| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 5:20:19 PM |
~OP~ For the sake of your own posting privileges, you might wish to read the rules/regs. Polarized threads are not allowed on POF. Even if you post in "Ask a Guy" we ladies are still welcome.
to add to the above comment, ~OP~ please don't vent at other posters because a specific demographic isn't replying to your questions. we all have an opinion and a right to express it, regardless of what criteria you indicate. this is a public forum, expect responses from both genders, and expect opinions which differ from what you intend or desire. deal with it...because despite your comments, you can't "delete" the thread anyways...not unless you became a Mod when we weren't looking. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 6:29:20 PM |
I WAS ASKING SPECIFIC QUESTIONS TO A SPECIFIC GROUP AND NONE OF THEM REPLIED. I WANTED TO KNOW THAT THAT GROUP WAS THINKING
It was just a curiousity was killing me post..
That would be a polarized thread. Which is a no no.
You pay your nickel you take your chance.... You don't get to pick and choose on whose opinion gets posted. | |
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stacj
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Joined: 6/27/2007
Msg: 28 | |
| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 7:17:41 PM | | I think safety is the same for both men and women. As far as meeting at home. I feel safer at my home than anywhere so for me I don’t feel it’s a problem (and there is a reason for that) but I would not meet the first time at a man’s home. Being a single woman I have made my home the safest place I can be and I am more comfortable here than anywhere. I think it’s what is comfortable to both people not just one. I also think that some men and most women are afraid of their own shadow and seem to have the feeling that people of the opposite sex is out to harm them. I’m not like that. The ac guy, the cable guy, the phone company guy and even the plumbing guy is strangers and you wouldn’t think twice about letting them in your home so what’s the difference? | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 7:18:08 PM | Of course any input is welcome. The reason I capitalized certain things was.. everyone seemed to be giving dating advice.. Which is not why I posted the thread. I was truly hoping and still am for the result intended.
What goes thru peoples (for the sake of some ridiculous gender bashing thing ill say people)minds male or female when they advertise and or suggest that the perfect first date is one that includes renting a moving and having a meal whether it be home cooked or take out at either person's home?
It was actually for a class im taking.. I have yet to get an actual person who actually uses this to answer.....
Kudos to all that are safe.. and I agree with the last poster what happened to actual courtships!!!!!!!!!! Isnt that what "dating" is really all about? | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 7:19:27 PM | | Why would anyone voice an opinion if it isnt what the OP requested?????? lets not get off the topic.. You are correct everyone has the right to voice an opinion so why not find a thread that bares a topic you are actually voicing an opinion for | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 8:13:53 PM | As far as meeting at home. I feel safer at my home than anywhere so for me I don’t feel it’s a problem (and there is a reason for that) but I would not meet the first time at a man’s home. Being a single woman I have made my home the safest place I can be and I am more comfortable here than anywhere. I think it’s what is comfortable to both people not just one.
I completely agree.
I also think that some men and most women are afraid of their own shadow and seem to have the feeling that people of the opposite sex is out to harm them. I’m not like that. The ac guy, the cable guy, the phone company guy and even the plumbing guy is strangers and you wouldn’t think twice about letting them in your home so what’s the difference?
Also agree. I think some people think because John/Jane Doe shows up in a company van/truck with a nametag and a clipboard or tools they become less of a threat than if they are carrying flowers and a rented movie. Not something I understand, but I only live my life. 
What goes thru peoples (for the sake of some ridiculous gender bashing thing ill say people)minds male or female when they advertise and or suggest that the perfect first date is one that includes renting a moving and having a meal whether it be home cooked or take out at either person's home?
What is going through my mind? What should I cook?  When was the last time I dusted the top/back of the tv? What time is the dog done at the groomer's?  What if the cheesecake doesn't fluff properly?  Did I bleach my teeth yesterday or the day before? OP ~ it's pretty simple. Most people aren't going to show up in a hockey mask with a meat cleaver in tow. That's silliness and if you are so frightened by the thought of someone coming to your home ~ don't allow it. It's really personal preference. I know without a doubt, I'm much safer right here in my own environment than anywhere else. It's not likely that Mr. Unknown is going to harm me while in my home but not when I'm in the parking lot meeting him somewhere public. If someone wants to do something bad ~ they'll find a way to do so no matter where you are. Just because I agree to meet at Lazy-Janes BBQ Pit versus my own domain, doesn't mean I'm safer. It means to me that I'm out of my comfort zone, my dog is at home, my mace is with me but my gun probably isn't, my son can't lurk around the restaurant ~ but he can certainly show up unannounced at my home, etc. Likewise, as I stated previously, if I don't know "him" well enough to trust him inside my home, I don't know enough about him to meet him in person. I have traveled all over the US in my dating endeavors in the past 8 years. Likewise, I've have people travel to where I live. There are safe ways to do any and/or all of these things. It's not the location that is vital, it's the preparations, the information, the level of intimate knowledge of the other party and how secure I am with my own self/environment/circumstance. This should be fun, not something that creeps everyone out from the start.  | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 8:23:44 PM | I agree. However some women are ok with it. There are women that can take care of themselves and even own guns.
Heck, I don't even like the idea of going over to a gals house for that. Men can get raped too. And even worse.
Just my thoughts. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 8:26:04 PM |
I am curious to why men think a woman would welcome a stranger into her home or meet them on their turf so to speak in their home to have watch a movie and cook a meal together and/or order take out?
Are you kidding? That is one of the most foolish things that a woman could do. If a man even mentions that, then all he is looking for is sex, usually.
Don’t get me wrong, I would love a home cooked meal, and I would also love to curl up with a woman and watch a movie. But, not with a total stranger.
A coffee shop really is an ideal first meeting. Agree from the get go on a time limit. 30 minutes max. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 8:38:52 PM |
Why would anyone voice an opinion if it isnt what the OP requested??????
I am sorry for my last post. I only read the first post before I posted. Had I realized the the OP was an ass, then surely I would not have posted.
Im just curious to have male feed back on this topic..
NOT ONE PERSON ACTUALLY READ MY QUESTIONS OR THE INTENT OF THIS THREAD CORRECTLY APPARENTLY.
I WAS ASKING SPECIFIC QUESTIONS TO A SPECIFIC GROUP AND NONE OF THEM REPLIED.
Yeah, ok brainiack. You stated your question to men, men answered, so did some pretty awesome women. I tell you what, you go read what you did write in your first post, get a clue, then have a mod delete the thread.
This is a Polarized thread. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 8:50:47 PM | | I would also like to know why when a woman says NO to this suggestion why is it a rejection or a sign of disrespect to a man? Well, I ONCE agreed to that after I had gotten to feel comfortable in contact with a man first. I found out that was ALL he was willing to offer to do when we were together after this.That was a waste of time. How sad to not have much to offer otherwise. I don't feel it's a sign of rejection or disrespect to anyone in refusing such, it is a wise move. I objected to that with the guy after a few other mentions to do this, he said that I was fine with it on our first date so why is it a problem now? I said I didn't think that was all we would share. I felt it was SO boring and I could do these things by myself. In all honesty, the post by message 2 is one I absolutely agree to on the motive for it. That's why the guy's an ex. He came back in 10 months to ask to try again. I passed on that. I told him I didn't want to risk reliving any of that again. He just didn't offer anything of interest. Try actually interacting. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 9:58:18 PM | I'm all for a home-cooked meal and a movie........but it definately wouldnt be on the first date.. Possibly after like the 3rd or so, after you get to know the person.
I feel that actually making dinner (together or not) then sitting down at a table at a house is much more personal, also a lil romantic.  just my 2 cents | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 10:03:30 PM |
I am curious to why men think a woman would welcome a stranger into her home or meet them on their turf so to speak in their home to have watch a movie and cook a meal together and/or order take out?
By first date, do you meant the first time you meet them in person? or the first time you go out after the interview meeting?
If it's the first, I don't understand it either.
I was invited to dinner by a lady for a first meeting, and we had a pleasant evening. I brought the wine and we ate and drank and talked. I didn't make a move, and I think she took that the wrong way. (Can't live with them, Cant live without them!!!).
On the other hand I one met a lady. I invited her to a home cooked dinner on the second meeting and we had a pleasant evening, but nothing happened. However the next dinner did lead to fireworks.
I like to cook. | |
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Red 40
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Joined: 8/23/2007
Msg: 39 | |
| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/5/2007 1:50:04 AM | I agree that it's important your first meeting be in a public place. Although I think the risk is pretty minimal if you've confirmed that the other person is who they say they are (webcam/video/ask them to take a picture while you're chatting).
Also it's not disrespectful if a woman isn't willing to meet at a guy's house. It's probably just that turning the guy down makes him feel rejected. If you suggest something else so the guy knows you're still interested there shouldn't be a problem. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/5/2007 2:46:25 AM | OK--
Most of you got it right miles back in the thread:
When a near stranger says, "Ill cook you dinner at my place" --Hey, he's hoping for a sexual encounter. Not that deep, here!
He's not feeling "rejected" when you choose another get together idea;
He doesn't call back because you're not going to provide him with instant gratification, so he tries someone else.
Not only is it an obvious safety issue for the woman, it also shows the man's lack of social graces, wisdom and patience with other people.
As the posted ahead of me stated: One woman did accept the offer, and it did become a was a hot physical encounter-- Some women want to get it on right away, so the old "home cookin" bit sometimes works.
I get a lot of guys in a huge rush to get something going with me... Before we've even talked, they often want to do something too scary or personal right away: [ Dinner at their place, riding the canyon cliff on their "hog", or fly me in their tiny wooden airplane! Egads. ]
I've given polite answers, suggesting we write and chat first, before making extreme plans, and they usually cut out. Ask to eat out, and offer to pay for your own food:
If he's just cheap, he'll be thrilled and say Yes. If not, he was just looking to get lucky. If they have to get to know you as a human being first, then we're wasting their time. It doesn't matter WHY they go... just so long as they GO!
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/5/2007 5:55:57 AM | ~OP~ Goodness, I think I've been getting "stiffed" (or NOT stiffed I suppose) all these years. I have yet to have ONE "hot physical encounter" on a first date. Had I know that the invitation to dinner at "his" house meant casual first date sex, I might have shaved my legs and worn the sexy undergarments rather than the never-seen-stuff I usually wear on a first date. I feel so left out of the loop.  Sigh ~ seems like I've missed some opportunities. No, wait!!!! It's got to be my celibacy clause ~ some men actually respect women enough to honor their beliefs. 
~OT~ Seriously now ~ we all want sex at some point. Maybe the men who I encounter have an amazing respect for women in general, me, or a combination of both ~ but no one has assumed ANYTHING where I am concerned. We are right back to the harsh reality: people insta-meet/insta-date. If you take that out of the situation ~ you might be stunned at the mutual respect than can be established over a solid amount of time. This is beginning to be a theme around here just like "When is a girl a slut?" or "Are there any women who really want a nice guy?" Not ALL people are slime-bags. Some people actually have sincere intentions and are willing to forego insta-sex to learn about someone, respect them and hopefully forge something worthwhile. JMO  | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/5/2007 6:02:13 AM |
Not only is it an obvious safety issue for the woman, it also shows the man's lack of social graces, wisdom and patience with other people.
That is a fantastic way of putting it!!! The way that I see it, is that if men act like hormone raged animals, then that is all they are.
I feel the burning need to procreate. lol, nice way of putting it huh? But, my mind is there to prove to me that I am not an animal that survives off of whim alone. I control my thoughts. Well, the best that I can. I know right from wrong, and yes, there is a lot of internal conflict that continually tests my abilities. So, I control my actions, I control how I relate to others, and if there is ever a time when I think that I am a bit overwhelmed, then I remove myself from the situation.
How does this relate to a home cooked meal? There are plenty of men that do not try to control themselves. There are plenty of men, when given an opportunity, that are more than willing to act on impulse. Why is this a bad thing? Because last I checked, rape states were about 1 woman in 4, and it only takes one moment for a lifetime of regret.
Safety first. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/5/2007 1:35:52 PM | I have actually done the cooked meal first date. For those that accept, and none have turned me down (I happen to be a very good cook) so far, it is a very interesting way to get to know someone. Are they willing to help in the kitchen? Do they know the difference between parsley and celery? Do they offer to set the table? What are their table manners like? How much do they tip the staff???
Perhaps it's a cultural thing, being from Spain I don't find it at all that unusual. In fact, that's what a lot of Spanish women do, go after us through the stomach with their own finely honed cooking skills. But there better be some good eats and I prefer doing it in winter over summer, nothing like kicking up the tired feet after slaving over a meal and having some hot cocoa next to the warm glow of a cracklin' fire and some fun conversation. There's either chemistry or there's alot roasted marshmellows or if you're lucky enough, you have both! | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/5/2007 4:48:46 PM | I know you only want to hear from men, but I'm gonna give you my take anyway. I think dating has become very expensive. Especially if you date alot, it's not that he's cheap, but if he can get away with a home cooked meal and movie at your house. Why not?  | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/5/2007 4:55:49 PM |
Im just curious to have male feed back on this topic.. I have dated for a few years off sights such as this one and after reading many profiles I am curious to why men think a woman would welcome a stranger into her home or meet them on their turf so to speak in their home to have watch a movie and cook a meal together and/or order take out? I would also like to know why when a woman says NO to this suggestion why is it a rejection or a sign of disrespect to a man? I have had numerous men not want to meet me after I said NO to the above.
Same here. I wonder how many women are saying ok to this since men keep asking, they must be getting the idea it's ok to ask from somewhere. I always say no and then tell them that if some strange woman DID invite them over without knowing much about them, they should find that strange and avoid such a woman.
Do men truly not realize tht it is a safety thing for women? Should it not also be for a man? Im sure Jack the Ripper would have had many more victims if the internet was around back then.
Exactly. It's a matter of safety, and who needs some dude showing up at your house because he's drunk and remembers your address? Not saying every guy does a drop in or is a heavy drinker, but until you know someone awhile, you really can't judge that. No thanks.
Just for once gentlemen please think of your daughters, sisters, mothers would you want them to have that kind security breach so to speak in their own lives ? would you want them to put themselves at the mercy of someone who may not on the up and up as he would allude on line?
I am sure most men wouldn't, but when they are horny and/or in the moment I am sure they aren't thinking with the right amount of brainpower.
All and all isnt it safer for all of us to meet on neutral ground in a public place?
Absolutely. It's safer and easier for all involved... | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 11/20/2007 2:02:26 PM | Hey beautiful... I hope you get this!! If you trust the guy, that is one thing, but if you dont really know the guy then I dont think that should be a first meeting... maybe a third.
IMO,
Jay | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 11/20/2007 2:22:51 PM | I am looking to date a mature WOMAN, not an insecure girl!
I have had first dates where I was invited over for a movie in the late evening!
The same goes for an awesome home cooked meal followed by a good movie..
I don't see the big deal.. If you are that worried about a guy coming to your home why bother with him at all?
Second dates are no different ! If they want to get you alone they can BS you through plenty of dates.. Only to do the same thing....
I remember when it was just fine to pick someone up at there house for a date!
To big of an issue made out of nothing!!!
~Belly~ | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 4/12/2009 5:57:14 PM | | I don't know why guys would expect a woman to welcome them in their home without meeting them first. I do ask a woman if there is somewhere that she would feel comfortable meeting for the reasons you mentioned. I would be horrified to think my daughter would let a stranger into her home. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 4/12/2009 6:25:56 PM |
My original point was to really hear from Men who actually put that in their profiles... I was just curious as to what they were thinking...
They aren't answering for one of the following reasons...
1. They do not look at the forums
2. They read this and realized that they were busted for trying lure unsuspecting women to their homes
3. They are now too busy re-writing their profiles to exclude private first dates.
Some men don't think about things from the same safety aspect as women do, the one and only time I have done a dinner at his house for the first meeting was when a friend of mine was dating a friend of his and the four of us had dinner together. | |
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