| | meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?Page 4 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | Good grief, to read some of the responses on here it would appear that as a married person I am expected to do everything with my husband and not speak to other men, let alone meet them! I find that whole attitude very old-fashioned, outdated and rather mistrustful.
I've met men for coffee and will continue to do so. I've told my husband, he knows I talk online and that I have a profile on here and guess what? I'm still married. This is because we have trust - I am not going to run off and leave him but we don't do everything together, nor would we want to.
I don't make a habit of meeting people online for coffee but it has happened if I've got along well with someone and we've happened to be in the same area at the same time and it's convenient.
And I have to say that Lusipher probably has the right balance and view out of all the responses I've read on here. | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/23/2011 8:20:42 AM | Katrina, do you not already have friends that you could go for coffee with instead of scouring the net looking for men.
Your profile states that you are looking for younger men to talk to and you say you wont respond to any one who doesnt have a picture.
So if its purely chat, then why is a picture so important or are you saying that you need to feel sexually attracted to that person before you would message them.
If I was your husband, I would be feeling extremely nervous | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/23/2011 8:35:02 AM | Bazookajoe - oh that I had time to scour the net looking for men!
A picture is important to me because I want to see who I'm talking to - it does not imply that I want to see a photo in order to ascertain sexual attraction. Talking to someone anonymously does not interest me.
But you're not my husband ............ and as I've been married for over 30 years, my husband has no need to feel nervous. I'll let him know you're worried on his behalf though. | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/23/2011 9:07:50 AM | If you trust your partner, then why would you worry about who they're talking to and who they decide to meet up with? You trust them not to cheat, so the rest is irrelevant. If you don't trust them, then what on earth are you doing with them?
I know married men (and women) who've got interests/viewpoints that their partners don't share or want to talk about and they'd like to talk to people who share those interests/views.
So to say why not go and and have coffee with your spouse is a rather limited outlook. They may well sometimes go for drinks with their spouse, and other times they might want to go for drinks with someone else, to talk about something different ... especially if they see their partner all the time.
Yes, I'm aware that not every married person asking to meet up with single people has "honourable" intentions ... but to assume that they're all looking for a bit of extra-marital, is verging on the narrow-minded.
Furthermore, if they say they have good intentions and you meet them up and you find out that they're lying and you don't want to get involved, then just walk away and you have no need to feel guilty about being the other person
ps. Who likes speaking to someone who hasn't got a picture up?
On the forums it's no big deal. However one-on-one, even if I just wanted to chat, I would not like the idea of not being able to see who I'm speaking to. I'd just be on edge.
I let people without a pic message me (but I'd be asking to see one immediately, if they chose to do so) | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/23/2011 9:23:43 AM | Then again, WHY would a married person be on what is fundamentally a DATING SITE?
I'm sorry but there are plenty of places to make friends other than a dating site and regardless of the trust thing (which i think it BS to be honest) why would a person not care if their wife or husband is meeting up with people of the opposite sex from a DATING site for coffee?? Go for a harmless coffee with work mates or your actual friends rather than putting a profile on a dating site.
I am sorry but why would someone say "my partner trusts me its just innocent" etc when this is a bloody dating site??
All a bit fishy! I wouldnt meet up with a married man on here for a coffee, innocent or otherwise. | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/23/2011 9:32:40 AM | i know ... agree with you there .... this prick married man from ipswich wanted to meet me for " a coffee " i said erm in ya dreams !!!! get a reality check ... i could date anyone why would i be interested in meeting a married man for a " coffee"  .... wish you could name and shame on the forums lol ..... he kept pestering me for weeks until eventually i blocked him ..... | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/23/2011 9:40:30 AM | That is a very good point (about why are they on a dating site) ... and it's one I can't answer.
However, over the 4/5 months I've been a member, sometimes I wonder whether this is a dating site or not, as there do seem to be a lot of people who just want to talk - plus there are other options apart from dating on here too. So ultimately, if a married woman started talking to me, I'm not going to take umbrage at that and if she can hold conversation then I'd talk to her.
Plus some married people, might want their egos boosted or want to play away, so the site might cater for those hitched folks.
What is BS about it? My view is simple. I either trust my partner or I don't. (sometimes there are things I might not trust them to do .... like leave me alone, when I want to watch football) But when it comes to fidelity, if I didn't think they'd be faithful to me, then I'd walk away.
I wouldn't care for the above reason. One of my exes used to see her ex a lot when she was out - as he was in her group of mates - and I knew he wanted her back, and it didn't phase me. I didn't think she'd cheat on me, so had no problem with him being around her. Same rule would apply here, if I was married and my wife was on here.
For the people who find it a bit suspect, don't get involved and the people who are okay with it .... go ahead, enjoy yourselves.
ps. People seem to love the idea of naming and shaming on here. I've seen it happen on other forums and it never ends well.
More often than not, it's not a case of people doing it to warn other folks - although I do believe I saw a women actually do it for that reason once - and is actually about getting their revenge on someone who p*ssed them off.
I do have to say, that I saw 3 women name and shame one bloke once and he showed up, put across his side of the story and made them all look like stupid, irrational girls ... that memory, never fails to put a smile on my face (and I'm not even a smiley type of person) | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/23/2011 11:42:59 AM |
What is BS about it? My view is simple. I either trust my partner or I don't. (sometimes there are things I might not trust them to do .... like leave me alone, when I want to watch football) But when it comes to fidelity, if I didn't think they'd be faithful to me, then I'd walk away.
Relating to my comment about the BS thing.... I probably didnt explain myself enough. What i mean is that someone saying "my partner trusts me so its ok" is BS. I dont care HOW much i trust someone, them going out and meeting people is NOT ok in my book.... | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/23/2011 11:51:52 AM | i could date anyone Oh to be so popular 
one wonders how someone who has so many offers has time to be on line so often
the whole married/coffee thing is a mine field. I meet up with married male friends for lunch/coffee on a regular basis - it's no big deal for, me, them or perhaps most importantly, for their partners as I'm friends with them too.
However, a married man on a dating site offering "coffee" is another thing entirely....in over 12 yrs of being on social networking/dating sites - I've never known a married guy offer such without having an ulterior motive - or at least being open to offers if they got lucky. | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/23/2011 12:15:01 PM |
What i mean is that someone saying "my partner trusts me so its ok" is BS. I dont care HOW much i trust someone, them going out and meeting people is NOT ok in my book....
Ah, I get you now.
Hmmm, if someone came out with that, I'd be a bit suspicious, because unless their partner told me that, then it's just words. I don't need to be convinced as to whether or not their partner trusts them. I just need to know where I stand with the married person (assuming I want nothing from them, but chat) and that I feel their intentions are genuine.
It's a grey area.
I admit, I wouldn't like it, if they didn't let me know what they were doing and kept it all hush hush. But so far, as long as they've been open with me about who they're seeing then it's all gravy. | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/24/2011 4:35:45 AM | Ok so I'm not married but I am in a long term relationship, in fact longer than many a marriage has lasted and I've met a couple of male internet friends for coffee and once for a drink. So here's my view from the other side.
I've always told my partner and have in fact been dropped off/collected by him on a couple of occasions. He's had the option to join us and I've been up front with the other person I've met up with so there's no subterfuge and certainly no ulterior motives.
I prefer male company, I'm not a girlie girl, I can't do the Sex and the city chat, or the what's happening in Eastenders chat but I can discuss the offside rule with the best of them and prefer the male outlook on life. (All very generalised I know but you get the gist) .
The last gentleman I met was someone I knew from here, we'd chatted here and on msn for over a year about everything, nothing and motor racing in specific, he's a formula Ford driver. He happened to be staying at a hotel nearby, he text to see if I fancied a drink, I said yes and we had a brilliant evening chatting, ended the evening with a hug, a peck on the cheek and a goodbye. Nothing sordid or dirty, just two perfectly sensible adults, with similar interests, meeting up for a gossip.
I don't know, maybe I'm weird but just because I'm in a relationship, it doesn't automatically follow that if I am ever in the company of another male, without a chaperone, I'm going to be overcome with lust and want to screw his brains out.
So yes, if a married man, who I'd chatted to for a while online, wanted to meet for coffee, I'd go. He'd have no chance of anything untoward happening so I'd not feel guilty on the wife's behalf either. Their relationship, good, bad or indifferent is none of my business.
I've always believed that you see the potential in others of what you would do in a similar situation. I'd never cheat so I wouldn't worry that my partner would cheat, if he wants to meet a woman for coffee, then good for him. Perhaps she can get him out of those Godawful trainer shoe things he insists on wearing!! | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/24/2011 6:45:56 AM | If the person is divorcing, then they are technically married. IF your looking for a relationship with a married person, then you will always have problems that will need to be delt with.
If two concensting adults however wish to get together for carnal relationships, well thats up to you. | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/24/2011 11:11:25 AM | | If my partner/husband was meeting a woman for a 'chat' - to put a face to the person behind the computer - I'd be sticking the computer where the sun dont shine - and changing the locks! | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/25/2011 1:32:32 PM | "I've met men for coffee and will continue to do so. I've told my husband, he knows I talk online and that I have a profile on here and guess what? I'm still married. This is because we have trust - I am not going to run off and leave him but we don't do everything together, nor would we want to."
I can not see why anyone who is happily married would want to chat or meet other men on Internet . I would have thought you could go for a coffee together and chat to each other | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/25/2011 1:44:46 PM | Lulu, we do go for a coffee and chat together - most weekends in fact. I do not expect everyone to do as I do, my point was merely that not everyone who is married has an ulterior motive when 'meeting for coffee' (which some on this thread have said is a euphemism for something sexual).
Each to their own eh? | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/25/2011 1:53:02 PM |
I can not see why anyone who is happily married would want to chat or meet other men on Internet . I would have thought you could go for a coffee together and chat to each other
What if the attached person, wants to talk about things that their partner has absolutely no interest in and doesn't want to take an interest in?
Plus surely attached people are allowed to make new friends too, and the net is a handy place for getting talking to people outside the circles you'd normally frequent? | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/25/2011 2:20:52 PM | whilst I agree that there is nothing wrong with married couples having outside interests and friends - I would have to wonder why they would need to join a dating site to find "friends"
There are plenty of interest based sites around to explore hobbies and shared interests with friends outside of a relationship. A guy I was seeing was heavily into wild life photography so I know when we weren't together he was on line chatting on his forum and going to photography meets......no problem with that at all......different story if he was meeting women from a dating site for a "chat" | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/25/2011 7:19:30 PM | "Lulu, we do go for a coffee and chat together - most weekends in fact. I do not expect everyone to do as I do, my point was merely that not everyone who is married has an ulterior motive when 'meeting for coffee' (which some on this thread have said is a euphemism for something sexual)."
sure each to their own though you cption on your profile does say"What if there is no more fun to have "
most guys reading that would think you were not getting any sex . | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 1:17:39 AM |
Unless it was a male friend that went way back or a work colleague, i think i would be pretty p1ssed off to hear my wife was going for a coffee with a married bloke she had only just recently been communicating with.......... especially from a dating site.
It reminds me of the Paul Newman quote ..........
"Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home?"
Edit} Don't they call them Open relationships ???? Lol
VVVVVVVVVVVVV | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 1:26:10 AM | | The lady has been married 30 yrs her marriage is working her husband is aware personaly i think its up to them .How they chose to live .. .... think someone else said it each to there own | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 5:28:41 AM | " Darling, I'm just going out for a coffee with a nice man I've been emailing from that dating website I told you about, remember? "
"You mean that one you said is full of dirty old men and saddo's?"
"Yes, he's staying in a hotel nearby, so he kindly phoned me and asked if I was free for a chat, isn't that sweet of him!"
"Ok sweetheart, enjoy yourself ... wow, I haven't seen you wear that dress for ages, it's my favourite. Have fun."
"Aww, your so sweet. I'm so lucky having a partner who trusts me going out with another man I hardly know and met on a dating site."
"While you're gone I'll go and help the sexy new neighbour with her upholstery, she said she needed two pairs of hands."
Yeah ... right! No wonder people say this site is full of weirdo's!
Sorry, I'm old fashioned about this sort of thing.
What the hell are people doing on a 'dating website' when they're supposed to be in a 'loving' relationship? I can't believe what's on the profiles! | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 9:52:48 AM | ^^ Lol, that really is funny! I agree there's something a little odd about someone in a relationship wanting to meet someone of the opposite sex for a chat. If its that innocent invite them round to meet your partner too! You could have a 3sum!  | |
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| meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 10:58:18 AM | Wow such judgemental attitudes appearing!
I joined this site years ago because I would help co host the meets with a couple of good friends then I found the forums and became addicted to them. It used to be that you just chose what you wanted and friendship was an option, that was good enough for me. Actually no, sod off it's none of your business as to why I'm on here, I can be, so I am, so there!
I'm in a relationship, not Purdah. I don't remember agreeing to never speak to a member of the opposite sex once I decided to settle down.I am a grown woman and I am perfectly capable of controlling my sexual urges in the presence of a man who is not my partner. I can even go to my male doctors on my own without wanting to screw his brains out!
Perhaps those who are so derisive would find it much harder if faced with the company of a man or woman who wasn't their significant other.
And if I wanted a bit of extra marital muckiness I'm pretty damned certain I wouldn't bloody pick Costa as my venue of choice! | |
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