, while he had a savings account with HIS money, in his name only. Is this right? I think not.
I believe in a loving relationship, it is not the amount of money that is put into the relationship, but the love and caring of both parties. Too many people think with their wallets, as I can see from this thread.
I don't think MOST women are looking for a free ride, any more than MOST men are, but there are some who are, so be it, I hope they find what they are looking for.
For me, I would just like a man to be himself and quit worrying about how much money he has or does not have. JMO  | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/4/2007 6:16:33 AM | Some women - maybe far too many believe that a man must have as much money and assets as she does - but it is just fine if a man has more in assets and money than she does.
This is an obvious and indefensible Double Standard.
It is a true comment. I can't defend something that through the ages has evolved. Even though the woman's movement has improved the earning power of a woman it has not gotten to the point that all women are treated or paid equally in the workforce. Most women still depend on a man to be the main wage earner in the family. For those of us who are lucky enough to have a decent paying job we don't necessarily require the man to be the main wage earner. Until everyone is paid equally ( i don't mean equally as in same job, equal pay for work of equal value) this will not change. Men, I feel, still want to be the head of the family not the secondary person..
If this is a double standard then it has always been. I think today the man is or can be less financially stable especially if they have gone through a divorce(s) and supporting a family or two. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/4/2007 6:40:29 AM | | I feel simple things are what I value more than the MONEY a man has. He could be a multi millionaire and that would not impress me. What impresses me is how does he treat a lady he says he cares about. Does he totally ignore her, does he open doors for her, does he care if she is unhappy or happy. Simple things really and non costly. Except it requires personal time spent. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/4/2007 7:04:50 AM | In my local newspaper today was the headline based on a scientific study:
"Men seek beauty, women want wealth"
The story is from the London Daily Telegraph written by Roger Highfield, and your local newspaper may carry a different headline to the same syndicated story.
I don't wish to dispute the findings, only to say that it has been my experience that some men will hide their wealth and some women will suppress their beauty, for a number of reasons such as wishing to maintain control of the mating process or just a general disapproval of this supposed evolutionary bias.
On the other hand, some men will often try to mimic wealth where there is none, and some women will try to create the illusion of inherent beauty by resorting to extreme measures to alter their bodies.
And then there are the naturally wealthy men and the naturally beautiful women more than happy to take advantage of what their genes and upbringing have given them in order to acquire the best mate according to their supposed gender based inclination.
So in this world of real, false, and camouflaged male and female suiters, it is understandable that the POF daters should always be a bit cautious. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/4/2007 7:47:26 AM |
He could be a multi millionaire and that would not impress me. What impresses me is how does he treat a lady he says he cares about. Does he totally ignore her, does he open doors for her, does he care if she is unhappy or happy. Simple things really and non costly. Except it requires personal time spent.
AGREED! AND such a man would never dare ask for her to pay for 1/2 her dinner, or accept it if offered, either!
I'd rather go out w/ a man who insists on buying me a cup of coffee or a slice of pizza if that is all he can afford, than a man who wants me to pay or go dutch...that can come later down the road...a man who wants to be w/ a woman for all the right reasons will want to share from day 1! If not, he is looking for a sugarmommy...
Take it from one who knows SOME MEN TRY TO USE WOMEN FOR SEX & MONEY, as I am sure a few women in this site have experienced | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/4/2007 7:47:39 AM | | ^^^ I have been told I downplay myself and at times don't think beauty. Then I get to thinking pof people have said you are a cutie for your age. I giggled when I read this. Camoflaged yea got to say that fits.Money or lack of it is so not important in the choice of a fellow to date.Yea upbringing does bring out the best in folks. | |
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